Recipe for Disaster
by quinnley1
Summary: Hell in L.A.. 3 resurrected champions. A city to save. Trapped in a dimension with no TV, our heroes need to create their own fun. Oh and save everyone. Adult content and by that, I mean the smut starts in chp 20. A/B/S. Post NFA and Chosen. Based off Season 8 & After the Fall comics. General warnings for: Adult language, violence, drug/alcohol use, and sex scenes. 18 only.
1. Pulling

Disclaimer: All non-original BtVS and AtS characters within are the sole property of their creators and copyright holders. No infringement is intended and no money is being made from these works.

Author's Notes:

-There are spoilers in here if you don't know the basis of the Season 8 comic books from issues #1 to #20, and many general spoilers from Angel: After the Fall series. I didn't even know there were comic books that picked up after the finales of BTVS and Angel until a little while ago. Not everything in here is from the comics though; I just took them as my inspiration, and I frequently fudged the stuff that is from the comics (like timing canon: Season 8 and ATF are not supposed to be happening at the same time like I am portraying them to be). If you haven't read them, you won't spot what I made up and what Joss is doing with our fav characters now.

-I will be switching back and forth between three main characters. Each chapter will have only one point of view, and I'll let you know who it is off the bat to make things easier. Anything in italics is the unspoken inner monologue of the character.

-Ok, wow, when I started this story my head was full of quippy-ness and jokes, with a *tiny* pinch of drama. What the f*ck happened? It all got really dark, really fast when my Sig-O had to leave for a two-month long business trip out of the country. Sorry about that. I had no idea I was such a drama queen until I was half-way done with this piece.

****Angel POV** - Pulling**

Bodies. Bodies and ruble, everywhere. It was all made so much easier to see to my now human eyes because here in hell, the full moon and the blazing sun were both up in the sky all the time. The streets, the buildings, the aqueducts, the sewers, hell there was even bits and pieces of bodies in my clothes. I stopped caring about that a month ago, I think; it's hard to keep time in a hell dimension with nothing different between night and day. I had no where I could look upon this city where I did not see the destruction, destruction that in essence I had caused, but I still looked. Had to keep my eyes open for any lucky survivors, maybe we could be the tipping factor in getting them to the safe house that Conner was running with Gwen and Nina back at the Hyperion. It could mean all the difference in keeping them alive.

"Hey Peaches, we gonna stand on the roof all night or are we gonna do something? I'm bored and I'm out of ciggs …" whined Spike.

_Spike. Bane of my existence. Actually, more like the annoyance of my existence. Of course spending time in Hell would include him this time._

"Shut it, you want to attract every source of danger to us at once? Sounds echo pretty well in the streets now that there isn't any traffic."

To prove my point, we suddenly heard some loud roaring coming from a few blocks away. That and some human yelling.

"And we're off …" I heard Spike say behind me as I leapt over the roof's ledge and down the fire escape to the street. Even though I had a head start on him Spike easily passed me now that I was human, my Shanshu turning out not a reward but a punishment from the Senior Partners to keep me weak here in this hell dimension they sent LA to. He looked back at me with a smirk and kept running; loving the fact that now he could best me in every way.

We ran in the direction of the sounds of a fight for several blocks before we finally saw our target. A small group of women, four I determined, fighting off six rather imposing Ickath demons. They were actually doing alright despite their being outnumbered but then one woman in the group, a very heavily pregnant woman, yelled and pointed one way to her companions before taking off in the opposite direction. The other three women raced down the street the way they were told while the demons spilt up evenly to pursue them as we advanced.

_That was probably not the smartest move on their part._

"Spike, we have to spilt up and help them.

"Right then, you go help Mama Bear over there and I'll go help those kids," he yelled as we split up and advanced on our quarry.

'Mama Bear' was a good nickname for this woman, considering how well she was keeping the demons at bay. Actually she wasn't just defending herself well; she was attacking them and taking them out with a surprising skill considering her circumstances. She had to be about eight months pregnant from the looks of her huge stomach.

_How exactly is she exerting herself like this without going into labor?_

I was running as quickly as I could over the scattered debris and various bodies, both human and other-worldly, but as I got about 50 feet away I could tell that I would be too late. Her back was turned towards me and I would have to rush past her to help, but I knew I wouldn't make it. She was going to kill every demon before I could get a punch in. They were dropping like flies … one … two … and finally number three was taken out, all with this oddly familiar weapon.

_I know I've seen that thing before … it kinda stands out being very ax-like on one end and pointy on the other. Great dual-purpose tool for dealing with the world of evil. I'll bet it slices and dices like a dream … _

I froze. It hit me that I knew exactly where I had seen this great piece of battle gear in action before. Before L.A. got transported to this hell dimension, before I took on the Senior Partners, even before Spike came crashing back into my life in the form of the world's most annoying ghost. When I had taken that amulet that trapped him to Buffy to help destroy the Sunnydale Hellmouth, she had used that exact weapon to split some evil priest guy in two.

_There's no way. I would have known if she was in Los Angeles, and I know she wasn't here before the city was cast into Hell. Right? Besides this woman, while tiny and blond like her, is grossly pregnant and my informants would have picked up on a pregnancy before this … but she fights like a slayer. Not just a slayer, she fights like THE Slayer. My girl. There are lots of slayers around the world now; this one is probably just one of the many. Somehow this slayer has Buffy's weapon, but that can't be …_

Without realizing it, I had stopped running but I was still walking quickly towards this person. Now that all of the demons had been taken out there was no need to run anymore, but my body screamed at me to keep going. I tried to halt, to get a grip on myself, but my feet refused to listen to my brain and were instead obeying a pulling feeling coming from the center of my being.

_Oh yeah, it's her. Nice to see that even when I'm human, we still have that ethereal connection. Or could this just be a placebo effect? I suspect it's her so I'm having the same reaction as if it were her …_

The breeze shifted, and even with my human senses I caught her scent. Sunshine, vanilla, and the ocean in the perfect combination that I used to breathe in like a drug. It is her; no question. She is here, she is fighting with a skill I haven't seen her possess before, and she is apparently heavily pregnant while doing it.

_Pregnant. Oh god. Pregnant. Buffy, MY Buffy, pregnant. Who's the bastard … that G.I. Joe wannabe? No, he was gone years ago. Pregnant. I know it can't be the Immortal's; he can't have kids anymore than I can … well, anymore than Spike can. Someone else maybe, someone new I didn't hear about before I tried to take down the Circle? Pregnant and stuck in a hell dimension. How did she get here?_

I was staring holes in her back as she breathed in and out, calming herself after the attack, when finally she straightened. Something changed in her, and I know she felt pulled towards me like she always used to as well. I finally got my feet to stop when I was about fifteen feet away, my brain too busy trying to process the whole 'with child' issue to let my body continue onward. I tried to speak, but found no energy to catch her attention. I should have known by now, that I really never needed to announce myself to her.

"Angel," she said my name softly without even turning around to make sure it was me.

"What are you doing here Buffy?"

_That's just great, show her how confrontational you can be and get her defensive right off the bat, excellent job._

"Hello to you too. I'm great, thanks for asking, and you? I guess going to one or two hell dimensions during your life … or un-life … really takes the polite out of a fella," she said sarcastically as she slowly turned around and raised her eyes to mine.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised. I didn't hear you were in town," I glowered at her. I was having a real hard time looking at her eyes, her beautiful amber-green eyes that always told me without words just how vulnerable I made her when I was around.

"Well, when I heard the words 'L.A.' and 'apocalypse' I just had to find a way in. There might be some designer stores I can loot, or you might possibly be in need of some help," she stated glibly, obviously trying to get me to lighten up. It wasn't going to happen.

_Me? She thought I would need some help, enough to risk the life of her unborn child?_

"'Find a way in?'" I asked.

"Yeah, the second our L.A. contacts disappeared we got our teams of seers, physics, and witches working on what happened. We thought someone was trying to wipe out the slayer line again starting in L.A., but then we found out that all of L.A. county just vanished. We decided to get in, gather up our people who were here, and see what we could do about getting everything back to normal. Been here about two weeks now and we still haven't found all of the slayers that were here. Haven't made any leeway in finding out how this happened or how to get things back to normal either."

"Don't worry about it; L.A. was never all that normal anyways," I said with a smirk in an attempt to make her more comfortable. She was babbling a bit, and I knew it wasn't because she was ill-at-ease standing amid the destruction of the city of her childhood. It was being around me that got her like this.

"Wow, a joke, this really must be the end of the world," she laughed. It was good to see her laugh; for an instant she looked like the teenager I had fallen in love with before the weight of the world fell on her.

"That aside, what are YOU doing here Buffy? It looks like right now isn't the best time for you to be … traveling," I said as I gestured towards her stomach. My tone was probably angrier than I wanted it to come across.

_Can anyone blame me? The shock of seeing her like this without any warning, heavy with someone else's child now that I am finally human, is making my now-beating heart shatter. It's also quite the slap in the face that she is willing to take such a gamble on her health and safety by coming here, when I had given up so much for her to be able to have this chance._

A puzzled look washed over her features before she looked down at herself. He eyes shot back up to mine bullet-fast and her mouth pulled in on itself to make a little 'oh'.

"Um, Angel, this isn't what it looks like …," she trailed off, suddenly distracted by something behind me.

I looked over my shoulder to see Spike leading the three other young women, who were all holding up crosses at him, towards us. My jaw clenched as I realized that this bombshell was about to explode all over the situation.

"Hey granddad, you mind telling these bints that I'm on their side? Never mind that I helped save them from those demons, they still want some confirmation. I'm guessin' they're slayers from what I saw back there, and they're just as stubborn as …"

"Spike?" Buffy cut him off in the quietest voice I had ever heard come from her.

"… Buffy?"

_Tick, tick, tick … BOOM. Detonation successful._


	2. Hurt

****Buffy POV** - Hurt**

_What the Hell is going on?_

Alright, as if bumping into Angel wasn't enough of an emotional rollercoaster. Yeah I had been searching for him, but I never really expected to find him. There are millions of people in L.A., and nearly just as many other-worldly creatures. Talk about finding a walking needle in a warzone of a haystack. Now here comes heartbreak contestant Number Four walking up behind him with my group. Walking being the main cause for concern considering that the last I saw of him, he was doing the whole bursty into flames thing right before an entire city collapsed on top of him.

"Spike?" I manage to get out, completely ignoring the fact that I was previously attempting to diffuse the 'Buffy looks pregnant' situation with Angel.

"… Buffy?" he choked out in a daze; frozen in place a step behind Angel. His eyes got wide as he stared at my face and I'm sure mine were just as huge. I barely noticed when my three girls went around Angel and Spike to stand behind me in a battle stance; one a trained slayer that I brought with me from Scotland named Leah, one a L.A.-based slayer who had not joined our organization but we had gone out to find that night, and the last was her normal human friend who had been hurt badly shortly before our rescue attempt.

_Is this even real? Could he be the First? A ghost? Am I hallucinating? This is a hell dimension after all…_

Slowly, I gesture to the three girls to stay where they are as I cautiously bent down to pick up some gravel from the street. I quickly chucked the small rocks at both of the vampires in front of me and took in the fact that they hit them and bounced off.

"Ow," Angel grumbled as he rubbed his leg where I guess a big piece of gravel struck him.

"Hey, what gives? What the hell do ya think she's doing," Spike yelled as he brushed the dirt left behind by the rocks before turning to Angel.

_Ok, they are actually physically here. Both of them. So I'm not crazy, that's a plus. Bad side of this scenario though? Last time these two ever worked together or purposely chose to be around each other they were both evil, soulless, and out to kill me. We are in a hell-zone, and last I heard Angel was working for the largest corporate evil there is. Be cautious; Angelus fooled me the first time I met him, maybe he is trying that angle again?_

I fell into a fighting posture and felt my face harden. Both of them just stared at me like I was insane, and ok, I'll give them that. Tossing a handful of rocks before getting on the defensive, right after having a fairly relaxed conversation with one of them could be a little confusing. But it wasn't just my life on the line here, I had three other people with me and if Spike and Angel were evil I couldn't risk them surprising me. I knew for a fact that I could handle myself with these two in a one-on-one situation, but I greatly doubted myself if I had to face both of them at the same time. These girls wouldn't stand a chance if I let them take me out by not being vigilant. It was Angel who tried to figure out what was going on first.

"Buffy, what are you doing? That was a pretty drastic one-eighty degree turn there, and yeah, I'm not a fan of Spike either, but I'd like to know why I was pelted with rocks because you saw him."

"I've had dreams of the two of you, dreams and nightmares. I'm not gonna stand here and wait to see if they were of the prophetic variety or not."

"Just what sort of dreams are we talkin' bout here luv?" Spike asked with a lift of a scarred eyebrow.

"Trust me on this, even the good ones you two wouldn't want to know about," I stated suggestively.

It was worth my embarrassment to see the looks of surprise on their faces, followed quickly by them turning purposefully from each other and shifting further apart in a manly huff.

"That still doesn't really tell us why you decided we deserved to have a bunch of rocks thrown at our shins Buffy," Angel said uncomfortably.

"Safety first boys. Needed to make sure you were both corporeal without getting close enough for you to grab me. In the name of saving time, let's skip over the whole 'holy crap Spike's alive!' aspect right now. How about we do an 'Am I Evil' survey? Girls, are you evil?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Nope," the new slayer stated.

"I'm not," her friend chimed in.

"I was evil smelling last night before me shower, does that count ma'am?" Leah declared in her heavy Scottish brogue.

"Smart ass," I chuckled under my breath.

"Ma'am? Did she just call you ma'am?" Angel (_Angelus?_) asked with a disbelieving smile on his face.

"I do believe that I asked a question first," I stated as I raised my scythe, "and I'd really like an answer from the two of you."

"I'm not evil Buffy," Angel finally answered me. I looked deeply into his eyes, well, at least as deeply as one can while standing ten feet apart anyway.

_I don't see that special little something that made Angelus so terrifying. Voice seems the same, no leather pants, no eyeliner either. Plus, Angelus is just too arrogant to not fess up to being pure evil. I'm gonna have to trust my gut and say that this really is MY Angel. Now what about …_

"I'm not evil either pet, though I'm still not technically alive," murmured as he tilted his head, eyes fixated on my belly. Where Angel had stared at my prop like it was his death Spike, who honestly I would've bet on to have a bigger outburst over the possibility of me being pregnant, just raised a questioning eyebrow. Angel saw his gaze and apparently decided now was a good time to get back on that topic.

"Buffy, please, before we were interrupted you were going to tell me about … that," he gestured at my lower body with obvious pain in his voice.

"Hold on Peaches, don't get yer knickers in a twist. Something's not right here. For one thing she doesn't smell pregnant, none of the normal hormones in the air. Also I hear everyone's heart, but nothing that's small enough for a baby. There's no second heartbeat commin' from her… you ok luv? Did ya get hurt? Something happen to you?"

Angel's face crashed when he heard Spike's fears out loud. I was touched by the concern they were both showing, but I could see how much this was worrying them and that right there told me for sure they weren't evil. I couldn't let them hang like that anymore so I quickly reach behind me to undo a couple straps before pulling out my fake pregnant belly from under my shirt. The shock was very evident on both of their faces.

_Wow, I didn't know eyebrows could go up that high._

"I'm not pregnant you guys, it's like a slayer signal. The need to help and protect is strong for us and for regular humans too. We have no way to contact people who aren't in our organization here in this dimension, so we have one member of each team wear one of these things to attract people out of hiding so we can help them on our patrols. It also pulls out the particularly nasty of the baddies, thinking I'm easy pickings, so we take them out when they come after the bait. Tonight was just my turn."

_Wow, I also didn't know that two guys who don't need to breath could take such huge sighs of relief._

I was having a real hard time trying to figure out who to look at. I was ecstatic to see that Angel was alive, knowing when I got here that he would have been in the thick of the action from the start and one of the most likely to get hurt. My official reason for sending a squad here was a search and rescue of other members of the slayer organization and to find those slayers who had not joined our ranks but could definitely use our help now. Without ever saying it out loud though, my inner circle and I knew that the reason I chose to come myself was Angel.

_I just needed to know that he was alright._

Yet even with my relief to see Angel, I was completely astonished to see Spike. Really not something I thought would ever happen again. When I woke up this morning, I'd say that this little situation was probably just about as likely as me running into Daniel Craig and having him ask me to marry him during a thunderstorm of candy and diamonds.

"Alright, since I cleared that up and I believe you two when you say you're not evil, anyone wanna clear up for me exactly what you are doing here," I gestured towards Spike, "existing and all that? When did this happen?"

"It's kind of a long story kitten but the short of the matter is that I died, got trapped in that fancy amulet, came back as a ghost a couple of weeks after you last saw me in the poof here's office, then got my body back some months after that in what was basically a sub-par evil plot to keep Peaches distracted and annoyed."

Just so happy to see them, I began to walk forward to hug them both before Spike's words really sunk in. I halted my steps and lowered my arms to my sides.

"… _a couple of weeks after you last saw me …"? "got my body back some months after that …"?_

_He's been back for …_

"More than a year and a half …"


	3. Burned

****SPIKE POV** - Burned**

"More than a year and a half …" Buffy trailed off.

She had been smiling one second, lookin' bout ready to give both me and the ponce a hug and, maybe if we were lucky, a snog. Then it looked like something invisible hit her in the face, and that same blank look she had when she came back from the dead years ago masked her features. Nearly made me shudder to see that look on her again. I heard Captain Forehead next to me groan, and then I realized what I had just said and why exactly she was lookin' so upset.

"Slayer …," I entreated as I reached out to her. She was going to have none of that.

"You've been back," she pointed at me with a dark air bout' her before turning towards the git and pointing at him, "and you've known about this, for nearly TWO YEARS?"

_Do I stay silent? Normally when she yells she likes ta vent, but this sounds more like something I need to deal with. The hurt in her voice, even if she is pissed as all hell, it's like a stake through my heart._

"Luv, calm down and I can explain …" I tried.

"Oh no, don't you 'luv' me," she grumbled as she began to pace. It gave me a good chance to really get a look at her for a minute. Last time I had really been this close to her in Sunnydale; her presence was nothing but lean curves and sheer power, very much like a lioness. Using that same line of comparison now though, she was like a cheetah: skinny beyond reason, taunt, but still exuding strength.

_She's not eating; not takin' care of herself._

"Buffy …" the great poof beside me said in his high and mighty 'I'm here for you' voice. I stole a quick sideways glance at him and felt a lot better. If Buffy was going to be steaming at me, at least I knew that it must be tearin' him up over just how emotional she was getting. Over me.

"You might just want to shut your mouth Angel before I stake you. Both of you. Apparently, it's something you've both been doing for a long time so why change now?"

"Ma'am? What's going on? I mean, we are vampire slayers and if these guys are vamps then we should dust them …," one of the birds behind Buffy cautiously asked. The way Buffy quickly stopped her pacing and turned on a dime to face the other girls left me with the impression that she had momentarily forgot that they were there at all.

"These guys are good, ensouled and everything, hence the no staking. Unless they royally piss me off, but then only I get to make that call," she stated as she took a deep breath. She stopped to really think things out for a while before turning back to us to ask, "Look, there is apparently a lot we need to talk about, but not here. Out here is too dangerous, and we need to get one of these girls to a medic. Is there some place you guys need to be? Some mission in dire need? Someone … expects you?"

Peaches and I looked over at each other, both of us picking up on that not-too-subtle attempt of hers to suss out if we were 'with' anyone right now. Both of us know too that even if we were, we'd follow her anywhere she asked us to go.

"Naw Slayer, we've got nowhere to be. Have a place in mind?" I ask.

"Our base, when our squad got into this dimension we commandeered a high school in Highland Park."

"Highland Park?" Angel asked, "That's a little far from downtown L.A. on foot. We don't have a … vehicle … that can make it through all that destruction, how did you get here?"

_Apparently, the wanker has decided not to divulge that he's a bleedin' dragon tamer now_.

"Don't worry your overly styled heads about it boys, I've got us covered," smiled as she pressed a hand up to the side of her head. It was then that I saw she had some sort of communications thingy attached to her ear as she started speaking to someone who wasn't with us. "This is Alpha One to base, Xander you got me Lima Charlie? Pick up my location signal and send the lawn dart, there's a tall building close by and we'll be up on the roof in a few minutes with the home colors … ten minutes? Yeah that's fine we can do that … we picked up four. No just the one slayer, one civvie, and the other two … you'll see when we get there, the situation is too CATFU to talk about right now. See you soon, and make sure there's a bone on hand. Tango."

"A lawn dart?" Angel asked.

"Hoo-ah. You'll see. Right now, all of us need to get to the roof of that," she pointed at a five story apartment building on the corner, "building in the next ten minutes. I've got one injured human in my group, so I need you two to help lend a hand to get her up there. Let's move out."

"That's a lotta jargon you were tossing 'round there. Spend some time in the military recently pet?"

She refused to look at me and I thought she wasn't going to say anything as we all hurried down the street, till she finally cut the silence.

"Didn't spend any time in the armed forces, I created my own. Had to give all of the newly created slayers some sort of support system after all, you know since the Council went all kablooy. We have a couple of girls that were already in the armed forces, their lingo helped make things a bit shorter. Plus, it's fun to speak in code."

"Support system? How many slayers did your holy hand grenade there," I nodded towards her scythe as she smiled ruefully at the memory I was purposely dragging up with that reference, "actually activate?"

"Before we came here? World-wide reports said that we had turned nearly two thousand Potentials into Slayers. Not all of them have joined us though and that's fine, it's now an option and not a forced destiny."

"Wow, when Andrew came out to help us catch that disturbed slayer, he told us a little bit about what was going on with you guys but he never mentioned just how big this was," Angel butted in.

We had reached the bottom of the building by then and Buffy had been helping the other girls up the fire escape when she froze at the mention of Andrew's name.

_Uh-oh, didn't want to get the lil' hobbit in trouble, but now it looks like she might put the smack down on 'em._

"Andrew …," she muttered angrily under her breath, "I forgot he went to L.A. a while back to get that unstable slayer. He was acting strange around me for a long time after that, and even stranger when someone dared to mention Spike. I guess he really is a part of the family now. You can't join the fold unless you keep from telling me something important about my own personal life. Does everyone know that Spike's alright but me? Scratch that, we don't have the time to open that can of worms."

_Huh, never pinned the little sod as being to type who can keep his yap shut. Guess I always figured, deep down, he spilled the happy news before he even got on the plane. Figured she knew; that she was refusing to come to me for whatever reason. Waiting for me to show so she could have herself another round of 'Kick the Spike' as punishment. God I'm an arse._

She continued up the fire escape ladders in a fuming silence till all of us reached the roof. After a few minutes where no one dared speak and risk incurring the Slayer's wrath, I heard something off in the distance and leaned my head towards it to try and sort out what it was. Buffy saw me, took a listen herself, then reached into her back pocket and pulled out a flare that she lit like a pro. Seconds later, you could have bowled Peaches and I over with a feather to see a rather spiffy lookin' helicopter landing next to us on the roof. We both turned to stare at Buffy who despite her still present anger at us, was smilin' from ear to ear.

"This is the lawn dart, my baby, a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter that we, um 'liberated' from the Los Angeles Air Force Base when we got into town," she said proudly as she helped the other girls into the back. When one of the bints that tried to stake me climbed in her wooden cross fell out of her back pocket and clattered to the roof. Buffy reached to get it, but the great poof reached for it and grabbed it first.

"Angel, don't, you'll hurt your ..." she trailed off as she saw that he was gripping it comfortably. No smoking, no sizzling, no pain in his face. Her eyes looked bout ready to pop out of her head as she stared at him.

"Buffy ... I know you're already dealing with a lot finding out that Spike is here but," he said as he gently pulled her hand up to his chest and over his heart, "I'm mortal. I'm human Buffy."

_Stupid ponce always had to one-up me. Here I am alive (well, an undead alive) after a fiery grand last stand for this woman and he has to top me at our first meeting by being alive, literally. God I hate him. I otta rip off his limbs no, every part of him that dangles from his body just for daring to touch her hand right now._

I could see even from a distance that she got all misty-eyed over this little revelation, and she tilted her head up and leaned in. Obviously, she was about to kiss the tosser. It made me sick it did, and I was about to cut in with one of my patented jabs belittling the whole situation but I could see something in her close down right quick. She pulled her hand away from his chest like he had burned her, and quickly looked away from the hurt look on his face. Her eyes flitted over to mine for a split second, and I couldn't figure out what I saw in them.

_Anger? Guilt? Fear? Remorse? What was that? It had somethin' to do with me, didn't it?_

"We'll talk about this later; right now we need to get out of the open. Get in and hang on," she yelled to the both of us as she jumped into the second pilot's seat, makin' it a point not to look at either of us. It was hilarious to see the look of shock on Peach's face. As I went past him and knocked him out of his dazed state, we both jumped into the back. He looked at me with questioning eyes, saw the smirk I was wearin', and knew that he wasn't the only one who had seen it; the coldness. The all business-like look she had aimed at him as if they were talkin' bout nothing more than quarterly output reports.

_Talk about drama. Who needs Passions when the three of us get together?_


	4. Raw

****ANGEL POV** - Raw**

_Is a little reaction too much to ask?_

I just told her, showed her, that the one big thing that I let get in between us is gone; and I got nothing. It's not like I could really walk out into the sunlight, sweep her into my arms and kiss her without a word this time, but still. I thought it was dramatic enough though, but I guess I don't know what I was expecting. Being in hell isn't exactly like how I pictured this scenario going down when I thought about the day that I might get a second chance to do this. Maybe for a few seconds it looked like she might cry or kiss me, but it was stunning to watch her shut down that rapidly.

_And it's not helping that Spike is smirking at me like he just beat me in a race. God I hate him._

"She sure did rain all over your parade, didn't she?" Spike laughed over the din of the blades.

"Shut up Spike," I grumbled, knowing that even with the noise the helicopter was making it wouldn't stop him from hearing me even if I whispered.

"Well, it's better than havin' her lob rocks at you, init?"

We didn't have much time to stew in the silence however, as I felt the helicopter start to lower itself to a green sports field surrounded by buildings below us. In a distance that would have taken us a day to transverse by foot, it took us only minutes before we were at Slayer Central which appeared to be a high school.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I like her toys better than the ones Wolfram & Hart let you have. There's somethin' bout a stolen military copter that's just ... just so much more fun," Spike yelled as we jumped out.

"Hey I'm just glad that so far my record is two out of the three times I've ridden in one of these it's actually been inside the thing," I yelled back. Even in my bad mood, I had to agree with him that Buffy's new paramilitary gear was cool.

"Oh goodie, it's Captain Forehead and Captain Peroxide, now I know that I really am in Hell. Just someone please tell me that shrimp still exist in this dimension, I love those tasty lil' guys," came an annoyingly familiar voice once the engines quieted down. It was Xander, looking much more like a battle-hardened man than the posturing boy playing dangerous games I remembered.

_What's with the eye patch? When did he lose an eye?_

Buffy walked over to help the injured human onto a stretcher, and when the others wheeled her off the football field we had landed on she went over to stand by Xander. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she turned around to join him in staring at Spike and myself.

"Well if it isn't Captain Eye patch," Spike said loudly with a smile that just dripped arrogance.

"What is it with the men in my life calling each other 'captain'? Captain Forehead, Courageous, Cardboard, Peroxide, and now Eye patch. What about my dad or Giles, do they have captain names I don't know about too? Maybe 'Captain Absentee' and 'Captain Tweed' would work. It's like you all think I'm a boat or something that needs to be manned … forget that last part," Buffy said with a slight blush and a roll of her eyes that made my heart ache.

"What the hell is he doing here? He died, didn't he? I was pretty sure that, you know, sometime after the whole fleeing thing we were doing you mentioned that his marshmallow was completely toasted before an entire zip code fell in on top of him," Xander gesticulated at Spike while looking at Buffy.

"Yeah, I did say that and yeah, he did. By now we should know that death doesn't exactly hold our group to the same rigid standards as it does everyone else. I don't have the whole story though. Oh and as if that wasn't enough of a head-scratcher, Angel's human. Come on, we need to have a meeting and go over any intel they can give us," Buffy stated flippantly over her shoulder as she turned and headed towards the buildings.

Xander, Spike and I just stood there and stared at each other with animosity. After a few moments of noticing that no one was following her Buffy whistled loudly, and we all focused in on her in surprise.

"Hey, you might all be 'captains', but I'm the general and I say let's move out. We don't have time for a pissing contest you guys, can we reschedule for a time when a major city isn't in Hell? Let's go …" she trailed off as she began walking away again.

Over the next few hours, Buffy was the center of a flurry of activity. She and her teams grilled us both for a long time about what we knew about the L.A. apocalypse, and I couldn't keep it from her that it was my fault as I explained my plan to take down the Circle. It didn't faze her for a moment, and she kept asking questions and conferring with the magic and research department of her team on how to get the city out of the hell dimension. Once we had told her everything we could she and Xander talked on and on about reconnaissance reports, head counts, news from the sick bay, weapons status, equipment status, and supply inventories. Spike and I constantly shot each other glances that said just how impressed we were with her skill at managing everything, but it wasn't until she sent us off with Xander to the kitchen to get us something to eat that we found out just how much work she really was doing.

"This is just a fraction of what she does guys," Xander told us as he took in the dazed looks on our faces as we walked away from her, "when we came here, we only brought a team of twenty; slayers and support team combined. And yeah, over the two weeks that we've been here there's been an increase in our numbers but we're still under a hundred people in this compound. Out in the real world, our organization has at least five hundred slayers. That's not counting the medical staff, the magical staff, the researchers, the watchers-in-training, and the other various support staff we have for each squad."

"Who's in charge of all of that?" I asked. Xander just stared at me like I was the stupidest thing he had ever seen before he answered.

"She didn't call herself the General earlier for nothing bright boy. She delegates, but in the end it's all her."

_Here I was, thinking that now with all the extra slayers in the world she could finally take it easy … all she did was unleash a brand new set of burdens to shoulder. I know she's strong, stronger than even she believes, but how much more can she take on before it breaks her back?_

A short, uncomfortable silence later the three of us were in the kitchen. There wasn't much to eat and what they had was rationed pretty strictly. Buffy's team had managed to find some supplies with long shelf-lives in grocery stores, livestock animals here and there and lots of stuff abandoned in houses so they weren't starving. Yet. But they were bringing in more slayers and regular people to shelter every day, and food was getting scarce since trucks couldn't ship food in and most of the county didn't have power for refrigeration anymore. The slayers had apparently been fixing up generators though, as they had electricity and a working fridge. Xander and I shared a can of mixed veggies, while Spike complained that there was nothing for him to eat.

"I'm just sayin' ... you guys have to have some blood squirreled away in the medical unit. Who's gonna miss one soddin' bag?"

"No, and that's final Bleach Boy! We haven't been here long and already we've gone through a quarter of our supply," Xander trailed off as Buffy came into the room. She was extremely tired looking, had a fresh smear of blood on her face and was carrying a large tub of something sloshing around.

"Buffy, what happened? Are you hurt?" She smiled weakly at the concern coloring my voice.

"No Angel, I fine. I was just going over some reports before I realized we didn't have anything for Spike to eat, and that we had run out of fresh meat for the humans. I went out back and slaughtered one of the goats we found in El Monte a few days ago. Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone so to speak."

"Ah how sweet, didn't know you'd go so far to feed me luv, thank you," Spike said smugly as he leered at her.

_I know exactly how far she'd go to feed a vampire she cares about … _

"Yeah, um, no problem," she said, looking up at me fleetingly in a way that said we were thinking the same thing. "Just pace yourself, we don't have many animals and I can't kill one every time you feel peckish."

Spike went over to her and took the tub from her hands, gazing into her eyes for a long while before she broke away. Possessiveness and anger flared in my chest as I saw his fingers purposely brush hers, but I held it back. He looked like he was about to say something that was important to him, he was always so easy to read, but she cut him off before he could even get out a single syllable.

"Look I know you, both of you, probably have a lot you want to say. Trust me I want to hear it all, and talk about everything. I'll listen so much my ears will stretch. You won't be able to get me to shut up. I'll be non-stop with the talkie. But today has been a long day, I'm emotionally raw, and I have to lead a training session in four hours so I could really use a shower and some sleep. Just … just give me a little time. Xander, I know you'll hate this but … keep them in your room for now, please. I don't want them mixed in with the civvies or the slayers just yet. I'll see you both tomorrow, or today I guess, whatever."

She turned on her heel quickly and was rushing out of the room before we could say anything. She was all sharp angles; nothing but skin, bones, muscle and sinew. As I watched her leave I realized we had been there for hours now, and I hadn't seen her touch any food at all.

"Xander, when was the last time you saw her eat?" He gave a big sigh and shook his head before answering me.

"She doesn't really eat. She barely took care of herself before we found out about L.A., but that was mostly because she is too busy. It's a miracle if she can even get three hours of sleep a day. I mean she ate when we made her, but we were all too busy to really notice if she missed a meal here and there. Then when we got here she cut back even more in the name of rationing food."

"Why don't cha make her eat ya munter?"

"Gee, why didn't I think of that? I've tried to talk to her about it, but you know her; she does what she wants. You of all people … well, creatures, know it's not easy to make a slayer do something she doesn't want to do," Xander said darkly as he stared at Spike. It shocked me a bit to see Spike visibly shrink back from Xander's one-eyed glare, looking as guilty as sin.

_I wonder what that's about. I can already tell that I'm not going to like it …_

Not wanting to listen to them argue because I'm sure that's where it was heading between those two, I grabbed some food from the fridge and took off after Buffy. I ran down the hallway till I could hear her footfalls, and then rounded the corner to catch her just as she opened the door to her room.

****Author's Note****

I just got the Chosen Collection and I've been re-watching all of the episodes when I noticed that many of the main male characters in Buffy's life have been called "Captain" at one point or another. I came up with Captain Eye patch for Xander myself because it just seemed like something Spike would say, and then I thought "well why hasn't anyone thought of something for Giles?" Just in case you can't recall who was who, here's the list:

Angel: Captain Forehead

Spike: Captain Peroxide

Wesley: Captain Courageous

Riley: Captain Cardboard


	5. Dreams

****BUFFY POV** - Dreams**

I had almost made it into the safety of my room, when the voice that runs through my head almost as often as my own came out from behind me.

"You know, it's a little odd to go to all that trouble to make sure Spike and I have something to eat, but then you don't touch a speck of food."

_Damn, I had hoped that nobody had noticed. When was the last time I ate? Is it scary that even I don't know that? God look at him, humanity really agrees with him. No, no get a grip Buffy. So what if the thing I've been dreaming of happening for years and years has finally happened, it doesn't mean anything. We don't belong to each other anymore … we're stuck in Hell … Spike is just down the hall and I don't even know how I feel … get a grip. That's it; I'm all grip-tastic. On with the show._

"I ate, I totally had a snack. So I'm not hungry, you can take it back," I smiled in a way that was completely meant to humor him as I turned towards Angel and saw the fruit and a bagel in his hands.

"Liar. Here, eat something," he said as he peeled an orange and handed the whole thing to me, "there, now you have to eat it or it'll go bad. You know that you need to be on top of your game here if you want to help so please, eat it, for me?"

Grudgingly, because I knew he was right, I pulled out a slice and ate it. Apparently this was not enough and he stood there and quirked an eyebrow at me until I finished the whole thing, before making me do a repeat performance with the bagel.

"Why is it that you're the only one who can guilt-trip me into doing things I don't want to do?" I asked with a slight smile and a mouth full of orange pulp.

"Probably because you forced me to eat once when I didn't want to for my own good; I'm just returning the favor, sort of."

At that memory we both grew silent, but it wasn't awkward. It blew my mind at the casual way he brought that moment up without any guilt in his face. It had always bothered me that he took on the burden of responsibility for my actions that night.

_Is this his way of trying to show me that he had finally gotten over the fact that I had forced him to drink from me to save his life?_

"I'm sorry, you know, about earlier. I mean, I know that I've had like a gazillion dreams about you telling me that you're human," I stated as a wave of déjà vu swept over me, "and not in a single one was my reaction like that. I'm sure that's not what you were hoping for either."

"It's fine; you had subordinates and a pilot watching us … and Spike. Not to mention an injured person to get back to your base. I understand."

"Really," I asked a bit sarcastically, and surprisingly a touch of coyness in my voice, while taking a small step closer towards him, "you were fine with how I handled the news that you were human? Why do I think you're bluffing?"

"I said I understand, doesn't mean I have to like how it happened though. I was hoping … for an entirely different … reception," he retorted with a grin, taking an equally small step closer to me.

_Are we flirting here? Oh my god we are, aren't we? What the hell is wrong with me? Why is it that all I can think about is getting way too inappropriate with him, and with Spike, wwwwaaaaaayyyyy too quickly? It's been way too long between boyfriends Summers ... well, maybe just a kiss wouldn't hurt. Right? God I've missed him … missed them both …_

"Well if it makes you feel any better, all I wanted to do was this …" I whispered as I lifted my face up and he lowered his in one agonizingly slow moment. Without any hesitation, I was drawn to his warm lips with the joy I felt before at feeling his heart beat and I began to kiss him tentatively.

_God, so this is what it felt like. In Heaven, getting to see those dream-like memories from our lost day together when he was human just didn't do any justice to this. I wish that the memories weren't so fuzzy still; that the higher power that let me see them had let me keep all of them intact when I was pulled back to Earth …_

I vaguely registered that he had pulled me up against his chest and was leaning back on the door jamb. Or maybe I pushed him, I'm not sure. Wrapping my arms around Angel's waist, I crushed into his hug while his newly mortal arms tried desperately to weld us together as the kiss deepened. If I could have, I would have continued to get lost in him forever, but the burning in my chest reminded me that it was time to breathe. We pulled apart and I nearly wept seeing him gasp for breath; breath he finally needed himself.

"Wow … I just, no never mind. I think 'wow' covered it aptly the first time around," I finally managed to get out, unable to release him from my grasp. I felt something bubble up and burst inside of my chest when he rested his forehead against mine and chuckled.

_What am I doing? What do I think is going to happen between the two of us here in hell? What about Spike? What about my duty to the other slayers? How bad would Xander freak on me for this, even if Angel is human? What about Spike? Drama, thy name is Buffy._

"I knew, I knew that if we crossed paths again you would pick me…" he trailed off as he bent down to capture my lips again. I pulled back slightly at his breathy statement and squinted into his face.

_Oh shit … Summers, you need to keep your lips to yourself until you have everything thought out. Being Buffy McKissy-face is just digging a bigger hole …_

"Pick? Angel, what are you talking about?" I asked warily, even though I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about.

"Well, that's what this is, isn't it? You're done baking, or at least close, and when faced with different options … you are choosing me, aren't you?"

That dumped a cold bucket of reality over my head. I felt myself tense up and I leaned back, away from the lips of the man I could have sworn were my reason for living a few years ago.

"Oh god, Angel I'm so sorry … but this was just a kiss. A celebratory, 'welcome back to humanity' kiss. An amazing kiss, but really I didn't even know that I had to choose somebody right here and now. I don't even have a handle on all the different swirly feelings going around in my head right now, and you do remember where we are right? I hate to say it, but there are more important things to deal with right now. Can't I just be happy to have found the both of you?"

"But you told me once that you didn't even love him! Don't tell me that now that I'm human and we can finally be together without any danger … please don't tell me that you would pick a creature that I left to protect you from. He may have a soul, but he still can't give you the life you're supposed to have; the life that I can give you now," he said with an edge of panic in his voice.

At that I completely pulled away him, even though every inch of me was screaming "_closer_". Honestly, I knew where he was coming from. I used to have nightmares that maybe one day if the curse was lifted he would choose to be with someone else. But he was being completely unfair to me right now. He didn't know me inside and out anymore; he couldn't possibly know the self torture I've been putting myself through every second since finding both him and Spike in the same night.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I just need to fight this feeling that my face is going to betray the pain I feel in my chest. Too many of our interactions in the past ended up with me crying, and I'm not going to let today end in tears in front of him._

"I need to be alone now, before I say something I can't take back," I managed to choke out without tears as I walked through my doorway and attempted to close the door.

"Buffy, please don't get upset. Just talk to me, you don't have to choose but honestly I don't see how you could pick Spike now that there's nothing standing between us. I can finally give you everything you've wanted from me," he laid out before me as he was quickly losing his 'please see reason' face.

That did it, right there.

"No Angel, you can finally give me everything you've wanted for me," I spat at him, "I just wanted you. I didn't care if you were a human or a vamp, if you were too old or horribly wrong for me. Hell, I was too far gone in love with you to stop when you turned evil. I would have given up everything to be with you, I would have found a way to live without the physical part of a relationship, but you decided that I didn't get to make my own decisions about my life. That's all I wanted. I wanted to be given a chance to be in control of my own life for once, and like everyone you took that from me."

_My parent's divorce, my calling being forced on me, the love of my life leaving me for my own good, being brought back from the dead. It's terrifying to have all this power, but knowing from experience that it means nothing when I have no say in the direction my own life takes. Everyone makes my choices for me without even asking how I feel._

"I died without any hope for us Angel. I've gone all these years with nothing but my memories and a fuzzy daydream," I stopped myself and shook my head bitterly. I still didn't want him to know that I had seen everything about his life up until I was ripped out of heaven, including our one perfect day together. Even if I couldn't remember it all now, I just couldn't live with adding any more guilt on him.

"I'm not delusional; I understand now that I'm older why you left. If I was in your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing to protect you. But this isn't Logic Buffy you're talking to, this is Emotion Buffy, and all she can think is that it feels like we wasted years being apart. And here you come all warm and thumpy in the chest, and that's supposed to wipe away our past? It's supposed to clear away all my feelings that I've developed for Spike? I don't think so."

He reached out before I could really close the door and grabbed my shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry; there have been so many things I should have done, should have told you. But you need to understand that I did what I did to protect you Buffy. Everything I've ever done since I first saw you … I thought I was doing what was best for you."

"I know that Angel, but that's the problem isn't it? What's that saying about the road to Hell? It's lined with good intentions or something," his eyes shot down to the floor and his grip on my arm lessened as I continued, "I'd say that considering you role in L.A. being sucked into this dimension, it's a pretty fitting metaphor right now."

His hand pulled back as though I had bitten him.

"Buffy please," he pleaded in a desperate voice that pulled at my heart, "I need you to know how I feel about you, how I still feel about you. How I'll always feel for you. No matter what I've done or didn't do I love you. I've always loved you, even before I knew you. You know that right? You know that hurting you was never what I wanted. I know how much that sounds like a couple of lines from that trash show Spike's always watching, but it's true."

I felt the tears finally pooling in my eyes. I turned away from him and was going to shut the door without answering, but my heart wouldn't let me; it just had to get its two cents in. When there was only a crack left in the doorway, I managed to whisper to Angel on the other side.

"I know, and I've always felt the same. But that doesn't make any part of this situation any easier."


	6. Taste

****SPIKE POV** - Taste**

"Bloody hell." It's all I can say to myself in a situation like this.

_She still cares, I know it. Could see it in her eyes. Plus, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and she made sure mine was taken care of. If that nancy boy hadn't taken off after her I would have, but now that he's back in our room with Xander I'm free to …_

… stalk her all over again. I've paced past her room now fifteen times in the last hour. I want to toss the door open, rush in, see her. Scream and yell at her. Beg and plead with her. Fight and dance with her. Kiss and touch her. She knows exactly how loony she's making me being this close but not letting me even talk to her, right? I can't get a grip on exactly what I want to do, so I don't do anything but pass her room one more time before heading down the hallway, down the stairs, and outside to the courtyard.

_Just breathe, get her out of yer head before ya do something daft. Spent all this time away from her like a right bloody berk; lettin' her have some time now shouldn't be getting' my knickers in such a twist. Well, if I wore knickers anyway._

I took a deep, unneeded breath and immediately the scent of tobacco smoke and alcohol hit me. Being out of smokes myself, and having gone a while without a drink, my feet began to take me towards the smell of what can only be called manna in a time like this.

_God do I need a drink right now. Or twenty. Hope whoever is imbibing won't mind sharing._

I followed my nose around the corner of the school and finally came to a stop halfway down the side of the building I had just been pacing in. Couldn't see nothin', but then I realized that the smell was coming from an open window on the second story. Like that would stop me. I jumped and hoisted myself up to the open window only to find myself face to face with the very woman I came out here to avoid.

"Spike," Buffy quietly exclaimed. I couldn't read her at all through my own shock. Her voice said she was surprised to see me pop up on her window ledge, yet her gaze and raised eyebrow plainly told me that she was expecting this. "What are you doing?"

"Slayer. Sorry, I didn't know this was your room," I explained as she tightened the sash around her robe and I took in her messy wet hair clinging to her neck.

"Yeah right, I'll buy that and then I'm going to Brooklyn to see a man about a bridge. That was you of the mighty clomping boots trampling the hallway just a little while ago, wasn't it?"

"I'm tellin' the soddin' truth. I didn't know it was your room … out here anyway. It just smelled like someone was having a little party and I wanted to get a piece."

She looked away from me to the drink on the sill and the lit cigarette dangling over the ashtray in her hand before giving a little snort. Tapping the cigarette and then raising it to her lips, she took a deep pull before reaching down and handing me the half empty pack. Her eyes drifted off to look at something in the distance, purposely avoiding my face as I pulled one out and lit up.

_Huh, my brand. What are the odds?_

"I should have known better, of course the smell of your two favorite things would pull you here. A girl can try to keep something all to herself, but it doesn't really work around vamp senses I guess. It's been a while since I've needed to remember that."

_Look at me, look at me, come on ya chit. Look at me! I know how to get her to look at me …_

"They're not my favorite luv. Top five yeah don't get me wrong, but if you could smell yourself after a good fight or when you've … got an itch ya need scratchin', well then you'd know that those are my favorites."

Her shoulders tightened a bit, like she was going to hit me, and her eyes flashed to mine for a moment so brief I wondered if it actually happened before she huffed and continued to look away from me.

"God you're gross," she said dispassionately as she lifted her glass and took a big gulp of the amber liquid to finish it off. Reaching behind her, she pulled out the bottle of Maker's Mark and poured herself another full glass and then handed the bottle to me.

"Thanks …," I took a deep swig, liquid courage and all that, while struggling to think of what to say. Just as I was about to force myself to speak though, she beat me to it.

"Spike, I meant what I said before. I'm not ready to talk about … us. I've had more of that than I can handle tonight," she said haltingly.

_Great, she still won't talk to me and she's avoiding looking at me as much as possible. She sure knows how to make a bloke feel guilty for sacrificing himself._

"Sure thing Slayer; you're not the only one who's emotionally raw after today," I pointed out as I took another couple of gulps from the bottle of American whiskey, "but let me ask you this: when did you start smoking and drinking? As I recall, it took the threat of all of us dying before you'd to let me smoke in the basement and you were never able to drink anythin' but those girly drinks without pulling a face."

It took a long time for her to say anything, and for a moment I figured she was going to sit there and just ignore my question for the second time tonight. Just as I was getting ready to take off though she gave a big sigh, glanced at me, and then said something that confused the hell outta me.

"I started smoking and drinking a couple of weeks after Sunnydale. I don't even like it, but they usually comfort me. Not exactly doing a bang-up job tonight though."

"What are you talking about? That doesn't make eve a bit of sense. Maybe I should be asking why instead of when."

"Do you remember … right before our attack on the Hellmouth, that everyone packed a bag?"

I nodded but stayed silent, waiting for her to continue as she took another sip of her drink.

"I didn't pack much, I didn't really expect to live, but one of the few things I got out of there was a crucifix. It was special to me because Angel gave it to me the day I moved to Sunnydale; before I even knew his name."

"If yer tryin' to make me jealous goldilocks, it's workin'," I said petulantly.

"Just listen, and if it makes you feel any better, I kicked his ass first before he gave it to me. It set an odd precedent that sadly not many others followed. It would have been nice; beat the crap out of a demon, get something from Tiffany's."

_That does make me feel a little better actually. Stupid ponce._

"Even if I didn't have that cross, I have this from him," she put her hand over the bite mark on her neck. I could feel a low growl course through me and her eyes jumped to mine for a moment before staring off into space again. She had never told me before that those marks came from him, but I had known. The other two sets on her lovely skin, she hadn't given a toss about telling me about their donators: The Master and Drac. That set though, the one she's touching like it's a treasured gift, she had refused to talk about. Didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

"Down boy. My point is I have something from him I could look at, something I could touch when I need that comfort that he gave me. Now you? I had no memento of our experience together; nothing I could hold onto when I cried me eyes out over you …" she trailed off into a soft silence. We both sat there for a while, smoking and drinking, feeling guilty together before I finally got the nerve to try speaking again after her little revelation.

"I'm sorry Buffy. I wanted to come back to you, I just … you cried over me?"

"Please, I don't want to have that talk right now, remember? I'm just trying to answer your question. All of my memories of you, the vast majority of our experiences together … they were very … tactile. While we were fleeing the country we pulled into some crummy little bar. I was feeling all kinds of guilt about you, replaying that last … when suddenly it felt like you were there. The person sitting next to me at the bar was drinking bourbon and smoking in my face, and I was wearing a leather jacket and the smells all combined to trigger that feeling. I would purposely find ways to recreate that combination for weeks. After a while though just smelling it wasn't enough, so I started smoking and drinking to get that taste when I needed to console myself."

I was completely speechless, which was not par for the course with me. In her need to sooth herself, she turned to things that reminded her of my scent; my flavor. I stared into her face, trying to force her to look at me with the power of my will alone. I watched as her emotions warred on her features; sadness, rage, restraint, and longing all ran over her before she finally looked over and locked into my eyes.

"Ah screw it," she muttered under her breath before taking one last deep drag on her cigg, grabbing me by the lapels of my duster, and pulling me in for a mind-blowing kiss. This wasn't one of our old, pre-soul kisses where we smashed our mouths together in a blind fury. It was soft yet still frantic; fiery yet every movement lingered more than it had the right to. I could smell the salt of unshed tears welling up in her eyes. When she finally pulled away I let out a long, heavy breath that held all of her smoke that she had just pushed into my lungs and looked at her in shock.

"Buffy …"

"Don't Spike. Just consider that your 'hello' kiss and don't read anything else into it. I missed you, I'm glad you're alive, but I'm mad as hell right now and completely overwhelmed. Take the rest of the packet of smokes, but the fire water stays with me."

She pulled her window closed and I grabbed the packet of fags before leaping down to the ground floor. As I made my way back inside, all I could do was think about that kiss. About how much softer her lips felt then I remembered. How intoxicating her warmth was. How complex she tasted; like citrus fruit, good whiskey, tobacco and … I froze in my journey as if I had just hit a brick wall. I ran my tongue around in my mouth for a bit, just to make sure I tasted what I thought I tasted.

_Angel. I tasted Angel on her. The wanker kissed her, he got there before me. Again._

"Bloody Hell."


	7. Acrobatic

****ANGEL POV** - Acrobatic**

_I don't know how much more of this I can take._

It had been three days since Spike and I had happened across Buffy. Three days since we came back to her base and offered to help out. Three days since that night when I opened up my big mouth and blew my chance …

_God, I must be absorbing Spike's foot-in-mouth-itis. Got to stop hanging around him. _

It was painful to be around her, but I knew it would kill me if I tried to leave. It nearly killed me each time I had left her before but I did it; I'd do anything, suffer through anything if I thought it was best for her. This time though it wasn't even an option. Even though I have unresolved feelings about other women since I left her, there was never any uncertainty about how I have felt for Buffy. How I always will feel for Buffy. How could I walk away now that all my past reasons for staying away have been voided?

So I stayed and, not wanting to give me a chance to be alone with her, so did Spike. Even though anyone could see that she was still pissed at us for one reason or another, she asked us both to stay and help her out and we both jumped at the chance to be near her. We helped with patrols, gathering supplies, recon work, and shared our experience in the training room with the slayers and civilians taking up refuge in the high school-cum-fortress. All the while, Buffy was refusing to let herself be alone with either of us; refusing to talk to us about anything other than the mission.

_I guess she's just not ready yet, but that's fine. I can wait … even though now I actually am starting to get older._

"Right so am I the only one here who feels that this whole get-my-arse-kicked in the training room, then out there in the streets of Hell is a stroke of genius?" grumbled Spike from my side.

"Most of the slayers they have are the ones they found in LA once they got here and they have no training; the ones she brought with her at least have some experience but they're still really green. They really need more practice if they're going to survive, and the civilians they bring here have nothing at all. So stop you're whining, Buffy asked for our help and we both agreed so just get over it."

"Yeah, cause you're an expert on givin' her what she asks for," he chuckled as rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm not getting into this again with you," I nearly growled at him.

_Yes, Spike has always been antagonistic even though recently we've been able to stand each other's presence more. Yes, he and I have this habit of arguing just for the sake of arguing. Yes, we both have some strong feelings about Buffy and yes it has led to many verbal sparring matches between the two of us in the past. Yet it all pales in comparison to the frequent squabbles we've had since we stepped on that helicopter though. It's getting to the point of ridiculous mania between us even though we haven't yet come to blows. I'm not going let him bait me right now when we're about to go help her teach a room full of people how to stay alive in a fight with monsters._

We had been walking in the long corridor from the entrance of the school to the gym which the slayers had turned into their workout/training room once they moved in. Every morning started out with a training session, and we were supposed to go over the plan for the day with Xander and Buffy before the rest of the troops arrived. Spike reached for the handle and opened the door once we got there, but both of us froze mid step as we took in the scene before us.

"Don't move or she might mess up and knife ya," Xander cautioned us, "actually never mind, move around as much as you two want. Feel free to wave your limbs about all willy-nilly too."

He was smirking at us, standing directly under the head of an upside-down Buffy. She was blindfolded and suspended from the ceiling in the middle of the room. What really caught me off guard, and probably Spike as well, was that the only thing keeping Buffy up in the air was the fact she had wrapped one single foot around a couple of times in a long piece of cloth that draped down to the floor.

"He sure does talk big for someone whose protector is danglin' from the ceiling," Spike taunted.

"I don't know Spike, he's been hanging out with nothing but women for a long time now, maybe he's picked up some pointers on scratching and hair pulling," I jokingly said in a stage whisper.

"Well lookie here. Tall, dark, and bland has finally gotten around to making jokes. He's become a real boy and decided to turn into a comedian, a bad comedian but hey we all have to start out somewhere. You know, I can't believe I'm about to say this but I think I liked him better when he just brooded … at least then we could pretend he was thinking deep thoughts …" Xander sniped back in his frequently fluctuating voice. Spike nearly bent over from laughing so hard by then end of his little tirade.

"Can we not have any futile male posturing right now please? I need to focus. Unless you guys want to have sharp things piercing through your squishy parts, or watch me snap my neck if I slip."

All three of us mumbled our apologies like grouchy children as Spike and I made our way towards the bench along the wall to watch whatever it was that Buffy and Xander were doing.

"Xander, can we continue please?"

It was then that I really got a good look at her. Her hair was pulled back into a painfully tight looking bun, and even without seeing her eyes I could tell by the way she held her mouth that she was already exhausted for the day. She was wearing a fitted purple tank top that showed off way more neck and shoulder than any slayer ever had the nerve to, as usual with Buffy. The brown athletic shorts she had on were letting gravity push them up her thighs, something I caught Spike noticing in a painfully obvious way. Other than hanging upside down and the blindfold, the only other thing different about her get-up was a belt like thing strapped to her torso that holstered numerous throwing knives.

"Batter up," Xander yelled as he picked up a tennis ball and tossed it, letting it bounce wildly around the large room.

Buffy pulled out a single throwing knife in her right hand, but she let her arm dangle while ball continued to randomly change direction. All of a sudden her arm shot forwards. I had never even seen the ball move in that direction but all of a sudden there was a dull thump sound as the ball, now with the addition of a super sharp knife sticking through it, fell to the floor. Xander tossed another ball with as much power as he could and I watched transfixed as Buffy curled her body backwards. When her body was shaped into a near perfect circle, with her leg that wasn't wrapped up in the fabric bent back and almost touching her head, she pulled out another knife lightening fast and pierced the ball as it bounced off the ceiling.

"… Got muscles you never even dreamed of …" Spike murmured in a way that was disturbingly intimate to no one but himself. I watched his face spread into a knowing grin as he stared after Buffy's contortionist act.

"What are you blathering about?"

"Nothin', just something Buffy … well not really Buffy it was Faith in a Buffy-skin suit I guess, told me once about slayers and their internal … abilities. Just seeing this little show is reminding me of some bloody wonderful memories is all."

_Son of a bitch … _

Xander suddenly grabbed three balls off the floor and tossed all of them at once. They flew wildly and the confusion of the noise and echoes was making it difficult for me to figure out where they were. Spike seemed to not have a problem following them, so I reasoned that it must be one of my new human deficiencies. Buffy palmed three knives, two in her right and one in her left, before allowing her upper body to fall back towards the ground. Using the momentum she began to swing like a pendulum in a very relaxed manner before flicking her right hand out to the side. It wasn't until I heard the clatter of the ball and knife fall to the floor that I realized she had even tossed a knife. Then mid-swing she threw out both of her arms forwards and backwards simultaneously and smiled as the noise in the room gave evidence that she had hit her marks. This show went on for another few minutes until Buffy ran out of knives.

"Well, is the world safe yet? I killed all of those nasty green bringers of fuzzy death and tennis elbow, let's go to Disneyland now," she said with a smile, taking off her blindfold as she dangled upside down again.

"Actually, Disneyland isn't a good choice right now … it's infested with Fyarl demons," I advised.

"Really? What, do they have something against the mouse?"

"Actually, the opposite I think … they even have fights over who gets to ride next on the 'Small World' ride."

"Huh. Good to know that even big lunk-head demons can have an inner child … that they didn't have to eat first."

"Say luv, the reason you're hanging like a bat," Spike interrupted our musings as Buffy continued to dangle from the ceiling, "it's cause you've been spendin' a lot of time with Dracula again innit? You two drinkin' buddies again?"

_What the hell is he talking about? When did Buffy spend time with Dracula, and just what kind of drinks were they bonding over exactly?_

"Naw, just trying out some Cirque du Soleil tricks. Always gotta expand the repertoire. When a slayer gets stuck in a rut they get killed." To prove her recent education in acrobatics, she began to show us some moves using the hanging cloth that really made me wish she had a safety harness on. Made me wish that she and I were all alone in the room together too. She twisted, contorted, rolled and more in a fluid display of strength and control. Honestly I was finding it really hard to watch without becoming a bit uncomfortable considering that there were two other guys in the room, because here and there a few of her moves looked like they belonged in a strip club, not an artistic acrobatic performance.

"Besides, Drac and I aren't exactly buddies of any sort; it's Xan that he's friends with. Guess he still holds a grudge that I didn't surrender and become his dark bride. A little while ago we worked together in Japan but we could barely keep from killing each other … oh … god I'm sorry Xand … I didn't …"

"No, its fine. I just … I'll be fine. I'm gonna head to the cafeteria and threaten hideously ugly uniform infliction if those girls aren't ready for training yet," Xander said in an uncharacteristically subdued manner as he walked out of the room.

Buffy untangled herself and then slid down to the ground, staring after Xander the whole time as he left. She finally shook her head to herself and got up off the floor before turning towards Spike and I, but she couldn't look either of us in the face. The look of sadness marring her features was palpable.

"Xander's had to go through loosing someone special because of me twice now. Everyone important to me, I taint their life. I either get them killed, horribly maimed, or their loved ones get killed by just being near me," she whispered.

"Occupational hazard of the hero game, luv. S'not your fault, we all know what we're in for when we make a commitment to join your team," Spike tried to comfort her. She turned away at the sound of the other slayers chatting loudly while coming down the hall, and chewed her lip nearly to the point of bringing forth blood.

"At least I was able to give them what I never had," she motioned at the gaggle of girls who began to file in through the doorway.

"A more understanding point of view from their support team? A lessened burden of the calling?" I asked.

She looked at me pointedly before answering quickly and walking towards the doors.

"A choice Angel, I gave these girls a choice in their own destiny. Something I still don't have the luxury of."


	8. Evasion Thing

_***A/N: I've gotten some PMs in regaurds to a few issues, and I thought I should make clear some things right now._

_-I'm not sticking absolutely to cannon when it comes to the comics. I am sticking pretty much 100% to cannon for the shows, but please understand that I say this with the disclaimer that I believe that just because they didn't say that something was so/happened during the lifespan of the series doesn't mean that it didn't happen. Just roll with my "revelations". Specifically, my prepping us all for my view that Buffy was able to see all just like Cordy did when she was in Heaven/High Plane. In my world she did. _

_-I saw that bad Buffy movie long before the TV show came on the air. I liked certain parts of that story, and even though I never got a chance to read it I know that they ret-conned it into a comic book to put it into a better alignment with the TV shows. I'm taking that info into account as I write._

_-In case you haven't noticed, I use strong language in my writing of this story. I think that if he had been able to, Joss would have (I present the multiple sneaky bad words and euphemisms as exhibit A). There will also be drinking, smoking, and naughty action (later). If any of that bothers you, read something else._

_-Buffy lived in LA before Sunnydale. She was a slayer for roughly about a year before the move. That will come up. Please act surprised, I like surprises. Alright, on with the (written) show …_

****BUFFY POV** - Evasion Thing**

Once the slayers poured into the training room, I asked Spike and Angel to lead them through the daily warm up we had taught them a few days ago and then went after Xander. I needed to make sure he was ok after I so casually reminded him about Renee's recent death.

_To quote the man himself, "sometimes I shouldn't say words"._

Or at least I should think more before I say them. Trouble is that right now, my thoughts are kinda preoccupied by dilemmas. Specifically, two pleasantly shaped dilemmas that use more hair product than I do. Spotting Xander by the big picture window in the atrium, staring out at the once magnificent view but now let one look out over untold destruction, I walked up beside him and join him in his gazing.

"You know what a big crappy jerk I feel like right now, right?"

"Your regretful apology is lacking, but accepted Buff. I'm not upset with you; I'm just having an angsty moment," he sighed without looking at me.

"I'm a bad, lame friend and I'm sorry for not being there enough for you. Things have just been so jumbled recently … and THEN we decided to come to a hell dimension, which as you've probably noticed hasn't exactly tipped things into the hills being alive with the sound of music."

"I don't need the summary; I was there for the real thing, remember? You've been great all things considered though. I know you're not exactly rolling in puppies right now what with the two anti-miracles popping up."

"Anything I can do for you?"

"Start calling me Sergeant Fury? Let me stake Dead Boy and Dead Boy Jr.? Invite me in the next time you decide to have a roll in the hay with another girl?"

_It's a good thing he has his goofy Xander face on right now, because if he didn't I'd have to hit him. Hard._

"You know none of those things are going to happen Xand-man," I huffed in mock indignation.

"Well then," he smiled and winked at me, "I guess there's nothing you can do for me right now except continuing to be a good friend, is there? But a man can dream. What about you though? "

"Huh?" I voiced as I tilted my head and turned towards him.

"You feel bad about not being there enough for me, even though we're both super busy and you know that Renee and I never really got that close before she was killed. Hell we only had a few stolen kisses and one date. Besides I've had months to cope by now. You just discovered three days ago that not only is one of your previously vampy ex's suddenly human, the other that you watched die a fiery death was brought back to live and die in L.A.; so how are you holding up?"

"About as well as the Tacoma Narrows Bridge," Xander turns towards me and for once he is wearing the expression of the dumbfounded, "What? I can't remember cherry-picked bits and pieces of random info from my physics class once upon a time?"

"And the award for most off-the-wall disaster references goes to Miss Summers. 'Galloping Gertie' aside, how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do for you?"

I looked down at my feet, hoping that they would miraculously have the answers to all my questions. Sadly, they did not. Stupid feet.

_How AM I feeling? I wish I knew. Elated? Abandoned? Pent up? Enraged? Even to a casual observer, my mood swings that I've been going through these past few days alone would qualify me for some serious medication. I can't help it if all my parts are arguing though. My brain tells me that I should be pissed off at the both of them. My heart is soaring at the news that they are both alive … sort of, but plummeting that they may not feel the same way about me anymore and that I'm probably going to end up hurting one or both of them. And my turncoat of a body nearly liquefied the second they each gave me their patented 'looks'. The ice-blue look that always made me feel naked with its sidekick the arrogant brow lift that sets me on fire and the warm, soul-penetrating gaze that renders me whole and makes me dream of an eternity of swimming in melted chocolate._

"Buffy, don't get all avoidy on me …"

"I don't know; sometimes I feel like I need to sob for hours and others I feel the need to go a couple of rounds with Puffy Xander. I wish Willow was here, I need some good girl-talk. I know you don't want to hear this part, but it feels like Fate has finally given me what I've been dreaming of. I mean come on, human Angel with no risk of Angelus? A still ensouled Spike, un-alive and there for me to prove how I feel for him? But why did Fate have to give me both of those things at exactly the same time? In case she hasn't noticed, those two dreams kinda conflict with each other."

"That bitch. I'll bet 'Sophie's Choice' is her favorite movie too."

"Tell me about it."

"Maybe you should be telling them about it," he said as disbelief rocked through me at his words.

"Hi, I'm Buffy, and you are? I thought I was standing here talking to my friend Xander, but obviously you can't be him if you are giving me that kind of advice."

"You mean the kind that makes sense, or the kind that encourages your relationship with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee?"

"Both," I stated as he turned and looked me dead in the eyes with his serious face on.

"This isn't for their benefit, it's for you. I like those two about as much as a case of mystic syphilis, but this awkward and uncomfortable evasion thing you have going on with them is eating you up inside and I can see it. You need to finally get everything out in the open with them, both of them, and maybe that will help you figure out what it is you feel."

"Xand, how did you get so smart?"

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't the book learnin'. I guess I just needed to grow; I can't rest on being the pretty one of the Scoobies forever you know," he laughed as I cuddled into him for a reassuring hug.

"I know I need to talk to them. Get everything out on the table," I sighed deeply as we separated, "and I know I need to do it soon. But I don't know if now is the time and the place for that can o' worms to be opened, and what happens if …" I trailed off, not wanting to voice my fears.

"What happens if none of you have any of the same feelings you used to have for each other anymore? Or even more of a kerfuffle, what happens if all of you still do, right?"

"Get out of my head Dr. Phil," I grumbled as he lifted his hands in mock surrender. With a grin, but without a word, he retreated and walked back to the door of the training room and slipped inside. I gave pause for a while, taking what would obviously be my only break of the day, trying to get a hold of myself, before steeling myself and following Xander's lead into the training room.

_He's right, damn him. I need to talk to them, possibly tonight? Find out the who/what/where/when/why/how of Spike being back. Find out why no one thought I needed to know that little tidbit. Find out the details of Angel's humanity. Find out if they actually care for me or if it's just more of their own little rivalry going on. Hash out how I feel, what they want from me and what I want from them … tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow would be better._

As I reached for the door though, I heard yelling. Decidedly male voices yelling. I heaved a big sigh and cracked the door open a tiny bit to try and listen to what they were fighting about before storming in to stop them.

_Not again! Nearly every thirty minutes since they've got here, Spike and Angel have been sniping at each other. Arguing like there was no one else around even though there is a near-constant audience in this place, and you don't have to be a Rhode Scholar to figure out that a lot of the subtext of their bickering seems to be lil' old me. This is not of the good._

"… don't you see? My leaving proves that I love her more. I sacrificed my selfish need to be with her so that she could have a real life. Besides, you left her too so get off your high horse," I heard Angel saying in clipped tones.

"Speak for yourself Mr. Martyr. I took off to get my soul, to make myself better for her. But I came back you soddin' git, and you didn't. I obviously love her more if I couldn't stand to stay away!" Spike countered.

"Love? Yeah, please, educate us about love Professor Assault. Tell Angel and me all about how you wooed Buffy by stalking her, using emotional abuse, frequent beat-downs and attempted rape," I heard Xander say loudly. I had been opening the door to put a stop to all of this airing out of my personal business in front of the troops, but at Xander's announcement I froze.

_I'm. Going. To. Kill. Him. How can he go from sensitive and understanding one minute and then become a huge blabbermouth with no thought about my privacy the next?_

I watched unable to move or speak as Angel looked like he was trying to shoot lightning bolts through his eyes at Spike, who uncharacteristically hung his head and made no attempt to deny anything. His silent admission hanging in the air, Angel let loose a deep growl and began stalking towards Spike in a way that made me fear for his life.

_And, side note: how can he growl now that he's human? I really need to prioritize my thoughts though._

"What the hell did you do to her? All this time, you've been shooting your mouth off about how much you loved her; how you were better than me for her. Care to explain that train of thought to me now that I know the truth?" Angel roared as he lunged at Spike. The two began a vicious fist fight as Xander held back the young slayers from trying to stop them; it took only seconds for me to see a red splash of blood. I couldn't tell whose it was.

"I took responsibility for what I did to her, I worked my ass off for her forgiveness even though I never asked for it or deserved it and in the end she gave it to me. What happened is between us. I don't have to explain anything to ya," Spike spat out as he threw a hard left into Angel's nose. For a human, it barely fazed him.

"Oh I think you do Willy, too bad I'm gonna have to rip your head off before you can actually do it," Angel ground out from between clenched jaws as he pinned Spike up against a wall.

"Ya know what? I blame you partially, you and the rest of the Scooby gang for a lot of what happened between us. They ripped her out of heaven, but she was bloody well damaged long before that thanks to you walkin' out on her. It tainted what we had together and for a while I was crazed, possessed with making her see that she could love me. But I've changed. I know I earned her trust back after all the things I did to her in that state, but did you ever earn her forgiveness for breaking her in the first place?"

At that Angel grabbed a battle staff and broke it, before bringing the shard dangerously close to Spike's heart. The torment of the situation was easily readable on his face; he wanted to dust Spike for what he did to me, but he was letting guilt take over as he thought on Spike's accusation and readily accepted it as fact. I finally found my voice when I saw the splintered wood in Angel's hand moving again.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" I yelled in the most authoritative voice I could muster. I stomped into the training room and glared at my two ex's, causing Angel to drop the stake and back up from Spike after hesitating a beat.

"Right now is not the time for this possessive relationship crap you guys; or time to bring up all of our sins of the past. I had hoped that we could put this petty stuff on pause, but you two just need to hit the fast forward button, don't ya?"

"Petty, are you bent? You're calling what's between us petty?," Spike asked incredulously.

"Compared to the fact that all of LA County is stuck in hell and innocent people are dying yes!"

"Not to be all playground, but he started it," Angel gestured towards Spike with his chin.

"God, am I the only adult here? I see a room full of young women, a grown man, and two beings that have collectively lived for more than three centuries and yet it feels like I'm the only one who has grown up in the face of everything we have to deal with. Anyone want to take a look out the window to remind them self about where we are? We're not in California anymore Toto, and this sure as hell ain't Oz."

"Sorry, but there was no way I was going to get in between those two. For one thing, I didn't want me or the other girls to get hurt. Oh and also newsflash: I hate them. It really wouldn't have bothered me if they pummeled each other into a sticky paste," Xander sputtered as he tried to save his ass from my fury that he knew would be coming later.

"Oh, too chicken to stop us boy," Spike said with a taint of venom in his voice, "but throwing a gas can on the fire is so much better?"

Before Xander could make another smart-mouthed come back, I shot him a look that froze the words in his throat before he could even taste them on his tongue.

"Xander, get everyone organized into training groups. Give them the instructions and the routine we were planning on today, and then pick someone to lead. The four of us apparently need to talk. Get all this crap out of the way so that nothing like this happens again. Meet us in room 108. You two," I said as I turned and pointed at Angel and Spike, "keep your mouths shut, keep your hands to yourself, and follow me."


	9. Shine Off

****SPIKE POV** - Shine Off**

_Somebody's in trouble, somebody's in trouble, ha ha ha ha ha ha …and for once in soddin' forever, I don't think it's me. At least, not all me. I can see the anger rolling off her back in waves, but I think it's all directed at my grandsire or the boy. I didn't do nothing 'cept make an apt point and then defend myself in there._

Brassed-off Buffy led us into a small room near the gym, but far out of earshot of others. It was a typical classroom, with loads of those torturous-looking desk/chair things, a large teacher's desk at the head of the room, and a long counter that completely ran down the whole right side of the room. Buffy walked into the space between the first row of desks and the chalkboard with her back still towards us and pointed to the student chairs facing her. Many of the other school rooms in the building had been turned into sleeping quarters or a sick bay for all of the people pouring in, but this one hadn't yet been changed apparently.

"Sit," she commanded.

Angel and I exchanged a glance. Even though we were pissed beyond belief at each other, we both felt some sort of solidarity in the fact that we hated being given orders to sit in some school children's chairs. Like we were the chit's faithful puppies or something.

"Buffy …" the berk started in on her, but was cut off quickly.

"Sit. Down. Now. Please," she ground out though her teeth as she turned to look at us. If looks could stake, we'd both be gone in an instant. "We're going to wait for Xander to get here, because I don't want to waste my breath in repeating myself and I want to make sure we are all on the same page."

Both Peaches and I saw the look on her face and quickly decided that maybe being spoken to like a dog was better than being permanently dead, and we both tried to sit in the desks she had pointed to. They were just as uncomfortable as they looked. Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest, like she was trying hard to hold herself together, and I found it amazing that she could look so steely yet hurt at the same time. We all waited in a tense silence until the boy came in with his tail between his legs.

_Hell hath no fury like a woman whose dirty laundry is being aired out in public. Look at that anger twitch in her eye; I've never seen her this mad before …_

"Buffy, I'm sorry, it just slipped out," the whelp said with genuine contrition all over his face.

"I don't care. I know you weren't trying to hurt me Xander, but you did and this is not the first time you've gotten all mouthy about things in my life I'd rather not have spread around. I mean come on," she nearly yelled at him, "I may be a slayer, but in that instance I'm an assault victim and I have the right to privacy! Now when we get back those girls are going to feed that info into the rumor mill all the new slayers have going about me and you know it."

"Again with the sorry. I can't emphasize enough exactly how much of the sorry that is me," Harris rambled as he came towards the front of the class.

"Don't be sorry; just think before you say anything. All of you, because the next time I hear anything about MY personal life being discussed in front of the others I'm going to kick the speaker out on his ass; human or not. We've worked so hard to keep my image a positive one within the organization and even harder to keep my personal details out of the hands of those out there who would use that info against me."

"What's she talkin' about?" I asked Angel in a low voice. He shrugged, but Xander decided to fill me in as he hopped up on the counter beside the teacher's desk that Buffy had decided to sit behind.

"She's talking about the fact that a floaty Big Bad in a Luchador mask is after her, some old Sunnydale friends of the evil persuasion are mounting attacks on us, and several world governments have labeled us as a terrorist organization and if they get their hands on her she won't be getting a public trial before they carry out their sentencing. Not to mention the fact that some slayers have gone rouge and are itching to mount a hostile takeover. Even the lesser vamps of the world are working on trying to reverse the spell that made all the potentials into full-blown slayers. Everywhere we look, there's a new threat popping up looking to kill Buffy," Xander explained.

"So, you know, just another Tuesday at the office. Except on a massively global scale," she shrugged, finally letting some of the tension melt away from her.

_I hate it when she does that, makin' a joke outta her future death, but I guess she's got to deal with the inevitability of it somehow. If we promised to help get her ensouled lickety-spilt, I wonder if she would ever come around to the idea of being turned …_

"Alright, so let's talk. Maybe if we can get all this crap out here in privet, it won't come out in front of the troops all bubbly and uncontrollable."

"Where do we start? I mean come on, between the three of us we've got more issues than The New York Times," Peaches snorted.

"Why don't we all take a stroll on the path to truthy-land. You know, that place one exit over from candor-ville? I know the three of us haven't exactly been frequent visitors to those locales and maybe a change of scenery would be refreshing, don't you think?"

I give the great poof a sidelong stare, and see that he is giving me the same treatment. We don't have to say a word to each other to know that if either one of us even tries to avoid a topic, or lies outright, we will both rat each other out. Anything to try and bugger up each other's chances with our girl.

_Sod that, she's MY girl. Just gotta make her see that. If it's the truth she wants it's what I'll give her. No matter how ugly it is._

"Sure thing Pet, I'm ready to play twenty questions, and unlike this fella with the over-hanging brow over here I've always been honest with ya; evil or soulful I've never shied away from tellin' ya what ya don't want to hear."

She stared at me for a good long time, finally givin' me all of the eye contact I'd been craving even if it was chilling to see the look of dark anger flash in her peepers.

"You're right Spike. For the most part, you've never lied to me. So why don't we start off with you telling me about how you came back, and why you didn't let anyone tell me about it."

_Oh balls, not this, can't we start off with something a bit lighter?_

"Actually, I kinda wanted to know about the issue that Xander raised out in the training room …" the tosser next to me interjected.

_Thanks. Thanks a bloody lot mate. That topic's a whole hell of a lot lighter than my other option. Cheers._

"No bloody way are we discussing that 'issue'. Like I said, what happened is between me and the lady here; s'not your business."

Buffy fought a look of panic and sucked in a deep breath, then glanced at me quickly before staring Peaches dead in the eye as he was about to start in on me.

"No."

_Huh?_

"Buffster …"

"No Xander, I'm saying 'no'. I agree with Spike on this topic, insane as that sounds. What happened between me and Spike isn't anyone else's concern. If you weren't in that room when it happened you don't have any right to know what went down."

"That's right, you tell the wankers to leave their noses out of it boss!"

"The only detail anyone else ever needs to know about is that I haven't forgotten what happened, I can never forget …" she said in a restrained voice as she looked down at the table, cutting me deep with her words. I deserved every gash they made. "… but, I have forgiven him and that's all that matters. No one else needs to forgive him because he doesn't need it from them, he didn't do this to them so it's not their choice. It's mine. I trust him now … well, I trusted him. It kinda takes the shine off to learn that you've been back for so long without telling me."

"Pet, you know I don't apologize for half of the things I should. But this isn't one of them. I really thought I was doing what was best …"

"Hey um Radioactive Head? Yeah you might not want to finish that sentence if the next words are 'for you'. You try and play this off as something that was 'best for her' in any shape and she'll dust you with a chair leg," Xander interrupted.

I stopped and took a real look at her, quickly seeing that the whelp is completely right about this statement.

_If she grips the table any harder, she's going to gouge her fingerprints into the wood._

"That's not what I was gonna say you git. It just seemed best for everyone. I didn't want to cheapen my grand exit, and the lot of you were busy being scattered to the wind with your new responsibilities. That and Caveman Brow here needed my help like a lost lil' kitten."

"Hey!"

"Plus, when I came back I wasn't really here. That shiny bauble trapped my spirit or what have you and that's all that came back out of it. I was a ghost for months before I got all touchy again. I wanted to come find you or call you then, but I couldn't physically do it and the lunk-head sure wasn't gonna help. Didn't really want you to see me like that anyway."

"You didn't want me to see you like … god you are such an idiot!"

Angel and Xander began snickering as she continued.

"You do realize that one of the most powerful magic-wielders on Earth is my best friend, right? I could have helped! That's such a load of bull that you wanted to come find me, that's why the first thing you did when you got your body back was … what, exactly? Because it sure as hell wasn't knocking on my door."

I looked over at Angel, who had turned to smile at me with that stupid face of his. Bloody wanker was as good as tellin' me that if I didn't tell her, he would.

"Harmony," I stated lowly as I avoided the green eyes staring at me from across the table.

"What?" she stammered out.

"The first thing I did was Harmony."

"Well, technically the first thing he did was slam into my office doors and then steal my lunch, but dragging my assistant off for a nooner was right after that," the ponce said smugly.

"Harmony is your assistant?" Xander laughed from behind Buffy. "You lose a bet or something?"

"You get cured of the ghosties just months after you sacrificed yourself to help me, after what happened between …," she cut herself off in a rage as she suddenly yelled at me, "and the first thing you do is have a go with HARMONY?"

"Hey, I was still madly in love with you but even I'm still a man luv. It was like getting' out of prison and chasing after the first thing that wiggled at me. A whatchacallit, an affirmation that I was alive and all that rot. If it makes ya feel any better, she went nuts during and I had to knock her out."

"How exactly is that supposed to make me feel any better?"

"Wow Spike, do you think that maybe when it comes to you crazy is a sexually transmitted disease? Oh, sorry Buff," Xander flinched as Buffy turned her fiery gaze on him for half a mo before pinning me with it a second latter.

"Even with the Harmony incident, you still should have tried to get in touch with me."

"Look I know, I know…," I held up my hands in the universal 'I surrender' motion, "I was being a prat by not coming to you, but once things in L.A. finally calmed down I had decided to stay and help fight the good fight an all that. Plus, when I saw you'd moved on I figured it was for the best. Didn't want to come in and muck up the new life and new love you had built for yourself."

"Even if we didn't agree with your choice, we came to terms with it and decided to stay out of it ...eventually," Angel interjected as Buffy and the whelp stared at us with gobsmacked expressions.

"What exactly is the brain-trust referring to? New love?" Harris questioned Buffy.

"They can't be talking about who I think they're talking about. They are way too calm for that, and that's not exactly a rumor anyone's talking about. Besides, they're talking about something that sounds serious but …" the Slayer trailed off in her own little aside with the boy.

"Not to mention: no jokes from Hostile 17 over here. So Buff, you didn't tell me you had fallen for anyone. Seeing as how you rarely even get a chance to sleep, when did you actually find the time to date?"


	10. Much Worse

_***A/N***: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I screwed up the upload for chapters 10, 11, and 12 and many of you wound up re-reading chapters 7, 8, and 9 again. I'm fixing it!_

****ANGEL POV** -Much Worse**

_God I love seeing Spike squirm. He's in deep because of the Harmony thing and he knows it. I wish we could get back to that topic, even though I don't want to keep hurting Buffy, instead of having to talk about the debacle in Rome with the Immortal right now. Why doesn't Xander seem to know about Buffy's relationship with him?_

"I'm a little curious about this too; I haven't told either of you about seeing anyone and honestly I haven't had a real relationship since ... well, since Sunnydale," she said as she looked pointedly at Spike. Who by the way was not buying her story.

"Liar! We saw you, tartin' it up with that wanker," he yelled at her. Buffy's face went from amused to dark in a split second after he opened his mouth.

_Wow, if he keeps pissing her off like this he's going to take himself right out of the running … not that he was ever my real competition for her heart but still … he's just going to make it too easy for me!_

"Excuse me, mood swing much? One second you tell me that you were all of the accepting my new, and non-existent, relationship and then the next yelling at me for it? What the hell are you two on? I. Have. Not. Been. Seeing. Anyone!"

"Buffy, we went to Italy a while back when we heard about the relationship you developed ... with the Immortal," I tried to state calmly and objectively.

_Hey, she's the one who said we all need to be open and truthful with each other. That should extend to her secretes too._

Buffy froze, and then turned her head to look at Xander who was raising an eyebrow at her questioningly before he asked us:

"You two knew about the Immortal? How?"

"Captain Forehead here had a man tailing her, up until she sent him to the hospital that is."

"Oh my god, you hired someone else to do your stalking for you? Angel, didn't we go over that topic a long time ago? No lurking, no spying, no you can see me but I can't see you. That extended to any of your hired goons."

"I know, but that was before I found out about you getting involved with this moron," I jerked my head over towards Spike, "and you left the country. I needed to know you were ok."

"You know, there's this crazy new invention called the phone. Very cutting edge, it actually transports your voice over many miles of wires and satellite signals, allowing one person to have a conversation with another. As a matter of fact, we have several of them and golly gee they sure are shiny..."

"Shut up Xander. Didn't Andrew mention something about that guy we had to deal with in Italy who was following 'me' around? Think it's the same one?"

_Why is she using finger air quotes around the word me?_

"Makes sense, he was human and didn't seem to have anything against you after all but he never talked. Apparently Dead Boy over here couldn't hire someone with brains enough to realize he was on the wrong trail ... damn. I just realized I can't call him that anymore, can I?"

My now beating heart seized in a panic as I stared into Buffy's smirking face.

_There is no way these two are trying to lie about her involvement with the Immortal, is there? That seems a lot more plausible than what they are suggesting …_

"What do you mean wrong trail?"

"Well, for one thing, I've never been to Italy. I mean, I'm glad that our system worked … but god really with the resources behind Wolfram & Hart you'd think they'd be better at trying to find lil' old me. I'd ask for a refund if I was you."

"What are you talking about? Like Spike said we went to Italy and saw you there on a date with the Immortal."

"And survey says: you are so wrong. I have impersonators you guys. Other slayers who look like me or close enough to pretend scattered here and there using my name. You just happened to come across the public one in Italy who was set up to be dating the Immortal. I've never even met the guy," she said as I let out a huge sigh of relief and I caught on that Spike was doing the same thing before she continued, "How long did you have someone watching me?"

I looked at everyone in the room, fidgeting uncomfortably as I did so. Xander grinning like a moron over my discomfort, Buffy could have frozen steam with her glare, and Spike was … well he was just looking at me with an air that said 'ha ha it your turn'.

_He's just looking at me with his … stupid face, waiting for me to screw up. Not going to give him that chance. If this is all about honesty, I'll show him who can be the most forthright._

"About a month after you left California. I had a way to contact Giles but he wouldn't tell me anything about you when I did call, never let me get in touch with you directly, and I just couldn't help but get really nervous."

Buffy after a quick angry flash in her eyes she turned back to look at Xander again, and this time they both look a little surprised but they giggle a little derisively before she turns back to look me in the eye.

_Apparently, Giles is a sore subject at the moment. Wonder what happened between the two of them?_

"Ok, so you had someone watching 'me' and reporting back to you for almost a year. I went through a lot of crazy shit that year Angel. Yet you two only came after me when you heard that I was dating the Immortal?"

"To be fair, we didn't know the fake you was sleeping with him when we left. Thought he was just going to try to hurt you or something. It was much worse than we thought," Spike cut in.

"Kisses are worse than attempts on my life? There've been multiple assassination attempts on me in the past year and a half you guys, I'm sure your spy would have picked up on that. Why was this particular foe so much worse?"

"Spike and I, we sort of have a history with the Immortal going after our women."

"Ooookaaaayyy …" she slowly nodded to herself as all the pieces clicked together, " I didn't know why Andrew wanted my double to be dating him, but he promised us it was going to be spectacularly funny if 'I' was dating the Immortal. Guess now we know why."

"I'm gonna have to talk to him and get that full story some day," Xander chuckled, "hey … wait … my brain is thinking thoughts …"

_I'll bet that hurts … _

"You said something about accepting her choices _eventually_ …," the buffoon said pointedly, "care to explain that little qualifier to us?"

"Hey yeah, I remember that too. Tell me, once you learned that he wasn't trying to kill me what went down?"

"Well … we obviously thought you were under a spell … I mean how could you honestly give a toss about that blighter? Anyway we were going to grab you and shake some sense into you, make you break it off with him," Spike stupidly admitted in the worst possible fashion.

_Don't let him put a foot in both of our mouths! Say something that shows we were calm and objective about the whole thing, that we thought it through, even if we didn't._

"Until Andrew gave us a lecture about all of us needing to move on, then we …"

"Discussed locking you up in a box or casting a spell over you to keep you away from that prat."

"WHAT!" Buffy yelled as Xander laughed behind her.

"Hey, don't drag me into that. Those were your ideas, I only helped talk you out of them," I pointed out to Spike before I got any deeper into trouble tonight.

"Yeah right, after you took a long hard ponder about the pros and cons of my suggestions. An' even then, you only half-heartedly 'pooh-poohed' those ideas because you were sure they wouldn't work anyway."

"Gee these guys are swell. One quick look at your dating history Buffster and it's obvious why you tried out playing for the other team."

"XANDER!" Buffy screeched as she turned a blindingly cute shade of red and Xander slapped a hand over his mouth.

"What? What does he mean 'playing for the other team'?" I asked as I looked around the room, catching a glimpse of Spike.

Spike stared for a long time at her; he was practically drinking in the tension that had ramped up suddenly in the room as the silence grew. After gaping at her open-mouthed for a long while, Spike started to chuckle but it grew into a deep laugh that he couldn't stop. Apparently, whatever the hell Xander had been talking about Spike got it right away. No one said or did anything, and finally when he was able to collect himself he answered my question without removing his eyes from the Slayer's face.

"Peaches, you really need to watch more TV. It'll get you more up-to-date on modern idioms. What her boy is trying to say is that our little vixen here has learned to speak in tongues."

Buffy groaned and lowered her head to the table. Xander chuckled under his breath. I still didn't get it, and I guess I just sat there continuing to look clueless because Spike decided that it was his job to educate me.

"Oh come on you poof! She prefers carpet to hardwood floors? She's become a friend of Dorothy? She's got the fingers of the Little Dutch Boy? She's only wearing sensible shoes now? She's tipping the velvet?"

_What the hell is he talking about? Everything coming out of his mouth is just gibberish, so why am I the only one here not getting it? Look at him with that stupid smug look written all over his face just because he knows all of these stupid sayings that aren't making any sense._

"Is your skull naturally this thick," Xander chuckles, "or was it all those blows to the head over the years?"

Buffy didn't raise her head from the table as she responded to the one-eyed wonder's comment.

"I could ask you the same thing Xand. This isn't exactly how I wanted this topic to come up."

"Sorry El Jefe, it just slipped."

"Yeah? Can I use that excuse when my knee just slips and connects with your groin? There's been WAY too much slippage from you today …"

"I know! If ya don't get this one then we'll all know that you never actually read the books you look at; that you just hold'm as a cover to brood some more. She's become an avid devotee of the works of Sappho," Spike explained slowly to me with a pointed look.

"Sappho ... of Lesbos? What the hell does her poetry have to do with Buffy's changing ... teams ...,"

I felt a click in my brain when I suddenly recalled Cordy mentioning something about 'teams' long ago. Back when she though Harmony had become gay instead of the reality of her being a vampire. I suddenly find that I cannot get my jaw to close, but I just let it hang there because I can't think of anything else except 'holy crap!' as I stare and Buffy's slumped over form.

"By George I think he's got it," Xander's voice vaguely made it to my ears.

Buffy tentatively raised her head to look into my face. I wanted to talk to her about this, but there was no way I was going to be able to actually ask her if it was true. I didn't need to. She read my face and bashfully nodded her head in confirmation before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose as Spike spoke up.

"So Pet, after me you've found yourself ruined for all other men now eh? It's very flattering. So where is your new shag? I'd love to meet the bird who changed your appetite from hot dogs to fish tacos. It's not Red, is it? "

"For the love of god Spike, please shut up. No, it's not Willow, but she's not here. I swear, one more gay metaphor and my head is going to pop. Even dying and being resurrected didn't change the fact that you're a pig, huh?"

"Well, it didn't stop you from being a stubborn bint, now did it?"

"Don't get shirty with me Spike," she said threateningly as I continued to sit there frozen in shock.

"Ya finally figured out how to use that word, eh luv?"

"Well I have been living in Scotland for almost a year now, NOT Italy; it's close enough that I spend a lot of time in England. I've picked up on some of the slang from both countries."

"Is that right?"

"Aye, I may not be pure dead brilliant but I know enough. So don't be an eejit or I'll gie ya a bleachin', sassanach."

"Oi, mind yer gob ya chit," Spike laughed, with a somewhat proud look in his eye; oddly happy at her use of Scottish slang.

I cross my arms in front of myself in a huff, pissed off that everyone has been able to move on so quickly to friendly banter after such a revelation.

_Hello? Am I the only one in the room who just heard that the first person I've ever loved, the woman I'd give my right arm to be with, has recently turned out to be gay?_

"This is great, just great," I mumble to myself, loud enough for the room to hear, "I wait, hoping that the cookies will be done baking someday soon. Standing by while others get to eat cookie dough. Now I'm finally human, she finds me in hell to help me, but she's turned into lesbian cookies ..."

"Cookies. What is it with you and cookies? Nearly every bleedin' time she comes up you say something about cookies. Have you completely gone off the deep end?"

Before I can respond to his once again annoying comment, Buffy clears her throat to grab our attention.

"Um, I'm not a lesbian you guys."


	11. Swing

****BUFFY POV** - Swing**

_Damnit, why do I never have a camera around when I need one?_

My ex's were staring at me from across their desks; one with a scathing smirk and the other with a dumbfounded open-mouthed fish gaze. Fish guy decided he needed clarification on my last statement about my sexuality.

"Well now I don't really understand this Buffy. You told me you're not ready to be with anyone, and then you start dating women. You tell us that you haven't been with anyone since Sunnydale, but now we find out that you've … been … exploring your options within your gender," Angel struggled to get out.

"I said that I'm not in a relationship, not that I haven't been with anyone. She was … she had more emotion invested in what happened between us but she was understanding of the situation. She loved me but she knew right from the start that I wasn't homosexual or even bi, but I was lonely and grateful to her. It was a one … two night stand. We didn't even go on a date unless you count a mission with just the two of us going off to kill something nasty."

"Sounds like most of our non-date dates," Angled stated in a very matter-o-fact tone.

"Sounds like our version of foreplay," a dark-looking Spike replied.

_There is something in his voice, in the way he's looking at me … oh. I get it. I just basically admitted to using Satsu. True, I said it in the nicest way possible, but I did use her all the same. It's probably bringing up some bad memories for him._

"Two night stand? When did the encore happen? I only knew about the one time," Xander asked from behind me. I half turned so that I could see him as I answered.

"It was right before we left her in Japan … you were indisposed. Did you expect a formal invitation to the second show? It's not like I even wanted you to know about the first night, but you just had to come into my bedroom in the middle of the night without knocking …"

I stopped talking when my honed slayer-senses noticed that the slight movement; the shifting, breathing, blinking, etc. of life-slash-consciousness, had come to a screeching halt. I turn back to the guys and the angry silence that was spurting from both Spike and Angel was deafening. They are staring daggers at Xander in the freakiest way, and for a moment I actually feared for his life.

"Why is this knob-end walking inta you're room at all hours of the night without knocking?"

"He got to watch?"

"You know, I think they've been spending too much time together. It kinda felt that they both just said what I would have expected the other one to say," Xander laughed uncomfortably, I guess trying to diffuse the death-glares he was on the receiving end of.

_I better keep things going in the light side before I have to call in the riot squad to keep these guys from killing each other._

"The castle was under attack, he was coming to get me. You know what? I promise that the next time I dip my toes into the lezzie pool, I'll make sure to send announcements and set up a viewing room first. Will that make everyone happy enough to shut up about the subject for now?"

"God yes," Spike wistfully declared before continuing in his stereotypically lecherous manner, "although, if I keep talking what else are you willing to offer to get me to shut up Goldilocks?"

"Uh, yes, yes I think it would. Consider me shut on the subject till that bright and shiny day. Now if only you can promise it'll be Willow my high school fantasy will be one step closer to reality …"

Thankfully, everyone decided to ignore him.

"Next time?" Angel asked with a shocked look on his face. I was beyond caring at this point so I simply shrugged.

"Hey, who knows. I'm not going to start frequenting gay bars or anything, but I'm not going to say it'll never happen again. I doubt it, but stranger things have happened. For now, I'll just say that Satsu was my first and probably will be my only. She was special; sweet."

"Oh god, she was Asian? Please … tell me there was a schoolgirl uniform involved. You right bastard," Spike directed at Xander, "you have any idea how much the porn industry makes with girl-on-girl action alone? And here you are, getting a live free show … soddin' bastard."

"Can we please get off of this topic now?" I whined.

"I know Spike will, just as soon as we finish here he'll probably need some 'alone time' in our room thanks to the mental images you've given us," Angel grumbled.

"Oh ewww," I made a face but all three of the guys ignored me and continued their gross conversation.

"And you won't? I knew it, knew you always were a big poofter."

"And by the way, Willow? I don't think so. Sure she's a real lesbian, but you two never had that kind of chemistry," Angel said to me before turning his attention to the other guys in the room, "in my mind, if she ever was going to swing that way I always thought it would have been Faith. Those two had tons of suppressed attraction tainting their every interaction; they could have kept Freud busy for a century."

_Now, apparently, it's my turn for the jaw-drop portion of today's sporting events._

"What the hell, you've actually thought about this pretty in-depth, haven't you?"

"I may have just turned back into a human, but I've always been a guy Buffy," he shrugged.

"I think I liked you better when you were terse and cryptic," I groused as I hunched down and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I don't know Buff-meister I think I'm liking the talkative version of tall, dark, and boring," Xander, the traitor, piped up from behind me as he jumped off the counter and pulled a chair up next to me, "His heart starts beating and he finally gets a little life in him; who would've guessed?"

"Can we just get back to the point of this whole pow-wow guys? You want me to open up about my life, then you need to start spilling. Tell me, honestly, about your lives sometime before we die. Today would be nice."

#########

_Me and my big, stupid mouth. How come I keep forgetting how much fun this honesty crap is? Oh, that's right, because I'm a big stupid-head._

The three of us sat there in that tiny, suddenly suffocating room in silence. The stories and explanations had finally drawn to a close and I know that Spike and Angel were waiting on my reaction but I could only sit there shell-shocked. Xander had escaped a while ago on the pretense of giving orders to the troops and to grab us something to eat, leaving me with just the guys staring at me. I was hungry, the last time I ate was about thirteen hours ago when all three of my boys sat me down in front of a plate with a huge mixed veggie omelet and stared me down with guilt-inducing eyes until I finished the whole thing, but there was no way I would be able to function enough right now to eat. Too busy still absorbing …

_Doyle. Cordelia. Wesley. Lorne. Fred. Gunn. Darla. Conner. Holtz. Angel and Cordelia. Conner and Cordelia. Faith. Angelus. Jasmine. Wolfram & Hart. Eve & Lindsey. The Senior Partners. Spike. Harmony. The Powers That Be. The battle for the cup. Cordelia. Dana and Andrew. Puppet Angel. Nina. Illyria. The Circle of Black Thorn. The kamikaze mission. Wesley's a ghost. Gunn's missing. Lorne's abandoned them. The dragon. Spike and a whole trope of she-demons. Spike and Illyria. Gwen, Nina, and Connor taking up shop in the Hyperion, making it a safe house for humans … and so much more …_

It was a lot to take in. A LOT. Sure, I already knew about some of this stuff. Almost all of the events that Angel had talked about that had happened before my resurrection, so I had seen the replays in Heaven already … even if my memory of them was hazy at best in most cases. I didn't stop him though, since I still haven't told anyone about that part of my experience; not to mention that his description of what had happened from his point-of-view was like someone clearing away all of the smoke from a room on fire so that I could finally see the flames instead of flickers of light.

"Hey, Slayer, you still with us pet?"

Spike waved a hand in front of my face, surprising me by showing just how out of it I was that I didn't even see it until it was an inch from my nose. As I snapped out of it I watched him sit back down in his little desk.

"Um yeah, just … processing I guess. Sorry if I zoned out there once story time was over," I explained as I shook the cobwebs from my head and rubbed my eyes. In my dazed and confused state, I stood up, but then sat right back down. I opened my mouth to say something, but forgot it before I could even draw a breath.

"There's still more we need to talk about," Angel solemnly stated as he shot Spike a death glare.

"Really? Do we have to?" I pleaded.

_He can't be fucking serious. There's more? I don't know if I can handle anymore. My brain is going to be all es'plodey._

"Pet, Buffy … normally you know I'd never agree with him, but I think the poofter means that he wants us to talk about our feelings and I think we need to," Spike said looking really uncomfortable as the words came out of his mouth, "not to mention that you haven't exactly shared your portion yet of the past rehashing."

"Mother fucker …" I groaned as I pushed my chair back and began pacing frantically at the front of the room. I only stopped when I heard Spike sniggering.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You luv; I've just never heard you talking dirty outside of bed. It's not your thing," he smirked at me before taking a quick peek at how Angel was handling this tidbit. From the white knuckles that looked about ready to pop out of the skin on his hands, I'd be guessing 'not of the well'. I didn't care, I needed to let off some steam, and verbally sparing with Spike always used to help so …

"Not my thing? You know better than that Spike; the bed is what was never our thing. So, technically, you have heard me curse outside of it."

"Touché` kitten," he chuckled as Angel cringed and sank down as low as he could in the little chair he was in, "but, we still need to talk about this so don't change the subject to more pleasant times. I'm pretty sure that if we settled this matter, a lot of fighting would ease off between the three of us."

"I really can't believe this. You guys want to discuss how we all 'feel' about each other right now, this very second? What do you want me to say?"

"Well," Angel began as he stood up and stretched, "I'd be thrilled if you said that I was such a handsome devil that you couldn't bear the sight of this joker anymore and sent him away."

"Not bloody likely you lift-wearing Frankenstein," Spike laughed as he tried to lift one of his legs up to rest on the desk of his chair.

"Guys, stop it, please," I begged as I slowly passed the both of them and began backing out of the classroom, reaching for the doorknob.

"Buffy, what are you …" Angel asked.

"I can't, I just can't. The feelings talk, it's not going to be able to happen right now," I stated in a pleading voice, hoping that they would understand. Just as I got the door open though, Mr. Bleached-blonde Loudmouth the 3rd did what he does best.

"You daft cow, I'm sick and tired of being the only one willing to talk about my emotions. You aren't running away from this, not again."

_What does he do best? The answer used to be cloudy after I found out about that thing he does with his tongue … but right now I'm going back the original._

He pissed me off. That's what he does best.


	12. Digest

****SPIKE POV** - Digest**

_I should just get a staple gun. Maybe after playing with one of those I'd be able to keep my soddin' mouth shut._

"Why can't you ever just shut the hell up? If we had just given her a little time to sort through all of the information we had just given her …" Angel spurted out from nowhere as we walked back into the Hyperion, covered in the slime of some nasty bugger we had just killed.

"Now I know we've been hanging out together too much. You're starting to voice out what I'm thinking."

It had been five days since Buffy had asked us to shove off. Five days since she told us that we all needed a 'cooling off' period away from each other. Five days since her dart or missile or whatever she had called her helicopter had dropped us off back at the hotel. Five days since we had have had any contact with the bint. One hour was too long.

"The regret and umbrage rolling off of the two of you is foul. I can taste the warring emotions in you both like acid flowing down my throat and find that you presence is repugnant to me," Illyria regally stated from the center of the lobby with a tinge of anger in her voice.

"Good to see you too Lil' Shiva. Give us a kiss then," I grinned out at her as the Great Poof rolls his eyes.

"You insult me. There was a time when you were my pet and I your priority where the idea was not quite so odious, but the fact that you suggest such a thing while you covet another is pure impudence," she glowered with a lot more anger and possibly a tinge of jealousy this time.

"Alright, alright, we get the picture Illyria," Angel waves her off as he walks forward and slumps onto a couch not occupied by a bed roll, "can you just give us an update on the fort? Who's here?"

"Gwen is attempting to aid the huddled masses in preparing sustenance. Your progeny, the one called Conner, still has not returned even though he left a week ago for the kingdom of Silverlake to visit the green one Lorne. The half-beast female Nina has left."

"Wolf Girl spilt? That's just great, leaving all these people in the hotel behind without enough protectors, not that I'm saying you and the X-men girl couldn't take care of them all on your own. Just with the number of troops down you don't take off whenever you bloody well please. The slag say why?"

"Hey, don't call her that!"

"Which 'that' are we referring to Peaches? Wolf Girl or slag?"

"Both," he scowled at me.

"She informed me that she too could not withstand the unpleasant atmosphere caused by the two of you pining for as she said, 'that Italy whore', and had to go out and wreck havoc on random demons to release the tension. She will return when she has caused enough destruction against the monsters out there," Smurfette spat out as she turned and walked up the stairs.

"Great, just what I need, another supernatural ex who's upset with me," Angel whined as he let his head fall back.

"Know what ya mean mate," I said as I watched Illyria leave.

_It's not like we had actually broken up, or were ever really a couple, but for a good long time when it was just her an' me fighting the demons of hell together till we came across Angel's brat and then the others. We'd grown close though, well, as close as a megalomaniacal former god-king could grow to another being; and there were moments when it looked like we might let something happen between us. A lingering look here; a kiss there. Not gonna happen now; here's to hoping that Old Blue doesn't decide it'll be fun to wallop me around again._

"Don't even rightly know why she's so mad about Buffy. I mean come on; she's got Wesley's soddin' corpse stashed away because she can't bear to let us bury him! She goes and talks to his ghost nearly every other day and I never said a peep."

It took us a long time to get her to accept that Wolfram & Hart had used the perpetuity clause to force the head boy's soul into being their liaison here in hell, trapped in his own hell where he had to work for the Senior Partners in keeping Angel alive. It wasn't until we finally asked her why she didn't believe us that she showed us his body, which she had moved around but kept hidden in different places as we traveled around the city. Now that she finally understood that he was real, but not physically there, she spent nearly half of her time visiting him.

"You really shouldn't have told her about Buffy being resurrected," Angel said tiredly, "I think now she keeps it around because she's trying to figure out how to bring back Wesley."

"I know. Wish I could fix it, but I don't have the heart to take the body away from her at this point."

"So …" he starts as I sit down next to him.

"So … how long?"

"Excuse me?"

"How long before we head back over to the high school and make grand bloody fools of ourselves?"

"As much as I want to, at the very least to see you get shot down again, we can't. We promised her we'd follow along with her plan that we all need to take a step back. If we try to go back now it'll just look like we're pressuring her. She doesn't need any more pressure, least of all from the two of us," he sighed.

"I hate it when you're right. Not that I'm saying you're right because I'm not capable of ever letting those words pass through my lips, but I hate it when you are. So I guess we just wait here then?"

"Yeah, I think this time, we need to let her come to us when she's ready. She knows where we are."

"Do ya really think she'll show?"

"You have ears, don't you? You did hear what she said that day, right? As much as it makes my stomach churn to admit this, she did say that she loves us both. She'll show up sooner or later; she wants to get to know us all over again after all. You kinda need to talk to someone for that to happen."

His words made me reflect on the last bit of speechifying the Slayer did before we left. I may have set off the powder keg under her perfect ass, but both of us pushed her for an answer; pushed her to tell us who she wanted more. There was just no way that after everything we had been through with her that she didn't want anything to do with either of us and we both needed the answer like a thirsty man in the desert needs a drink.

"_Up until three days ago," she had exploded at us, "I thought you were dust and that there was a strong possibility that Angel was evil again. Do you honestly believe that I've had enough time to digest and map out exactly what I feel about the fact that you're alive yet stayed away? That he wasn't evil but was running an evil company? How can you two ask me to choose between you, right now?"_

She had ranted and raved a bit, had herself a bit of a tantrum. It got so bad that at one point when I smelled blood … her powerful blood … I reached out and grabbed her in a panic. Angel helped me and we found that her hands had clenched so tightly into fists that her fingernails had cut the palms of her hands. Her own nails had gouged deep, crimson half-moons into her own flesh. In our worry that she might do some real damage to herself in this state, Angel and I told her to forget about it; we would let her talk to us about the issue whenever she was ready. It wasn't until that promise that she seemed to collapse into herself and we watched as all the tension seeped out of her. Once we were no longer demanding an answer, she was finally able to tell us a bit about why she was acting that way.

"_Alright, you two want the nitty gritty on what's happening in my head? I'm completely and totally confuzzled. I really do love both of you, or at least I did, but I don't know what to do about that."_

"_Did? As in don't anymore?" Angel asked her with his hurt puppy-dog look in his eyes._

"_I just don't know either of you anymore, and neither of you know me as I am now. We're all in love with a memory. Do the two of you even know if you actually love me, or is it a territorial jealous vampire … man … man-pire rivalry thing between the two of you and I'm just caught in the middle at this point?"_

"She knew us well enough, didn't she?" I asked out loud after a long pause. Looking over at the ponce I saw his short yet knowing smirk, confirming that we were once again thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, she did. She's grown up a lot in the time I've been gone. Wish I could have been there to see it."

"She did too," I begrudgingly admitted.

We had sat there in that room with her for a long time, letting her calm down enough to form even deeper thoughts it appeared because she nearly got Biblical in a King Solomon way on us once she had gathered herself together.

"_I can honestly say that I want to get to know you both; start all over. If I could cut myself down the middle and give each of you a half I would, but it still wouldn't be fair. Neither of you deserves to get just half of me. Let's just admit it and say that none of us are going to be happy in this situation. If I pick one of you over the other, you know that the odd-man out isn't going to take it well. He'll leave, probably after a fight of some sort. Which I would totally understand, I mean come on, who wants to hang around and watch their ex build a relationship with their competitor? Then I'll be miserable because I drove one of you away. Whomever I chose to start something with will see that and not be happy that I'm pining away after another guy. In the end you'll both leave for good and … I can't survive either of you taking off. Not again; I just got the both of you back."_

"Hey, I gotta ask you something," the wanker next to me stated, rousing me from my trip down memory lane, "unfortunately you've spent more time around her than I have in recent years. When did she get this …"

"What, hard? Beautiful? Drama-filled? Smart? Frustrating?"

"Speech-y, when did she get so speech-y?"

"That's not a word ya git. You must have spent too much time 'round her while we were there; you're starting to talk like her. Must have rubbed off on you or something."

"I wish," he muttered with a smile.

"Hey!"

"Oh come on, like you wouldn't have said the same thing. Now answer my question. She was always prone to a good ramble when I was around, but they were never so well-organized, logical and thought out like what I heard from her now. When did she get so good at making those long speeches?"

"Around the time she found herself in charge of an army of little girls that she didn't want to lead into their meaningless deaths. She had to put the fear of god into them, really nail it in that everything was life and death and that if they didn't mind her they would probably end up on the deader side of that scenario."

"Huh. Well at least now, I'll get a chance to actually see that side of her I guess."

I glared at him, hating that he was getting such a chance. Hating her for giving it to him.

_Who am I kidding? Hate her? Mad as hell at her for even giving him that crumb, yeah, but I could never hate her. Even in the old days I don't rightly know anymore if I ever truly hated her …_

He was referring to the fact that she had surprised us both when she made her choice about us. We had forced her hand but backed off when she had her panic attack, but apparently she decided that we needed to settle the matter after all.

"_I can't give either of you up right now. So if I have to choose then I choose to keep you both … to keep you both as just friends. Friends and allies, even though I don't think any of us are going to be exactly thrilled, it's better than nothing and it's better than losing you again," she determinedly got out before taking a long moment to let it sink in, "I'm guessing though that right now we could all use some space to settle down. You two should go back to the hotel anyway; let your crew know that you are ok and finally change your clothes and all."_

So we came back, and after letting the girls in on what happened Gwen just smirked at us and muttered something about how it'll be a good story to tell her boy-toy Junior when he got back as the other two, Nina and Illyria, stared daggers into us. Came back and rejoined our group in fighting and helping the helpless, which today involved taking out a nest of some Middle Eastern demon brood that was making merry sport snacking on anything that moved a couple of blocks away. Damn buggers exploded their goop all over us when we killed them.

"Well, I think I'm going to go upstairs and try to clean up if I can …" Angel said as he hoisted his big hulking frame up from the couch.

"Hold up, someone's coming," I tell him as I lean my head to catch the strong heartbeat I hear approaching the front door.

"Is it Bu- … it's not her is it?"

I hold up my hand to make the git shut up for half a mo so that I can concentrate. I wait for the sound to get close enough before lifting my nose and scenting the air to see if I can make out who's approaching, hoping to confirm his question.

_Smells familiar … take another deep whiff just to be sure … yep. I know this scent. It's too rare to ever forget …_

"Keep yer knickers on mate. It's …"

The door opened and the light steps of a practiced, graceful hunter enter the room. I turned towards Angel as he sees who it is.

"Connor," the numpty greeted the lil pup as he smiled at us.

"Hi Dad."


	13. Drop

_***A/N***: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I screwed up the upload for chapters 10, 11, and 12 and many of you wound up re-reading chapters 7, 8, and 9 again. I fixed it, so head on back that way to read the chappies you missed the first time I posted them!_

****ANGEL POV** - Drop**

_He's ok. Thank the Powers That Be (finally, for SOMETHING), he's ok._

Seeing Connor walk into the hotel with barely a scratch on him, I let out a huge sigh of relief. Yes, he's more than capable of handling himself but this is Hell and he's still barely getting back his memories of his real life. This Connor, with all of the fake but happy memories that Wolfram & Hart had Cyvus Vail create for him mixing with what actually happened, is still too green compared to his old self to be vicious enough to get by here. For the old Connor who had survived Quor'toth, living in this hell dimension would have been like going on a vacation.

"Oh great, more mouths to feed," Spike snarked from beside me as we watched the group of people Connor had brought back with him filter inside.

"Yep, and boy are they hungry. People are funny that way. Anyway I can convince you to show them to the kitchen?"

"Sure, beats what I was already doing."

"Hey, could you let Gwen know that I'm back? That I'm fine?"

"Sure, I'll pass along your little love note to your lady fair. Too bad she's back to her electrified self; can't give her a proper hello now can you? Papa must be so proud. Seems like he's falling into your flaccid footsteps Nancy boy," he jabbed verbally at my son and I as he lead the wary looking humans down the hall to the kitchen.

Connor's good mood seemed to melt a bit at his words as he came to stand in front of me. Spike and Connor had bonded a bit before I found out that they were working together to save people, but as usual when Spike was in a bad mood he tended to want to spread that around. Even to the people he liked.

_So Spike jumped onto the fact that Gwen's nifty piece of technology that let her have some semblance of a normal life malfunctioned here in hell to hurt one of the few people who didn't find him unbearably annoying. And what, is anyone surprised by this? He may fight for good, but he's still a jackass._

"Don't let him get to you, we're just a little frustrated right now and he's lashing out. I know how you feel though."

"I hate to be a teenaged cliché, but Angel you can't possibly know how I feel about my relationship with Gwen," Connor sighed in a perturbed voice.

"Actually, I really do. I had a girlfriend once that I couldn't touch too. Ok, so not because she would inadvertently kill me with foreplay, but I loved her more than anything at that point in my whole existence and us being together … well, do you have your memories back about my curse? How Angelus used to be able to be released?"

_It's true, I had felt love before for my little sister as a human. I had felt something more carnal with Darla. Pride in my work was the extent of my affection for Dru. Buffy though? It felt like I had been incased in a block of ice before I saw her sitting on the steps of her old high school and seeing her get called melted that all away. I never expected to ever feel anything that strongly again, but then I became a father and found a whole new level of love …_

"Perfect bliss; the happiness clause, yada yada yada," he lightly mocked me before looking apologetic, "Yeah, I remember. So I guess she's the one that gave that to you; then you do know what I'm feeling. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, it's nothing compared to what I'm going through right now …" I trailed off.

_What am I doing? Yeah he's my son but do I really want to let him know all about my sex life? Not exactly the best way to teach by example …_

"Is that why you and Spike were gone for a couple of days? What are you going through right now?"

_I've hidden too much from him, from everybody. I stole his reality and made him live a lie; and wow just realizing that I've done that to more people than anyone has the right to in my life. If Buffy wants me to be open with her in order to build a better relationship, it'll probably work with establishing my connection with Connor as well._

"That girl, the one I just told you about? She's here. She heard about what happened in L.A. and basically had a mystical hole punched through the dimension in order to get herself in to help me."

"Wow. Can she make another one? Get us all out?"

"No, her team is working on it but they are busy trying to keep people alive and trying to reverse what the Senior Partners did to really focus on making a permanent portal."

"Still, impressive. Your old flame tears her way into Hell in order to find and help you? Sounds like you're not the only one who reached the seriously scary level of love. So is she here?"

"No, she has her own crew and camp set up that she needs to take care of. Spike and I stayed with her for a few days but then we all agreed that he and I needed to come back here and check on you guys."

"So what's wrong with her?" Connor asked point-blank.

"What? Nothing, there's nothing wrong with her. Well, she isn't eating well and she's a little pre-occupied so she's not taking care of herself as well as she should but …"

"I mean, what's the reason why you two aren't together right now? There has to be something, or else you would be over there right now getting all cozy. I mean come on, she obviously still feels for you if she went to those lengths to find you and I can tell by the way you look when you talk about her that you still feel for her too. You two only broke up because you couldn't actually be together, right? Now that you're human there's nothing standing in your way."

_Damn him, where did he get so smart? Darla always was superb at being able to read people and being calculating …_

"Spike."

"Huh?"

"What's standing in our way. It's Spike. I'm not the only one she has emotions for. She was with Spike before he died and came to annoy the hell out of me … and she didn't know that he was undead again so his popping up kinda threw a monkey-wrench in our reunion. So we all agreed to be 'just friends' and she asked us to leave so we could all get ourselves together," I said, annoyance dripping from my voice.

Just as Connor was about to say something, we heard a noise fast approaching the hotel. Connor quickly turned back towards the door just as Spike, Illyria, Gwen, and some of the more skilled in combat humans we had been sheltering rushed into the lobby with weapons. All of us ran out to the courtyard just in time to see a helicopter drop a huge crate onto the street in front of the hotel and Buffy, two other young women, and a middle-aged man jumping from a dangling rope to land next to it.

"Um, hi guys," she smiled bashfully in a way that made my knees weak.

"Hi yourself luv. What's in the box? You bring us some prezzies?"

"Yeah, I just thought I should bring your group some gear and supplies. What's a little sharing between friends?"

"Who's this?" Gwen asked with a sardonic lift of one of her eyebrows.

"With the changes in these two upon seeing her," Illyria stated as she gestured towards Spike and I, "I believe that she is the creature they have been in anguish over recently. Their renewed lust and pain over the sight of her sickens me."

"Everyone," I said as I tried my best to ignore Illyria's statement, "this is Buffy, the last lone vampire slayer. Buffy this is Gwen, Illyria, and Connor."

Her eyes grew wide as she took in Connor before they sort of glazed over, like she was going to cry. She turned towards me and looked deeply into my eyes, speaking to me without saying one word about how happy she was for me that I had a child, a son, even if things didn't work out as they would have normally. We both knew what it was like to not have anything that was supposed to be normal actually go that way for us. I smiled back at her and opened my mouth to say something before she snapped out of it.

"I just dropped down to let you know what's going on. If you want some extra help, this is Leah, Katy, and Dr. Jorge. Leah's on my squad from Scotland and she's one of the best, but Katy we found here in L.A. recently; she's still learning the ropes. Jorge is an ER doctor from the hospital near our base that we have an agreement with; when I told him you guys didn't have any medical help he offered to come stay with you. I'll post them here to help out at the hotel for as long as you want them here."

"You won't be short-handed?" I asked.

"Naw, we'll be fine. I'm actually heading out right now to an area that a locator spell told us would have 3 slayers nearby so I can't stay to chat. Gotta find them before they move again or else the location is useless. The box has some extra food, clothes, medical supplies, a communication radio that'll let you talk to our base, a water purifier, two egg-laying hens, and a generator with some fuel. Oh and I already dropped off a team before coming here at your local water district control center. They're going to see if they can get running water back to your area so try turning the faucets off and on throughout the day."

"Oh I love her, despite the ridiculous name," Gwen leered at Buffy, "if I thought that I wouldn't hurt you, I would have started making out with you the second you said 'running water'."

Buffy just stammered a bit at that and blushed before looking anywhere but at Spike or myself. He and I however looked over and each other. He raised an eyebrow, I felt myself smirking before I could stop myself, and then he mouthed what looked like "viewing room" at me before Buffy could look back up at us.

_There is no way in hell that he and I weren't just thinking the same thing: Buffy and Gwen wrapped up in each other. Holy crap, did we just have a bonding moment? We really do need to stop spending so much time together._

"I am not so easily impressed," Illyria postured.

"Watch it Big Blue, she's beaten a hell god who was almost at full power nearly to death before. So you really don't want to get on her bad side," Spike directed at Illyria. She and Buffy had a short but tense stand-off, but then Buffy plastered on a fake grin and Illyria turned and went back inside in a huff.

"What is it with our group and having to deal with gods?" Buffy asked. "Well … Connor, Gwen, it was nice meeting you. Spike, Angel … it was good seeing you. I need to go …helicopter fuel isn't easy to come by right now … so I guess I'll see you soon?"

She looked at us both for a while in silence, well, as silent as it can get with a chopper hovering above our heads, before hooking herself back to the rope beside her, giving a couple of good tugs, and making some sort of hand gesture to the person above holding the rope. They began hoisting her up and then we all watched as the helicopter flew out of sight. It wasn't until Connor laid his hand on my shoulder that I realized everyone except him and Spike had gone back inside.

"So that's her, right? The one you were telling me about earlier?"

"Yeah. That's her."

"She's cute. A little on the small side, but cute."

"Hey Slim," Spike growled, "don't go getting any ideas. Just because your girlfriend is off-limits doesn't mean you can soddin' well try and make time with Buffy."

"Calm down man, I was just making an observation. She's not really my type anyway, brunettes are more my style. I have no intention to 'make time' with her in any way that might be dirty …"

_Oh thank god … I really couldn't handle another Oedipal rivalry with him._

"Wouldn't mind training with her though, if she's a slayer there's got to be some kick to her. I'd love to see what she's got," he said.

"Boy, didn't you hear what your pops just said? She's not just a slayer…"

"She's the slayer," I called over my shoulder as I walked back into the hotel, "I don't know about you Spike, but I'm going back to the high school. I've spent too much time away from her, I can't do it anymore. If she needs me to be just her friend I'll do it, I just need to be there for her."

"Was just about to say the same thing to you. An' who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll turn her 'just friends' requirement into friends with benefits' for me. Fair warning mate, first indication that she gives that she wants me? I'm hers."

"Ditto."


	14. Getting Dark

_***A/N***: To my biggest cheerleader, Beckydaspaz: I wrote this many months ago, but I went back in and changed something just for you. Wanted to bring a smile to your day. Thanks for your appreciation of the story!_

****BUFFY POV** - Getting Dark**

_I hate playing hide and seek._

My team made up of Rowena, Becky, and Xochi, and I had been out searching for the three slayers for closing in on seven hours now; I just wanted to be done and get gone. We had come across lots of vamps and demons along the way in our search so I was sweaty, tired, and covered in dust and the general ickiness that goes along with slayage.

_God do I need a shower. I just thank Buddha that today isn't my turn to wear the pregnant belly. That thing itches like a mother …_

"Ma'am? We've finished sweeping this building and it's the last on the block. No slayers, but we did smoke a nest of something I can't ID. What do we do next?" Becky asked as well all reconvened.

"Let's do one more block before we call in for a transport. I'd really like to get these girls out of here but they must be moving around a lot … if we don't find them today we'll come back tomorrow with a witch who can give us continuously updated locator spells."

The four of us stuck together as we started our search of the next city block, and not having to be extra- vigilant gave me time to think. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing.

_The guys had looked good. Too good. With the leather and the hair and the looks and the … damn. My brain is being such a traitor right now. Well, not my brain so much as my body. Stupid, stupid body, get yourself together!_

Sending Angel and Spike away had seemed like a good idea at the time. I had felt that they were too much of a distraction; too confusing to be around since I was still extremely unbalanced in my emotions for the two of them. I was worried that I might get myself injured or worse yet someone else if I kept them around while I knew that I was craving the both of them at the same time. Better to just remove the temptation and hope that we could try and maintain an ally's friendship.

_Damn what an idiot I am. At least when I was with them every day I wasn't worrying constantly if they were ok or slipping into frequent daydreams that always made me feel the need to find a quite space for some "privet time". I can't believe that I even contemplated what their reactions would be if I asked them both date me, to get to know me all over again … to share me … before quickly ruling that option out. Not gonna happen. The fighting and jealousy is already at a high point ... not to mention that I'm not sure even my slayer stamina can withstand the attention of two guys …_

I giggled quietly to myself at that last thought. Ok, so maybe not all of this was a bad thing. The happiness I felt that they were both here and ok was still greater than any anger or annoyance the other issues brought up. Barely.

"Ma'am look, over there in the street," Xochi loudly whispered to me, gesturing towards something moving ahead of us. It was our three slayers, fighting off a small horde of vamps.

"Let's go greet our new sisters ladies," I mumbled as I jumped out from behind the building and ran towards the melee.

As we got closer I realized that something was very off about what was happening in front of us. The group of about fifteen vamps wasn't trying to drink from the slayers, they weren't even trying to kill them. They had actually armed themselves with heavy blunt objects and were trying to hold the girls still as they tried to smack them in the heads.

_What are they doing? Why aren't they trying to kill them? It looks more they are trying to knock them out and take them, but why?_

Becky, Xochi, Rowena, and I hurried up as we saw what was happening. Using momentum on our side, we rammed into the group and staked a vamp or two before they even knew we had interrupted their little party. As we started to really fight though I heard an odd whoosh noise. Turning to see what it might be I was suddenly tackled from behind, just in time to watch Becky rush me to the ground and get hit in the back with a tranquilizer dart that knocked her out in 5 seconds flat. I looked around and saw that Xochi was staking the vamp with the tranq gun, but not before he had shot two of the three slayers we had come out here to find. The third one ripped herself out of the grasp of a vamp, visibly injuring her shoulder in the process, and she ran to stand behind us while cradling her arm. Before we could stop them the few vamps left un-dusty grabbed Becky and the other knocked out slayers and tossed them into the back of the van before peeling off.

"Yeah you better run," Rowena yelled after the van in her funky German accent, not really getting that we didn't want them to run.

_Why are vampires of all things trying to kidnap a bunch of slayers instead of killing them as soon as they can? This is not of the good._

Just then from behind us I heard the stamping of some pretty impressively big feet and the low, carnivorous gurgle that predators make when they are trying to restrain themselves in the hunt. I whipped around to come face-to-ugly-ass-face with something that looked more like a dinosaur than a demon. Something that would definitely fall into the 'reptiles with horns' category. It lacked any human-ish traits on its fifteen-foot tall frame, unless you counted those huge claws on its paws to be a throwback to Edward Scissorhands or Wolverine.

_Hhhhhmmmmm …. Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman …. damnit Buffy, focus!_

This mud-brown thingy that was staring at us like we were dinner was apparently the real reason those vamps had fled.

_Huh, I guess I'm not as intimidating as I thought. That sucks … is it weird that this is the first thing that pops into my head right at this moment?_

"Listen wild thing, you can gnash your terrible teeth and show your terrible claws all you want. The girls and I? We are not of the impressed …" I grunted as I leapt up into the air and swung my scythe.

I embedded the blade into its upper arm and it roared in pain, but not before using its other arm to swipe me right out of the air and knock me about thirty feet away. I bounced off the concrete like a basketball, and in that moment of being dazed and confused I watched Rowena, Xochi, and the injured one left behind by the vamps charge the creature.

"Steer clear of the claws!" I yelled as I scrambled back up to rejoin the fight.

Rowena circled around behind the thing as the other two distracted it with a jab-and-retreat method. I was running forward when she suddenly hopped up on the back of the thing's head and shoved a stake into its eye before smoothly pulling my scythe out of its arm and tossing it to me. I grabbed from the air it as I slid down onto my knees and used the momentum to keep going under the demon's body, lifting my scythe and slicing its belly in the process. This did not make it happy.

"Hey! Get off of that thing," I heard the new girl yell before I turned back to watch in horror as the reptile-like creature turned its head and grabbed Rowena's entire arm in its crocodile-like mouth.

Her shriek of pain echoed off the surrounding buildings as the thing swung her back and forth like a dog playing with a chew toy before flinging her to the side. I vaguely registered that Xochi was calling into the base, asking for a chopper's immediate assistance in getting Rowena out of there. Before I could act though she dropped the radio and charged the demon who proceeded to skewer her right through the chest with its claws, killing her instantly. Engulfed in a blind rage, I hoofed it back towards the arm I had already injured and attacked the same wound again with enough strength this time so that the entire arm came flying off the creature's body.

"You should have left them alone you big ugly bully. Now you've joined the club of 'A Buffy Ass-Kicking of the Month Club'. That's going to cost you the down payment of and arm … and here I come for your first month's fee of a leg," I quipped as I aimed for the thing's hip with my blade.

I stopped for quippage a bit too soon though, because as it bellowed in pain it lashed out with its remaining arm. I didn't realize my mistake until five razor-sharp claws shredded through my body armor and sliced me deep over the skin of my torso. In shock I saw the girl who had been left behind by the vamps take the opportunity to take the thing's head clean off with Xochi's dropped sword, but my relief was short-lived. It wasn't until I had collapsed onto the ground that I understood just how bad I was hurt, and I looked down in amazement at the dark red blood rushing out over my hands.

_Hey! You stupid blood, get back inside. You don't belong out here, spilled all over the dirty street; you belong in my veins and various organs all safe and warm. I'd really like for that slayer-healing to kick in right about now please._

"Hey! What's your name? Don't go to sleep you hear me? Don't go to sleep," I vaguely heard the pained and panicked voice of the new slayer shouting at me. I felt someone press down on my wounds to try to staunch the flow of blood, but I was already losing too much and suddenly felt very calm in my light-headedness. I knew from experience already just how much blood I would have to lose before I kicked the bucket, and the sensations I was feeling in my body were telling me that I wasn't too far away from that point.

_So this is it. I'm dying. Again. Again again … again. Shit why did it have to be now? Does everyone in my life, including me, have to die right when it might be possible that we can find a real piece of happiness? Spike … Angel … I never got the chance to show them how I feel, not really. God I miss them both so … Dawn! Oh god Dawnie, I'm so sorry, I screwed up so much and maybe she was right it would have been better if I had never come here. Hell I had two hot-for-me ex's staying in my camp for days and I denied lusting after them to myself … stopped myself from jumping them … and now look where that's gotten me. Distracted to the point of letting something spill my guts and I'm going to die and it's been almost two years since I've had sex with a man and I might as well be dying a virgin. Wow, even in death I get all rambly._

As I lay there bleeding out I couldn't help but noticing that this was a lot like all of those stereotypical Hollywood death scenes. Everything felt like it was getting dark and slowing down; a dull 'whoomp-whoomp-whoomp' sound was pounding in my ears. I assumed it was my heartbeat petering out.

_I've never paid that much attention to heartbeats before … well, not my own anyway ... but it seems so important now._

Then, all of a sudden, a rush of wind blew over me and I'm surrounded by this bright light. All my other times dying were not like this. Dealing with the Master, I was so focused on the pain of the bite and then the gush of water in my lungs that I never experienced this part. My second time all I noticed was the crackle of energy engulfing me as I knowingly leapt to my death. The mere seconds of death I experienced as the result of Warren's bullet, I was in too much shock to really take stock of what was happening I guess.

_Wow, now I feel all floaty and weightless and … that must mean I'm leaving. No … not yet … I just found them, I can't leave now … it's not enough time … please …_


	15. Bloodstains

****SPIKE POV** - Bloodstains**

_God I hate him. Thinks it's gonna be easy; waltz back in here and sweep my girl off her feet. Not bloody likely._

Me and the poofter we're walking around the block towards the entrance gate of the high school that Buffy had turned into her base. We had hitched a ride on the dragon but figured it'd be a bad idea to ride it too close; one of the lil' chits might take a shot at it and Angel really didn't want Ol' Puff to get hurt. So she dropped us off a little ways away and we were pounding the pavement the rest of the way. I was getting more and more nervous the closer we got, but the pillock was smiling.

_Can't believe the prat is actually smiling. It's not like she invited us to move in though, innut? She just dropped by to check in on us …_

Just in case she did ask me to stay though, I had brought along a rucksack with the bare minimum of my things. Looking over at tall, dark and brooding though as I exhaled the smoke from my cigarette I noticed something: he had brought a bag too.

"So, you guys are back huh? Rumor has it that Buffy kicked you two out," said the Mexican-looking bird standing guard at the gate when she saw us approaching.

"Buffy? I though all of you called her 'ma'am' around here," Angel questioned the girl.

"To her face, yeah, even though it doesn't look like she likes to be called that. So you aren't denying it then, she really did tell you to get lost?"

"No you daft bint, she did not give us the ol' heave ho. We just … Captain Forehead here and I just needed to go back to our own base, check on our people. Buffy came round today matter o' fact to look in on us."

"Riiiiight. After the fight you guys had when you were last here I'm sure that she's popping round your place all the time now for tea and polite conversation."

_Is sarcasm an innate slayer trait? Is it something they develop once they are called like a fighting skill, or is it something they had before that marks them as future slayers?_

"Can you let us in," Angel entreated, "she did come by and it was on friendly terms. We just need to talk to her."

"I'd like to call this in, but ever since the copter got back we've been on radio silence and no one seems to know why. But she has been in a pissy mood ever since you two left … so go on in, just don't make any trouble or it'll be my ass on the line," the girl told us as she opened the gate.

Angel and I walked the labyrinthine alley ways and halls of the three-storied building in silence, looking for Buffy. The people and slayers we came across seemed to have a dark air about them like they were scared, nervous; but they wouldn't tell us why when we asked if they were ok and they couldn't really tell us were Buffy was. So we kept looking.

"What the bloody hell is going on here? It's impossible that no one knows where she is, she's the sodding queen bee of the hive!"

"She's not in her room," Angel griped, "the training space just has a few newbies working out in it, and the main rooms she used for strategic planning are empty. I think something bad is going on here …"

Before the nancy boy could finish his stupidly obvious statement, Harris barreled past us in a panic; running like Cerberus himself was on his heels, holding a bottle of hooch that I recognized from the other night in a death grip despite the fresh bloodstains covering his palms. It took moments before all them little brain impulses fired off to connect everything and Peaches and I just turned to stare after him. I dimly recalled that at the opposite end of the hallway we were standing in was the location of the classrooms converted into the sick bay and emergency treatment area.

_The dark mood everyone's in … radio silence since the copter came back … the terror in the boy's face … the familiar smell of the blood on his hands … Buffy! That was Buffy's blood on his hands …_

Broody boy caught on the same instant I did and we began chasing after Xander. He never even noticed that we were gaining on him, or that we were even there at all. When he made a sharp turn and barged into a room.

"If she dies again I'll kill her," I spat out, knowing as I said the words that I was just using the anger as a cover for the fear I felt gripping my dead heart. The scent of blood was absolutely pouring out of the open doorway, too much to be a small and easily fixable wound, but I didn't let myself think about that as we followed the boy through the doorway without any hesitation.

"!"

The scream hit us like a Mack truck, echoing down the hallway and freezing Angel and I where we stood at the entrance.

"XANDER! HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH THE WHISKEY!"

_That voice …the pain in the scream … I don't care how bad she's hurting right now as long as she's alive. At least, hearing the strength in her yell, I know she's got to be somewhat well off. _

She was right there, laid out in the center of the room on a long lab table desk, looking even paler than me. The classroom had taken on a desperate medical atmosphere, made even more so by the appearance of the patient and those trying to help her. Buffy's breathing was shallow, and her eyes were clenched shut in pain as the bloke I assumed was a doctor with his back to me hunched over her midsection. A tube went from the crook of her arm up to a couple of bags; one with something clear and the other was a blood transfusion that was just nearing empty. There was a bloody pile of torn clothes by my feet near the door, and the smell of the blood mixed in with the sharp tang of antiseptic was strong enough to make me dizzy. Suddenly though, Buffy's strained voice cut through my mental fog.

"Oh crap, what are they doing here? Xander! You didn't tell them about this and send for them, did you?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you not know who you are talking to? I didn't even know they were here till they got in my way and I nearly ran them over trying to get the alcohol back here; their impression of a brick wall nearly broke the bottle."

"Well well, you guys are here for minutes and you're already looking for way to make me suffer? That's gotta be a record ... or maybe not considering our histories," she said with a pained smirk as she grabbed the proffered bottle from the boy and immediately began taking a swig despite the doc's tisking.

"You should really let me give you some morphine for the pain … booze is not going to help you to heal," the doctor chastised her.

"I'm not wasting any of the morphine supply if I can help it. I've lived through worse than this without any painkillers; just stitch me up and quit nagging. Xander," she paused to flinch at a new pain inflicted on her, "how's Rowena? How's her arm? Can they save it?"

The boy just opened and closed his mouth like he was going to speak but then thought better of it and hung his head. The pain that I watched bloom in Buffy's face suddenly had nothing to do with her injuries that I still couldn't see.

"She'll live, but the arm situation doesn't look good. Whatever that thing was that you guys took on out there, well, it nearly severed the entire thing off of her."

"Then what the hell do I have a doctor in here for? Am I going to die without these stitches put in right now? You," she barked at the git trying to sew her up apparently, "get in the other room and help her. I'll be fine, slayer healing and all that, and I promise not to move. Just go … go help her please. I already lost too many girls tonight, if she loses her arm … just go! Leave now!"

The terrified doc jumped up out of his seat without argument and rushed past us out of the room. Now without him blocking our view Angel and I finally got a good look at the damage. I could feel my unneeded lungs seize up at the sight of her, and I heard he of the ridiculous hair beside me gasp at the same time.

"Well? Are you guys going to stand there and stare all day or do you want to come in and stop making me feel like a sideshow attraction?"

Peaches and I walked closer to the table and got an eyeful. They had stripped her down and covered up all the fun bits with sheets that were ruined with bloodstains at this point, but left her torso and sides bare. Starting just under her left armpit, five deep gashes had been dug through her skin and muscle diagonally down to her right hip. As we stepped right up beside her I got to see parts of her that I never wanted to see, well, after I realized I loved her that is. Flecks of white that were obviously rib bones peaking out between her flesh, pulsating muscle fibers, sutured guts and vital organs, and a stitching job that was only a quarter of the way done.

_She really shouldn't have sent the doctor away … not if I can smell viscera … her intestines must have been slashed open too._

She was looking at me, at both of us, with a curiously happy gaze in her eyes. Pain etched in her features as she took another nip from the bottle, but I found myself relieved beyond the speaking of it that she was alive to show such pain. I reached out and touched her leg, standing by her hip as I was, just to reassure myself that she really was there; the tosser had stepped closer to her head than me and he reached out to grasp her hand. I wanted to make a snide remark, to say anything to lighten the mood, but I couldn't find the words to speak. Apparently, I didn't have to.

"Hey, you know you've got to stop doing this. The dying thing? Once, maybe two times is acceptable, but this third attempt is just a cry for attention …" Angel choked out in a voice that was meant to be light and funny but came out a lot more sad than he was trying for.

"Fourth," Xander said out of nowhere as he took a wet towel and cleaned the dried blood from the slayer's face. At the hulk's questioning look he continued, but I had already heard this story once I got sane again from my little trip to the land of the Sahara. "She died for like, three seconds after getting shot in the chest back in 2002. Willow was in her dark place at the time and used her mojo to bring her back again, you know, before trying to destroy the world. If she had died today, it would have been her fourth time. Just wanted to get the continuity right."

"And geek boy saves the day. Whatever would we do without keeping perfect track of the continuity?" I huffed.

"Hey, I'm not geek boy anymore," the boy whined, "I'm the quirky second-in-command of an army of super powered women. That's gotta bump me up from geek boy. Besides, Andrew's taken up that mantel and run with it …"

"Guys? Can we not start an argument right now? My squishy parts are touching the air and I'm a couple of pints low on vital fluids. I'm so not in the mood to referee for you boys right now. Xander," she twisted her head to look at him, "can you please go stay with Rowena? Watch her; keep the doctors and the surgeons on the track of saving her arm. They aren't used to dealing with slayer healing so they might give up before they really need to."

"Sure Buff, anything you want. Should I kick out the two gel heads to give you some peace and quiet?"

"No, I want them to stay," she smiled weakly as she turned her head back to look at us, "I've got something I need to talk to them about."


	16. Dead Line

****ANGEL POV** - Dead Line**

_I'm not going to cry … I'm not going to cry … damn it, I'm not going to cry!_

I had seen her dead once before, and close to it more times than I'd like to think about it. Yet this time was just so much more … macabre than I've ever seen with her before. She looked like death; looked like the wound she sustained should have killed her by now. Her own blood covering her, the pallor of her skin, the hazy look in her eyes that could be from the drinking or still dancing close to the dead line, and the shallow breathing all giving evidence that she had just barely made it to this point. Being able to literally see inside her wasn't helping me get a grip on my emotions.

"So … heard any good jokes lately? I'm in a mood for a good gut-buster … opps. Too late," Buffy wearily smirked at us.

I couldn't stand there as she made light of this, I could feel that I was going to lose it and start balling, but she grasped my hand in hers harder as I moved to pull away. Before she could say anything, we heard Spike pull a tortured breath of air that sounded suspiciously like a muffed sob and we both turned our focus from each other to look at him. Just in time to see him pretend to scratch his face instead of wiping away the tear that we saw on his cheek.

"You've gotta quit doing this to us luv. Can't lose you again; could barely survive the one time."

"Hey this," she gestured towards her stomach with the liquor bottle in hand, "wasn't exactly my idea. But I can't change it when my time comes … who am I kidding my time has already come and gone. I'm way past my expiration date; living on borrowed time. One of these days I'm not going to come back from death. This is all the more reason for why I wanted to talk to you two alone."

She set down the bottle and motioned for Spike to take her other hand. A small twinge of jealousy flared at that motion, at the stunned look on his face as he walked forward and took her hand gently, but then died down quickly as I thought about just what I would do to make her happy.

_I'd give up everything for this woman. If her heart wanted that bleached idiot then I'd … I'd stand aside. Let him have her. She's right that she only has so much time left here; I'd do anything in my power to make sure she was happy till her last minute. Screw the normal white picket fence scenario I always pictured for her; as long as she's happy she can date a chaos demon for all I care. But god … eeww …_

"I didn't die today, but I thought I did. Turns out in my blood-loss induced hazy state, I mistook the approaching helicopter and being lifted inside for dying. In the time though between getting over the pain and coming to terms with the fact that I was going to die, right before I passed out completely, all I could think about was the two of you. Not Giles, not my friends, not about going back to Heaven, not the other slayers. I barely spared a second thought for Dawn."

She took a deep breath and then winched at the pain from doing it, before blushing. From the bourbon or the embarrassment of what she was struggling to tell us I wasn't sure, but it didn't matter as a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. Slowly, she pulled both Spike's and my hand up to her mouth and kissed each of them.

"I thought I was losing you two. I just got you back and then I felt like I was abandoning you all over again and my heart broke before I slipped into the darkness. I fought so hard to hang on, I thought that I missed my chance …" she cried lightly.

"Shush Buffy, don't cry. You didn't die, you didn't lose us. You apparently can't get rid of us that easily," I tried to soothe her.

"Wanna bet? I'm pretty sure that once I tell you what I was considering right before I got into the fight with Mr. Slash-Happy, you'd both run off screaming in disgust."

"Pet, we've both been immoral deviant vampires for the majority of our existences. You can't shock us, and you can't scare us off. Go on then, give us a try; tell us what you want," Spike said encouragingly even though I could see the apprehension forming behind his eyes.

Buffy's gaze warily darted back and forth between us for a long, silent moment. The blush in her cheeks grew two shades darker and I was glad to see it, glad that she still had enough blood in her for it to actually happen. Finally, after making us wait for what felt like forever, she gave a big sigh.

"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you. I know that I am now crowning myself the newest pushy queen of Slut Town by saying this: but I want to date you. Both of you. God, 'date' sounds so trivial and naive when I say it in the context of the two of you … but yeah. There it is."

Other than her labored breathing, the room became deathly silent. She looked down, lowering her eyes from making any contact with ours while waiting to hear our reactions. A quick look at Spike revealed that he was lost in his own mind. This soon melted into that eerily calm mask he puts on when his anger is dangerously close to being released in a physical way.

"Well slayer, I guess all I can say is 'long live the queen'," he sniped with a dangerous looking smirk as he pulled his hand away from hers. She let her hand drop as a strange, desperate look washed over her features.

"Spike, what just happened to the self proclaimed 'immoral deviant vampire' statement? Don't do this to her, not now, not while she's this injured …" I warned him.

"What? She wanted honesty; well I'm giving it to her. Had no idea that I'd loosened you up so much kitten. A little thieving, a little girl-on-girl, and now you're looking for a little tag-team action? A manly Buffy-sandwich? I'm supposed to say that I'm fine with the idea of sharing her with the likes of you? I don't fucking think so mate, and if you want to be honest you know that you don't either," he yelled at me.

"Spike, you don't know what I'm thinking, so don't go running your mouth off about it. I hate the very idea of the two of you in the same room as each other …," I sighed deeply, trying to get a hold of myself before I started yelling too, "… but, if this is what Buffy wants … and it gives me a chance to be with the woman that I've waited so long for … for even a moment before our time is up … then I'll take it."

"You can't be serious! You're just trying to look better than me … hoping that when she see's my freak-out and your acceptance she'll just go with you over me. Well it's not going to work; we all know that when you've got the soul in ya, you're the prude around here," he nearly sputtered in shock. From the look on Buffy's face, he wasn't the only one who was in disbelief at the words coming out of my mouth.

"Wow, and here I was thinking that Angel was going to be the one throwing the huge hissy-fit over my declaration," she muttered to herself, but gripped my hand a little harder; almost as if in gratitude.

"Why does everyone always think I don't know how to let loose?"

"Oh, we know you can Peaches. It's just that until recently, your version of 'loose' involved either a night at the ballet or slaughtering the innocent. Neither of which screams that you're ready to enter into a man-woman-man threesome with the girl of your dreams," Spike laughed harshly.

"This isn't about a threesome Spike!" she yelled at him before the pain of the effort twisted her features.

Spike just turned to stare at her with a disbelieving glare and lifted his scarred eyebrow; silently questioning her.

"Well, ok, I'm not going to say that's never crossed my mind. It's been a long time for me you guys! The only tiny bit of sex I've had in almost two years was with another woman; it was great but it was like what I guess drinking pigs blood even though you're craving human fresh from the tap is like. But that's not what this is about."

"Then tell us slayer, what exactly is it about?"

"I just want … I want to lift the 'friends only' ban we put … that I put down, before you left. The 'friends' thing wasn't working for me before I almost kicked it tonight anyway, but I think it would have taken longer for me to admit it to the two of you. This isn't about sex you guys. I'm not asking for the two of you to jump me the second I'm all healed; I'm nowhere near ready for that. I want to try to build a relationship with the both of you and just see where it goes. I need to know if the three of us can ever get over our drama and just have a grown-up relationship … one way or another. If this doesn't work then we can just go back to uncomfortable-yet-necessary-friend-land."

As Buffy's explanation petered out, we all fell into an uncomfortable silence. Spike, ever the drama queen, was scowling off in the far corner of the room while every now and then shooting me glares or looking longingly towards the nearly empty bottle of whiskey. By now I had pulled myself back; I was just trying to absorb the situation.

_Could I actually do this? I've had feelings for her for so long but until recently she's always been off-limits. Hell I would get possessive and jealous over Darla's dalliances and I didn't love her. For Buffy I've faced the fires of hell, I've given up mortality for a chance to save hers, I've sacrificed the only good thing in my existence for her to try and have a happy love-life. Good going there … but maybe Spike is hitting closer to home than I'd like to admit. Maybe I am agreeing to this too quickly as a way to try and get her to see that I'm the better choice. I mean come on, how can she really want him at the same time that she wants me? Is it a pity thing? A guilt thing? A familiarity thing? What? God this is frustrating … maybe I should think this out a little more …_

Just then a knock came at the door shortly before Xander walked in.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt today's soap opera episode but I thought you'd want to know that the doctors were able to stabilize Rowena. They took her over to the hospital down the street and the surgeons that are still there are going to do what they can to save her arm. Her slayer healing is helping out a lot, so baring infection they just might let her keep it."

The guarded relief that overcame Buffy's face right then was heartbreaking in its purity. Here she was basically gutted physically and opening herself up for possibly more emotional torture at the hands of Spike and me, but none of that mattered as long as her teammate was going to be ok.

"Buffy, I know that you guys are talking about something … but you need to give me an update. I got the new girl's story about what happened but it doesn't make sense; we need to know what happened out there. How did things get so bad?"

As she told us about the disastrous events of this last mission, her previous doctor came in and began to stitch her up again. In between the grimaces of the repeated pulls of the curved needle and the bright blue thread, she talked about the vamp gang that appeared to want to kidnap the slayers, not kill them; she tried to describe every detail she could remember about them so that the other slayers could try and spot them in the future. She told us about how one of the girls saved her from getting tranqed and taken, but was then taken herself. She lauded the bravery of the new slayer left behind by the vampires. She cried so hard when describing the death of the girl called Xochi that she popped ten of her new stitches. I saw the anger melt out of Spike, still on the other side of the room, as she talked about her own injuries and how she had been sure that she was about to die again. About how much she didn't want to go.

"I just kept think that I didn't have enough time … or that I had wasted what little time I had. I understand if you guys …," she trailed off as she realized that we still had company here in the room, "I understand if you don't want to accept my proposal, but I had to ask. I'm not going to waste any more of my time on being miserable in self-denial land."

_She deserves some happiness … any happiness … and if this is what she thinks she wants, well, I'll try to give it to her. If having the two of us is what's going to make her happy, then I need to not only accept sharing her attention with Spike … I need to help him accept it too … god, I think I'm going to be sick._

"I told you already that I accept," I smiled at her as the doctor finished up. I turned towards Spike, "and for her sake, I hope you think a little harder about this and take her up on it. Xander, let's go talk strategy regarding the strange vamp gang. They need a moment."

As the two of us walked out of the room, trying to ignore Spike and Buffy's dumbfounded looks at me, only one thought screamed through my head.

_What the hell have I just done?_


	17. Slivers

****BUFFY POV**- Slivers**

_What the hell did he just do? Did he just tell Spike that he wants him to reconsider? Um … holy crap!_

In my shocked state, I reached back down and grabbed the bottle of Maker's Mark that Xander had brought me to dull my physical pain.

_Here's hoping, it'll dull some of the emotional trauma I know I'm in for too._

I only got a few gulps of the burning liquid down before Spike caught my eye. In one swift movement, he was right back by my side and swiped the bottle from my hand. I had hoped that he would stay there, but he bolted back to the other side of the room and began to chug the remaining fifth of the bottle.

"You know, us being in this position? It's all your fault."

I waited for Spike to stop his indignant choking on the last draft of the liquor at my comment. He looked at me like I had suddenly announced I was going to get a gender reassignment surgery, but I had made up my mind. He needed to know how things would have gone down; even though we can't change the past he needed to know how I felt.

"Have you gone sack of hammers? How is you wanting to boff both that tosser and me my fault?"

"It's your fault because you didn't believe me. Or maybe you didn't believe in yourself, I don't really know. Either way, you didn't come find me when you got your body back. If you had …" I tried to explain, but he cut me off.

"You'd of what? Welcomed me back with open … arms?" Spike leered at me with a heavily sarcastic and disbelieving tone to his voice.

"Can you turn that crap off for one fucking minute?"

"I'll try, but it's hard to turn off natural swagger like mine luv."

"Would it help if I told you your swagger was only a part of why I was attracted to you in the first place? That it wasn't until you let it fall completely away and let yourself be unapologetically vulnerable that I fell in love with you?"

"Love …," he murmured in a sad voice.

"Yes, love. I meant what I said to you in the hellmouth Spike. I had fallen completely in love with you; I realized it the night that Robin and Giles tried to snuff you behind my back," I tried to strangle the pained laugh that bubbled up out of me but I couldn't, "thinking I'd lost you as I ran over there … god it killed me … and if Robin had succeeded I would have killed him. I knew I had to tell you, knew you deserved it, but there were little kids dying all around us and Xander and Caleb … I decided I would tell you when it was all over. When we finally had time to just … stop. But you decided to be all noble … for so long after that day, after I lost you, I had to convince myself what you said to me down there was your selfless way of ensuring that I'd leave. That you did believe me, but that you knew that I wanted to stay with you; go down with the ship. God I was such an idiot."

"No slayer, Buffy, don't say that."

"Why not, it's true isn't it? I'm either an idiot for thinking that you'd believed me, or an idiot for believing you loved me in the first place."

"Shut your gob about that. I may have done some unloving things, but I have never lied to you about just how much I love you."

"Really," I snorted, not trying to hide the derision in my voice this time, "hey, remind me, how long did it take for you to get recorporealized from when you came back as a ghost? How long was it for you from the time we had our little moment where I showed you my heart, before you decided to stick it to Harmony?"

Spike looked down at the ground, the very picture of a shamed child who knew the answer but didn't want to say it. He mumbled something, and not hearing him I pressed him again for the answer, causing him to once again dip into the anger pool. He tossed the empty bottle against the far wall, shattering it in a burst of glittering slivers of glass, before yelling his repeated answer at me.

"It was only four months; it was near four soddin' months! There, are you happy now?"

"I haven't been happy in a long time Spike," I sighed, "If you had come back to me … I'd like to think that I would have finally given you what you claimed to have always wanted. I would have opened up my heart to you, would have joyfully worked hard to iron out our issues, and I would have shown you everyday how grateful I was for your existence. But you didn't come back, so I guess we'll never know if it would have gone down that way."

"So, you're telling me that if I had just knocked on your door we would have been together? You're trying to tell me that you wouldn't have even taken Angel: the new and unimproved human version into consideration if he had popped on by after we became an item, aren't you?"

"I can't say that it wouldn't keep me up at night thinking about the possibility … but I would never break up with you or anyone special in my life just to be with Angel because I could. I'm a very loyal person Spike and you know that. If I loved you and made a commitment to you then I would have stayed exclusive even if Daniel Craig himself begged to kneel at my feet. That's about the short of it."

"You're memory must be fading Slayer; there's nothing short about me luv," he smirked at me.

"Wow, what was that? Almost five whole minutes before you returned your mind to the gutter?"

"I know, quite the record innit?" he chuckled to himself before getting serious again, "I'm sorry you know. I wanted to come back to you so badly but when I was finally able to …"

"I know, I heard the lame-ass excuse about not wanting to sully your grand exit already," I interrupted him.

"Let me finish, will you? I was scared; a complete coward. I didn't want to come back and find out if you really … if you really meant what you said down in the hellmouth, because if you didn't then I could stay away from you and never find out the truth. I could go on pretending in my dreams that you did. Or even worse, if you did, but if things still couldn't work out for us … I don't think I could have handled that kind of heart break either way."

_God … he looks so crushed right now … like a lost little kid … who tried way too hard to look like a punk moron._

"Come here," I lifted my hand closest to him and motioned for him to get closer. When he eyed my warily, like I was going to kick him while he was obviously down, it felt like something in me broke … again; so I asked again, "Spike. Please?"

He still didn't come any closer, so I made up my mind to go to him. The second my breath hitched in my throat, a side effect from trying to sit up while my guts still wanted to come outside to play apparently; I felt a hand on my shoulder. There was Spike, pushing me back down and looking at me like I was the most adorable idiot he had ever seen.

"You're not exactly dressed for getting' up and walking around kitten, not that I mind. Not to mention that you just had more stitches put in you than an old sock. You might wanna stay down for a bit."

_Wow, I forgot that all I'm wearing, besides my own blood and sweat, is a thin sheet. Did I really just have the 'I wanna be a skank and date both of you' talk nearly buck-naked? Why yes, yes I did. I think I'm ready for my ho-bag of the year award now._

I grabbed his hand before he could pull it away and held it between my own. We were quiet for a while; him looking down at his hand in mine and me focusing on the feel of his skin. Finally, I screwed up my courage to speak again.

"Love is scary. I get that, but I really do feel that way for you. I just want an opportunity to see if we can be happy. If we could really grow even more than we already did during our time together before you made your grand exit."

"It wasn't enough though, was it? To want to be with me and only me?"

"Oh look whose talking. I'm not the one who was pretending to be Hugh Heffner with a gaggle of she-demons fawning over me. Since you've come back to life," I rolled my eyes and giggled in an attempt to cover the hurt in my voice, "just how many woman or woman-like beings have you had sex with? Did you feel anything for any of them other than horny? For me; since our last night together before the showdown with the First there's been only one person and she didn't even have the right equipment!"

"Point taken slayer. Alright, so I mucked up my chance to have you to myself. I want you to be happy, I do. Hell aside from a nasty habit of thinkin' you're the center of the bleedin' world most of the time, you've done enough to deserve askin' for something extraordinary like this every day of the week. I just don't know if I can stand around and see you with that wanker!"

"I understand. I wanted to break that blue bitch's neck when I saw her today, and you haven't even slept with her," I said with a harsh snap in my voice, "if the werewolf girl had been there I would have felt the same way about her too. It's not fair, me asking you guys this, and I know that. I'm just displaying another prime example of my self-centeredness. But I need you. I need to try. I'll never forgive myself if I miss out on showing you how I feel, or showing him how I still feel."

He scrunched up his eyes at that, and I could see the ache in his heart written all over his face. I was getting worried that he might throw another hissy fit; it was worrisome that this time he didn't have a bottle in his hands to toss if he felt the need to physically unleash but I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

_Can't say the same though for our limited supply of medical equipment right next to me on the table though …_

Slowly I saw his face clear and one of his rare, gentle smiles bloomed in place of the darkness. He ran his free hand over his hair; a subconscious gesture probably ingrained in someone who hasn't seen himself in over a century to make sure his hair was still styled just so. As he lowered it, instead of letting it drop to his side he tentatively laid it on the top of my head before running his fingers through my own bottle-blonde locks. I burrowed my face in his palm as it trailed down to cup my cheek, and I tried not to notice his smirk as my heartbeat jumped.

_I know he thinks its excitement, lust … and alright maybe there's a tiny bit of that. But the mere fact that he is showing me affection right now, after everything we've talked about tonight and knowing his reluctance to give me what I'm asking for … that's what is making my heart go all pitter-patter right now._

"So, you really missed me?" Spike smirked at me.

"I cried every night for you till I had no more tears. Which didn't run out until around month eight for me. After that, I just was too drained and numb to keep crying so I just shut everyone out. Well, more than I ever did before anyway."

He gave me a look that I couldn't really interpret. It was like he didn't believe me, but he so badly wanted to.

"I'm serious. If we ever get out of here you can ask Willow. I nearly begged her to bring you back. It was a mystical death, and she had done it before. But we didn't have a body, or dust, to bring back. And I knew that if you had been consulted on bringing me back you would have said no, because you know just what can go wrong. In the end I decided not to ask her, because I didn't want you to go through what I had gone through."

"Well, considering that I was already back I'm glad you didn't. Who knows what would have gone wrong with her voodoo whoodoo if she tried to resurrect someone who was already back from the dead," he chuckled.

"I wonder … any possibility that it would have turned you human?"

"God I hope not. But just in case, let's not try it out. Have you seen how weak the poofter is recently? I'd rather drink holy water than be like that. 'Sides, now that I've found you again, you honestly think I'd give up my supernatural stamina? If I'm agreeing to this relationship trio of yours, I plan on wearing you out so that Peaches will never get a rise out of you," he sneered.

Before I could speak the slightly peeved response that was just on the tip of my tongue, I ran into a problem. Spike's tongue was already on the tip of mine, wiping away anything I had been about to say.


	18. Chaste

****SPIKE POV**- Chaste**

_You'd think, after having been begged by the girl of my dreams to start a relationship with her, that I'd be getting more attention from the vixen._

It seemed like we had been living here at the high school compound for a month by now, but I had no real way of knowing how long it had actually been. Time drags slowly when every second is the same; that and you're not getting something you want. Angel and I got our own rooms, thankfully not having to share with Xander anymore, and we fell back into the routine that had started to be established when we first spent some time here. Train the little chits, go out and search for survivors to save, try to stay alive, sleep, wake up, rinse and repeat. Every now and then we went by the Hyperion to check on the gang over there; exchanging info and supplies. Oh and evil looks with the ex's, we were exchanging plenty of looks with Illyria and Nina.

_I still care for Illyria, don't want anything to happen to the blue meanie, but if she mouths off ta me about Buffy one more time … it'll be a 'bang, zoom, right in the kisser' moment. Which will probably end with me getting smushed like a bug._

Buffy had healed up properly after her little spat with Freddy Kruger, but it took longer than I'd recalled her slayer healing working before. Must be the fact that she hasn't been taking care of herself for so long. Today had been her first real trip back out into the war-zone. Xander, Angel, and I had fretted over her like scared mother hens; we hadn't even let her sit up for a whole week at first and she near about socked us each time we treated her like an invalid. Both the great poof and I had tried to go with her on her first return to patrolling but she wouldn't hear of it.

_Silly cow, afraid that we'd be too distracted worrying about her and get hurt. Yeah right. She's just trying to avoid us again._

It's not like she'd returned to the 'don't talk to, don't look at' method she had employed when we first met up with her here in hell. Talked to both of us every day about non-mission topics in an effort to 'get to know us all over again'. Made eye contact to boot. But ever since the day she got sliced she made a point not to be alone with either of us. It was always the three of us together, or with Xander, or with the fuckin' army of brats. We'd kissed that day, and yeah it was bloody brilliant but it was …

… _chaste._

So, I was going barmy. I'd no right to demand more of her, had to respect the lady's choices …

… _but as a result of my own utter idiocy, I've waited for too long already. I'm love-starved, I'll admit it._

Surprisingly, it was the whelp who saw that both Angel and I were going nutters with frustration and decided to do something 'bout it. The boy must know what it feels like, surrounded by sweet young tail twenty four-seven as he is, but not able to touch. So tonight while we were waiting for Buffy's return, the three of us went out to a disused courtyard, lit ourselves a little pit fire, and broke into an excellent bottle of tequila. And, as men are wont to do, all of us started out bullshitting each other. Then that became favorite war stories and battle scar comparisons. Which, obviously, Xander won by simply pointing at his patch. It wasn't until the bottle was nearly gone that we degraded into 'guy talk' about women. Or specifically one woman in particular, and wouldn't you know it? Guess who butted in on our lively debate but the subject matter herself?

"Oh my god, not you guys too," she sighed as she tossed her arms up into the air.

"What too? Who too? We weren't doing anything," Xander proclaimed, plastering drunken innocence as best he could all over his face.

"I just came from putting the kibosh down on all the girls for chatting away about my personal life, only to find that the three of you are gossiping about it too! I have to say though that I'm surprised that the girls were even more vulgar then you guys."

"Vulgar? You want vulgar? I'll not let a bunch of teenage twats beat me. So gents, as I was saying, I know for a fact I was the first she let bugger her up the arse. We all know Peaches here was the one who popped her, and I'll put money down that says Mr. Corn-Fed Iowa Boy was on the receivin' end of her first hummer."

"Spike!"

"Not really arguing with you, but how do you know it wasn't me?" Angle slurred as Buffy's mouth dropped.

_Don't blame her; I haven't seen the git this open and willing to talk about his sex life since he was Angelus. Human Angel can't hold his liquor._

"Well, typically getting' head comes before shaggin' though it was the other way 'round for us, wasn't it pet?" I asked with a leer as Buffy threw me a look that spelled out my doom, "Anyway, you two had a fairly 'normal' build up in the relationship comparatively speakin', so I reasoned if you were gonna do it, it would have come first. An' if that's the case we woulda seen your not-so-pleasant alter ego rear up a bit sooner than we did. Not to mention that you're just too much of a goody-goody white knight pansy-ass to have asked your sweet lil' girlfriend to go down on yer knob."

"Hey!" Mr. Caveman-brow next to me yelled as I saw the slayer's face turn six shades of red. From embarrassment or being brassed off I couldn't tell, but either way it was cute as hell.

"Yeah," Xander chuckled from across the fire at me, "but how did you deduce that Riley was her first try with oral?"

"You're actually encouraging this? You are such a Judas," Buffy grumbled indignantly.

"Hold on there messiah-complex girl, there's no TV here in hell and when guys are bored sex is obviously the only thing to do. Since none of us are getting any," he stated as Buffy suddenly felt the need give a thorough inspection of her shoes, "talking about it is the next best thing. You might be able to pull rank and shut the girls up, but you can't with us and we need some entertainment before we go all Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining'. If you don't want to hear it you've got two working legs, but I'd stick around for damage control if I were you."

She looked at all of us with a deadly glare for a good minute, but after realizing that the boy was right and she couldn't intimidate us into stopping her shoulders slumped in defeat. She walked over to Peaches and I saw red for a moment, thinking that she was going to sit next to him, but she quickly grabbed the bottle of tequila out of his hands before going back and sitting next to Xander across the fire from us. As she took a swig she motioned for me to carry on with a dismissive flip of her hand.

_Well, at least she's not hitting me. Or sitting next to the poof._

"Right, so I figured that her one-night stand boy wasn't her first. He looked too much like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type to really get into foreplay. Whitebread was her first because I know Nancy here wasn't and there was no way she could be that … skilled right off the bat. Bloody well made me pop after five seconds the first time she did."

"You sure that you weren't just having performance issues Bleach Boy?"

"You shut your yap," I pointed a threatening finger at Xander as Buffy choked on her alcohol, "If ya need proof that I'm a bona fide marathon man ya got a witness right here who can vouch for me from experience, ins't that right Pet?"

"Well when you're right, you're right. I'll just ask," he turned his head towards Angel and laughingly asked, "so Angel, how long can he go?"

_The little bastard … how did he know?_

I felt myself freeze, which I know is a tell but I can't seem to break myself of the habit when I'm stunned with the truth. A quick look to my left catches Angel looking ever the part of the bashful virgin as he looks at anything and everything except the people around him. The bird remained surprisingly cool and calm as Xander's eye popped out of his face and his jaw dropped.

"Oh man, I'm right? You two have … you know, I don't really want to know exactly what you guys have done. But I knew it! When we get back, Willow so owes me money for this. Buff, you're my witness right? Hey, why aren't you freaking out about this?"

Buffy suddenly was the one with the dear-in-headlights look about her, and she stalled as she took another deep gulp of the bottle. There was a war going on behind her eyes as she looked from the ground, the prat, and me and back again. Finally, she took a big breath and let it out before turning her gaze back to the whelp.

"Because it's not news to me. I knew."

"You told her!" I jumped up and yelled at the knob end.

"You told her!" he jumped up and yelled at me at the same time. Buffy quickly jumped up too and raised her hands in an attempt to calm to situation down.

"Neither of you ratted out the other, I promise. I found out when I was in Heaven."

All three of us guys looked at her like she had just told us that she wanted to be penguin when she grows up. Angel and I slowly sat back down while staring at her, but Xander was the one who voiced out exactly what the rest of us were thinking.

"What? Huh? I'm sorry, what?"

"You have a lot of time on your hands there. An eternity actually. You sorta get to know everything from the past if you want …," she looked sheepishly at the ground, "so I spent a lot of time looking into events from everyone's lives … especially Angel's life, and that's when I saw them together. You can look in on what's happening on Earth and what has come before; not to mention the strange but comforting mind-meld thing all of the other souls up there and I were doing let me think with everyone who had ever died at the same time. We shared memories, emotions, experiences …"

"Buffmiester," the boy looked at her agog, "why didn't you tell us about this before? Why wait till now?"

"When I came back, do you really remember me as being in the state of mind to get into a deep but uncomfortable talk about the aspects of paradise letting me voyeur into everyone's personal moments? I wasn't lying though about needing to be all open and honest with these guys though, so now seemed like a good time for this topic. After everything that I saw … I just couldn't talk about it back then. It would have hurt more than just me to bring it all up."

"You saw … everything? Do you remember it all?" Angel asked hesitantly as he stared cautiously into her face. She looked right back at him in silence for a good long time and I caught Xander's raised eyebrow and knew he and I were probably thinking the same thing.

_The tosser's probably panicking because the sordid past he tried so hard to keep from sullying his lil' princess's ears, she actually got to see it. Here comes the self flagellation marathon …_

"Most things are … fuzzy. I didn't bring back all of what I saw clearly, and some stuff is completely gone but it's weird because I know I'm missing some things. I just don't know what they are; like Dawn and the Key thingy. I died for it, so I know I must have looked up the history of the Key and how Dawn came into my life; or what our real memories must have been before the monks tampered with our minds. But I don't have a single memory of looking that stuff up."

"Why? Why can't you remember everything?" Xander asked her.

"I guess … I guess people weren't meant to come back from paradise. I think either the human mind can't function that why, or that the higher ups don't 'allow' me to bring back all of what I had seen with me in my head. Like I still don't have the big answers to questions about God existing or why bad things happen to innocent people. But Spike and Angel, or Angelus I should say, and their manly fun time together is one of the few visuals I got that stayed with me loud and clear. It was surprisingly hot."


	19. Dirty

****ANGEL POV**- Dirty**

_Wow … I guess I really don't know her very well anymore. Cause really? She thought that seeing me and Spike together that time was … hot? I don't know what to think about that. Relief that she isn't grossed out and running from the sight of us? Apprehensive that now that the three of us have agreed to try this weird relationship thing that she'll want a repeat performance, in living color? Scared or thrilled about just how wild she's become? I just … wow. _

Spike couldn't stop laughing at her statement, but eventually he managed to pull it together and it turned into a chuckle. It was his defense mechanism for when something completely threw him for a loop, and then as he made eye contact with a bashfully smirking Buffy I saw him pull out the head tilt brow lift combo that made my blood boil. I couldn't do anything about it though as I felt that I was just staring at them in shock. Xander was just making gagging faces before shaking his head to dislodge the mental image.

"Blegh. For the love of god can we please change the topic off of sex completely? I'd feel a lot less like vomiting."

_I'd like to second that motion, except … she says that she was able to see everything. But she doesn't remember everything. Did she see all of the bad things I did in my past; feel everything in the first person like Cordy? What about my one day as human before, our few perfect hours together that I had to have swallowed in time to protect her? Would that day even count in heaven enough for them to replay it for her?_

"You sure you don't want to talk about sex anymore? I was going to give you guys a definitive answer to the 'who was Buffy's first blow job' question. Like I said, gotta put my honesty where my mouth is … and I don't want the three of you making shit up about me. I am the only one who knows for sure after all," she said with a faux-innocent voice as she nudged Xander with her shoulder playfully.

"Come on Buffy, we already figured out it was Ri. Besides, why would you tell us the truth? You don't exactly like your personal business being spread around."

"Well you figured wrong, on both counts. You guys already know most of my personal business anyway. Plus you all know that if I hear that anything I'm telling you now is repeated outside of the four of us I'll kill you all. Does everyone keep forgetting that I had a life before Sunnydale? Pike was my first orally-based encounter."

"Luv, I woulda've remembered you and I never even got a glimpse of you till Sunnyhell," the blonde idiot stupidly pointed out from beside me.

"She said 'Pike'," I barked at him in a clipped voice, surprised that I had shaken out of my shock-induced coma, "not 'Spike' you moron."

"Who?"

"Pike. We went to school together but lived in completely different social circles till I got called and saved him from his vamped-out friend. He helped me defeat the Big Bad that killed my first Watcher, we burned down the gym, and then we ran off together and hunted vamps along the way," she let a small, privet smile grace her face before hiding it quickly and flicking a look up at me, "He started the whole trend of men leaving me for my own good too; told me I didn't need him as a distraction and left so I went back to my mom."

_Damnit. I thought that her reaction to my leaving was in part due to the way things went with her father. I knew about Pike from that period of time when I watched over her in LA before she came to Sunnydale, but I had no idea about the issues involved in their break up. No wonder she took my leaving so much harder than I thought she would. Not that I thought that it would be easy for either of us but … _

In spite of what I was thinking though, which was all calm and rational, something else completely came bursting out of my mouth. Something that sounded a lot more judgmental, irrational and jealous to my ears than I would have liked.

"You were only 15 and giving blow jobs!"

I immediately regretted saying that. I never wanted to make Buffy feel dirty or ashamed for telling me the truth.

_For someone who is constantly told that he has problems talking and opening up, why do I keep finding myself saying too much?_

"Oh please, she was only one year older when you started chasin' after her and this Pike bloke was at least her own age. Even if you had been a human when you met her you were still ten years older, you dirty old man," Spike objected. Buffy though didn't seem too upset by my outburst and just took it in stride with a shrug of her shoulders.

"What can I say? I had only just found out I was chosen, lost all my friends, my parents had put me in a mental hospital for two weeks, I saw my first Watcher die trying to save me, I set my school on fire and got expelled all in a matter of months. My parents were getting divorced; I just couldn't handle it at home anymore and when we heard about a vamp nest in Vegas we ran off to go take care of it. He was the only one who knew it all and was still there for me; plus he was hot! We were two hormonal teens traveling together, riding all day on his motorcycle, sleeping in seedy hotel rooms for weeks, and killing gross evil things. I didn't know if I was going to live to even make it to 16, and in that kind of atmosphere things were just bound to happen. Hell I'm surprised I made it out of the relationship a virgin!"

"Well," Xander began cheerily after a prolonged awkward silence at Buffy's outburst, "thank you Buff, for giving me yet another reason to regret not being cool enough in high school for you. If I had known that you were already open to doing that I would have tried harder …"

"Harder? Xan, is that even physically possible? You did try ridiculously hard back then …" she rolled her eyes.

"You know what? I would like to bring up my earlier proposal of not talking about sex anymore. It apparently either leads to a disturbingly manly place or taps into my obscenely huge amount of disappointment over my teen years. Why don't you tell us about the first mission back out there now that you're in one piece again?"

Buffy nodded as she took another drink of the tequila, finishing off the bottle, and Spike pulled out a packet of cigarettes. Instead of grabbing the first one that jumped out after shaking the pack, he stepped up and leaned over towards Buffy. I couldn't figure out what he was doing and even Xander looked at Spike in confusion, but the look on Buffy's face was one of disbelief; one of betrayal. But then, in a sigh of defeat, she reached into her own pocket and pulled out her own packet of cigarettes to the obvious shock on Xander's face. Oh, and on mine. I could feel the shock forcing me to squint my eyes and rip my jaw down once again. Spike just chuckled lowly and then lit her cigarette with his Zippo before lighting up himself and sitting back down.

"Thanks so much for that Spike, you knew this was a secret," Buffy grumbled at him, before raising her voice in that uncomfortable tone she uses when she wants to breeze by a topic quickly, "so, anyway, the mission? It was uneventful and fruitless. If I was a suspicious person Xand, I just might think that you sent a large team to the area yesterday for a sweep to make sure I wouldn't face any action."

"Good thing you're not a suspicious person then, so my ass is safe," he said as he continued to stare at the cigarette she had pressed between her fingers, "did you find any leads though?"

He was referring to the fact that she had decided to go back to the spot where she had gotten injured, hoping to find something that could give us some insight on the vampires that took the slayers. We knew that they were still alive; the witches had cast several locator spells by now. The spell results though, while proving that the women were still living, could not give us a good reading on where they were. Apparently, someone or something with stronger magics was blocking their efforts.

"We we didn't find any hard evidence at all of the vamps or my slayers, so we canvassed the area for anything alive to interrogate. Brought back some civilians who'd seen this group before, but they don't know where the vamps go. We're at a dead-end here and I don't know what to do next."

She sunk her head into her hands and just heaved a huge sigh as Xander gave her a one armed hug that had both Spike and I watching him very closely.

_Why does he get to be so casual with the touching when she still keeps us at arm's length? Did I just refer to Spike and I as an "us"? God, this is all getting way too screwed up..._

"Come on Slaymaster General, we'll find them so buck up my little buck-a-roo," he tried to comfort her.

"Listen to your gut pet. What's it telling you that your noggin ain't. That'll give you the next step."

After taking one last deep drag on her smoke, she flicked it out into the night and gazed at the shower of glowing embers it left in its wake.

"I wanna go back, tomorrow. Widen the search at bit; head out in the direction the van was aiming for. Maybe keep the helicopter with me for a while and ride around to get an aerial view, see if there is anything I couldn't have noticed on the ground."

_I wish I could help her … with all the turmoil going on here in LA though she has better resources than I do in her magic team. What do I have? A loud-mouthed, bleached thorn in my side. A not quite human son who is barely getting his memories back on how to hold his own. A former god-king who doesn't like me. A friend's ghost who is being forced to work for the enemy. A pissed off ex-girlfriend who is stuck between human and werewolf state. I've got no link to the PTB, to the mystic side of things …_

Suddenly, it hit me on what we could try. I looked over at Spike, hoping that he would back me up.

"Spike, should we try taking her to Silverlake? Think he would help us?"

"He helped you when all the lords tried to take you down, didn't he? I'm sure that if he knew it was for such a cutie like our girl here, he'd pull out all the stops to help. Just not sure that she'd be willing to do what she needs to in order to get his input. S'not like she's never done it before, but with a stranger …"

"What the hell are you two talking about? And why is it that it sounds like whatever you are thinking of making Buffy do is going to be naughty?"

I shot Xander a dirty look before noticing that Buffy was looking wary as well.

"Oh god no, it's nothing like that … why does everyone's mind always end up in the gutter? We're talking about singing for our friend Lorne …"

"The empath demon who abandoned you after the grand last stand?" asked Xander from across the fire.

"Got it in one mate."

I waited for Buffy to respond to the fact that she would have to sing if she agreed to this with apprehension, but instead of acting reluctant a small smile graced her face for a flash before it disappeared. She instead seemed to be seriously mulling it over before throwing in her two cents.

"Singing to let out secret information? Sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it boys …" she smirked at Xander before for sharing a look for Spike. Xander suddenly looked a little guilty, but Spike looked like he was lost in pleasant memories.

"I'll do it though. Even though I'd really rather not sing … I'll take one for the team and belt out a few embarrassing bars. We can head out tomorrow after I get back from my sweep of the area were the kidnapping vamps were last seen."

"Tomorrow, huh? Seems like a lot of maneuvering for one day … you want to go over the game plan for tomorrow now pet?" Spike asked.

Buffy quickly lowered her eyes and began the fidgeting I could identify right away as part of her "avoidy" behavior. She was about to say something that obviously, someone listening would not want to hear.

_Please let it be Spike, please let it be Spike, please let it be Spike, please let it be Spike …_

"Yeah, um I wanted to talk to you guys about that actually. I'm going to try and get a few hours of shut-eye if I can, and then roughly 5 hours from now I want to take a small team out with me for the sweep. Angel?"

_Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap …_

"Do you want to come with?"

_YES! She obviously left out Spike's name for a reason … she wants to spend time with me … alone … oh god yes …_

"Uh …," I paused as I quickly looked away from Spike's death glare and Xander's raised eyebrows towards her. She looked hard, but at the same time vulnerable; like she was trying not to let me know that she wanted to spend some alone time with me.

"Sure, I guess I'll try to get some sleep too … come wake me up when you're ready to go."

"Ok, don't drink anymore and try to head in soon. We'll go out on the chopper and then come back here to pick up you two," she nodded towards Xander and Spike as she stood up, "before we head out towards Silverlake. I'll see all of you in a little bit."

She turned and took a few steps away from the fire back towards the main building, but then paused. Quicker than my human eyes could really absorb, she turned back around and was right in front of Spike. She gently took his very pissed-off looking face in her hands and laid a soft kiss on his lips. Before I even had the chance to get angry or say something stupid, she took one step away from him and gave me the same treatment. Then, just to make sure he didn't feel completely left out I guess, she gave Harris a hug and a peck on the cheek before heading back into the building.

"So … you two actually agreed to this unholy triangle relationship with her? Without killing each other while the other is sleeping?"

Spike and I both confirmed his question with what Cordy once told me was 'the guy grunt' as all three of us watched the amazing view of the retreating slayer.

"You two are bigger idiots than I thought. Oh and insert standard cautionary statement here in regards to either of you hurting her equals me killing you; human or not, soul or no soul …" he paused and chuckled to himself quietly for a moment before continuing, "good luck, you're gonna need it."

It was the first time since I knew him that I would ever consider using the words 'Xander' and 'right' in the same sentence.


	20. In Tune

***A/N***: Warning kiddies, thar be smut in these here waters! Finally! My very first attempt at writing explicit lemon, so no need to be gentle because I'm already disappointed in it. Let's face it; all of the first times in life never go very well. Practice makes perfect though, and I promise you won't have to wait long for the next bit! And wow, longest chapter I've written so far for the story.

****BUFFY POV**- In Tune**

_Oh boy, I have nothing but a track record for trouble …_

And from the little looks I caught Angel giving me all day so far, the ones that made me shiver in a very good way, I was about to add a new incident to the 'trouble' list. Like it really needed to be any longer.

_He so has the wrong idea about why I asked him to come out with me today … and I betting Spike does as well. There's another land mine that I'm going to have to diffuse when we get back to base …_

We had been out on this jaunt back to the site where I had been injured some time ago now for a few hours. I think; it was really hard to gauge time here what with the sun and moon in this dimension being inseparable best buddies. Anyway, after finding nothing at all with the multiple helicopter sweeps I decided it was time to bring the bird down and start on foot.

_Maybe we'll actually find something today and I won't have to go sing for Lorne … even though I can't wait to see him again after never getting the chance to say goodbye when I left L.A. … what am I going to do about Angel and his come hithery looks? I did ask him to come along today because I needed to have a serious conversation with him away from everyone, but now I'm not so sure that being alone together is a good idea at the moment._

"Ma'am? Miss Summers? What are our orders?" asked one of the four experienced slayers I had brought with us. I wasn't going to take any chances this time by bringing inexperienced women out with us; all four of these girls were some of the best from the troop directly under me in Scotland. Even thought that seemed to make little difference in saving Rowena's arm. I felt a shudder of sorrow and guilt run through me over the girl's loss of her arm, but I grabbed control of myself before anyone could see it. The memory of recent near-death events did help me decide right away though what I was going to do about Angel and the conversation I had originally brought him out here. It had to happen today.

"We're gonna spilt up: The four of you together is a safe enough number for you guys to spread out a bit but always keep each other in visual contact. You guys sweep west; Angel and I will sweep east. Keep eyes and ears open for any clues of a group of vamps or the slayers they took. If you find anything do not attack, just call me in and wait till we arrive. I call dibs on the fuckers that took Becky."

After arranging to meet back in the same spot in two hours, at which time the copter was supposed to swing back to pick us up, the girls took off in the opposite direction from us. Angel and I began our inspection cautiously; keeping to the shadows, moving slowly, hiding behind the remains of cars and buildings every couple of yards and overall just trying to be stealth-o-rific.

"Buffy …" Angel whispered from beside me, ruining the cool sneaky-silence thing we had going on.

_One thing I can always say about Angel, he's the only guy brave enough to always be right beside me. Not behind me like Giles and Xander; not in front of me like Riley and Spike. I don't begrudge any of them for needing protection or using out-dated ideas on womanhood to drive them to protect me (or in Spike's case, a deep desire to impress me. When he wasn't in front of me as an opponent anyway). Angel, either normal human or suped-up vamp, has always stood beside me as my equal._

"What?" I whispered back.

"Is your slayer-sense picking up on anything? My heightened vampire senses are gone so …"

"No, I'm not getting anything. I guess we can quit with the covert routine, huh?"

"My back would much appreciate it," he smiled as he let his voice come back up to a normal volume.

I couldn't help myself as I watched him uncurl himself back to his full height and then proceeded to stretch out his body.

_Well that looks very … satisfying. The stretch! The stretch! Not the body … oh who am I kidding …._

We smiled briefly at each other before continuing. After a few minutes we reached the intersection where all the badness had happened; the rotting but picked over carcass of the creature that attacked us was still there as a landmark. After a quick replay in my mind, I was able to spot the rust-colored stain on the weathered road that I was searching for. The spot that Xochi had bled to death.

"I know that you guys had a service back at the base," Angel said gently as I felt his arm come around my shoulders, "but if you want a minute to say something here I can keep some distance but stay on watch for anything nasty coming our way …"

_How does he do that? Read me better; know what's going on inside me even better than I do without me having to say a word?_

"No, I want you to stay. Just keep lookout for me, ok?"

He simply nodded his head as I stepped over to the bloodstain and knelt beside it. I reached into my pocket to pull out a wilted flower I had picked growing out of the sidewalk on my excursion the day before, and mentally said goodbye to my fellow slayer as well as I could. It's hard when you only know two things about a person: that she was a slayer and her name was Xochi. It was twice as much as most new slayers ever got from me when they died, and that thought saddened me to no end.

"The van took off in that direction," I pointed to the west when I was done saying my short goodbyes to yet another person I never got to know.

We made our way and when I felt like I was going to cry at the hopelessness I felt, the futility in even bothering to learn the other slayer's names when I couldn't keep them alive long enough to remember most of them, I suddenly felt Angel's hand slip into mine and squeeze. We glanced at each other but neither of us spoke. We didn't need to; everything was said in its entirety with that one gesture.

_God he … this man is just … again, how does he always do that? How can he be so in tune with me when we haven't seen each other in years; haven't spent a great deal of time together in more than that? How could he have ever left when it feels like he's still an actual part of me?_

We kept moving for a while, still holding hands like we had never been apart, and just as I started to think we would need to turn back something caught Angel's eye. Moving closer to it, I recognized it right away as the same handless com-unit all the slayers wore on their missions out here, plus the GPS device we all wore. They had both been crushed before being tossed out into the street.

"Well, now we know why none of your technology could get a bead on her. They must have found this stuff and thrown it out before Spike and I showed up at your base. Why did they toss this stuff, and yet there are no bodies of your slayers? Why are they keeping them alive?" Angel mused as he crouched down to get a closer look. Thankfully, I was slightly behind him …

_Behind … behind … god damn it look at his butt! I need to use Scottish Patter to aptly describe this … his arse is the barries … I could do coorse things wit dat arse all day long …_

I really should have been spending more time scanning our surroundings instead of gazing at Angel's backside. I only registered that we were not alone the second I heard the whooshing noise getting closer and closer before something hit me from behind. In an instant I was suddenly up in the air, being lifted higher and higher by some hentai-tentacly looking thing with wings.

"Buffy!" Angel yelled as something down below slammed into him as well.

I lost sight of him instantly; I was a little busy with my own problems debating getting away from this creature and being subjected to the whims of gravity at the moment. Grabbing the bowie knife I kept in my boot, I tried to calm myself and focused on the pattern of the beating wings above me. Picking up the rhythm, I waited for a down-swing of the wings before reaching up as high as I could and jabbing at the leathery skin of the wing I could reach. The demon let me go as we both plummeted back towards the concrete, and I tried to maneuver it between me and the ground rushing up to us.

_Please break my fall … please be full of soft feathers and bubble wrap … you own me you fucking creep!_

The landing wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be, and I immediately dispatched my attacker before rushing over to help Angel who was fighting some buddies of the thing that just picked me up. The fluidity with which we fought together further drove home what I had been thinking about earlier in our sweep. Back to back we protected each other and moved as one, never once needing to say a single word to alert the other when one of us made a single motion. We knew each other well enough that we didn't need anything else but our dual instincts.

_Spike always called what he and I did a dance and yeah, I could see that even then. But it was the equivalent to the manic thrashing around someone would do in a techno club compared to what Angel and I always did together … what we can still do now apparently … Angel and I? We're like the freakin' ballet together …_

Somehow we had ending up in an alley with our last attacker, and in one smooth motion Angel and I spun as one as my sword decapitated the thing and his disemboweled it. Slash, slash, dead. We stood there, panting, trying to catch our breath as we looked around to make sure that nothing else was about to pop out at us when our eyes met.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," I said as I quickly checked my arms where the pterodactyl wanna-be had grabbed me.

"That was …," Angel trailed off.

"I know …," I tried to say. It was weird that we both knew exactly what we were talking about but had absolutely no words to express it. We should have known that we wouldn't be able to do it with words.

"Buffy, god I missed this. That last time in Sunnydale we didn't really get the chance to …," he attempted to say, but was cut off by another attack.

The attack of me on him.

It must have been a 'Crouching Buffy, Completely-Obviously-Unhidden Slayer' thing because one second we were standing a couple of feet apart, and the next I made a flying leap-jump up to start manically pressing my lips to his.

_Hmmm … ninja kisses …_

In a move that was so smooth it was almost choreographed, he caught me and spun till his back hit the brick wall of the building we were next to. As Angel and I slid down the wall to the dirty ground of the alley, it felt like so many things were happening all at once. Our arms wrapped around each other like snakes as our hands threaded into each other's hair at the same time; our lips did battle of epic proportions as our tongues got reacquainted like old friends. I felt my legs spread to straddle his lap and I wedged myself as tightly to him as possible and still have us considered to be two separate people.

"Ah … damn … I missed this too …," Angel managed to say in between deep gasps for breath as he moved his mouth from my lips to my ear. In my position with my knees on either side of his hips, I could suddenly feel … exactly … how much he missed this.

"You have no idea … I only got one little taste of this …," I whispered as I continued to kiss all the available real estate of his face. To emphasize the last part of my statement I ground my hips down further onto his, the tortuously sweet friction making both of us release animalistic groans at into the stuffy air surrounding us.

_What am I doing … I'm not supposed to be doing this, right? I want to … I want so much … no. The curse is gone … I can … WE can … but why do I get the feeling that there's something I'm forgetting …_

Everything became an almost out-of-body experience for me at that point. It felt like someone else's hands unbuttoning the first few buttons of Angel's burgundy dress shirt. Someone else's hands running down his skin as someone else's mouth trailed kisses down his chest. Someone else's hands undoing his leather belt, opening his pants, and reaching inside …

_Oh … fuck … so much for out-of-body, __I need to be firmly brought back and in my own now. Not letting this experience pass me by …_

Angel moaned into the crook of my neck … some strangled sound caught between pain and ecstasy … before taking my cue and undoing my jeans. With every breath he took, Angel whispered my name like a prayer. I nibbled on his earlobe as I felt my baser side come out and play; there was no thinking about doing there was just doing. Want, take, have. But this wasn't a 'want', this was a need; like oxygen. Or chocolate. I couldn't even believe it myself when I brazenly began stroking his length. I vaguely was shocked at myself when I heard a long, loud moan pour out of my mouth that would have made a porn-star blush when Angel's fingers found my clit and began rubbing at a frantic pace.

_Thank goddess I had enough sense before all the kissing started to reach up and turn off my com-unit. It's not like we've never done anything like this before, things got a little hot and heavy in our make-out sessions before my 17__th__ birthday after all. But afterwards we could never go there again. Angelus haunted us. Except for that day he had rewound … but I don't have clear enough memories of that to compare. This is just different though. This is Angel … and I don't think that it's ever been this desperate between us before … like we'll die if we don't touch each other. Raw, pure need is a heady thing … heady enough to completely forget my original reason for asking Angel out with me today._

"Wait, wait Angel … oh god … wait, I need to stop," I finally managed to pant out between strokes that I REALLY didn't feel like stopping. I willed myself to stop pumping his cock in my hand but couldn't do it. The silk in my palm; the feel of him, something I had wanted for so long but only had a good clear memory of experiencing once ... I just couldn't stop. Plus, he kept making those delicious sounds that guys tend to make when … they're almost there … and I just wanted … I needed to make him feel …

…_more …more please …_

"This REALLY isn't the reason I brought you out here today Angel," I gasped as his blunt teeth made my skin sing on his way from my ear to the crook of my neck, "I thought we should talk … you know with the … speaking and … the hearing … and the lips …"

"Sorry, lips busy, please leave a message and try again later …," he murmured into my skin right before he latched onto the bite scar he gave me years ago and bit down. It wasn't hard, but it did have an edge of pain. Something that Spike had spent many a night teaching me wasn't all that bad during sexy fun time. It didn't help that his busy fingers redoubled their efforts at that exact moment. I lost all ability to protest again for a moment as I came hard under Angel's talented hands and mouth and my mind flew away to the stars to celebrate.

_Shit, Spike! God damn … I need to stop this now! I'm so pent up that he's getting me off with just a few minutes of making out and a happy hands routine? And by the way, just how cliché is it that I, a vampire slayer, get off on being bitten? There outta be a law against things like this!_

As I came back down and re-entered my body I started to realize that I might have just completely screwed up something important, and not in the good way. On shaky legs I pushed myself up and scrambled away from Angel, who looked like I had just left him in physical pain when I left him … hanging … like that.

"I'm sorry," I gasped as I bumped into the dumpster a few feet away from us, "I'm so sorry. I just … I needed to stop. This isn't … oh fuck …"

"Buffy it's ok. I should've stopped the first time you said something … I should be the one apologizing," he stopped himself when he saw the tears springing up in my eyes, "What's wrong? Are you ok? God I'm so sorry … it's no excuse but you kept going and I just … couldn't bring myself to stop touching you."

"No, no, I'm not upset with you," I sniffled right before I let out a manic burst of laughter as Angel stood up, "I'm pissed at myself. I started this; I kept going. I said 'stop' with my mouth when every other part of me was telling you something completely different! God … I'm such a skank!"

"What? No … Buffy don't call yourself that," he entreated as he quickly did his pants back up and softly put his hands on my shoulders. After making sure that I was looking up at him he continued, "Buffy, you are not a skank, and I'm not mad you needed to stop. I'm a big boy …"

_And how ... woof …what the fuck is wrong with me? Stop it!_

"… and I'll be fine."

He let me collect myself, even gave me a few clean tissues from his pocket to dry my eyes and blow my nose. As I zipped up my own pants, I looked back over at him and put on an apologetic smile.

"Ok, alright, I think I'm over my Tammy Fay Baker impersonation. Things have just been a bit crazy for me recently … well, you know. I guess I'm not dealing as well as I thought I would. Plus being around you tends to make me revert to a 16-year-old hormone bomb," I awkwardly laughed before we both fell into a prolonged silence.

"So, you brought me out here to talk? What about?"

"Oh boy."


	21. Block

_***A/N***: Another record-breaking amount of writing for me, 7 pages and pushing this story over the 50,000 word mark! Someone pointed out to me that Disneyland is not in LA county, so my mentioning that Fyarl demons had taken it over in chapter 7 was not in line with the comic cannon. I didn't make an error; I just really thought that it was a funny joke. I knew when I wrote it that the location was way outside of LA County because I live in LA County. Just wanted to say that I took a little creative license. Oh and also, I watch a lot of UK/British shows/TV and read a lot of works from there, but I'm not perfect when it comes to Cockney, and writing for Spike is my first attempt at trying to write in any form of accent. I've been using a lot of database websites for phrases, and I can only hope that I'm using them correctly. I'm debating putting up a lexicon for the terms I've used, because some of them are confusing to me. If you have questions about what something means, feel free to PM me and ask. Anyway, on with the show!_

****SPIKE POV** - Block**

_Bad day. Started out bad. So far, it's stayed that way. And I'm guessing it's only gonna get worse …_

Today was a goddamn bad day because of three reasons. Buffy had been alone with Peaches, out in the wilds of LA, for going on five hours at this point. Durin' all this time, I've done nothing but sit an' stew over what could possibly be takin' 'em so long. Reason the last? I was stone-cold sober for the whole thing.

_That an' I'm stupid enough to stick around, waitin' for her to get back … I really must be a bloody masochist. I should've just shoved off … gone back to the Hyperion, grabbed the Smurf, and gotten lost again._

Xander'd been by a while back, letting me know that kiddies had radioed in. Headed back towards the base apparently. Could even see the pityin' look the blighter gave me in his one eye.

_Not like I care … but I guess he would know most of all amongst us … what's it like to be in love with that girl and watch her go off with that poofter …_

Suddenly, I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard the helicopter approach and land out on the football field. They were back, and there was no soddin' way that I was going to go out to see them. Didn't want to watch the happy couple prance about, rubbing it in my face.

_No doubt in my mind what they'd been up to out there. So then … this must be the first test. Can I really stay now? I could handle it before when I knew that nothing untoward was goin' on; when she kept us both at arm's length. But now?_

A fast heartbeat caught my attention out in the hall. Hummingbird-fast heartbeat. It got closer and closer before it stopped in front of my door and just stayed there. I waited, lit myself a cigg, and sat back on the bed. Just waitin' ta see where this latest melodrama was 'bout to take me. When I finally lit myself my third cigarette in a row without so much as a cough in the hallway, I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands. When I finally opened the door, a very abashed-lookin' Buffy was looking straight back at me. She reeked of the git and desire … desire that had been acted upon.

"So … should go I congratulate Peaches? Or'd that Gypsy hubabubaloo carry over and we've got ourselves a human Angelus to sort out," I accused.

"Spike …"

"No, Slayer. Right now, after what's just happened between the two of you … you should just shove off. Don't want you hosting no pity party for me. Go wash off the evidence of your little romp and then send someone 'round when it's time to buzz on over to Lorne's."

"Spike wait," she huffed and pushed her way inta my room as I tried to close the door on her, "I took Angel out with me today because I needed to have a privet conversation with him …"

"And when did the meanin' of the word 'conversation' turn into 'a bit 'o slap an' tickle'?"

"God would you just let me finish? I took him out there to talk, and that was all I wanted. Just talking. But then we got caught up in moment and I let things go further than that … but I stopped. We stopped. We didn't do what you think we did."

"Shut up you Bob! I know you two …"

"You call me a liar one more time Spike and we're gonna have a problem. I've done nothing but try to be upfront with the two of you since you got here and you keep accusing me of denying the truth like I was Bill Clinton's protégé or something," Buffy interrupted me.

"There's already a problem you daft bint! I knew this whole thing would be a bad idea, and you'll not distract me with the fact that you really have picked up a bit of Cockney. Apparently, it's not the only cock you've been picking up recently," I said pointedly as I braced myself for things to come to blows.

I watched her struggle to stay calm, but was amazed that she didn't once look like she was about to pop me one. After a few deep breaths, she started again in a slow, even voice that carried the restraint of someone talking to an aggravatin' child.

"Angel and I made out. We made with the kiss-age and it led to touching, under the clothes kind of touching yeah, but we both stayed fully dressed. We did not have sex. I realized what we were doing and put the brakes on, and then finished the talk I took him out there for. I … I didn't want things to go down like that. I'm not going to apologize for wanting him or acting on it, but I will say that I regret the timing. It was too early for something like that … with Angel. I don't know how to put it any more plainly than that."

I took half a mo' to really look her dead in the eyes at her last statement. She wasn't shielding me, that's for damn sure, but she wasn't goading me either. Seemed understandin' bout why I was upset, but she was forcing me to face it and deal. Wasn't mad at me for being mad neither, but she obviously wasn't thrilled at my reactions so far.

_The chit really has grown up if her first reaction isn't ta sock me in the nose … bloody hell … this mean I have to grow up as well?_

"I'm not feelin' inclined to believe you pet."

"God damn it! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Spike … I want you to smell me."

"S'cuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm giving you a one-time only pass to really take a good sniff. You can pick up crazy details with your vamp senses, right?"

"Yeah …," I trailed off, tryin' ta understand where she was goin' with this.

"Is it reasonable to think that you'll be able to tell if someone has had sex compared to just fooling around?"

"Maybe …"

"Then go ahead. Get Sherlock Holmes-y on my ass and investigate. Deduce away."

"Just how thorough am I allowed to be luv?" I asked, feeling the leer spring up in my face. She surprisingly matched my leer with one of her own.

"As thoroughly as you want," she smirked up in my dumbfounded boat.

Everything seemed to slow down and get serious right quick. This wasn't a game we were playing at, or an argument, anymore. She was giving me permission to touch her, inspect her, as a way to try and prove that she didn't shag the life right back outta Captain Forehead the first second he had her alone. That she was offerin' ta give me this chance really caught me off guard and I noticeably hesitated.

"Spike, I'm telling you the truth but I understand why you don't believe me. I'm serious about this. If this is going to work between the three of us on any level, then there needs to be trust. Let me build it, starting now."

"Slayer … Buffy, I'm … I want to believe you … you hav' no bloomin' idea how bad, but …"

"I promise you, I stopped what we were doing when my sense came back to me. I just wasn't ready … I honestly wasn't ready to get to that place with him," she said quickly before reacting to the smile breaking out on my face, "you do know though that sometime soon I won't stop with him, right? I'm not going to apologize for that, and I'm not going to apologize about what goes on between you and I to Angel either."

"I know," I replied with a sullen, yet serious, air. We stood in silence, regarding each other with unflinchin' stares for what felt like a bleedin' eternity before she peeled off her fetching tan leather jacket.

"Well," she smiled softly, "start looking for the proof that you need. I insist."

Inna' fog I nodded and began to catalog every seemingly insignificant detail as my eyes flickered over her.

_Hair's a bit mussed. Cheeks a bit flushed. Lips lookin' decidedly bee-stung. Clothes slightly rumpled, but that could've been from scrappin'; can tell from the nearly healed scratches on her arms that somethin' nasty must've come after 'em out there. Hickey on the neck … right above the place where the wanker left that scar on her. The scar that's decidedly lookin' a bit red and puffy at the moment. Shit … even human, the blighter has ta claim her._

Had to give the bird credit, even with the disgruntled growl I let loose at that last piece of evidence, her eyes were unflinching in their gaze of my face. There was no shame, no embarrassment in those peepers as she watched me studyin' her. What I did find there in her eyes, oddly enough, was a look of encouragement. I stepped close, invading her personal space to the point that I only left an inch between us, and took deep drafts of air through my nose. I compared what I found with the little details my predator's senses had already noticed underneath the strong general smells of arousal and Angel all over her.

_Smell of coffee in her hair; must've come from when the sprag spilled coffee on his hands this morning … which I know he did because I 'accidentally' slammed inta his shoulder this morning when he was holdin' a cup. Her cheek, her neck … god what a neck … smell like the soap he washes his face with. The cotton top she's wearin' smells like that silk poncy number Angel put on this morning. Huh. This is about as detailed as I can get with things like this …_

"You sure about that 'as thoroughly as you want' statement luv?" I choked out next to her while lightly putting my fingertips on the straps of her tank top, knowin' she'd pick up my meaning.

"Very," she managed to get out without even a waver in her tone, but her racing' heart betrayed exactly how nervous she was. Ta prove her point, her hands came up and covered mine before guiding them to push her shirt an' under things down 'bout her waist.

_Glorious … wait! Don't get lost in the softness and the curves and the … shit, pay attention! I want to believe her, I do, but I need to know for sure if she's fibbin' about fucking Peaches. Can't stay if she thinks I don't deserve the gospel truth._

I could tell right away that the stupid brut hadn't paid any attention to her breasts, which sadly seemed a little smaller than I recalled. Probably due to the weight loss; just another reason to keep sittin' her down and force-feedin' her like a goose. The lines in her hide from where her bra bit into it proved that it hadn't been removed; her nipples, while constricted, weren't lookin' swollen or particularly hard from being played with. I needed to do somethin' with my hands before I lost myself in grabbin' at her, so I slowly reached out and gripped each side of her hips. The second I felt even this little bit of her, all warm an' soft … let's just say no one would blame me for losing all drive to continue with the investigation she'd set me on.

"I guess you would need me to be sans pants for this too, huh?" she asked while fiddlin' with the edge of her jeans with a strange timidness I'd never seen before. It was amazing, and I couldn't believe she was lettin' herself be any sort of vulnerable before me.

"Right, but uh, if you don't want …" I hemmed as I moved my hands to the clasp of her pants.

"Oh trust me; I'm big with the wanting right now. Seems to be a theme for the day," she muttered mostly ta herself.

Takin' her permission to keep going, I couldn't help myself in trailin' my nose lightly along her skin as I lowered myself inta' crouch before her. Noticed that it made her flesh break out in goose-bumps all over, an' it was all I could do to not say 'toss this' an' begin to drag her down with me for a bit o' bendy. Lowerin' her trousers an' knickers with one slow push I was instantly assaulted with the lingering smell of her earlier excitement. And some that was fresh. And Angel.

_Don't get fuzzy here, don't fly off tha handle … make sure … if I keep accusin' her of somethin' an' it turns out she was tellin' the truth I'll lose her for good. Better get back on track here; what can I tell if I pay attention and keep my head leveled out? Smell the coffee from his hands on her here too. She smells like she got her rocks off, the hormones give her away. Can smell the muskiness of her touchin' his wick on her one hand, but I don't get a whiff of that being anywhere near her honey pot. I don't smell any trace of the tosser getting' his … she left him in the lurch! Ha! So … she's been telling me the soddin' truth this whole time. Just a bit of foreplay before stoppin'. God, I'm an idiot._

I'd seen her starkers before, plenty of times, but this was different. It was all in the way she was lookin' at me. It wasn't the robotic dead-stare, or the disgusted self-loathing, that I was used to clouding her features when we first got together. It wasn't the look of a haunted, lost little girl looking for someone ta hold her she'd worn those last few nights we had together before the big bang in Sunnydale. It was a look that no one'd ever spared me before in my long existence. There was a sweet sheepishness in her eyes … like she was afraid she wouldn't measure up to my scrutiny. Like she was justa girl, and I was justa boy, and we weren't in a Hell dimension.

"I believe ya luv, believe that your tellin' me the truth. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"Oh thank god, I was really worried you'd just smell him on me and keep getting beat-y with that dead horse."

"Well now," I smirked up at her, "nervous are we? Someone here have a guilty conscience? Maybe I need be even more … intensive … in my search than I thought."

Before she could quip back at me I drove my face forward and closed the already microscopic gap between my face and the juncture twixt' her legs. It was more insistent, more than justa in-depth inspection this time. It was a man dyin' of thirst who'd just found the last bit o' water in an arid land and was lappin' away to stave off death. The sharp gasp that came from her drove me on an' I was startin' to push her legs further apart when her hands grabbed down on my shoulders and pushed my face back from her cunny.

"Spike wait …" she trailed off as she tried to catch her breath. Hated that she was stoppin' me, but loved to see that I'd already got her in a state inside of a minute.

_What's wrong with me! She just told me that she'd stopped Peaches … what made me think that this was gonna be any different? The bird's not ready … shoulda' taken this invitation and the flirtation at face-value … gotta respect the lady's choices … don't hurt the girl …_

"Hey! Spike! Don't go there, not again," the chit's voice pierced my brain as she squatted down next to me an' physically shook me outta' my own head, "there you are! Don't get lost in your own mind like that, please. I think we're all much happier with the less basementy you are."

"I'm sorry … you didn't want it and I was …"

"Oh god not you too … Spike, it's ok. I wanted that. I wanted to let you keep going but …"

"But you're not ready … for dear ol' grandad or me," I interrupted her.

"There isn't enough 'eewww!' in the world to cover that statement. But no, I do think I'm ready. Put a fork in me ready. Wow, that was a bad one … ok, so let me start over. Whenever things between us have been like this," she waved her had back an' forth between us, "before, we both know that it was all about me. Even those last few nights we had together in Sunnydale before the showdown with the First, it was about me."

"No argument here pet."

"Well that's a first …," she mumbled and laughed as she got up and made me stand up too, "anyway, right now we don't have a lot of time since we're supposed to already be in the air heading out to Silverlake but … I wanted this … when it happened … to be about you."

_I'd probably write that off as avoidance prattle if she didn't look so beautifully vulnerable sayin' it. She's being the very picture of sincerity … and she's let me prove to myself that she's tryin' hard to tell me the truth. Even if she knows I won't want to hear it. Right now, this is everything I've ever wanted from her; honesty, gentleness, respect, consideration. But I still have to share her … with him. But with her finally treatin' me the way I've dreamed of, do I really care?_

Still in a daze, I came back to myself when I realized that Buffy'd sat me down on the edge of the bed and was sittin' herself down in my lap. The kisses she sprinkled over my face were feather-light until she finally reached my mouth. I held her face there, deepenin' the snog, and just lost myself in her. Until she started movin' anyhow.

_What's she doin'? Oh … _

What she was doing was lightin' up off my lap and settlin' herself down in front of me. On her knees. Didn't even notice that she'd undone my pants till the heat from her hand on me made me feel an uncontrollable shake rack through my body, knockin' me back to my senses. It wasn't like we'd never done this before, post-resurrection and pre-soul we'd done the hell outta oral sex on each other, but once again this was completely different. Whenever she'd been up for ant an' decs in the past, she was always in control of it. Like she'd said, it was all about her an' what she was doing to me. Most time's it was like a demonstration of her power over me. She'd never kneeled before me; always had me lay back and she was always … always above me. I was always beneath her.

"Spike, Spike look at me," she asked when I closed my eyes as her hand closed over my knob. I opened 'em back up to look inta hers when she continued to speak to me, "I always closed my eyes before. I need things to be different this time. I need to see you; I'm not gonna block you out anymore."

With that she leaned down an' kissed me on my tip without ever breakin' eye contact with me. Her hand slowly began to slide up and down as that little pink tongue began ta flick along the sides. Short, unneeded breaths shook me an' I groaned mindlessly when she finally took me fully in her mouth and bobbed all the way down.

_God I love this woman. What I thought was love before between us … I'm startin' to see it was probably more like 30% love and 70% obsession … at least on my side. But this, this feels real. Know it was real before but maybe it just wasn't … pure. That's the word. This feels pure. I love her, I love her, I love her … I love her lil' hands. Her open eyes. Her loose, golden hair …_

With that thought my fingers began to itch with want, but I kept both hands at my side. In the old days she would punish me every time I tried to put my hand on her head during this act. She must've noticed my want though, because one of her hands reached out to guide one of mine to her crown as her other clasped itself over my hand still clenching the sheets. The primal male in me wanted nothing more than to take her permission and run with it; wanted to guide and push her to a frantic pace ina show of dominance, but I was too lost in the love pourin' out her eyes to break the moment.

"Buffy, Buffy, Buffy …" I began to chant as she licked and sucked me to the edge.

She'd never wanted me to finish in her mouth. Just one more thing she purposely denied me that I accepted back in the day, and even though this felt new for us I wanted to give her our old warning sign that I was about to blow my top. To my surprise, she smiled (which was a bloody feat considering what her mouth was already occupied in doin') an' kept going till a string of curse words … and other things … exploded outta me. I didn't believe it when she didn't move a twitch an' sucked down every last drop. I couldn't say anythin' as I dropped myself to the floor once we were done, wrapped her up in my arms, an' kissed deeply enough to still taste myself on her lips.

"I love you William, no matter how bad things have been between us," she said as she held my face between her palms and kissed me again, "or how idiotic either of us has been. And probably will be in the future. Now I'd love to get all after-glowy with you right now but the others are waiting for us. Let's go … if we're lucky maybe we'll find something to kill on our way back from me making an ass outta myself with Lorne."

_Great day. Started out bad._

_Didn't stay that way._


	22. Snippets

****ANGEL** - Snippets**

_She really loves him … she's really seen everything … she really loves us … she really wants to get to know Connor …_

I had a lot on my mind. So much in fact, that I barely registered anything after Buffy and I had our talk.

_Ha … talk … more like mental and emotional Holocaust._

It was almost scary how methodical and to the point Buffy had switched from nearly screwing my brains out to deadly serious relationship talk.

"_I'm ready for the next step … but I really don't want it to be in a grimey alleyway surrounded by trash and demon guts. Besides …"_

It was almost like she had outlined all the topics too. She must have dragged me back to the helicopter and we flew back to the high school at some point, but I remembered none of it. All I knew was that I was sitting in an empty helicopter, left to my own thoughts, as I waited for us to head out to see Lorne. Being left to my own thoughts was not a good thing; all I was doing was replaying the things she said on an endless loop.

"_I brought you out here today because even with all the up-frontieness we've had recently; you and I still have issues we need to talk about. This is possibly the worst timing in the world, but we aren't going back to base until you accept how I feel about Spike. I know you still don't understand why I love him … and while I don't own you an explanation, I think that with what I'm asking from you two you do deserve one. Maybe it'll help make things better between the three of us."_

She had explained to me how up until the whole dying and not going back to her bit, which she implied she believed was in large part due to my 'misguided Machiavellian' influence, Spike was the first guy who had not left her. That the longest she went without seeing him from the time she first chained him up in Gile's bathtub was the months he took off to go get his soul. To make himself better, to prove that he could be better. For her.

"_I didn't want to feel anything for him, lord knows I had a big bad history with vampy boys, but I guess it's like any other office romance. You work together every day, and after a while you just grow on each other like a fungus. He came to us helpless and starving looking for money, protection, and I think a little companionship from familiar faces. He was loud and annoying, and he always pointed out parts of yourself that you knew deep down were true but you hid from the world. Yeah he was evil, even when neutered, but after a while he became one of us. The rest of us couldn't see it but he was a Scoobie; the only ones who accepted him were my mom and sister until those last few days. Even after I died and he didn't have the excuse of trying to show off for me, he stayed on to protect my loved ones. Most of the gang didn't see him for who he really was until he was gone. But I did, and I loved him. I still love him."_

It was odd how similar her situation with Spike mirrored mine with Cordy. Loud, annoying, and a viper-like ability to attack the truth others tried to hide? Check. Only started hanging around for protection, financial security, and needing to see someone they knew so that they weren't lost in an inhospitable sea of people? Double-check. Someone who time and time again proved their worth to the cause, their loyalty, and showed themselves to be Champions when everyone around them underestimated them? There's another check.

"Hey man," Xander popped his head into the helicopter and looked me over, "you ok?"

"Yeah … I guess. Is it possible for humans to go into shock from information overload? It's been too long since I would need to know."

"You're talking about most high school students on a daily basis, but kidding aside I'm not sure. How are you handling the whole 'it's alive!' thing anyway?"

"Why does everyone make Frankenstein jokes at my expense? My forehead isn't that big …," I grumbled, "and besides, why do you care?"

"I'll admit it: I've never liked you, but things have changed. You always screwed around with Buffy's head when you were there, you wounded my male-teen pride by sweeping the girl of my dreams off her feet, and there was that extra special fun couple of months were you were killing my friends and making all of us fear for our lives … actually you know what? I'm making a pretty strong case for hating you passionately all over again."

"Can you just get to the point Ramblin' Man?"

"Hey good one," Harris smirked, "my point is that Buffy lost you three times. When you turned all Big Bad on us, when she had to send you to hell, and then when you left her. Each time I didn't understand how much it hurt her. The amount of sheer will it took for her to go on living after losing someone you love. She lost you, her mother, and in a way herself when we brought her back from the dead. And, as much as I hate to say it, Spike."

"I know what you mean," I muttered, thinking again on today's earlier events. Xander suddenly changed, his face looking decades older than his years, as he continued his explanation.

"I lost the woman I'd loved for years the same day she lost Spike, and for the first time ever I could understand. Understand the lengths she went for you, even though as far as she knew you two could never have each other again. Understand how Willow could have nearly destroyed the world in her grief for Tara. Even though I've had a hard time with you two cuddly vamps, I'm trying to put on my big-boy panties and be more accepting of you and Spike. If there's anyone in this world who deserves some pester-free happiness, it's Buffy. So me talking to the two of you like a grown-up? It's still all for her."

"Big-boy panties?" I stated questioningly, feeling the smirk spreading on my face.

"I hang out with a lot of women. 'Big-girl panties' is a common phrase in the barracks for some reason. I just picked it up," he laughed at himself, "This side of you? The one that makes jokes and is … well … more human? It's definitely helping me ease into liking you."

"Really?" I asked, not really believing him.

"I said it's helping, not that we're anywhere near the point of braiding each other's hair yet. Anyway I came out here to warn you that Spike and Buff are on their way out so … brace yourself."

"Huh? We just dropped down, didn't we? Why do I need to brace myself?"

"Man, the lawn dart's been on the grass for a while now. I don't know why you're all spacey but by my count you two have been back for almost fifty minutes now. And I'm trying to be nice and telling you to brace yourself because for fourty of those minutes, Buffy's been entrenched in Spike's room. When they came out … well, let's just say I've never seen Spike smile like that before."

"Like what?"

"Like …," he hesitated, "like he's actually happy, and not in the 'yeah evil!' or 'yeah killing things is fun!', or 'yeah I'm a smooth asshole!' way. It's like, well … like that," he pointed to the small group walking towards the chopper with Buffy and Spike in the lead.

Craning around the side so I could see them, I saw what Xander had been talking about. Spike did look different. Happy, but different. Has was casually holding Buffy's hand in his and looking more animated than I had seen since he got his soul. The smile on his face wasn't a lecherous leer or a sarcastic smirk, but more like someone who was finally whole and content. I'd even dare to call it wholesome looking, except for the telling swing in his step that I had seen many times before. The one that always made an appearance right after he'd spent some time alone with Drusilla.

_Mother fucker! And why am I so surprised … she all but told me that this was coming during our talk in the alleyway. Explained to me that she was past the point of ready for starting a physical relationship with each of us … but that it felt more 'righty' to start with him. And that if I ever told him that she'd said that, she'd rip out my ribcage and wear it as a hat. But I still didn't think she would 'begin' anything within an hour of saying that to me …_

Buffy, Xander, Spike, and the six other slayers piled into chopper's cabin and shut the doors behind them as we prepared for flight. To his credit Spike wasn't gloating or shoving anything in my face as he passed me and sat down one seat away, very pointedly leaving a space for Buffy between us. She blushed a little as she passed me before taking the seat Spike left her. Before I could even contemplate what it was that I was suddenly feeling about this entire situation, I felt her small hand slip into mine. A quick look informed me that her other hand was still holding Spike's, and that Spike had seen her grab mine, but it didn't seem to bother him as he bantered casually with Xander. I looked into Buffy's eyes and saw everything I needed to keep myself calm in them. It made me think about what she had said when I asked if Spike was going to get the 'I really do love Angel too' speech like I had just been privy too.

"_No. He doesn't need it, he knows. He's known from the second he saw us together that we love each other. What did he say to us, when we were going through that trying-to-be-awkward-friends phase? Something about us being in love until it killed us; about how we'll never be just friends? Yeah, that understanding didn't go away just because he fell in love with me. Even when he and I were … involved before his soul, I used every opportunity during our time together to rub you in his face and how he would never get in my heart like you had. It actually made for some crazy nights between us … but you obviously don't want to hear about that …"_

The sick thing was I had been having conflicting emotions on hearing about her past with Spike. The part of me that wanted to live in denial, even now when I knew I would be sharing her affections with him, was warring with the part of me that was dying to know every little detail about her. I'd gone from a life of protecting her alone from the shadows, to being surrounded by her light as she drew me to her like a magnet. She had shared every significant, and insignificant, detail of her life with me in her teenaged need to banish the silence when we spent time together. And then I returned to the darkness and left her alone; cut off completely from her life.

_And also? Still a guy here. While I could spend every last second of my days treating her with nothing but sweetness and love and be elated at being able to do so … there's a side of me I kept from her. I never wanted to taint her innocence with my primal side, especially the even darker demonic urges I felt for her. But after hearing snippets from Spike … and then after our talk today … I think I've finally realized that the carnality, the blackness, wasn't inside me alone. She has her own share. Dealing with this information is going to be … interesting …_

The only part of our conversation that gave me any sort of relief, or at least didn't make me want to push sharp objects in my ears, was when she finally opened up to me about what her existence was like during death. She confirmed my fears she'd had an in-depth experience into looking through the past like Cordelia had, but I could tell that she was being honest about not remembering it all. I'd asked her why she lied to me, why she told me she had been trapped in a hell dimension, when we met up days after they had brought her back.

"_I wanted to tell you so badly when I saw you, at our reunion after I was brought back. I wanted to let you know that I had seen everything you had ever done, everyone you had ever been. Liam, Angelus, and Angel; light, dark, and every shade in between. That none of it mattered. That I still loved you, actually that I came out of the experience loving you more because I could understand you better; understood that Angelus is always a part of you, but that you are always a part of him too. But it didn't matter, did it? I came back with all that information that you tried to protect me from; knowing that we'd had the chance to have a life together, and it didn't matter. We still couldn't be together. We couldn't have what we wanted from each other, and we had people and lives that depended on us in different places. If we tried to stay together in a platonic love until the day that you might become human again, the temptation … we would have only ended up hurting each other all over again."_

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice the helicopter was even moving until we began our decent. I knew that the location of Buffy's base, Highland Park, was very close to Lorne's and that a trip by air made the distance even shorter so how I had time to think about everything I did so far astounded me. Because of the mystical barriers Lorne had put up around Sliverlake to make it a safe haven we couldn't fly in to land, so while the chopper hovered we all repelled down to the street before it took off with three slayers to go refuel and wait for our call. We walked up to the entrance into Silverlake with me in the lead since I was the only one who'd been here before in it's current state, and the noise from our arrival had apparently brought out a few guards that I needed to deal with.

"We're here to see the Lord of Silverlake and all Los Angeles, can you tell him Angel and Spike are here to see him …" I started but was quickly cut off by a loud yell from Lorne as he came around the barrier wearing an even louder purple and orange affair.

"Spikey-boy! Angelcakes! It must be reunion time … except you brought people I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet."

One by one we walked into the boundary of Sliverlake towards Lorne, who was standing there looking over Xander and the other remaining slayers trailing behind him with curiosity clear on his face. His features swiftly changed to a joyful surprise as he looked over Buffy bringing up the rear, and he threw his arms open wide as she shocked all of us and ran forward into his hug.

_What the Hell is going on here?_

"Oh Slayerkins, look at you! All grown up! I should get all yenta on your tukhus; you never call, you never write, you never visit … even after I hitched my wagon to this big lug! I'd thought you would have popped by sometime to see him once I realized how you two were connected. Thought I'd get a chance to visit and gossip with you like old times but no ..."

"Wait, wait, wait … are you telling us that you two know each other? How? And why have you never told me?" I asked, trying hard to keep the confusion out of my tone.

"Well, you never asked you big silly! I thought bringing her up might put you down in the dumps," he said as he released her from his hug, "and let's all be honest here … you already spent way too much time there as it was."

I turned towards Buffy for her explanation as I heard both Spike and Xander sniggering from behind me, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't know that you knew him until I came back from Heaven. When I got back, I was a little too busy with my own shit to make polite conversation about our crews. I knew him as The Host over at this demon bar called 'Carnitas' before I moved to the 'Dale…"

"That's 'Caritas' sweetie. Means 'mercy' in Latin. Carnitas is tasty Mexican shredded pork," Lorne corrected.

"Huh. Good to know. Anyway when you hunt the things that go bump in the night, you tend to figure out where those things go for a drink," she continued as Lorne looked at her with an almost paternal affection, "and amusingly scary karaoke. I was on my own here in LA after my first watcher was killed. He helped me out as much as he could without breaking his code of neutrality until I zipped up the coast."

"Bonanza! I get it! His name is Lorne, and he's green! That's classic man," Xander burst out of nowhere as Lorne's face took on a long-suffering look and Buffy just looked on in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Come on Buffy! You know him. _Peyton Place_? Ben Cartwright in _Bonanza_, a famous western TV show from the 70's? He was Commander Adama in the original _Battlestar Galactica_ for frak's sake! Andrew talks about it all the time!"

"Hey, I don't geek-out with Andrew over sci-fi like you. We bond over James Bond thank-you-very-much."

"Still," I butted in with a smile on my face as I put an arm around her shoulder, "I can finally say that I know something about pop culture that you don't. Never thought I'd live to see the day … and I expected to live a very long time."

"This is all very educational an' all, but don't we have a duty to attend to? A happy tune to whistle so we can figure out what ta do about the missin' slayers?" Spike exclaimed as he stepped forward and calmly took Buffy's hand in his.

Lorne's happy-go-lucky look was suddenly replaced with one of astonishment when he saw that both Spike and I were touching her in an affectionate manner without trying to kill each other. I saw the gears in his mind speeding up as he studied all three of us, looking at something the rest of us couldn't see. Finally he waved everybody inside of the boundary lines and we all filed in to his own little magic kingdom when he suddenly turned and addressed only Buffy.

"Sweet Tart, let's send the kiddes off to go play," he gestured towards everyone in the group other than her, "You and me? We need to go have some girl-talk. Alone."


	23. Sparkling

****BUFFY POV** - Sparkling**

"Just what in Sam-heck is going on here?" Lorne demanded of me the second he shut the door of the room we walked into.

"Gee Host, how have you been? I missed you too! Really, you slept with …"

"You can call me Lorne now," he said with an exasperated sigh, "and hey, I can do polite small talk. No one does talk smaller than me sweetie and you know it. But right now? We need to put off the catching up part and get straight to the part where you must have put some sort of mystical muzzle on them!"

"Ex-squeeze me? I've done what to who?"

"I don't know! But I've been around Angel and Spike together for over a year now. Those two fight about the most asinine things like cavemen vs. astronauts for heaven's sake! Don't even get me started on their arguments about you that they thought no one could hear."

"You don't have to. They've been with me on my base for weeks now and I got the first hand show. Which is a bit more explode-y when I'm right there … did you say 'cavemen vs. astronauts'?"

"It was epic! I'll fill you in later …," Lorne said with a sly smile, "after you tell me why all of your auras are mixed up and those two aren't going after each other in a 'last man standing' way over you."

"Our auras are what now? Is that even possible?" I asked as Lorne ushered me onto a big, plush, sky blue couch near the fireplace.

"Your energies, or whatever, they've all blended into the same color. Yours was an adorable shade of pink, Spike was sort of a crazy turquoise color, and Angel … well. I don't think it'll shock you to know that his was a red so dark it was always nearly black. Together you've all become this sort of roiling, turbulent violet. I've never seen anything like this …" he trailed off, like he was purposely leaving something unsaid.

"Yes you have. Tell me, please," I looked up at him with my best manipulative puppy-eyes.

"Oh put those things away! I have seen something like this before, sort of, but only between two beings. Never three."

I was nodding along with what he was saying up until he stressed that last point and let the information linger in an extra-significant way. I stopped and thought about it, ran the words over and over in my head, before groaning in frustration as I realized what he was hinting at.

_Oh shit, he can't possibly mean …_

"Yep that's right; I'm talking soul mates darlin'," he exclaimed once he saw the begrudging realization on my face.

"Lorne! Do those even exist?"

"They do, but it's very very VERY rare that anyone finds theirs. You'd have more luck in sitting on a needle in a haystack in Kansas during a blizzard and having a bolt of lightning hit you at the same time …"

"Oh yes ... frozen, electrocuted, covered in hay, needle in the butt ... and stuck in Kansas. Sounds like a mountain of lucky to me," I interrupted.

"Ok maybe not the best example, but you know what I mean. And I can tell that you do know what I mean. You've felt it. You do know that they exist."

He was right. I accepted it unquestioningly as a deluded girl in love when Angel and I first began seeing each other. At least after that whole antagonistic girl/cryptic stalker phase anyway. I felt that pull to him from a part of me that had no name, that awareness of him that he felt for me, and could tell it was different from other guys. I lost faith in it though over time; but I came back from heaven knowing that the other piece of my spirit had not been up there with me. Talking with Willow and Xander I could tell that even though they loved Tara and Anya more than they could voice, they didn't feel anything like what it felt like for me to be near Angel. I also knew that it wasn't a vamp thing either; he was human now and I still felt it, and even though I knew I loved Spike I've never once felt it for him.

_Well … not from the soul anyway … but he has pulled at my heart … and other squishy parts of me … oh eewww did I just think that? Mind out of the gutter Summers!_

"Alright, I believe you. So what does that mean for our big cloudy purple auras? How can all three of us have them?"

"I have no idea baby girl; it's not my area of expertise. I'm especially in a pickle when it comes to why all three of you have melded your energies. Best guess? You and Angel are soul mates, I knew it the first time I read him when he walked into my bar, but you two are a special case. Your bond is beyond the charts as far as I've ever seen. Maybe it's possible … that you two absorbed Spike's energy into yours, or that you guys bled over into his. What I want to know is what's going on between the three of you for such a thing to happen."

"We've … we're … Spike and I … Angel and I …," I stammered, "oh fuck it, I'm going to have to figure out how to say this out loud sooner or later. We're together. All three of us. Or I guess the more accurate way to say it is that I'm seeing both of them. They're not, like, together or anything."

Lorne sat there looking at me for a while like I had just spoken to him in a foreign language nobody had ever heard of before. He began to say something at least six times, but before the first word would come out he would clam right back up. Finally he just busted up laughing, and it was too contagious not to join him. The entire situation was a bit unbelievable anyway.

"You little minx! How'd you rope those two into something like that? Wow, my mind went right to a bondage place with that comment, didn't it?"

"Honestly? I have no idea," I said with a huge sigh, "we tried the friends thing and they nearly killed each other. I sent them away but none of us could stand to be apart once we'd found each other. I kinda used the fact that I had nearly died again after an attack to get them to agree to this, and other than talking nothing's happened really … until the time that is today, that is."

"What happened? I want all the dirty details. It's not like I have the time to get any action myself; being the Lord of Los Angeles is a busy gig. Let me live vicariously sugar plum."

"Wow, ok, so not going into TMI-land with you, sorry. I had a long conversation about my experience in Heaven and my emotions regarding Spike with Angel that sent him into a walking coma, right after almost dry-humping him into oblivion …"

"What? We'll get to the 'heaven' thing later but … you had a sit-down with Angel about your feelings for Spike? How'd he take it?"

"I distinctly remember using the phrase 'walking coma'."

"Gotcha. Big guy a bit too broody to be shell-shocked, a bit too shell-shocked to really brood, right? So then what happened?"

"Then I spent almost an hour trying to convince Spike that I didn't just have sex with Angel, and after a long bit of convincing he finally believed me. Then he and I … well, that's heading into the TMI-area, but yeah, we weren't exactly chaste. And now I'm here getting interrogated about my sex life by you like you were my mother. Which is a whole 'nother world of creepy …"

_Actually … it's kinda nice. Lorne's almost like a parent or an older, and much more flamboyant, sibling that I can talk to no matter how much time has gone by. I'm not gonna give him the blow-by-blow … oh wow, even in my head that was a bad one …_

"Munchkin," he murmured as he took my hand supportively between his own, "are you sure about this? I mean, I'm defiantly there for you in the 'you go, girl' capacity because those are two scrumptious muffins you've got there but … I can't imagine that this is easy. For any of you. And good lord, once things pick up do you have any idea how exhausted you'll be trying to fend those two off?"

"What can I say? It'll kill me if I cut either of them out at this point. I've been happy and I've been miserable, and I know for a fact I'll be the latter if I have to cut things off with one or both of them. I prefer the happy. I have to try, you know?"

"I know, just be careful with the both of them … and yourself. Follow your bliss and all that," he smiled as he stood up and began walking away, "I'm about to follow mine right over there to the wet bar and fix up a couple of sea breezes. You want one?"

"Oh god yes, we ran out of alcohol last night and after today … well, let's just say that today I need a drink and cigarette like nobody's business."

"So, tell me about this heaven thing."

"Do I have to? Can't I just, you know, perform some self-torture and sing for you?"

"Well I tend to pick up on the issues that are most pressing, and if I recall you've been back from the dead for a while now so that stuff probably isn't at the forefront of your mind. Besides, when I read Cordelia when she came back from the higher plane my head nearly popped! I'd rather you not think about that topic when I do take a peek later, you know, as a personal favor to my head."

"Yeah, Angel told me about that. Told me everything actually. So I took him out so that I could tell him everything in turn. How I sorta saw that Conner was coming, but I couldn't warn him because I didn't remember in time. How I saw his entire lifespan and all the good and bad he'd done, and still loved him. How desperately void I was of any feeling when I came back. How horribly I used Spike to try to change that. How I watched him falling in love with Cordy before even he knew it."

"I know from reading her that you two weren't exactly the best of buddies, but those two were very good for each other. They made each other human, and they really cared for each other enough for me to call it love. The big guy is still tortured over her loss, so please don't tell me you gave him a hard time about that," he glared at me in warning as he mixed our drinks.

"No, actually it was the opposite. I told him I understood. I mean come on; I had no room to throw stones with Spike and all. I let him know that the only bit of jealousy I felt over it was that she was the one who helped him come out of his shell. He was never very … human ... with me but around her he opened up. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this new Angel, but I wish I'd been there to see the transition. It hurt to know that he became this amazing person, and I had nothing to do with it. It was all Cordelia."

"I'll bet he had something to say about that little bit of stupidity, didn't he?" he smiled at me like a slow child as a glass of vodka, grapefruit, and cranberry juice magically appeared before me like a god-send.

"_Buffy, I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. I'll admit it that to a point, you're right about the huge affect being around Cordy had on me, but you're wrong if you think that you had no part in who I am now. She may have pulled me through the doorway into humanity, but you unlocked the door and opened it. Without you I would have never had the motivation to redeem myself, to become a part of something bigger. Without you … I wouldn't have ever wanted to be human again, to be close to someone. You, and you alone, knocked over the dominoes to start the chain reaction to creating who I am right now. Don't you ever forget that."_

"Yeah, he did," I smiled as I sipped my drink, "I don't think I've ever heard him talk so much at one time before. He's changed so much … and Spike has too. Everyone seems to grow and become better when they leave my range of influence."

"Now that's a load of horse phooey and you know it. I can't say much about your other friends, only met Willow, Faith, and Andrew the one time; but Angelcakes? Wes? Delia? Spikey? Hells bells, even me … we may have found our own reasons for continuing down the path of good, but every single one of us knew that in some small way we were connected to you and your cause."

"Wow, really not helping with that little self-centered streak I have a problem with," I laughed.

"I can imagine that 'one girl in all the world' thing would go to one's head, but you seem to be stretching out in that department yourself," he chuckled as he took a deep sip from his drink and smacked his lips, "so slayerella, I doubt our boys brought you here just to attend my royal ball. As much as I love the gossip and your sparkling personality, I'm guessing you need my help."

"Mucho correcto, god my Spanish sucks for a SoCal girl … slayers. You know about my Willow changing all the potentials into full-blown slayers, right? Well we came here to organize the ones trapped in this hell dimension, but a gang of vamps kidnapped a group of my girls recently. My witches tell me they're still alive, but we can't find them. We've had some problems locating other slayers we know are here too, and now I'm starting to worry that they got to them before we did. I've done everything I can think of from magics to flat-footing but I can't find any trace of them. Angel said we should try you."

"Vampires taking slayers, but not killing them? Sorry Munchkin, I haven't heard anything about it as the Lord of Los Angeles. Seems like you're gonna have to sing for your supper."

"I was really hoping you wouldn't say that," I groaned as I finished my drink and racked my brain to try and think up something I knew the words to. As I started to haltingly get out a few bars Lorne made a shushing motion at me and began to head towards the doorway.

"Not yet! What are you doing? The slayer, singing? This screams for an audience. Let's go find your gaggle of guys!"

"Yes, because singing with friends has always worked out so well in the past …," I grumbled, "ok, ok fine, I'll agree to this even though I know you're only doing it for evil demony reasons of embarrassing me. But I want something from you first."

"Name it sweet cheeks," Lorne stated as he turned away from the door and walked back towards me.

"Angel and Spike … I believe them when they said that they pretty much told me everything. But they told me about events from times past. I got nothing from either of them about how they were actually feeling, you know? Can you tap into that giant mood-ring in your head and tell me how they've been holding up? And I want to know how they've been doing together; they've been … well, let's just say things have been tense since I found them here. I get the feeling that they wouldn't have been hanging out together for so long now if it was always like that. Plus, I think you own me an explanation of 'cavemen vs. astronauts'."

Lorne smiled at me and as he settled back down onto the couch. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders casually, and leaned in with a consiprital air about him.

"Buffy, let me tell you about what I think was the start of a beautiful friendship. Or at least, a banter-full one."

_God, I hate 'Casablanca'. Bet it was one of Angel's favorite movies though._


	24. Greater Good

_***A/N***: Sorry! Had a party, partied too hard, was incapacitated. Plus, thesis term projects in dire need of attention. Not to mention that I had no idea what to write after churning out 4 from-scratch original chapters in one week. Musie was spent. So, taking that into account, I apologize again if this chappie kinda drags._

_Note about content in this chapter: If Mormon Fundamentalism bothers you, or the thought of plural marriage, you may want to skip this chapter. I don't talk about it much, but I do mention it here. My branch of family isn't Mormon any longer, but we still have relatives who are LDS in Utah. It wasn't many generations ago that pluralism was in my family, and honestly after a few family reunions I was forced to attend I'm not entirely sure it's completely died out yet. I'm not offended by it (except the illegal aspects and abuse that is sometimes done in its name), I honestly don't really care one way or another how you feel about it, and I don't support it as a religious cornerstone (but I have no problem with consenting adults having open relationships like I'm depicting in this story). I also don't claim to really know the ins-and-outs about it either. That aside, now let's move on with the show …_

****SPIKE POV** - Greater Good**

_What the soddin' hell is takin' so long?_

After Lord Green Jeans swept our girl off Harris, Peaches, the Jr. slayers and I had been left ta our own devices. It's been a bit of a surprise to learn that not only did Lorne know our Buffy before either of us; he'd been a sorta watcher for her at one point. Didn't like the tone of voice he used though when tellin' her they needed to talk, like he already knew what was going on between the three of us; something 'bout the way he looked at her made me think our girl was in for a stern talkin' to an' I didn't like that.

_And when did I bloomin' start thinking of Buffy as 'our' girl?_

All of us had split up and canvassed the locals, tryin' to get any sort of info we could on the vamp gang kidnapping slayers. The whelp had kept the lil' bints with him ta make sure they didn't start slaying; its bad form to start hacking away in a peaceful, neutral territory is what it is. At first I stuck around Captain Forehead, but could tell quickly that he had some idea of what had gone on between our girl and me. Instead of hangin' round an' bullying him with what happened, I surprised myself and took off to work alone.

_Poor blighter. Just a little over an hour ago, I was in his place._

As I walked and talked with the locals, I thought 'bout how weird it was sympathizin' with him like that. Didn't sit right in the gut. But is also didn't feel right to know that he an' I'd been through just about everythin' together, built something up recently, and this was how it was gonna be from now on. Not that I liked the hob-knocker or anythin' silly like that but … things had been different between us up until the day she came strollin' back into our mess. After talking to more ugly muggers than I really cared to and comin' up empty, I headed back towards the courtyard where we'd all spilt up. Angel was already back there, sitting on a bench by a stone fountain, face buried in his hands.

_I've never before in my existence had ta debate with myself if I wanted to go annoy him good-naturedly or bad-naturedly. One way or the other always came without thinkin'. Mostly bad, but I'll not apologize for that; it was fun! He probably deserved it! And, as previously mentioned: fun!_

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked as I lit up a smoke and sat down next to him without lookin' at him.

"Spike, you don't have any money," he grumbled into his hands before lifting his face, "and even if you did, you probably stole it from me. I'm not looking to bare my problems with you to get my own money back."

"Fine by me. Sick of hearin' you whinge and whine anyhow. Just thought I'd be the bigger man … not that I need to try," I grinned towards the sky, "an' try to be civil about this whole thing. Get this out in the open. I know what the two of you did out on your jaunt today. I'm guessin' with the tizzy you're in you've got a good idea as to what she an' I did back at the base."

"Better idea than I'd like."

"Oh trust me, I know. You may not be able ta anymore, but I can still smell the two of you all over each other. Still got the vamp senses ya know. Near 'bout killed me when she came ta my room smellin' like, well … you know … 'specially after spending the whole day suspectin' that's exactly what you two'd be up to."

"We … well, I'm not going to say 'sorry', because I'm not. But … as much as I hate to admit this to you, but I will because I know it's important to her, we didn't ..."

"I know, she told me. Guess I should probably be sayin' the same thing ta you. Didn't do what you think we did; but we didn't sit there twiddlin' our thumbs neither."

We both sat there for a while, waitin' for someone … anyone to come save us from this necessary conversation. Unfortunately, no one did. Also unfortunately, we both knew that we needed to hash this out together if we were gonna make it work.

"I guess both of us have talked to her about this set-up," he sighed, "but we never really came to any sort of agreement between us."

"Can we really do this? You an' me, I mean. Can we deal with this between ourselves without it always degradin' inta playground fight? For her?"

"Spike, you and I? We've done some horrible things in our time. Some of those horrible things we've done directly to the woman we're both in love with. Both with and without souls. We'll never be able to wipe the slate clean with the universe, but miracle of miracles she's decided that we've both earned her forgiveness. And as much as it pains me to say it: her love. We don't deserve any little bit of it; we don't deserve even tiniest speck of happiness …"

"But she does. An' we're getting more than we deserve in the 'good things' department by havin' this chance to be with her. Innit right?"

"Right. She just seems so … tired of it all, you know? I just want to try and make things uncomplicated for her. Want to make at least this one thing easier. Plus, I get the feeling that the guilt would overwhelm her if she picked just one of us to be with. I'm … I'm going to do my best to not hurt her again. And demanding that she pick one of us … or leaving so that she doesn't have to choose … both of those actions would hurt her."

_I know him now … better than I did before anyway … an' I can tell from what he's just said that if he thought it was what she needed he would walk away again. Surprisin' myself to realize that I would too … but we've both seen that it's not what would make her happy. We're gonna have ta come to an accord if we want to give her some level of peace … else she's gonna have to treat us like spinning plates on poles. She'll have ta constantly mollycoddle the both of us till the day one or both of us shatter 'cause she's too exhausted to keep runnin' back an' forth between us. It'll get all of us killed unless the big guy an' I figure something out now._

"So … how do we handle this?"

"I don't know," he groaned, "I mean, this would be so much easier to deal with if we were evil. If we didn't have souls to bruise, and didn't care about her heart. How do humans who do this sort of thing cope?"

I hadn't even thought of how humans did it. Did any of their multi-partner relationships even work? As I sat there contemplating, I started speakin' before my mind caught up with my mouth.

"You ever spend any time in Utah Peaches?"

"No. The Mormons I'd met before I headed West … they were just too … cheery. Not the best atmosphere for my frame of mind at the time."

"Not the best atmosphere for wallowin', broodin', an' rat suckin' you mean," I chuckled, "I spent a couple months out there once. Decimated a polygamist family, even turned one of the wives since Dru an' I were in need of minions. Needed a laugh one day while waitin' for sunset an' got her ta explain the rationale behind what they do, an' how they can stand it. Don't think she was too educated in their ways but …"

"Is there a point to this traipsing down bad memory lane?"

"Hold on ya git … she said that all the women tried to treat each other as sisters. That they were all tryin' ta get inta the highest level of Heaven by puttin' their jealousy and selfishness aside. That they accepted their part in workin' for the greater good of the family."

"Huh. The greater good. Why does that sound familiar?"

"On the practical, everyday side of things … she said they worked out a schedule over who got what nights. Tried to not think about their husband as someone they shared. An' did their damnedest not to talk 'bout it amongst themselves."

"You think you could actually do that? Try to be like brothers," he grimaced a bit at that, but not as badly or with as much venom in his voice as I'da thought he would, "and ignore the rest? We can try, I guess … I mean I think I can … what about you? I think I can handle this better than you. You always were the emotionally needy type."

"Anything you can do, I can do better," I turned and smiled at him.

"I can do anything better than you," he smiled ruefully back.

"Naw you can't."

"Yes I can," he paused, "hey, isn't Buffy the one who's supposed to be singing? When did we start a duet team on the side?"

"Don't know … but I'm guessin' it was long ago, before we realized what was goin' on …"

Finally, we caught a glimpse of the chit walkin' outta the building and we watched her together. She was lookin' decidedly lost in thought as she caught Xander's attention and sent him and the other slayers inside. She looked sad, almost bereft, as she scanned the demons millin' about, eyes searchin' for the tosser an' myself. When she finally locked in on our location, somethin' in her changed instantly. For a brief moment she beamed at the both of us, before quickly closing that down and pulling on a face I'd seen her wear when she was about to knuckle down and focus on unpleasant business. Her spine straightened, she took a big breath, and visibly steeled herself as she walked over towards us.

_Speak of the Devil, and she shall come …_

"Uh oh, here comes trouble …" I murmured just low enough for Angel to hear me.

"I see what you mean … wonder what she and Lorne talked about."

We didn't have ta wait long to find out. The second she stood before us it just came burstin' outta her.

"I'm sorry … this was a bad idea from the start. My selfishness is unbound of epic proportions and … I'm just so sorry …" she haltingly rambled.

"Luv, hit pause and rewind for us a lil' bit. What'd you and Ol' Red Eyes talk 'bout?"

"Yeah Buffy, we need some sort of back story here."

"I … I asked Lorne to tell me about you two. Cause I didn't understand why … you would be working together willingly considering what I know about your history together. Even with all the new and improved stuff you two have in common. But he told me … he explained the recent past and … you two … you need each other."

At that both Angel and I started heaving great big disbelievin' laughs. Could see that us laughing at her statement was pissin' the slayer right off too, but neither of us could stop. Didn't matter that maybe … MAYBE … she was speakin' a smidgen of truth; neither one of us could react in a way that wasn't complete rejection. It was hard-wired inta us.

"Sorry … sorry pet," I gasped out between guffaws, "but me needin' this poncy bugger? That's the funniest thing I've heard in decades."

"I second that," the git managed to get out after a deep breath to settle his chuckles.

"Look, I asked you two to enter into this relationship thing thinking that you both rather set yourselves on fire than say something nice about each other. That's not really a good excuse for asking something so egocentric like I did, but now I know that you guys actually had something good together. Even if you won't admit it you two were … are … healing together. You've become, dare I say it, buddies."

"You take that back," the tosser weakly got out before I had a chance to say the exact same thing. He spared me a side-long glance and we could both read the acceptance of her words, even though we would never, EVER agree with them out loud.

_Man's gotta have his pride …_

"Stop laughing you guys! I'm being serious-Buffy here; the two of you need each other and I'm getting in the way of that."

"Even if that were true luv, an' we're not sayin' it is, we still both agreed to this anyway."

"But now I'm THAT kind of girl. The one who comes between friends. I was already trying to wrap my head around being the kind of girl who is big with the multiple partners …"

"Wait, just how many partners are we talking about? You're making it sound like you're planning on more than just Spike and I …" the sprag wryly smirked up at her from his seat.

"Oh I don't know, I figured I'd give just the two of you a whirl before asking Xander to join in," she laughed at our scowls before quickly adding, "hey! He has been looking good recently … the eye patch really lends somethingness. But don't worry, he's been spending a LOT of time with Dawn recently so I think that'll be a no-go."

"What! Him and my Niblet! I don't fuckin' think so … I better have words with him. He's too old for her … she's still too little ... hasn't really experienced life yet ta know that he's not right for her first …"

"Oh please," Buffy cut me off with a roll of her eyes, "there is so much wrong with that statement that even an hour won't cover it all. Short version? She's lived. Time didn't freeze her just because you didn't see her anymore Spike. Oh and by the way? My gut is telling me that you'll need some fire-proof blankets when she finds out about you being back and not telling us. Not telling her."

"Think the Bit'll ever forgive me?"

"Not sure, but you can try bribing her with sugar cubes and apples when we get back to our dimension. Long story."

"But you'll tell me, right? Give me the inside scoop on Platelet?" I nearly begged.

"Yeah, later. Right now, I think I was pulling something from the playbook of the two of you," she gestured with her chin at both Angel and me, "and getting ready to walk away for your own good."

"Buffy, look, Spike and I … we may have been doing better with each other recently, but we still have a long way to go. Most of our issues with each other have nothing to do with you and we'll work them out on our own. But you have been an issue between us ..."

"A major one …" I added.

"And that's what we've been talking about out here just now. Neither of us wants to lose you over our problems with each other … and we don't want to create more stress and problems for you by fighting all the time. I think I speak for both of us …"

"Don't need you to speak for me ya git," I interrupted, but he just gave me That Look and kept going.

"… when I say that we'll work something out, but we both want to stay in this relationship with you. If you'll have us."

She stood there for a while studyin' the both of us, greenish-amber eyes moving back an' forth like she was watchin' a tennis match. Could see the war raging in her between what she thought was right, verses what she knew she wanted.

"Ok. If you guys are sure you want to keep going down this path with me … we'll have a sit-down when we can and come to an agreement or something. Right now though, Lorne is making me gather up the crew so that you can all share in the joy that is my god-awful attempt to sing in key."

"So long as it's not anything Barry Manilow. We don't want anybody's ears vomiting up blood," I suggested as she reached for both of our hands and pulled us along as she headed back inside.

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with Manilow!"

"So didn't need that visual Spike … but now I've got 'Copacabana' stuck in my head. Thanks a lot for that."

"What can I say, didn't become a master at torture for nothing."


	25. Miracle

_***A/N***:This one is a long read people, prepare yourselves. I think it drags, but I didn't want to give up all the points within. I blame it all on author's vanity prerogative. I just figure, Angel's a very inner-monologue guy. Very observant of the details. He thinks too much when sometimes you just need him to stand there and look pretty *sigh*. So his chapters have turned out to be the longest out of all I've done._

_Also, do not try what I talk about towards the end of this chappie at home. Unless you do vast amounts of reading and research first, because you can harm your partner/ yourself (because guess what gents, you can do that on your own!) if you try this without any know-how. Two phrases to think of: possible nerve damage and retrograde ejaculation. Sexy, right? I don't write about anything I haven't done (I'm talking bedroom stuff here; I've never killed a demon lol), so I know all of the bedroom-type area of stuff that I write about is possible, so don't even try to call me on it. But, I'm not writing a detailed piece of instructional literature here. Be safe!_

****ANGEL POV** - Miracle**

_The problem with living and fighting in Hell is that after a while, you become too accepting of gross stuff covering you. Not the best way to impress your sort-of girlfriend._

The second we had gotten back to the high school base, I had raced for the showers in the locker room. The water was cold, but it was clean running H2O so I was thankful. Thankful that Buffy had the foresight to ask the rescued people in her care what their profession was before the fall, so that she could set them tasks. Like the three utility workers who are now my own personal saints of water and hygiene.

_Bless me O bringers of running water for I have gotten filthy, it has been two days since my last bathing so please absolve me of my sins with this bar of soap …_

I lathered up alone, thankful that I remembered to lock the door to the communal shower rooms that seemed designed to humiliate high school students rather than get them clean, and washed off the general ick that had been deposited by Lorne. I had tried to help get him cleaned up and this was how he had rewarded my efforts. It had taken hours to get anything out of Lorne after Buffy had sung …

_Well, that's not true, I guess all that vomit and blood came "out of Lorne", but really not what we were looking for …_

I think both Spike and I were hoping her song choice would give us a better clue about what she was feeling towards us. But instead of something meaningful it turned out to be some strange ditty about 'fuck-me pumps' that mocked money-hungry women; Xander explained it was on constant repeat on her iPOD. Whatever an iPOD is. The instant she had started to sing though, Lorne began to cry. Not because she was any good, or even that bad, but obviously because of what he was reading from her. Then his nose stared to bleed. When she finally finished, he began to heave and I helped him run to the nearest bathroom as he threw up on himself. And a little on me too.

"_I wasn't THAT bad, was I? I don't recall anyone throwing up the last time I sang. Was it the song? I swear that Winehouse girl is gonna be huge once she hits the States …"_

I was a little panicked at the results, obviously. The last time Lorne had felt physically sick after a reading, it had been right after Cordy's mysterious return from the Higher Plane. I distinctly remembered him saying something about 'Evil's coming' and man had it ever. And then we lost her. I lost her. This time, Lorne hadn't just FELT sick. And this time, it was Buffy.

"_I didn't get anything from you sweetie that would really be helpful to finding the other slayers. Only ... the only feeling I got about that topic was this: 'back to the beginning. Not the Bang... not the Word... the true beginning.' I don't know what that means, and I can't give you any more details than that. It was just being chanted over and over again in the background of everything else."_

"_No ... no! We finished it ... we trounced the First … s'not 'bout power ... it IS 'bout right an' wrong ... no, no more funny lil' songs, no more games of 'peeka-bloody-boo, who are you?', no more soddin' uber-vamps ..."_

It wasn't The First. That much Lorne could tell us at least after Spike had a momentary breakdown over memories of speeches the First Evil had spouted at him. Lorne explained that it wasn't some great evil thing that was summoning Buffy; the chanting was just the best answer he was given concerning the taken slayers. Then Lorne tried to convince Buffy he had food poisoning to get her to leave the room, but she didn't look like she believed him. But the second she went outside with the other three slayers so that the Xander, Spike and I could help clean him up...

"_I'm going to smoosh all three of you like cockroaches! What you've done to my poor ... not to mention the ... what my little munchkin has been through with EVERYTHING ... THAT'S what triggered the various unpleasant water works. How that girl has been even functioning on a basic human level in any capacity is a miracle."_

He did admit that he knows she hasn't been a saint herself, and that he already gave her a talking to about this 'fragile little glass menagerie' we had come up with. Spike had chuckled at that, and made some snide comment about me being 'just like all the other horses now'. As I thought about Lorne's warnings, I turned off the water and realized I had been too distracted earlier.

_Oh crap ... I forgot to get fresh clothes, didn't I? There's no way I'm putting on the dirty ones back on now that I'm clean. God I hope no one's out there wandering the halls right now …_

Sticking my head out in the hallway and not seeing anyone, I made a break for it. As I turned the last corner towards my room and safety from exposure, I caught sight of Buffy. She was sitting on the floor, back pressed up against my door, legs stretched out before her as she smoked a cigarette with a faraway look.

_She must be waiting for me; she knows that's my room..._

"I don't think you're supposed to be smoking in the high school halls," I said in a joking tone as I got closer. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw that I was only wearing a towel around my waist.

"Are you gonna give me detention for smoking in school? Do I deserve …," she paused to take a deep drag and smiled at me in a way that felt like I was about to be devoured, "... to be punished?"

_Can't speak ... must speak … ok, I know, she's not a teenager anymore … she's had her own share of experience now. I know that I probably should feel all guilty and appalled that she knows anything other than gentle and romantic love but … god damn. All I can think about right now is just how … out of the norm do her tastes run now? And how soon is too soon to … dig in? Should I be disgusted with myself for even thinking that?_

"Hello? L.A. hell dimension to Angel? Where did you go?"

"What, sorry, you just … I just … what were you saying?"

"Wow, apparently slightly naughty flirting is your kryptonite. That's so cute! God, I really missed that."

"Missed what, making my brain freeze with awkward double entendres?"

"Oh yeah. It was my favorite extracurricular activity back in the day, actually. Too bad it can't help you get into college … unless you're wearing a really slutty top to the interview. Anyway, I was asking you if you wanted one?" she asked as she lifted her pack up towards me.

"No thanks," I replied with a frown.

"Just thought I'd ask," she shrugged as she put the pack away and took another pull on hers before snuffing it out on the floor, "I know you used to smoke. Saw you as Liam with that weird pipe thingy. Smelled it on you after Angelus took over. Saw you give it up along with all human comforts after … well, after that incident in the 1970's. Side note? Leisure suits: not your friend. And what was up with your hair back then? Vamp-without-a-cause-look in the 50's on the other hand, now there's a look to become BFFs with. Possibly marriage material."

"You saw that too, huh?" I asked as I turned my face away, ashamed.

"Yeah, I sure did Mr. I-Haven't-Fed-On-A-Human-In-100-Years. And I don't really remember it but do I have a vague, nagging sense that I saw something monumental happen in a submarine?" she stated with a question in her voice.

"I turned someone, I didn't want to but I had to even though I had my soul. It was the only way to save the rest of the crew. I'm sorry I lied to you about those things, but do you really think you would have believed me if I said I was good and then told you all those things from the darker side of my grey un-life? You thought I'd bitten you mother … I knew that any evidence I gave you that I might not toe the company line would get me a crossbow bolt to the heart."

She stared up at me with a careful look in her eyes before taking a deep breath and getting up. Suddenly she started to hug me, and in a daze I wrapped my arms around her as she whispered to me. Whispered that she understood; whispered thanks for telling her the truth now without any hesitation.

_She could be whispering the alphabet … her tone is so full of warmth and reassurance and trust that it doesn't even need words._

"Hey, can I come in? As much as I love hanging out with you here in the hall since I barely had the in-high school boyfriend experience," she lowered her voice into a stage-whisper and smirked at me, "I'm not the only one being inappropriate in the school building. You are basically naked after all; a much bigger no-no if I remember correctly."

Quickly, I opened the doorway to my classroom-turned-bedroom and ushered us both inside before anyone could see me. Buffy walked across the room and hopped up onto the edge of the large teacher's desk I had shoved into the corner and tucked her legs up underneath her. She lit up another cigarette before seeing the look on my face and putting it right back out.

"What? I'm nervous," she said as she rolled her eyes at me.

"That's a really unhealthy habit Buffy. It'll kill you."

"Says the human man who continues to fight demons as if he was a vampire," she snarked at me, "Listen, if I make it to 50 and develop lung cancer you can get all 'I told you so' on me then. But right now? I'm thinking that if I live long enough to get cancer I'll call it a divine intervention and die happy."

"So …," I finally spoke up after a long silence on both our parts at her mentioning of her future demise, "… why are you nervous?"

"Well, two reasons actually. I'm nervous to figure out what you and Lorne must have talked about the second you guys basically shoved me out of the room. It couldn't have been good, what with all the Exorcist-like vomiting and nose bleeds."

I thought about lying, about brushing off her concerns, for an instant. The need to spare her anything unpleasant was still a major part of my desire to take care of her.

_She's had too many bad things in her life that she can't change, and this really isn't anything major that affects her life or anyone else's. It'll just hurt, to know that her pain has caused him pain; to know that someone out there knows every little secrete she's kept to herself. But if I start up again with this one white lie, she'll spot it. And it'll ruin our chance to really have something worth having …_

"He saw everything Buffy. Every part of your life that was good; every part that was bad. It was just a little overwhelming for him. He chewed all of our asses out for things we've done to you, and made very uncharacteristic threats of violence if we even so much as make you blink wrong. But why did you come to me? You could have asked Spike or Xander the same thing."

"Actually, that's reason the second about why I'm nervous. I didn't go to Xander because he doesn't know Lorne at all. It's not like he could give me the inside-scoop on Lorne's reaction. And Spike told me to come to you."

"Why would that make you nervous?"

"Well, he told me to tell you that tonight can be your night," she said bashfully while looking down at her feet.

"Wha … what? Do … do you know what he means? What did he say exactly?"

"Um, yeah, it doesn't take a Rhode's Scholar to figure out what Spike's taking about. And actually? His exact words were 'Tell that soddin' pansy-boy that I'm feeling satisfied enough to be generous. Not that I could ever get enough of ya pet, but I think I need to be the bigger man and throw him a bone. All in the name a bein' brotherly and bein' better than him. Just tell him it's his night tonight, right? He'll know what I mean.'"

_Holy … is this some kind of trick? I can't believe he would … that anyone would give up a guaranteed night with her. Besides, maybe despite the flirting she doesn't want to be here. She all but spelled it out earlier that she wanted to be with Spike first. Not me. Maybe she just wasn't ready to be with me? It has been a really long time, and we've technically had only a few weeks to try and get to know each other all over again. All the fighting against hell business only made that harder, not to mention dealing with Spike being in the picture. But in spite of all of that, it's never felt like I wasn't deeply in love with her. What if she hasn't felt the same way?_

"Um, alright then … but what about you? Are you ok with this being my night?"

She gave me one of her whole-face smiles that always made me feel like the ground disappeared beneath me, and with one crooked finger beckoned me closer to her. There was never even a micro second of pause on my part; it almost killed me to not succumb to her siren song before and this time there was no reason whatsoever to try and fight it.

"I'm not thrilled that you guys have been deciding my sleeping arrangements without me. The three of us? You can bet your ass we're gonna have a talk about that. Right now, even though I feel a bit like a tug-of-war rope, the ok-ness of it being your night is ginormous. I think we need to finish what we started earlier today …"

_Please don't let her mean the gut-wrenching honesty talk, please, please, PLEASE! I love talking with her, I love being anywhere near her, I love her period, but I don't think I can take anymore right now! I need a day of rest, or maybe a thousand …before my heart explodes from all this honest confessions stuff._

"… and I'm not talking about talking," she said lowly as I got close enough for her to reach out, hook her fingers into the edge of my towel, and pull it away.

After looking me up and down slowly, with a smile that looked more lamenting then lascivious, her hands reached out to clasp mine. Pulling me forward into her embrace, she un-tucked her legs from beneath her and proceeded to cradle me between her thighs. She finally looked away from my face and seemed lost; transfixed with tracing the muscles and skin and sinew of my arms. My shoulders. My chest. My everything. Her eyes focused only on the part of me her fingertips traveled; traveled so slowly it was almost a torture instead of a tease. It took me forever to figure out that she wasn't trying to do either of those things.

_She's never really seen … our tentative foreplay during passionate kissing sessions was almost always fully clothed. Our first time she was shy and I didn't want to scare her … thought there'd be more nights to explore each other. The day the Mohra's blood mixed with mine we were so caught up in each other, in playfulness and in urgent need, we never got around to this. Even if we had, her memories of that day are like looking through a blurred lens according to her. She's memorizing me … mapping me. Making sure that nothing can take this from her by branding every part of me in her brain._

"Are you ok? With this, I mean," she whispered as she turned her head to one side and laid her ear directly over my beating heart, "After all, I sort of freaked out on you earlier and shut you down. I wasn't trying to hurt you, but if you're pissed and don't want this right now I'd understand …"

"Buffy, its ok. This is all really confusing … there's bound to be some missteps. But how can you think I wouldn't want you right now? I want you. I always want you. Can't you," I murmured into her hair as my hips pressed forward into her groin to punctuate what I was saying, "feel it?"

With that her face turned up to meet mine, and we became lost in each other's lips. Magically her clothes melted away because one second I was holding her closer to me and felt cotton, and the next there was bare skin beneath my hands. I wanted to be slow; wanted to study every inch of her in a similar manner that she had just done to me, but every time I tried to pull away to do so it felt like physical pain to not have her pressed up against me.

_With our history and current lifestyle, you just never know when it's your last night … but I just … can't …_

Pushing the doom and gloom from my mind I slowly leaned forward, pressing her back against the cool desktop as I laid myself flush atop her. My hands had minds of their own as one tangled desperately in her golden tresses and the other explored her flesh. Her sighs and little catches in her breath nearly undid me on their own when I managed to rip my lips away from hers and made my way down her neck to her curves, but too soon for my taste she pulled me back up to her mouth. Things started to feel almost like a replay of our earlier tryst when her hand wrapped around me intimately and I began to tease her with my finger tips, and she noticed it too.

"I think we're like the masters of foreplay by now," Buffy chuckled breathlessly as she guided me into her, "think it's time we moved up a class, don't you? Just … it's been a while. For me. And you're … there's a moreness to you than I remember …"

The second I felt myself breaching her heat, it took every ounce of my considerable self-control to not just rut on her like an animal. I had just never wanted anyone like I had wanted her; never loved anyone like I loved her in my entire existence. After having to deny each other this comfort for so long it felt like this was supposed to be a monumentally wild and passionate moment between us. It turned to that yes, it was, but in a completely different way than I imagined. It was monumental in all the tiny things instead. In the way our eyes met and didn't once break that contact. In the tiny tremors in our skin when we touched. In the thrashing beats of our hearts. In the slow, drawn out moments of our joining. In the way that I pushed forward only in millimeters at a time to be inside her.

"Buffy …," I groaned, shaking with the strain of holding back.

"I know Angel," she whispered as she pulled me into a kiss, "I know. Always."

"Always …," I agreed as I rested my forehead against hers.

I had no idea how long we continued on like that, but after a certain point my deliberate slowness was obviously frustrating her. When I smiled brashly at her whine, I suddenly found myself flipped over with Buffy driving herself on top of me. Things reached a fevered pitch and I watched the breath-taking glory of the woman I loved bringing herself over the brink; pleasuring herself with my body. I wanted to hold out, wanted to bring her to that point many times tonight, but the sight of her alone pushed me over the edge. The feel of her clenching around me guaranteed that I couldn't go on. Yet just as I was about to follow her, I felt an odd pressure in my groin. I could feel the uncontrollable spasms of orgasm race through me, yet the uncomfortable sensation I was going through brought a quick end to my completion of the act. I looked away from Buffy, fighting embarrassment, as very unwelcome worries came crashing down.

_Oh crap … don't tell me that I finally become human … finally can be with the woman I would give up everything for … and I've already got sexual health problems? Or is this like Darla, brought back with the same human diseases she was dying of in the first place? Was I sick with something when I was turned? What if I'm contagious? Could I have just given something to Buffy? No no no no no …_

"Hey, Angel, are you alright? I didn't hurt you too bad, did I? I was just trying to …"

_Wait, what? She did this?_

"Buffy, what … what just happened? What did you do? It feels like … I don't know how to say this …"

"It feels like you just had _la petite mort_, but you know you didn't, right?" she asked with a knowing smile on her face.

"Yeah, I guess. It was just different I mean. I'm not so old that I don't remember what it's like as a human and it never was like … but I did, but I don't think I …," I trailed off. I was just too embarrassed to try and say the words explaining what just happened, or in this case didn't, while I was still hard inside the love of my long existence.

"You don't think you ejaculated, right?"

I could only nod slightly in a daze at her ease in talking about the mechanics of sex while she was still astride me. Slowly, she lifted both of her hands from their places on my body that I hadn't noticed being in my pelvic region before and leaned forward to kiss me in a lazy fashion.

"We've been waiting for this for years, and I'm sorry for the freak-out but I didn't want things to … end … just yet. Now I know that you know that a vampire's refractory period is almost nil … but you're not fangy anymore. And we don't know yet how much recovery time you need as a human yet. So I stopped you from cumming so we could prolong this for a while."

"What? You can do that?"

"Angel, you've been around long enough that it's almost time to celebrate your tricentennial," she rolled her eyes at me, "don't tell me that you've never learned about orgasm control."

"I know it's possible," I got out, trying to keep the defensive tone from my voice, "I didn't need to practice tantric sex as a vampire, but it was interesting to try for that 'whole body orgasm' experience. But that was all in my mind; it was about my control over my body. I didn't know that … the other partner could … do something about it. What did you do anyway?"

"Well … I squeezed the base of your …," she smiled and looked down as her hand encircled the base of my cock, "… with my hand to distract you with a slight amount of discomfort, and I slipped my other hand back behind me to put pressure on your taint."

"My what?"

"I forget the technical term for it. It's peri-something I'm sure," she whispered huskily as her fingers trailed back down between my legs and touched the area she had put pressure on before, "This? This piece of skin between you balls and ass? I've always heard it called 'the taint'."

"Do I even want to ask how you learned this stuff?" I asked as a shiver racked through me. Her fingers were continuing to stroke the place that I remembered was called the perineum, dangerously close to playing with a part of my body I never in a million years would've though Buffy would venture close to. Yet her fingers kept trailing lower and lower towards it; almost hinting that if I was up for it, she was too.

"I've learned a thing or two about a thing or two. Let's just say that this was just the tip …," she said softly as she put both hands squarely on my chest and raised herself up so that I was just barely inside her entrance, "of the iceberg and move on. I'd rather be doing something else besides talking right now. Didn't I mention that already?"

Then she slammed her hips down to meet mine and everything in the world ceased to exist. Everything, except for her and me.


	26. Specific

****BUFFY POV** - Specific**

_I'm on fire. Is this it? Is this how I'm finally going to die? It's painful enough … how did this happen? One minute, I'm sleeping in my warm yet uncomfortable excuse for a bed and the next it feels like burning waves are surrounding me. I can't even open my eyes because I know they'll be scorched if I do. When I tried to yell for help, my lungs felt like they were exploding in the heat. No one can hear me. No one can save me. Where is Xander? My girls? My boys? Are Spike and Angel alright? Ok, the air is cool enough now, I should try to open my eyes and look for them; look for a way out. Hey … is that … my mom? Am I already dead? What is she doing with that cloth cradled in her arms? Is she going to smother out this fire consuming my skin? Why is she smiling when I'm dying? Mommy? Are you here to help me stay or are you here to help me move on in death? And why do I hear the unmistakable shriek of metal slicing through the air …_

The scream that ripped out from my mouth jolted me awake, my heartbeat pounding in my ears like a Tito Puente solo. I tried to get a hold of myself as a strange, unidentifiable feeling washed over me. Realization flooded through me the instant I sat straight up in the narrow bed. I had been dreaming. Fear and loathing in Las Vegas-style dreaming. I'd had thousands of bad dreams before, but a chilly finger of dread trailed down my spine with this one.

_Damnit … it might have been a slayer dream. But it wasn't very elaborate like they usually are. So … weird. Well, weirder. Now I just have to figure it all out before something bad happens, as if I didn't already have enough on my plate._

"Kitten, you alright? What's got ya all a flutter?"

I turned my head and looked down upon the amazing view of a naked Spike pushing himself up on his elbow, scratchy blanket pooling around his waist. If it weren't for the fearful concern lacing his face, he would've looked like sin on a stick. Still a little rattled, I didn't say anything and just let him pull me back down to the canvas cot we were squeezed together on.

_I'm still not sure why we can't sleep in my room ... my bed is bigger even though it's not very comfortable. But Angel assures me that it would be … more considerate towards Spike if we take his vamp senses into account. This way he doesn't have to smell any man in the room when we are together except himself. Over the past few days that we've been going along with this plan, I've seen how much better they've been treating each other so maybe he's right about this point … but sharing Spike's cot is just sleeping squeezed together for all the wrong and cramped reasons …_

"I'm … I'm fine. Just a bad dream."

He gave me a look. Actually, he gave me The Look; the one I get anytime I mention having a bad dream to anyone. Anybody who has anything to do with slayers knows that a bad dream for us can be like the early warning rumbles before a volcano get's all hyperactive. It made me curse for a nanosecond that I wasn't sleeping alone; didn't need to add to anyone else's worries right now.

_Ok, so yeah, still a little pissed that they discussed how things were going to go down with my life AGAIN without me. When they explained it, I felt a bit like a time-share condo. But honestly? Letting them figure this out it has stopped a lot of arguing and simmering animosity from clouding up the joint. Besides, I didn't really have any better suggestions. So far this seems to be working out for all of us. I get to finally spend some quality time with both of the loves of my life, they ignore this fact, and their relationship has been inching back towards the one that Lorne recently described for me._

"You wanna talk 'bout it?" he asked as he wrapped me tight in his arms and kissed the crown of my head.

"You really, really, a thousand times really don't want to hear about it. There were just some … upsetting details. But hey, at least you and Angel weren't making out again in this dream," I giggled.

"Never tell me. I don't want the explanation o' that one. Promise me," he grumbled.

"Maybe I don't want to promise you," I glared playfully at him, "Maybe, I want to whip that explanation out the next time you're mouthing off and are in dire need of a dose of shut-the-hell-up."

"I'll show you who's in need of shuttin' up 'round here!" he snarled and rolled on top of me, occupying my mouth with his.

Our macking session wasn't slow and sweet, but it wasn't our old hat super-aggressive tongue tangling either. There was just enough heat, just enough pressure, just enough comfort … in essence it was a perfect Goldilocks kiss. Just right. I felt my arms come up to wrap around his neck and I played with the soft hair on the back of his head as his hands brushed up my sides towards my chest. His lips quickly traveled down to meet up with them.

"Oh naughty … you know it's not your day," I laughed and sighed as his mouth closed around one of my achingly stiff nipples while his hand kept itself occupied with the other one.

"Sod that," he exclaimed softly as he lifted his lips just barely high enough from my skin to speak, "you're still in MY bed, yeah? Way I figure then, it's still my bloody turn."

With that he turned his attention back to my breasts, nearly bringing me over the edge with his skillful manipulations alone. When he sensed how close I really was, he smirked up at me before heading lower and voraciously going down on me. Quickly, my hands shot up over my head and grabbed the frame of the cot. I needed something to hold onto so that I wouldn't reach out and rip a chunk of Spikes hair like the last time he had done this for me a few days ago. As he worried my clit between his lips, my hips began pushing and lifting to grind against his face. Spike sniggered low in his throat at me without stopping what he was doing, sending a jolt along my sensitive nerves. He brought one hand around to press me back down to the canvas of the cot, while his other pushed two fingers inside of me. His thrusting hand brought me closer and closer to a seriously big orgasm, and I could tell with the insistence of his movements that he wanted to bring me to that point a few times this way first, but I was in dire need of something more substantial.

"Spike … oh, fuck … Spike I want …"

"What luv? What do you want?" he asked as I felt him smile against my skin, his hand unwavering in its endeavor.

"I want … I need …," I groaned as his tongue increased its pressure on just the right spot, "God Damnit Spike, you know what I'm asking for!"

"I've no idea what you're talkin' 'bout pet," he leered up at me as our eyes connected over the span of my torso, "if you want somethin' … specific … you're gonna have to use your big-girl words and tell me."

"You are … such a … bastard," I laughed and gasped at the same time, "fine, fine. I need you to stop teasing, I need you to crawl up here, I need you to kiss me till I can't breathe, and then I need you to fuck me till I pass out. That specific enough for you Spike?"

"Plenty," he growled as he crawled back up my body.

With one strong push he was abruptly fully seated within me and we both gasped in time. I let Spike set a pace that worked with us on this crappy little cot, but it felt different. By now we'd had a sweet, almost tearful reunion type of lovemaking. We'd had a night of possessive, aggressive need that would have been a scary reminiscing of our bad days if we both hadn't seen the love pouring out of each other's eyes. But this was different.

_It's almost … playful? He keeps pushing me and prodding me, but then slows down just when I'm on the verge. Using too much pressure to be romantic, but too little pressure to be urgent. And his eyes … he's smiling at me … teasing me … this is like the physical embodiment of our banter … OH HOLY …._

Almost as if he could see me thinking, and got offended that I had any brain capacity to do so at the moment, Spike frantically pounded into me. Every inch of us just became more and more entangled with each other as he slipped in and out of me. Unable to catch my breath and continue trying to swallow his tongue as if we were competing in the world's sexiest seizure contest, I turned my head away and groaned as he began nipping my ear and down my neck. Unconsciously I felt myself begin to lean my head back, giving him better access to the column of my neck.

_What am I doing? Seriously? Because I know that even in my darkest, near-suicide girl moment I never even hinted to him that I'd let him dig in. Do I want him to bite? It hurt in a good damn way when I forced Angel to do it … to this day still haven't had a Big O bigger than that one … and there was no penetration … wonder what it'd be like during sex?_

Once again acting as if he was psychic, Spike purposely turned his eyes to mine. There was the fuzzy, glazed over look of amazing sex present there but also something else. He looked at me like I was suddenly the teaser instead of the teasee. He looked at me as if he was confused. He looked at me as if I was a cold mug of beer on a hot day and he was a recovering alcoholic.

_Would it be wrong to ask him to bite? Once again I was just thinking only about my side of things but it might be bad for him to backtrack like that. What if I hurt his feelings somehow if I ask? I don't want him to think that's all I see when I look at him … he's more than just fists, fucking, and fangs. God Damnit! Why do vamps and slayers both have a bite-y, neck-y fetish? I know for a fact it's not just me. Unfortunately, Faith is an over-sharer._

"Do you want …," I started to ask breathily, but he quickly cut me off with a deep kiss.

"Luv … Buffy … no. I mean I want, obviously that never goes away. And this," he moaned as his lips ghosted over my vein, "this is somethin' that used to keep me up for days at a time. You, us, me being buried in you in more ways than one … but I don't know if I could handle …"

"It's ok … I just thought I'd ask. Give you the option, because I am," I whispered as I bit the shell of his ear, "more than ok with it. So maybe someday? But not today, right?"

He mouthed a silent 'Thank you' before fusing his lips to mine again. The pace our hips picked up would have been crushing for normal humans, but for us it was just bringing us to the grand finale`. In my desperate need for leverage, I once again wrapped my hands around the metal pipe frame of our cot. Tightening my grip I pushed up one last time before I felt the overwhelming surge of pleasure rush through me the same time he shuddered his release. Before I even had time to draw breath, we found ourselves crashing to the floor.

"What the fuck!" I yelled in pain as my head cracked on the hard linoleum floor and Spike toppled on top of me. Looking up quickly I noticed that where my hands had been on the cot frame, I had apparently crushed the hollow tubes. The weakened state of the frame couldn't handle our over-zealous efforts and fell apart around us.

_Well, apparently I was a little too hard on this crappy thing and now it's dead. Now what are we going to do for a bed in here?_

Spike looked up towards the wrecked bed frame quickly before darting his eyes back to mine. After running his hand under my skull to check and make sure I was ok, we both burst out laughing. We were cut off though when we heard pound feet running towards our door, and Spike managed to toss a blanket over me just in time.

"Buffy! Spike!" Angel yelled as he burst through the door.

"Oh balls, piss off ya dolt! We just fell … not fightin' in here. Though I'm sure you've never heard her make those sounds before so it's understandable you'd be confused. There's no emergency so just …," Spike groused before Angel interrupted him.

"No you jackass, there is an emergency. Something's wrong at the Hyperion."


	27. Hang On

_***A/N***: Please pardon the major grammatical and spelling errors. They will be fixed, but I just wanted to get this up before the holidays when I will not have time to write and post this!_

****SPIKE POV** - Hang On  
**

"Romero's or Snyder's?"

_What?_

"I'm not sure, Connor was in a hurry to get back out into the action so I didn't get the details," Xander seriously replied to Buffy's head-scratcher of a question, "I'm pretty sure they aren't Jacksons though. That would have been distinct enough to warrant a comment."

"That sucks. I mean, totally understand the need to get back to the fight; just glad he thought to call us up for help over the radio we gave him, but this is crucial. Completely changes the game plan …"

"Do you have any idea what they're talking about?" Angel leaned over in the helicopter to ask me.

"No bloody clue mate," I answered as they both looked over at us, aghast at our ignorance.

"We're talking about the situation we are facing. It's never good to just rush into a battle without a plan," Buffy said loudly over the noise of the engines.

"I still don't understand what you and Xander were talking about though. How is any of that gibberish related to a zombie surge?" Angel queried.

_Oh … I get it, because the problem over at the hotel is a zombie horde. Interesting form of categorization._

"Don't fret Peaches, I sussed it out. George A. Romero was tha' bloke who did the 'Living Dead' zombie flicks. You ever see any of those?"

"No."

"Well lookie here … Mr. Verbosity himself decided to show up again. Anyhow, Romero's famous for making zombie movies. He set the standard with slow zombie-types. Not very agile, not very active, just sorta putter 'round taking chunks outta folks when they come across 'em. Snyder's another director. He just made a remake of one of Romero's movies; saw it right before you sent us all on this lovely little vacation. His zombies were fast buggers an' just one of 'em could do the damage of ten of Romero's."

"Well, what about 'Jacksons' then? Is he another director with a third type of zombie?" Angel asked.

"Actually, that's a new category for us," Xander interrupted before I could tell Angel I'd no soddin' idea, "We recently had a run in with some zombies at the castle. They danced. It was this whole thing … anyway, we added a Michael Jackson à la 'Thriller' category for harmless zombies."

"Well … now I think I've heard just 'bout everythin'," I chuckled as we began to approach the Hyperion.

We all leaned over to take a peak, and it wasn't a pretty sight. Nothin' but a bevy of boogeyman surroundin' the entrances to the hotel; swarming the few fighters out in the street trying to fend 'em off. As we got closer, I could spot Ol' Blue out in the thick of it, usin' her spotty powers to do as many of them in as she could. Saw Live Wire and Wolf Girl fightin' back to back, doin' their best not to get bit. Saw Connor, and Angel's freak-out at seein' 'em down there, scrappin' with skills more like a vamp than a boy. It also gave us a good gander at what type of zombies we'd be dealing with. It wasn't good news.

"Crapulence, Snyder's. It's … it'll be totally ok though … I can work with this," she mused an' mulled as she pulled her hair back into a tight bun, "Alright, firsty, we need to get those guys out of the street. I'm just glad I remembered to toss on shoes that were more run-for-your-lifeish today."

The chopper was already filled to capacity with girls an' their chosen weapons, so we had to lighten the load before pickin' anybody up. The pilot hovered the bird over the roof of the Hyperion, an' the other slayerettes jumped out and rushed inside to help. It was touch an' go each attempt we made to pick up our crew out in the street; those fast dead gits nearly got a chomp in each time. Once everyone was inside, Buffy shouted out her idea over the sound of the helicopter. I immediately voiced my logical, rational opposition to it.

"No fuckin' bloody way. S'to dangerous!"

_And for the first time in a while, I'm not against this asinine idea because I'm going to be the focus of the danger. She is. Can't let her … she shouldn't be takin' these risks at a time like this …_

"Spike is right," Angel joined me before quickly bringin' a hand up ta his gigantic forehead, "Whoa, I must be sick. I never would've said that if I was healthy. What does it feel like to get the flu? Am I delirious?"

"Real quick 'o captain, my captain …" Xander interjected.

"Thought I was the general?" Buffy raised an eyebrow in question.

"Whatever. I just want to go over the Slayer Motto before we do this insanely dangerous … and insanely awesome plan."

"Which one, 'Life is short', 'Want, take, have', or 'Always be prepared'?"

"No, the other one, 'Don't die'. Besides, that last one is for the Boy Scouts. Think they have it trademarked."

"We'll all be dead if all of you keep delaying my plans," she directed at me in particular, "and the lawn dart runs out of fuel to keep us up in the air. We'll just be burning sardines in a tin can for them. This is the best chance we have at getting rid of the ungrateful dead down there with one blow."

Begrudingly, we all agreed to go through with her idea; mostly 'cause none of us could come up with anything better. The girl mannin' the chopper followed through with Buffy's orders and flew down the street over the living dead. When we reached the edges of the mob we all dropped down as a group, 'cept the slayer's boy. He had his own job to do. We made as much noise as we could, tryin' ta get the attention of as many of the group as we could before takin' off in the opposite direction.

"Here they come! Damn, why do I have to be so tasty? They'll head for me first!" Gwen shouted as the first few waves caught sight of us and began racing for us; the others following the leaders mindlessly like rabid pack animals.

"Everyone RUN! And as always," Connor yelled, "aim for the head!"

"Well thanks for clearin' that up for us pup," I snarked as we all turned around the corner of the intersection, "We never woulda figured that out."

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the slut this morning," I heard that dog bitch pant out under her breath, thinkin' that no one could hear her. It soon became obvious that even though I was the only one 'sides her with supernatural hearing in our little clique`, I wasn't the only one who'd caught that.

"NINA! Don't you dare …," the great prancin' poof began ta shout at her, before the other blond in the group chimed in.

"I don't need defending Angel, thanks. Especially from someone who's grumpy they didn't get their kibbles an' bits this morning," she smiled slyly while staring deep into Nina's eyes as we all continued to run for our lives.

"If you two could hold off on the eye-fucking each other to death," Gwen huffed, "we've still got a marathon against the undead to win here."

"I grow weary of this trenchant exchange. It is pointless and will only end in the demise of you all. They cannot kill me, and I care not if any of you are killed but …" Illyria droned on an' on.

"Blah blah, doomish voice, blah! We get it blue jean baby; ya don't like the lot of us. But you fight with us even though you'n I've had a bit of a spat, right? Why?"

She said nothin' as we all kept joggin' away, rounding another block and nearin' our destination, the horde snappin' at our heals. We had ta keep up a painful pace, even for the special ones in our bunch, to avoid the ravenous lemmings who were getting' closer an' closer. Finally, with a slight timber of emotion that she sometimes gets in her voice, Illyria spoke again.

"The shell … she and I are becoming harder and harder to separate. She is making me feel … it disgusts me. There is also the issue that this dimension has destroyed what little semblance of balance I had over my powers. You have protected me, educated me, when it would have been much easier to abandon me to the chaos here. Even if it was only proper to treat your sovereign such, I owe you a debt for such loyalty."

"Plus I'll bet you don't wanna let down Casper, eh?"

"Who is this Casper; I do not recall any creature that goes by such a name from our inner circle …"

"Never … never mind luv. Was a joke. I was talkin' 'bout Wesley," I said softly, knowing how hurt she's been recently that his specter had vanished, "Sorry that his ghost …"

"There's our target! Gwen," Buffy called as the helicopter came into sight, "can you give us a blast? Knock back these hungry, hungry hippos for a few moments to give us a better chance of getting up in the chopper without being over-run?"

"For the girl who made showering again possible, your wish is my command."

_That has so, so many yummy possibilities … _

The air crackled around the lot of us as the bint gathered a great big store of power, and then let it fly behind us. We all finished running up towards the rope dangling from the whirlybird and started climbing up. Nina, Connor, an' Angel all shimmied on up; quickly followed by Gwen once she'd done her bit in slowing down the zombies still rushin' after us.

"Get on the rope Spike," she ordered as she eyed the set up to make sure things were ready once the swarm was on top of this spot.

"You've completely gone 'round the bend if you think …"

"I'm the best bait; I need to be at the end of the rope. Do you honestly think I'd be stupid enough to stay down here to fight?"

"You are pretty stubborn you know," I pointed out as she pushed the rope at me.

Even though I'd really hoped she'd get on first so that I'd have a better chance at protecting her in case any of the nibblers got too close, I could see they were gaining on us and it'd be best not to make a fuss. I grabbed on and started climbing up, feeling her hop on after me. The chopper started to fly up a bit, to give us a cushion of room over the masses running up underneath us, but with all the people on the rope and the wind whipping us around we all started to sway. I looked up in just in time to catch sight of Nina, the one at the top, miss Xander's out-stretched hand and begin to fall towards the school of piranha-types below. It all happened too fast for any of us to reach out and snag her.

"EVERYBODY HANG ON TIGHT!" Buff cried out at the top of her lungs as I watched her wrap the cable around her knee an' foot faster than a Greb'laeth demon can spit.

_An' those buggers can spit pretty damn fast …_

As soon as she was done securin' herself, she reached out with both arms and caught on to Nina's flailing limbs just as the wolf girl passed by. All of us jerked violently on the chord with the effort, but we managed to hang on. We all watched in amazement as Buffy pulled the girl into her arms and got her back on the rope. Being closest to them, I slid back down to help but the Slayer didn't let her go. The slag was whimperin', cryin', and I could see that she was goin' inta shock as what just happened finally penetrated her brain.

"It's ok Nina … just breath … you had a scare but you're fine … calm down … we need to move so you have to get a hold of yourself … shush … I've got you …," Buffy whispered to her in a surprisingly soothin' voice before lookin' up at me with relief floodin' her eyes, "Spike, help get her up, ok?

Slowly, carefully, I got the girl up the rope an inch at a time till we finally climbed inside the cabin with the others. The moment we were safe, Xander instructed the pilot to redirect us to be dead center over the target. The target, as was planned, was a gas station now covered with flesh-eatin' zombies. And explosives.

_Good thing they had a store of it … she really does have the coolest stolen toys it seems … an' it was a good idea to have Harris head over here first and set the blocks of C4 around the tanks and the gas pumps … but I still don't like the idea of her danglin' like a worm on the hook out there to keep the zombies in place …_

"XANDER! TOSS ME THE PINEAPPLES!" our girl hollered from the end of the rope below us, still hangin' upside down.

"Let's make some fruit salad folks," the boy grinned as he held up two old-fashioned lookin' hand grenades.

_Where in the hell did he get those? Don't think I've seen one like that since the 70's …_

Xander stood at the edge of the doorway and looked down. Making eye contact with Buffy below, they seemed to focus on nothin' but each other … syncin' up with each other or somethin'. Finally he reached out, nodded once, an' let the small tennis-ball sized weapons fall. Being one of the last in, I was close enough to watch her close her eyes and reach out to snatch them out of the air at the exact right moment. Wearin' a smile that just screamed 'ha-ha, look what I can do!', Goldilocks ripped the pins outta the locks and lobbed them in opposite directions towards the gas station.

"UP! UP, UP, GO UP!" she began to scream the second the grenades left her hands.

Xander repeated the order to the pilot as he hit the button that cranked the winch; raisin' the rope as fast as it could. The rest of us watched, frozen, as the grenades detonated and did their job of setting off the other explosives scattered 'round the gas station. The blasts kept comin' an' comin', knocking down the masses and settin' 'em all ablaze. The zombies began to collapse as they all became crispy critters, and the ground opened up 'neath um and swallowed them up as the underground wells blew. But then we noticed that the fiery mushroom cloud from the explosion kept getting bigger. An' rising higher.

"Oh bollocks," I whispered in fear as I took in Buffy, still hangin' below us. Straight in the path of the sky-climbin' fire.

I immediately kneeled down at the edge of the cabin after yellin' at the pilot to move us as fast as she could, and I began grabbin' and pullin' the rope with my hands. I vaguely noticed Angel push Harris outta the way and start helpin' me pull. The daft cow hangin' below us had seen the fast approaching flames and had started to climb up like she was born ta do it, and even from up here I could hear her mutterin' curse words to herself. An' then it happens. That moment when you know you've never moved so fast in you entire existence before, yet everything is slowing down because you can see that somethin' bad's about to happen. And you know that there's nothin' you can do to stop it.

"BUFFY!" Angel began screamin' as we all stared, watching the cloud of smoke and fire surround and swallow her up; coveirn' her from our sight.

Xander began hurlin' expletives at the pilot, tellin' her to move forward insteada up; hoping it would get her out faster. Frankenstein-wannabe an' I kept up a furious pace, but seconds kept tickin' by with Buffy immersed in the flames that were still climbin' higher. High enough and hot enough that we all started to feel the pain of the heat inside in helicopter. Suddenly, we all saw a hand grippin' the rope emerge from the fireball. Then an arm. A head. A torso with smolderin' clothes.

_She's not movin' ... fuck! She's not movin'! Get her up ... hurry ... maybe it's not too late ... she's still holdin' on ..._

Finally, all of her was out of the fire and close enough that we could lift her inta the chopper. Her pants were burnin' a little, but the wolf girl had enough presence of mind to find a blanket and start smotherin' the flames as soon as I laid her out. Once the fire was out we all began checkin' her over, and though all of her clothes were charred they seemed ta have protected her from the worst of the burn. The skin of her arms was an angry pink, and I caught sight of a few heat blisters here and there but it wasn't nothin' her slayer healing couldn't fix right up in a day. Her face was pink too, but not as bad; she must've shielded herself when the fire surrounded her.

_Can hear her heart beatin', hear her breathin' ... still hear the ... oh thank ... whoever's there to listen. Thank you!_

"Water," Buffy finally croaked through very chapped lips.

Xander found a bottle and quickly held it up to her mouth, but after a few sips she guided him to pour it all over her instead of in her. Gwen an' Connor instructed the girl flyin' the rig to head back to the hotel; we needed to get Buffy to a doctor, and the one she'd left stationed at the Hyperion was the closest. We also wanted ta see if they were still under zombie attack there or if we'd gotten the lot of 'em to follow us. Finally she began to speak as we made our approach with a shaky voice.

"I'm ok ... just a little hot ... like a bad sunburn after a day at the beach. I'll be ok you guys," she said as she took a deep breath and sat up. That was when we all noticed something was off 'bout her, and the lot of us stared at her in shock.

"Uh, girlfriend ...," Gwen hemmed at her, like she was about to break some very, very bad news.

"What? What's wrong? Is my face scared or something?" she asked as her fingertips began to lightly trace her skin, lookin' for the thing that had caught our attention.

"It's your ... it's your hair ...," the big lunkhead next ta me said, tryin' not to giggle. He wasn't successful.

None of us are. As Blondie's eyes go wide in irrational hair-fear and her hands go up to touch what's left of her strands, the whole lot of us begin to laugh. It takes us hours to guffaw all the tension an' fear for her outta our systems, and the girl Formally-Known-As-Goldilocks threatens each of our lives over an over again throught the day.

_But at least she's alive. Even if her eyebrows are missin' and her once long, golden mane has been singed into a short, frizzy fro. She's alive._


	28. Addicted

_***A/N***: Sorry, this took me forever to finish and I couldn't stop writing. There are so many little scenes in this that I know I could have easily cut to make this chapter a shorter, better read, but I just couldn't cut a single one of them. As it is, I already left out a bunch of stuff. I didn't remove the smut though … gotta have that in there. So here I am, once AGAIN, stating that this is the longest chapter I have ever written. I wonder if this time will be the last. Prepare yourself for 11 pages-worth of reading. Please forgive the spelling and grammar mistakes, I was in a hurry to post this before doing a fine-edit. It will be done within a few days.  
_

_I reference the episode "Helpless" in season 3 towards the end of this chappie; hopefully you remember that Angel gave Buffy a book for her birthday. The book was the great __"Sonnets from the Portuguese" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning,and the poem I use is the super-famous and beautiful Sonnet Number 43. I do not own the poem, I do not own the book, no __infringement__ is intended and I am not making any money from it's use._

****ANGEL POV** - Addicted**

"Maybe I should call this off now. It doesn't look like a fair fight at all; I'll wreck you."

"I hope you've got dental because I think it'll be fun to knock out your teeth, let them put new ones in, and then knock them out all over again."

"That's pretty big talk coming from someone with no eyebrows."

"You're going to be so black and blue when I'm done with you, goth kids are going to try and wear you."

"Do you have any next of kin information on you? Because I'm going to feel obligated to call them up and inform them of the bad news of your passing when I'm done with you."

"I'm gonna hit you so hard, you're gonna forget who you are."

"Too late," he smiled brightly at her right before he lunged.

_I can't watch … but I love to watch this … I love to watch her … I feel so proud when I see him … but together? I can't look at this. It feels slightly … wrong, somehow._

'This' was a fight. Actually, it was a sparing match in the basement training room of the Hyperion Hotel. Spike, Buffy, half her crew, and I stayed after the events of a few days ago. Xander had gone back to the base to take over command for a little while as we remained behind. There were still a few scattered zombies in the area and Buffy wanted to make sure that this location had enough force behind it to clean them all out.

_Plus, she could see that Spike and I were missing our crew. He had been neglecting his bond with Illyria to be with her and I … I missed Connor._

I didn't have any shame in thanking her for deciding to stay here so that I wouldn't feel like I had to choose between being with her or my son. My son, who currently had his hands all over my Buffy.

"Hey, I almost felt that one," Connor patronized my girl with an innocent-looking face after a direct punch to his nose, "for someone so tiny, you must be stronger than you look if I could feel that one."

"I hate it when people say that. I'm not that small!" Buffy laughed as she dodged Connor's attempts to kick her.

"Careful pup, she's only playin' with ya now. Don't get her brassed off unless ya gotta death wish," Spike warned from the sidelines next to me as we watched the two frolicking more than fighting.

"Come on, is this all you've got? I thought you were a slayer … I remember meeting Faith. I thought you were supposed to be like her," he tried to say, but it was hard since he kept chuckling when he saw Spike's eye bug out at his latest comment.

"No, no no, I am nothing like Faith," she said darkly, "For one thing I don't have a history of killing humans just for the heck of it. That and I'm not a giant slut-bomb traitor. You want to see what a slayer can really do kid? Fine by me, but don't say you weren't warned," Buffy told him right before she turned into a blur before my eyes.

_Don't kill him, oh god please don't let her kill him! And why the hell did she just call Faith a traitor? I thought they had patched things up last year … but how can I ask her without her getting pissed?_

It seemed like she was in all places around him at once. Spinning roundhouse kicks to his sides. Blocking blows in front of him. Flipping over his head and scoring a stunning hit to the back of his skull. Landing behind him and tackling him to the mats. I watched, with a strange combination of pride and concern churning in the pit of my stomach, as Buffy wrapped an arm around Connor's throat to put him in a choke-hold and lifted his face up off the mats. Even beaten though, Connor still had to get a few jabs in.

"Kid? You called ME a kid? I'm closer to your age than either of those two," he grunted in pain as he motioned towards Spike and I with his chin.

_Wait, what? Let's see … I think he's about 21 years old now, give-or-take a little. She's … god, is she really 23? Why do I feel like she should be younger, even though another part of me can see that she's aged way beyond her years? Not counting my hundreds of years as a vamp, I guess I'm back to being 26 … never did find out how old Spike was when he was turned. I think he was over 25, but under 30 maybe? Damn, Connor's right. She IS closer to his age than ours. This all got just a tiny bit creepier …_

"Hhhhmmmm, you know what? You're right. My apologies," she giggled as she released him and helped him stand before looking over and seeing the discomfort on the faces of both Spike and I, "I've had way too many issues with older men, so maybe it's time to try the younger end of the stick. So Angel? Spike? How about a little insight? Is it better to rob the cradle? Cause I only have experience with robbing the grave."

"Ha bloody ha Slayer. You might want ta take a peak at our boy here; this kinda tauntin' looks like it's makin' him sick," the bleached wonder gestured towards me.

One moment all I could see was the dim, dank surroundings of the basement growing darker around me when I noticed that Connor and Buffy had each tossed an arm around each others shoulders in a companionable way. But the moment Spike spoke I saw nothing but short, curly golden hair and hazel green orbs right in front of my face; brightening the darkness that had threatened to overtake me. An apologetic, worried look tainted her features as she reached up to cup my cheek while grabbing Spike's nearest hand at the same time.

"You guys know I'm just fooling around, right? Ok, wait, maybe not the best phrase in this situation, but ... I was just quipping. I mean hello, it wouldn't be me if I had a fight and didn't try to find the punny. I have no intentions of robbing any cradle. You two are more than I can handle ...," she awkwardly tittered, "I'm sorry Angel. I got caught up in the banter; I forgot."

_The topics of my son and my strained love life are going to forever be a sore spot unless I make a better attempt at moving on. I want to ... want to trust him as much as I love him. I trust the both of them with my very life but … there's a history. Not to mention the fact that my girl has turned out to be __polyamorous__. How can I prove to myself that I can get past this insane fear of an __oedipal__ repeat?_

It dawned on me like a match struck in the darkness how I could try. I could try by actually leaving and giving them some time to get to know each other without any supervision. Ever since the day we had remained here, Connor had been always been in my sights. Buffy too from the moment she left her room that she shared with her slayers. Connor, Spike and I all slept in the same room with about 5 other men because each room was filled beyond capacity; privacy was a luxury no one could afford in downtown LA right now. Anytime I saw the two of them starting up a conversation, I found a way to interject myself into it. When we went out on patrols, it was always in groups.

_It's not like I suspect that Buffy and Connor are going to fall for each other or anything … it's just that … god, I don't know. Am I crazy for wanting to just want to keep an eye on the both of them? Would I be like this if Connor and Cordy hadn't slept together? Would I be feeling this way if I didn't have to currently share my soul mate with my rival?_

"It's ok Buffy, I know you didn't mean that. What happened … it's the past, and it wasn't a part of your life so I don't expect you to have perfect recall."

"You're wrong. Your life is my life," she kissed me on the cheek before turning towards Spike and doing the same before staring into his eyes, "Yours too Spike. We're just starting out in this … thing we have. Sometimes it feels like we're all trying to run during an earthquake and just getting bounced around. I should know better than to make jokes like that while everything is still so unsteady; it was callous of me and I need you to let me apologize."

"Hmmm," I pretended to contemplate, "alright then, apology accepted."

"Good, so … do you wanna spar with me? Show junior how it's done?"

_Oh god … Buffy, thou art the pinnacle of temptresses …_

"Actually, Spike and I were talking earlier about how we should have a talk with Ilyria, make sure she's adjusting ok without us …,"

"You over-gelled sack of hammers, what are you goin' on about …," Spike interrupted me, but I cut him off with a elbow to the ribs and kept going.

"Yeah, she's always kinda had a handler and after Wes … well, it's been pretty much just Spike and her as you know. You two keep training; we'll catch up later."

"Oh … okay … if you want," she looked up at me with confusion etched on her features as she turned back towards Connor.

"You've gone completely 'round the bend if you think leaving her alone with him is a good idea you git," Spike spat out as I dragged him up the flight of stairs towards the ground floor of the hotel.

"Look," I huffed as we burst into the empty lobby, "I'll admit that we all have issues with trust right now, especially since we entered this threesome. But I believe that this stable version of Connor won't go after her, and I believe that Buffy wouldn't hurt me … us … whatever, by cheating. I have to believe it. We need to show them both that we trust them."

"Yeah, well … I don't like it. I don't like that I haven't been able to spend any alone time with her. Do like that you haven't either, but now we just left a high-an'-dry Buffy alone with a sexually frustrated lad to continue with an unsupervised rough an' tumble."

"Just … just get over it Spike. I'm trying to … besides, I wasn't kidding down there. You really should spend some time with Ilyria; we don't want her to get pissed off and turn against us."

"Fine. What're you gonna do then?"

"I'm going to go cook something; none of us have eaten all day and I don't want her falling back into the habit of not eating anything," I trailed off as he began to trek up the stairs in search for Ilyria and I started to walk down the hallway till I reached the kitchen.

_I wonder what he's been eating? It's not like there's a butcher counter open anywhere, and the grocery stores we've been raiding don't have __refrigeration__ so anything that's going to perish has gone rotten by now. __Unfortunately__, it's been a few days since Buffy and I have been able to sleep together; has he been feeding on her?_

"You look like someone just kicked your puppy," came Nina's voice from across the kitchen as I entered.

"Huh? Uh, sorry, I didn't know you were in here. I'll just …," I stammered, not really prepared to have a heart-to-heart with my ex.

"Run away and ignore me? Nope, not gonna happen this time mister. Just do whatever it is you came in here to do, and I'll finish eating. Oh, and talk. We need to have the talk," she smiled sadly at me.

"Fantastic," I muttered to myself as I looked around for something I could fix up, but coming up with only odds and ends that would make most people sick at the thought of combining them together.

"I heard that," she snarked from across the room as she finished off what looked like an watery oatmeal gruel with a few pieces of beef jerky crumbled into it.

_Let's see … canned beets … pickles … stewed tomatoes … bag of uncooked rice … canned peas … pimento olives … pickled garlic … corn flakes … dehydrated milk powder … peanut butter … more canned beets … oh score! Lop cheong, and a bunch of it. Must have come from that Chinese market down the street, but no one here knows what to do with it … I can fix up something nice with this stuff …_

I grabbed ten of the dried, smoked Asian sausages and put them on the counter before setting a large pot with water and rice to cook on one of the camp stoves step up in the large kitchen. There was still no gas for the real stove after the hellification of LA, so we had raided an outdoors supply store to get something we could cook with. Quickly, I chopped the lop cheong into very small pieces and grabbed a can of peas, beets, and a few cloves of the pickled garlic. Once I was done draining the canned veggies and mincing the garlic, I turned back towards Nina while I waited for the rice to finish cooking.

"So, talking, we should talk I guess …," I started before she interrupted me.

"I'm sorry."

"Wow, everyone's apologizing to me today. Usually that's my gig. Why are you sorry though? You haven't done anything wrong here. I'm the jerk in this situation."

"No arguments here, but I should say I'm sorry for the guilt trip I've been putting on you. Not to mention the way I've been speaking about and treating Buffy," she said uneasily as she leaned back against the counter next to me.

"Aw come on, you're just saying that because she saved you from being zombie chow. "

"Well … maybe just a little," she smiled awkwardly up at me, "it's just that … you know that I was just barely coming to terms with being a werewolf. And now, even though I can't turn with the sun being up I … the full moon always out is making me feel constantly … wolfy. So I'm always … amped up when it comes to my emotions. It's made me pissed off that you lied to me about being with me. I'm pissed off that you settled for being with me before because I couldn't make you perfectly happy. I'm pissed off that I had to settle with being in her shadow, and now that she's here the promise you made me has been forgotten. And I'm pissed off that I'm so pissed off about all this."

"So, what I'm getting from this little heart-to-heart is that you are mad," I hemmed.

"Pissed. I'm pissed Angel, god, I guess men really don't listen," she chuckled lowly to herself.

"Nina I … I didn't mean to lead you on … and I'm sorry that you're hurting because of my actions …"

"Oh that's a load. Ok, well, maybe you are sorry, but you knew the minute you handed me those plane tickets you were going to lead me on. You made me a promise to be with me that you were certain you'd die before having to uphold."

"I had to get you out, and if omitting the truth was the only way …," I tried to explain as I added the garlic, peas, beets, and lop cheong to the rice porridge on the tiny camp stove. The smokey, sweet smell of the sausage cooking into it was amazing, but the beets turned the whole thing a bright, vivid reddish-pink.

_Well, maybe I didn't think this out … I just wanted this meal to be able to stretch out for a lot of people and be balanced. But this? It's starting to look like that strange blood concoction those Parisian vamps had me try back in the early 1800's … master chefs that had been turned but couldn't let go of their human training to make a __spectacular__ meal …_

"Lying Angel, it's called lying. And I get it. You want to save everyone, including their feelings. Especially us little women of the blond persuasion I've noticed. I just …," she stopped and took a big breath, "… it wasn't love-love yet for us, but I was working that way, you know? But for you, it was always Buffy. I'm not saying that I feel like you've never loved anyone else or that I think you had no feelings for me at all …," she trailed off.

"I did, have feelings for you I mean. But ..."

"But she's it for you, right? I've seen that now over the past few days that you guys have stayed here. And I like her more than I thought I would, and not just for saving my ass from unsightly bite marks. But what about you? Are you it for her? Are you happy with … whatever you guys are doing?"

_Maybe we shouldn't have been so open about our relationship arrangement after all …_

"Nina, once again I'm sorry for hurting you, but that really isn't your business. All I'll say is that … this situation isn't ideal for me, but I'm still happy with what I have. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go let Buffy and Connor know that the food is ready," I said curtly as I made my way towards the door.

"Huh, funny. You finally get to be with your 'One' … and yet you still can't have perfect happiness. I hope you find it someday Angel; hope one day that you realize that you actually deserve it," I heard her dolefully say as she too left the kitchen through the other set of doors.

_I really didn't need that pushed into my face … I knew it already. Thanks a lot for that … god, I can only imagine how much Cordy would be harping on me about this set-up not being good for me … but … I love her too much to let go now. If I'm honest with myself I became addicted to her the second I saw her on those steps … and now that I've had a fairly good amount of her again after all this time … I'll stay till it kills me._

I made my way back towards the basement entrance, thinking about what Nina said. Thinking about what I said. Thinking about what I wanted verses what I thought I deserved. Thinking about the hell right outside the door that I brought down upon us all, and how I could fix it. Then, I tried to think about hockey for a little while to avoid the crushing weight of all the other topics. It was working until I reached the doorway to the stairs leading down to the training room, and I realized I could hear voices. Buffy and Connor voices. Very clear voices having a conversation.

_Maybe I'll just … listen in a little bit … I'm a concerned parent wondering about the influence my girl friend is having on my son, right? I want to make sure that my Buffy isn't uncomfortable around him, right? Would anyone buy that load of crap if they caught me and I had to explain it?_

"So wow, slayers are brutal," I heard Connor's muffled voice drifting up to the doorway.

"Just like the band, except only one of them is supernatural in any way …"

"There's a band?"

"God, do you have to make me feel so old when we're so close in age?"

"Just kidding. I had a lot of pop culture magic'ed into me when I got that spiffy new life. I doubt I would have heard of them in Quor'Toth."

"You'd be surprised; I hear there's a whole demon dimension that's incredibly dedicated to Celine Dion," Buffy breezily stated.

All I caught then was Connor's shudder of what was maybe disgust, and then they fell into a prolonged silence after he muttered something about 'not knowing what a real hell was like, thankfully'. I could hear the mats creaking in different spots, so I assumed that they were doing cool-down stretches a little ways apart from each other. Just when I believed that they wouldn't talk anymore and got ready to enter, Connor spoke up again and I froze in place.

"Hey, Buffy, can I ask you something?," he asked and she must have nodded because I didn't hear a response before he continued, "You've known Angel for a long time, right?"

"Since before you were really born, yeah," she answered.

"Did you know my mom?" he questioned, with a nearly pleading tone in his voice.

_Oh crap … this is not a conversation I ever thought these two would have … do I stop it? Let it go on? It might hurt both of them if I don't interrupt …_

"We'd met," she said with a lot of reserve in her voice after a draw out pause.

"Can you tell me something … anything about her?"

"Look Connor, I'm not the one to be asking this. I know that your dad … that Angel doesn't exactly have a history with being forthright or emotive, but you should be asking him. Or even Spike if you can't ask Angel. I only ran into Darla a handful of times, and each time we were trying to kill each other."

"I can't ask Angel yet … he and I are still dealing with each other … he would probably idealize her too much for it to be real for me anyway. Spike would just tell me inappropriate things that I'd rather not hear about her. Isn't there anything you can tell me?"

I could make out the sounds of pacing trickling up to my position, and a lot of Buffy taking in breaths to start speaking before cutting herself off. After what was probably a comedic show of her being indecisive, she finally spoke.

"Do you know that I've died before Connor?"

"Yeah, actually, Spike told me about it. He said that you went somewhere that you think is Heaven?"

"Yeah, or as close as the human mind can come to paradise anyway. I told this story before to Spike and Angel, but I think you should hear it first before I say what I'm going to say about your mom. I could see the past when I was in Heaven. And I mean everything, from the beginning of time up until the second I was brought back to life; I don't remember it all though. But I focused mainly on Angel's life. Darla was there for a lot of it, so even though I didn't spend any actual time with her I did get a feel for who she was."

"And?"

"Evil. I know you don't want to hear this but she was just evil. I can't speak for her human life, I never looked it up, but as a vamp? Nearly no other being could surpass her in her pure enjoyment in being evil. There was nothing more important to her than herself and her continued enjoyment of being nefarious."

"Um … I know I said I didn't want the sugar-coated version but you didn't exactly have to drive that nail in so deep …,"

_I knew I shouldn't have let them keep up this vein of conversation … need to stop it now …_

"Sorry, but actually I told you that so that you would understand how deeply I mean it when I say this: she loved you very, very much."

_What?_

"What?" Connor echoed my inner thoughts with a bewildered tone in his voice.

"Connor she would do and had done anything, even sacrifice your dad, to ensure her continued existence. All she really wanted from existence was to stay undead so that she could keep on doing that evil she enjoyed so much. She had no soul when she was pregnant with you, yet she staked herself to give you a chance at life. Even though she knew all these forces were trying to kill you and there was a good probability you'd end up dissected and studied before your first birthday. She gave her life up for yours. She must have loved you more than anything, even herself. And as previously mentioned, this chick had a seriously big capacity for the love of evil. But she chose you."

_Why didn't I ever think about telling him that? Why have I never even considered the thought that he might want to know about Darla? I'm not really as dense as everyone implies, right?_

"Buffy … god I … thanks," I heard Connor murmur.

"Well, I can see where you got you're laconic skills from. I'm gonna go take a shower and cut this really, super fun conversation short. You're welcome Con-man, but next time? Do me a solid and ask your dad ok?"

"Yeah, I promise," he called after her.

I heard her light footsteps up the stairs, so I quickly turned turned away from the door. I had no idea what to do; I didn't want to be caught snooping, but after hearing that I needed to talk with both of them and I knew it. I wanted to talk to her so bad it hurt. Talk to her … see her … thank her … kiss her … touch her. I made my way back down the hallway I had just come from, and decided to slip behind the embankment with the elevators.

_I'm not hiding … I'm just … waiting. Yeah. I'll wait until she's gone upstairs to shower, and then I'll go down and talk with Connor. Afterwards, hopefully I'll catch her alone and have a talk with her … or more … god not being able to be with her right now is driving me insane … oh crap … are those footsteps getting closer?_

"Angel," came my name from Buffy's lips, sounding almost like my name was an answer and a chastisement at the same time as she rounded the corned I was behind.

"Buffy, hi … um, what are you doing over here?"

"Oh, you know me … always looking for a dark corner for optimal lurkage," she leered at me, "what about you? What are YOU doing over HERE Angel?"

"Me? I was just … you know, inspecting the … making sure there's no damage to the … and now wondering just how long you're going to let me go on rambling when you know exactly what I've been doing."

"I just wanted to see how long you'd try to avoid telling me that you were spying again," she giggled before suddenly looking very serious, yet reverent, as she placed a hand on her solar plexus, "I can still feel you, you know. So the second you paused at the top of the stairs? I knew it. Think Connor did too; that boy might not be as strong or well-trained as me at the moment, but you push him enough in sparing and his reflexes and senses go off the charts!"

"I just didn't want to interrupt; I want you two to get to know each other … plus the subject material was … important to him. Thank you for giving him something good to think about when he thinks about her."

"It was no big … well, actually to him I guess it is but … even though it's Darla, everyone should have something wonderful about their mom to hold onto. I just used the truth to figure out what I could give him that was real."

"I don't think I could have ever communicated that so well to him. Thank you … thank you so much for doing that for me … for him. Do you have any idea just how much I love you?"

She smiled up at me and I felt my heartbeat actually waver; literally skipping a beat over the emotions that were tossing up a tempest inside me upon seeing the ways her eyes crinkled just so.

"How do you love me? Let me count the ways. You love me to the depth and breadth and height your soul can reach … that about sum it up?"

"You … you remembered? But you lost that book the night I gave it to you … how …"

"Is it really so hard to believe that I remembered the name of the book, and eventually went out and bought myself a copy? It may not be a first edition with your handwriting in it, but the poems are still going to be the same. I figured the meaning would be too."

"I … I think it's safer if I refuse to answer that question, and just show you how happy I am that you remembered," I nervously chuckled as I pulled her closer into what I meant to be a light kiss.

It didn't turn out that way though, once we were actually putting out lips together. I felt her hands immediately shoot up to clutch at my face and hold me closer. I felt the vibration shake through her when I slammed her hard into the wall as we continued to kiss. I felt her rubbing herself on my thigh as I pressed it between her legs. I felt her panting breaths speed up as I unconsciously started to grope and pinch her through her top.

"I've missed you … I've missed you so much," she gasped for breath, our lips still touching, as her hand started to fumble along the wall in search of a doorknob. Any doorknob.

_Cause if we don't find a room right now, something is absolutely going to happen right here out in the open. Even as … lost … as I am right now in her, I know that she's not just talking about missing me these past few days. She's talking about the years between then and now._

Knowing that we couldn't go to either of the rooms we had been staying in recently, I helped her find the doorknob she had been reaching for. It led into a disused janitor's closet, but neither of us noticed as I rushed to close the door behind me. Before the click of the lock could sound out into the air, we were already welded to each other again and fumbling around in the darkness.

"I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;" I murmured into her ear as we bumped into a small open space of the wall, "I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise."

"I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith," she continued to recite from where I had left off, breathless, as her hands unzipped her velor tracksuit top and pushed the fabric open to my eyes.

As soon as she had exposed herself, I couldn't do anything but caress her … but it felt too rough. In fact, everything we had done alone together since the first time had felt a little too rough; but we couldn't stop nearly reaching a violent level with our passions. Even now when I was thinking that I should try to make this as romantic as I could to make up for the fact that were were in a dingy closet, I couldn't make my body stop responding the the air of sexual aggression pouring off the both of us. So, as my brain went on thinking sweet things that it wanted to do, I found myself spinning her around and making her face the wall as I molded myself to her back.

"I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints," I picked up the next line in the sonnet, my heart desperate to let her know how I felt since my actions weren't exactly loving, "I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life!"

After grabbing her hands and pressing them onto the wall, she immediately caught on that I was going to run this show and left them exactly where I had placed them. Apparently, instead of pissing her off as I feared it might, it aroused her instead and she let out a loud moan before I even touched her. Knowing that anyone could be out in the lobby now, and that she seemed to enjoy me being aggressive, I quickly curled one hand around her head and covered her mouth with my palm to try and keep her quiet.

_She's … she kissing me. Kissing my hand … oh god everything about her … the taste of sweat left on her skin from the sparring … the way she always smells like vanilla and the ocean … even the new short, unruly curls of her hair tickling my face … I want every inch of her. Any way I can have her, I want every part of her._

Before I could even contemplate the pros and cons of gentleness, I had both of our pants down to our knees and was inside her. Every push, every slide into her became faster than the last as I completely let go of who I was … I just became what I was doing. It felt like we weren't even two people anymore; we were one drive, one focus … one heartbeat. One soul. She was gripping me inside, so hard that it nearly hurt, as she started to crest wave after wave of pleasure. It wasn't actually painful, but it was pushing what was already going to be a fast ride even faster towards the end. When she pulled away from my hand enough to turn her head to kiss me, both of my hands gripped her hips hard enough to bruise a normal human woman and I finally lost myself in her completely.

"And … if … God … shall choose …," she huffed out with each deep breath as we both recovered, still braced against the wall together.

"I shall but love thee better after death," I finished the sonnet with a kiss into her hair, my face buried into the side of her head.

"If that's true … I'm gonna have a lot more fun in my next afterlife than I did last time."


	29. Cut Off

_***A/N***: Sorry! Had real-world issues and an uncooperative muse. I felt so bad that I decided to post this chapter in supplication even though my word processor is acting all funky and not letting me use spell check (so I apologize ahead of time for the errors I didn't catch)._

****BUFFY POV** -Cut Off****  
**

Even now, when I first wake up, it still takes me a few minutes to figure out my surroundings. Figure out why the temperature is warmer than the drafty castle bedroom in Scotland. Figure out why my bed is hard and uncomfortable when I just know that it is supposed to be soft and cloud-like. Figure out why the smell has changed from clean sheets and fruity candles to a stale, musty classroom odor. Most recently, it takes me a few extra minutes each day to figure out why I can feel hands that are not my own on me.

_Ahh, guy hands. Last night we got back to the base. Last night we got to fall back into our sleeping arrangement. Last night was a Spike night, I remember now. We were all going nuts not being able to sleep together, even though both of my guys had gotten me into one dark corner or another while we were at the hotel. Still, I missed falling asleep with guy hands. Guy hands on the small of my back; guy hands tracing little circles on my hip. Wait. If there's guy hands on my hip and back, and mine are cradled between me and the body in front of me, why do I feel another hand running gently through my hair? Why do I feel one resting teasingly low on my stomach? What the hell is going on here?_

When my lazy, good-for-nothing brain finally snapped to attention over the fact that there were two separate sets of hands touching me my eyes shot open. I was expecting to see Spike in front of me, since he was the last thing my blissed-out eyes saw last night before exhaustion forced me to sleep. But instead of it being bleached-blond hair and ice-blue eyes staring back at me, I was looking into the face of an angel. My Angel. My very obviously naked Angel, who seemed to have welded his front to mine and was lightly kissing me all over my face.

"Um, Angel? What are you doing here? I thought I was in Spike's room. Where is he? Oh god … you didn't dust him … did you?"

"He's right behind you," Angel murmured into my ear and slowly guided my legs to wrap around his hips, "we're both here for you. Forever …,"

"That's the whole point pet," Spike said over my shoulder right before he nibbled it with blunt, human teeth.

For a moment, I let myself get lost in what they were doing to me. Lost in a haze of hands and lips, tongue and hips, skin and grips. I hadn't even let myself hope for what was happening right now; I had already risked hurting them too much in asking them both to be with me. I never thought I'd be able to live long enough to get them comfortable getting to this point.

_But I'm not going to argue with the horse when it's feeling all gifty … OH FUCK … not when the gift is Spike and Angel rubbing me skillfully enough to make me moan like that!_

I heard both of them snicker, and saw them give each other a heated stare, at my twitchy reaction to their teasing. Slowly, I began to realize that the two sets of hands that were caressing me … weren't just paying attention to me. That the coy little glances these two were sending weren't just aimed at my eyes. That the legs entwined with mine weren't just rubbing up against me.

_Holy Brokeback Mountain, Batman! They're playing footsie with each other! Wait ... did I just make myself Robin? Great … I'm suddenly the boy wonder … second fiddle in my own thoughts. When did this happen?_

"You two haven't been kissing again, have you? I'm more open-minded than before, but I'm not sure I could handle that this early in the relationship … I think we all need to be a bit more secure with things before I get a live show."

"We only have eyes for you luv," Spike purred into my ear as Angel's fingers trailed down my body, "… and lips, and hands, and …"

He didn't have to say anything else as his hip and groin rubbed against my backside, suddenly emphasizing his not-so-metaphorical point. If that weren't enough stimulus to make my brain blank-out, Angel then mimicked Spike's actions on my front as if they had planned this sensory over-load attack on my hormones. But instead of just grinding against me as Spike had done, Angel slipped into me suddenly with no warning. And oh god was it good.

_Well, actually … I guess the humping was a pretty good warning but still … not what I was expecting. Good bye brain blank-out, hello full-on mental short circuit. But why the hell are they doing this? Did they have another hear-to-heart about making my choices for me again? Not that I'm really complaining … this could be so, so good but …_

"Um guys? As much as I'm enjoying the possibilities here," I gasped out as I tried to still my hip's response to Angel's slow movements, "I think we should wait and talk about this. I don't know if I'm really ready for a Buffy sandwich yet … and how the hell are you two not killing each other right now?"

"We just wanna make ya feel good Buffy ... let us help you try something new … let me in Slayer …," he cooed into my ear as I realized that he was positioning himself and pushing into my other entrance.

_Oh, he wants to … they want to … oh god. Obviously, never had a three's company moment before so … the thought of both at the same time? Slightly scary … but definitely of the 'I want to be there' variety. Maybe I should just stop thinking and enjoy …_

I couldn't believe myself when I realized I was looking back at Spike and nodding, giving him permission to push forward. Like everything he's ever done, he didn't hesitate. It hurt, there's no way to lie about that certain outcome when you've had no … preparation. Or lube. And it's been years since anyone's knocked on THAT door. And yet …

… _and yet … I've never felt so … complete in my entire life. Never. Is that too clichéd`? Not my first time with Angel. Not my last time with Spike in Sunnydale. Not finding them again here in this hell dimension. They both own a huge chunk of my soul … and right now with all of us connected this is the only time I feel like I've been put back together again. Great ... I'm having one of the best moments of my life and I've gone from being Batman's sidekick to Humpty Dumpty. I need to get my head straight ... or at least back in the game ...  
_

They let me adjust for a while before getting a rhythm going first in opposition to each other, then in tandem, then opposite again. The pain of each slow slide into me sweetened the experience then disappeared, thanks to my slayer healing and amped-up libido I'm sure. As we once again became a hazy tangle of bodies I couldn't tell, and I really didn't care anymore at this point, exactly whose hands were doing what to whom anymore. The last thing I really recall with clarity is that I arched back to push a commanding kiss on Spike's lips when my boys brought me past my point of no return. His teeth held onto my skin as I tried to pull back to shout as I peaked at the exact moment Angel nuzzled my neck and bit the mark he had left on me ages ago. It made me cry out my release all over again.

"I love you two ... so fucking much it hurts …" I managed to pant out once I pulled back slightly from Spike's voracious mouth as they both picked up the pace again to reach their release.

Suddenly both of the guys cried out, but instead of it being in pleasure like one would obviously think, it was a cry of pain. My eyes widened in shock as I saw Spike dissolve into a cloud of dust behind me. In a panic I turned my head just in time to see Angel collapse in front of me, bruises and deep cuts sprouting up all over his body, before he just faded away from my sight.

"No! Spike! Angel! Oh my god, what the hell is going on?"

"Buffy …," a far away voice called out to me as I realized I was mysteriously fully-clothed, "Buffy … they're over here … safe as houses. Come on Buffy …"

I began to run towards the voice, hoping against hope that my guys really were ok, and as I did I noticed that the hallway began to change. It went from being the burnt-orange stretch of lockers of my current base to the fresh teal of the most recent incarnation of Sunnydale. Before I could even really wonder at how impossible that was, the old familiar tan and brown lockers from Sunnydale High sprung up around me. Then, as I noticed that everything changed one more time to the vomit-inducing yellow lockers and hallways of the first high school I ever attended, I spotted Xander. Sitting at a school desk right in front of the main doorway of the school, he appeared to be knitting a sock. I admired his wicked skills as the needles flew in his hands, but I noticed that the sock he was knitting was tiny. Super-duper tiny.

"Uh, Xander? What's going on? Why are you knitting? And why does that sock look like it could only keep a doll's feet warm? Did Dawn change again? Into something small? I mean, I guess she'll be happy that finally her ass isn't huge but … if it's not for her then this little thing isn't very practical … not practical is your middle name but …"

"Hey, don't sweat it. Women have been doing this since the dawn of time. You'll get the hang of it, just trust Uncle Xander," he smiled up at me as his fingers continued to fly with the knitting needles.

"What, making microscopic articles of clothing? What the hell are you talking about Xan?" I asked, because he clearly wasn't being clear. Or answering my questions, but instead of answering me he just continued to go about his business.

"It may not be ideal right now, but we all thought this might never happen for you. I'm gonna look at the bright side of this and hope for the best."

Before I could start getting really mad at having my questions ignored, the disembodied voice began calling me again.

"Buffy … we're waiting for you … hurry up …"

I rushed past Xander, still busy at his task, and burst out through the front doors to the school I was in. Letting my eyes adjust to the inky darkness of the outside, I finally caught sight of the owner of the voice calling out to me. Drusilla. Drusilla gripping a glowing ball of light with one out-stretched arm, and a gun in the other. And behind her? Well, behind her was a small army of girls. Somehow, I knew without knowing that these women were slayers. It probably helped that Becky was standing right front and center with the rest of them.

_MY slayers. Damit, why are they with her? And have I ever mentioned that I really hate guns … and what the hell does a vamp like her need with a gun?_

"There you are mummy-dear. You've kept us waiting far too long; terribly impolite of you," Drusilla admonished and shook a disapproving finger at me as both items in her hands dissolved into nothing, "Oh but look at all the shiny stars, explodin' all 'round your clouds! What a pretty show you're puttin' on. Like fireworks … it must be so confusing. Don't lose your head though … Daddy's will be most upset and the party will be canceled …"

Tearing my eyes away from the vacant look in hers, I found Angel and Spike off to one side huddled together. Their backs were turned away from us, and they seemed to be comforting each other. Before I could ask them what was going on, Spike slapped a quick half-hug around Angel's back and spoke softly to Angel.

"She may be gone, but we still have work to do mate."

"I know, I just … how am I going to do this again? How are we? We have to deal with this, I get that. It's what she wanted. But I just …," Angel trailed off as they walked away from Drusilla and me, disappearing around the corner in a swirl of black leather coats.

"Wait! Where are you guys going?" I yelled after them.

"Just hold off a little longer … the one with a heart screaming vengeance is commin' … and the madwoman. The Red Queen. The one who will be old; who will span the ages. She is trying to open the door. Let's hope she gets here first. It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place."

"Drusilla, if I wanted a daily dose of crazy I'd bash my head in with a hammer. Will you just shut the hell up please?"

A small, dangerous smile spread over the vampire's lips. Suddenly, instead of being far away across the courtyard she was right in front of me with a giant broadsword. Quicker than I could react to protect myself, she lifted the sword and began to swing it right towards my head in a precise swipe. Oddly enough the thing that really caught my attention was the the sight of my first Watcher. Merrick came out of nowhere and screamed my name, standing before what was obviously the columned front of my first high school, as he raced forward trying to save me again from my fate. He was going to be too late this time.

"The Queen is dead," Drusilla gleefully yelled as her appearance shifted into that of a short auburn-haired woman I had never seen before. She had an impish smile which belied the deadness in her eyes, and as her sword connected with my throat she dead-panned in a hollow voice, "Long live the Queen."

"MISS SUMMERS! Wake up! Ma'am? It's a dream … you're ok … unless it was a slayer dream. If it was, from the sounds of it we're all screwed," came a new voice from directly over me as I opened my eyes.

I continued to lie on the bed, gasping for breath, the shriek I must have been emitting still ringing in my ears as a one-armed Rowena shook me awake. Quickly I looked around to assess my position; a trait that had recently been ingrained in me upon the second of waking up to make sure all was safe. I was in exactly the same place I had fallen asleep in last night: Spike's room in my base, which we had in fact returned to the previous day.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me," I groaned as I sat up, pulling the blanket with me to keep myself covered since I still had company in the room, "Not again! Not twice in the same fucking week!"

"So … guess I'm right, huh? That was another nifty little cryptic warning, wasn't it? Yeah me. But twice in one week though, that's rough. What did the last one warn you about?" Rowena asked as she gestured to the mug of coffee she had brought me sitting on the nearest desk.

"Behold the frizzy Shirley Temple mess that is my head. The last one reminded me of something that has been pounded into me over and over again by now: fire bad. But whatever … it'll grow …," I said guiltily as I realized just who it was I was bitching to about my missing hair, "what about you? How're you holding up?"

"I've been better, Ma'am. But I do appreciate you giving me the opportunity to relearn how to be a slayer … even without," she coughed out uncomfortably, "… without my arm."

_I wish I could do something … anything … to give her that arm back … but we already looked into replacing missing parts by mystical means after Xander's eye. Pretty much every option we came across was evil._

So for now, to give her something to go on for, we're working on training Rowena to be able to slay one-armed. As long as we stayed in Hell though she was bound to the base, but we'd already started some light training/physical therapy. In my talks with her, I tried to get her to accept a Watcher-in-training position once we got back to the real world, but she flat-out refused. Said she was going to die a Slayer. With or without my help. One way or another.

_Yep, she's definitely a chip off the ol' stubborn block. Or boulder. Or mountain._

"You're welcome Row. I'll do everything within my power to get you back on course with your training. Hey, maybe we can talk to the weapons department about making you a prosthetic arm that shoots stakes," I try to say with false optimism. I normally don't bullshit my troops, in fact by now I'm quite well known throughout the organization as 'The One Girl … Who Pisses into Your Cheerios'. But I owe her, so I put on the best damn fake hopeful-face I've got in my arsenal.

"Cool, I'd be so much more bitchin' as a bionic woman than Lindsay Wagner."

"Damn straight you will," I chuckled at her enthusiasm as I slipped Spike's T-shirt he had tossed on the foot of the bed over my head and reached over to grab my coffee, "I'm gonna get dressed now, but before you go can you give me a heads up about where all of my guys are?"

"Sure, Mr. Harris is out in the 'farm' trying to figure out what we're going to eat. Mr. Angel is in the command room speaking to the Hyperion over the radio. And Mr. Spike is … well, I'm not positive, but I think he's in the showers. There was a crowd of girls by the door, and that only happens when either Mr. Angel or Mr. Spike needs a rinse-off so I just assumed …"

"Yeah ok, thanks for that. Guess I'm gonna need to have another 'hands off my boys' speech with the infantry, huh?"

"It couldn't hurt," she laughed as she left and closed the door behind her.

I found the well-worn jeans I had been wearing yesterday and slipped them back on, but decided to keep on Spike's black T-shirt. My shirt from the day before was too filthy from the slay-jaunt on our way back the day before. They had always been tight on him, and I stopped to try and recall if I had ever worn one of his shirts before. Because when I looked down at myself now, I was swimming in this thing. And I was very much of the doubtful that he had gone up a size. It wasn't until that very moment that I realized just how much weight I must have lost over the past two years; I was surprised anything of my own still fit me at all.

_I can barely keep these pants up on my hips … even with the extra food they've been feeding me recently I haven't gained much weight yet. I'm running out of things to wear … never thought THAT would happen. And isn't it just my luck that Spike continues to shred my bra and panties, even though now he has a soul? Does he think I packed a giant suitcase of frilly things for my trip to Hell? _

It was just as well; my chest was actually sore from all the attention it had been receiving from both my guys of late so going without a bra today? A welcome relief. It was just one more thing I had to add to my to-do list. Needed to inform the boys that they had to go easy on the girls. Needed to remember to eat more. Needed to move my meager clothing options into Angel and Spike's rooms since I was never in my own anymore. Needed to find a specialized physical therapist for Rowena and spend more time with a still pissed at me Dawn when we got back.

_And of course, everyone's perennial favorite: needed to save the world. Again. Or at least, this time, the smaller task of saving L.A. … piece o' cake._

I headed out of the room with my mug in hand, and nearly crashed into a wall of Spike chest. Apparently my guys think taking a change of clothes with them to the showers isn't a necessity because just like Angle not too long ago all he was wear was a towel around his waist, some lingering water clinging to his skin and hair, and a smug smile. He had this look on his face … it just made me itch to smack him for something … and when I glanced around him I could see what had turned him into the preening peacock before me. There was a small gaggle of young women trailing behind him.

"Ok, new rule. When you go wash up, you take clothing with you. Otherwise I'll be forced to break it off so the only thing you'll have to flash at my girls will be a smile and those abs," I said with a playful growl in my tone.

"Oh Slayer … I love it when ya get all jealous of me," he gloated with a lecherous tint in his voice before dropping it several octaves and leaning in to me, "You wanna mark you're territory right here and now luv?"

I smiled and just leaned forward to place a light, closed-lipped kiss on his mouth before giving a death stare over his shoulder at the group behind him. Spike pouted at me playfully as they scattered, pretending to be upset that I didn't give him more, but instead of leaning forward to kiss me properly he grabbed my still full mug of black liquid manna and downed it before I could even make a squeak of protest.

"Oh you bastard! I needed that," I exclaimed, "Now I'll need to walk all the way across the campus to the cafeteria to get another … I'm too tired to make it!"

"Well then, I'll save you the trouble. I heard the chits outside the showers talkin' 'bout there not being anymore coffee at all. But you don't need it anyway ... too much brim and vigor in ya ta begin with."

"Damn it …I want caffeine … I'm still all groggy …there should be at LEAST one Starbucks still functioning somewhere in the whole of L.A., right?"

"Come back ta the room with me an' I promise … I'll find a much nicer way of givin' ya a wake-up jolt," Spike whispered in my ear.

"As tempting as that sounds, I'll have to say a big no to that. We have things to do and you let me over-sleep this morning …,"

"Bollocks. I only let ya sleep in this mornin' an extra twenty soddin' minutes on top of the normal 3 hours you normally get! Now I don't even get a reward for my consideration? S'not right pet. You should be sleepin' more, eatin' more, and you're still not doing it."

"I'll reward you some other time … I don't feel all that great right now and we need to have a meeting. On top of the no caffeine and my disappearing cigarettes … which I know you've been stealing from me by the way …"

_Ok, so I don't really smoke that often. Maybe something like 10 in a week for the past year and a half? That's not a lot, right? So I didn't think I'd become addicted to them, I'd gone without for one reason or another in the past, but I hadn't had a smoke since the zombie roast over a week ago. Now I was starting to feel almost like going through withdrawal; headaches, little bit sick, tired all the time, and feeling a little sharp with those around me. My packs kept vanishing … and Spike is the only possible reason for it._

"Yeah well … ya don't need them," he said with a withdrawn look on his face as he interrupted me, "Ya started because ya wanted ta connect with my memory, right? Well ... here I am in the cold and perfect flesh. No more smokin' for you. Unless we're talking about a meat pipe that is."

"Whatever, you and Angel can have another talk about my health behind my back later," I accused, my mood swinging quickly as I became convinced that they had been chattering away about me and how they needed to control my life again, "I had another slayer dream. Considering the last one, we'd better have a sit-down. So go get dressed, go grab your new best pal, and meet me and Xander outside by the animals."

With that I turned quickly and left him behind in my dust. It only took seconds for me to get a hold of myself and realize that I had over-reacted, but he was already slamming the door to his room and I was at the hall exit by then. Deciding that I'd apologize to him when he came out I headed towards the area where we kept the few livestock animals we had been lucky enough to find in our searches, looking for Xander.

"Hey Buffy," he waved as he spotted me, "finally decided to get your lazy bones out of bed and join the rest of us?"

"Mr. Harris … I don't think I can do this … ," sniffled a young slayer a little bit behind him as I got closer to see what was going on.

They were killing chickens. We had been running even lower on food than before, and we had more and more slayers and normal people flooding in to the base. Protein and fresh veggies were especially scarce, but until recently we had been lucky in finding canned meat and vegetables enough to spread around. We haven't had that kind of luck in a while though.

"Hey, don't sweat it," he said warmly to the uneasy slayer holding a struggling rooster behind him, "Women have been doing this since the dawn of time. You'll get the hang of it, just trust Uncle Xander."

"Please sir, I really don't want to do this. I just can't kill it … I'll pluck if you want but don't make me do this," she begged on the verge of tears.

I only vaguely heard Xander's chuckled comment about her being able to kill demons easily enough. I watched, struck with that dreaded feeling of déjà vu`, as he took the bird from her and swiftly cut off the animal's head with one humane blow and made sure to drain the blood into a container for Spike to have later on.

_It felt like I had heard him say that before, but when? Add that to the head chopping, and I'm getting all sorts of wiggens …_

"Buffy, you ok? Hello in there …"

"What? Um, yeah. I guess I'm ok. I'm just having a severe lack of caffeine, coupled with the fact that Spike and I just had a little fight that I need to suck it up and apologize for."

"Do me the biggest of favors and never mention the words 'Spike' or 'suck' in the same sentence together again. Pretend they have restraining orders against each other," he shuddered for a moment in a joking manner, but when he saw my unhappy face he swiftly switched into caring friend mode again, "Look, I'm trying to deal with your relationship with those two. It may not be ideal right now, but we all thought this might never happen for you. I'm gonna look at the bright side of this and hope for the best. I'm sure the fight will blow over soon."

More of those nagging, clawing alarms were creeping up on me in my head at his words as I noticed my boys coming up from behind me. The connection I felt to Angel and the slayer sense screaming 'vampire!' were both blaring, and I turned to look at them as they approached. Angel smiled at me, but Spike was doing his best to pretend that he wasn't avoiding looking at me. Because obviously he was kinda pissed off about before, but when his angry eyes flashed to mine for a second on their journey over to where Xander and I were standing he must have seen how worried I looked. Angel too. A quick look of fear passed over both of their features.

"Buffy … what's wrong? Spike said you had another prophetic dream …," Angel said as his apprehensive face got closer to mine to give me a good morning peck on the lips.

"Another one? What," Xander exclaimed, "are you shooting for some sort of record this month or something?"

"There's good news and bad news. I think … I think I know where we're supposed to go to try and find out where our slayers are."

"Right, that's the first bit of the good. Wanna let us in on the rest now before you go an' get yourself set on fire?" Spike curtly asked.

"We're going back to the beginning alright; another high school. And we might die … by Drusilla's hands."

"I'm getting so sick of high schools at this point …," Xander muttered to himself as he wiped the chicken blood from his hands.

Both Spike and Angel looked very disturbed at my mentioning of their ex-hoe bag

"Hey, upside? At least I wasn't dreaming about marrying Skinless Warren again. That's always a plus."


	30. Revelations

_***A/N***: Apparently, not many people got my reference of Buffy talking about marrying Skinless Warren at the end of the last chapter or the boys kissing in her dreams of chapter 26. They are references to a short, 3 page web comic that was part of Season 8. I think it was included in the 'Retreat' collected edition, but you can still see it for free online. Just search for "Always Darkest" comic (use that exact phrase: "Always Darkest"+ comic) and click on the DarkHorse . com link that pops up. Use the quotation marks and it should be the second link in yahoo, first in Google! You slashy-lovers will love it. Oh and my story veers wildly from the Angel: After the Fall comics. I'm not too clear about the time line of events in the Angel comics, but I'm creating my own for this story anyway. Just go with it._

**Chapter 30: Spike – Revelations**

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

_Gotta remember that now, I'm the only bloke who can hear that sound. So the other two, not hearin' it? This is turning inta tell-tale heart situation is what it is. How'd that go? "It grew louder -louder -louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! -no, no! They heard! -they suspected! -they __knew!__ -they were making a mockery of my horror!" Just replace the inspectors with my bint an' a pitiful ex-vamp an' you'd have a pretty accurate description of what I was goin' through right now._

So, the day had felt like it was gonna be a good one when I first got up. We were back in our own quarters at Slayer High, I was able to finally change my still smoky-smellin' clothes, and I had gone ta sleep wrapped around Buffy after fuckin' her inta coma in the privacy of our own space. Even had a nice change from huntin' rats ta few mouthfuls of rapidly cooling chicken blood. Everythin's comin' up posies … well, it was for half a mo. How'd it all dump down into this current shithole that we're in so fast?

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

_Heartbeats. Used ta be that I loved that sound. My lie detector, my arousal gauge, and my dinner bell all rolled up inta one. Now that I'm the only one here without one though … now that there's a new one beatin' when between the three of us there used ta be just hers? It's become something else: my death knell in this relationship. That lil' tiff with the missus this morning was just the first step in me bein' alone again … I know it. Just'a matter o' time._

"Spike? Are you going to keep up," Angel called back to me from up ahead in the street as he and Buffy waited on me, "or are you planning on turning this into more than a three hour tour?"

"Wow, a pop culture reference from Ned Ludd himself," I snipped right back at the high an' mighty knob as I finished pulling out a cigg and lighting up.

"I'll have you know that I was just as enchanted with television when it was invented as the rest of the world. The 50's and 60's programs especially. I really hate it when people call me that … I am not a Luddite …," he grumbled under his breath to himself.

"I swear … it's like herding cats with you two …," Miss Prissy sighed over her shoulder at the both of us as she kept walking forward.

After a quick and satisfyin' glare at one another, Peaches and I started to fall back inta line followin' her. We'd been ploddin' along through the ruins of the city towards this place called Hemery High for a while now, and we weren't sure how much longer it'd take us to get there.

_The bint just had ta go an' have herself another bleeding doom an' gloom dream that we have ta deal with. Great. This just has the makin's of a perfect day. At least I know why she seemed ta be in such a tizzy this morning … her fear musta mixed up with some woman's hormones floatin' round like crazy in her right now. Still doesn't make up for the fact that she bit my head off over nothin' … was just tryin' ta look out for the silly cow …_

She and the Great Poof were a lil' ahead of me as I caught up, chattin' lowly as the three of us moved cautiously down the street, an' I thought back to what had gone on right before we left the base. After what happened the last time with her prophetic dreams, the three of us forced her to tell us every soddin' detail she could about this one before headin' out. Could tell right quick that even though she mentioned Dru, a beheading, and some other nasty bits … she still left somethin' out. Somethin' big.

_From the way her eyes were dartin' back and forth from the git and meself when she thought no one was lookin', not to mention that wanton smell comin' from her … well. Let's just say that back in my day I'd been highly educated. I can put two and two together, even if everyone 'round me thinks I'm dim when it comes to smarts. There'd probably been some naughty fun time featurin' the both of us somewhere in her journey through the land of Nod._

"It's too bad Giles isn't here," Angel said as I finally started to pay attention to their conversation. I'll admit it; I hadn't been the best kinda bloke ever since the Slayer and I'd had that bit of unpleasantness this mornin'. Other than listenin' to her describe her dream, I'd done my best to ignore her so that it wouldn't escalate into a full-blown fight.

_Not that I'd mind a hard tussle right 'bout now … but we can't. She can't. Need to protect her now and that really wouldn't make this situation any better. That's what we'd argued 'bout this morn anyway … me 'protecting' her. Why's it always seem as if I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't with this chit?_

"What do you mean? I don't … we don't need him," Buffy stated as her voice turned scarily cold at the mention of ol' Ripper.

"I just …," he stammered in concern as the sod's eyes flicked to mine with an unspoken question that I knew he'd be too sissy to ask, "I just meant that it would be good to have a real Watcher here to go over your dream."

"He's not my Watcher anymore …," she dead-panned after a long, stony silence, "… he's Faith's."

Angel an' I immediately shared A Look, and not the kind that says 'I wanna kill ya mate, cheers.' It was more tha kind that said 'Uh oh, walk softly here, but carry a big stick in case tha girl goes postal on us.'

"Buffy … I know things in the Faith department have always been … sensitive … but isn't him working with her a good thing? She's always needed more guidance than you, maybe now …,"

"It's not like that Angel."

"Well, what's it like then?" I asked with my own snippy tone as she looked back over her shoulder at me with surprise in her face.

"Depends on who you ask. Xander says they're sending wayward slayers into the fold, sorta like social workers or something. Willow tells me that they are taking out threats against me. But seeing as how I'm the only one who's actually been around them since they've started working together? Let's just say that it feels a whole lot more like a cabal to kill me."

I felt myself growl at that. Might still be a bit mad at my girl, but any mention of her hurtin' right now get's my defender gander up. Not that I think the Dark Slayer could ever successfully take out Buffy … but her and Ripper teamin' up together? Possibly to do her in? That's hurtin' her, more than she'd ever admit. Before I could ask her 'bout what exactly she meant though, the poofter beat me to it.

"Kill you? I'm not going to try and pretend that I know how things are between you guys," he tried to get out calmly as all three of us kept walkin', "ESPECIALLY you and Faith but … I thought things were better. That she was working with you, trying to do better … I'm just … kill you? Giles? Really? Are you sure?"

"Well the magic ambush, the beating, plus Faith's hands wrapped around my neck while holding me down in the water weren't exactly screaming 'let's be BBFs'. She already knows from personal experience that I really hate it when someone tries to drown me."

The hob-knocker tried to stammer out another question or a platitude - not sure which – but our fearless leader quickly cut him off with a grumbled declaration of not wanting to talk about it anymore. So we just kept on keepin' on, heading further an' further inta the ruins of Downtown L.A., uncertain about what we would find when we reached tha end of our journey. I myself was getting more than a lil' fed up with all the walkin' though.

_This ain't 'Lord of the Soddin' Rings' … haven't had to hoof it this much since the 1910's … but apparently the helicopter's run outta fuel. We've been runnin' out of a lot of our supplies recently. I still think it wouldn'ta been that hard to hotwire one of the many cars litterin' the streets though …_

"What about Wesley," the bird asked outta nowhere, "Didn't you mention that he's been Jacob Marley-ing you? Maybe he can help us. Where's his normal haunt?"

"We can't," the twit told her with a flash of pain sweepin' over his ugly mug, "the Wolfram & Hart building … it was destroyed a little while ago. His spirit was tied to the building I think, because the second the explosion happened he disappeared. We … I haven't seen him since."

"'Sides … we're not rightly sure that anything Head Boy would've blathered could be trusted. He was only here 'cause the Senior Partners were usin' him anyway. Told Angel himself that he couldn't be trusted outright," I mumbled.

"Either way, I'm sorry … I'd heard about how much he'd changed and I wished that I could have known this Wesley. Sounded like we might actually be able to stand each other's presence," she said lookin' over at the tosser more than me. Which was understandable, seein' as how he was more tha weepin' widow than I was when it came ta Princess Wes.

The wanker just nodded at her and tossed her a pained smile as we continued on our way, constantly scanning our surroundings. Which were startin' ta look more suburban than urban; rich suburban at that.

_Knew that Joyce wasn't rollin' in it … knew that Buffy struggled daily to keep her an' tha Bit in room an' board once they was on their own … but this area? Instead of getting poorer an' poorer we're getting' more an' more rarified the deeper we get. Her old man's job must've paid well to afford these cushy digs … I ever find the bastard I'll gut him; soul or no. Blighter couldn't even be bothered send a card when their mum passed … let alone a child support check._

"Spike? I wanted to … you know …," she began outta nowhere after a long bought of bein' clamed up.

"What, ya wanted ta bite my head off again? S'not exactly something I'm feelin' particularly up for at the moment Cupcake. Maybe later," I sniped with an admittedly overly-petulant quality ta my voice.

She'd tried to apologize ta me before we left, right after she was done explainin' that bad bit of business with Dru in her dream. Right then though, it didn't really matter to me that I knew why she'd lost it with me. Just felt like more of that old Buff pushin' me away again. I didn't take it too well, an' I'd just brushed off her apology. I was being childish, I knew it, but at this point I wasn't sure how to solve the problem.

_I'm already on high alert that those two are gonna cut me out … maybe I'm sabotaging myself? Why'd I always have ta be such a right idiot when it comes ta relationships? I need an out … if she gives me even just'a inch, I'll take it as gracefully as I can so we can just move on. Might as well make whatever time I've got left with her as good as I can._

"Ok, right, well I know I deserve that but … I already told you I'm sorry. I'll say it again: Spike, I'm sorry for being bitchy this morning. I made assumptions about your motives when I know you were just concerned with my health, and I over-reacted when you stole my coffee. Now how long are you going to be all Oscar the Grouch about it?"

"Alright, alright, I give. It really was nothin' after all," I smiled slightly at her, "an' I'm sorry too … for bein' an arse about it.

"Damn skippy. I mean yeah, I wasn't nice … but you try having all your favorite things taken away from you and see how you deal. No alcohol, no cigarettes, no TV, no sleep, barely any food, blah blah blah. I'm cranky and I stand by that valid life choice right now," she grinned up at me.

Frankenstein smirked at me for half a mo', then reached inta his pocket an' pulled out a chocolate bar … an' handed it over ta Buffy. One of those really dark, expensive lookin' ones that I knew he had lifted on our last supply run through the organic food store near the base. She made a quick, happy squeal of joy and ripped open the wrapper straight away. Was thoughtful enough to break off a lil' piece for the both of us, but she devoured the whole soddin' thing before either of us could finish our tiny specks.

_That was a low-down, dirty play for affection … but considering that she did just call me Oscar the Grouch I know of a topic that's just as under-handed in its attempt for attention …_

"Ya know … if you're gonna accuse anyone of being a Muppet here, you ought ta be pointin' a finger thata way," I sniggered while gesturin' towards the formerly-made-of-felt being with us.

"Please tell me someone has a picture of Puppet Angel, I'd sell my soul to take a peek!"

"Hey! When a bunch of children's show props turn evil and turn you into a toy don't come crying to me," Angel bellyached as we trod on.

"You really shouldn't temp fate with that kind of offer considerin' our lives, pet. Besides, I don't want your soul. Gimme a foot rub and you can have the soddin' thing once we swing by my old apartment …"

"YOU DID NOT TAKE A PICTURE OF ME WHILE I WAS …," Angel began to yell, but was quickly cut off by the slight woman between us as I laughed at him.

"Ok A: shut the hell up! What," she heatedly whispered after reachin' up ta clap a hand over the sod's mouth, "do you want to just ring the dinner bell or something? We've never done a sweep in this direction before … we don't have any data on the demon population in this area. And B: Spike, if you can prove to me that you have the picture and wash your feet first, then we have a deal."

"Done and done Slayer," I told her before all three of us fell inta another awkward quite. But me an' quite never were the best of friends, so it was only a few more blocks before I pulled the first thing I could think of outta my arse ta ask her about.

"So luv… you've been livin' in Scotland, right? Where 'bouts?"

They both gave me the oddest looks at that, like I was a CPA unicorn offerin' up my services ta do their taxes or somethin'. As the wanker turned back towards the inspection of the ruble for danger, Buffy finally answered me after a long visual sweep of the area with more than a lil' tone of wariness to her voice.

"In the Highlands. We bought a castle surrounded by the moor on one side and the ocean on the other; it makes it easy to stay unobserved because there's no one living around us for miles and miles … or I guess kilometers and kilometers."

"A castle, huh? With all of those girls, out in tha middle of nowhere …,"

"Hey, get your mind out of the gutter Spike," she said pointedly as Captain Human said something about the likelihood of that ever happening under his breath, "It's not like its Castle Anthrax or anything."

"Huh, you really have been spending too much time in the Isles if you know enough ta reference Monty Python. So how are you likin' Scotland? Playin' Highlander an' all that in the land of men in skirts?"

"Seriously? You're doing this? The polite conversation thing? I guess there really is a first for everything … that or it's a portent of the apocalypse even here in hell …," Angel said in a dazed fashion.

"Hey, I'm not any more comfy with it than either of you are, but it's a sight better than hittin' the mute button, innit?"

"I guess," she murmured before lookin' over at the numpty an' then back at me, "ok, I'll bite …"

"S'not like it's the first time luv," I chuckled as Angel visibly flinched an' clenched his hand inta fist.

"… and there goes polite right out the window. Keep it clean, or I'll put us right back in no-talkie land."

"Alright alright," I placated with hands up before me, "no need to get fussy. Just tell us how you're getting on already so I can think of another 'polite' conversation topic."

"I like it fine I guess … its not southern California, that's for sure. I miss the sun and the warmth the most. The major cities are all going through a lot of urban renewal right now so we can get fantastic meals there, but mostly I'm stuck with the horrible food out in the countryside. Everyone drinks more tea than coffee … insert audible shudder here … but honestly that's pretty much it," she sighed deeply, "I'm on the move too much, dealing with one crisis or another, to really put down any roots there."

"No wonder you're too pale, too skinny, and too tired. Apparently living too close to the Mother Country isn't that good for ya."

She snorted derisively at my comment, but said nothing as she turned to look at the burnt-out house Angel was starin' at. We'd entered another fancy-pants area a few streets ago, but I'd no idea where we were. The prancin' fool gently said her name as her eyes lit up in realization, but I was still outta the loop as ta what was goin' on.

"Mother Country, huh? Spike, look around us. This," she said softly as she knelt down to grab a handful of ashes from the debris, "is my mother country. Literally."

I was about ta start jabberin' again; make another joke to fill the void in the air, but the sprag turned around and stopped me with an upheld hand an' a look.

"Spike … give her a moment. This was her first home, let her say goodbye."

We stood there watchin' her back as she looked over the wreckage. How either of them could tell that this had been her place escaped me, seein' as how there was no address markers left. Or identifyin' foliage. Or even an actual house to recognize. Just charred timbers and crumbled sheetrock. Buffy finally stood up and opened her hand, letting the cold cinders fall inta the breeze.

"You ok?" I finally ask her as she turned back towards us out in tha street.

"This burned out shell is the house I lived in from the day I was born till Mom, Dawn and I moved to Sunnydale," she replied as we started our journey again. We couldn't be far though as I saw one of those "Slow- School Zone" signs knocked down onta the ground up ahead.

"Really? Didn't know that … always used to figured you were spawned right on top of the Hellmouth the way you always bollixed up my plans."

"Nope, I'm a L.A. woman, born and raised."

"A lucky little lady in the city of light?" I asked, taggin' up on the phrase she'd just used.

"Was until I got called, after that I was just another lost angel in the city of night,"

"There's not going to be singing again," Angel groaned from beside the Slayer as he caught onta what we were goin' on about, "right?"

"No matter how much I can appreciate The Doors, I just can't pull off Mr. Mojo Risin' in song. But hey," she lit up in evil glee as she turned her head towards me, "if you want to try your hand at the Billy Idol version of that song I'm all ears."

"Ha bloody ha Slayer. Don't soddin' think so."

"Buffy," the blighter chimed in as she tried to hold in her giggles, "if this is sharing time, I'd like to know more about what's going on in your life back in Scotland."

It was droll, but it was better than her goin' on about that rotten bastard that stole my look ta get famous off of.

_If I ever bump inta Mr. Idol again … I'm not sure anyone would blame me for what I might do ta him._

"It's pretty much just lead the training, go out on a mission, put out a fire here, stop an apocalypse there. All work and no play for Buffy. For a while though all of us scattered to the far reaches of the globe to find as many girls as we could to join us, or at least inform all of them what they had become. Things have sort of settled down, so I see everyone more often now … but only Xander and I are based permanently in Scotland. Well … I guess Dawn's now a permanent resident. Till we can figure out how to fix her."

"What! What's wrong with my lil' Niblet?" I demanded. We had never gotten around ta havin' the 'Dawn' talk yet, but now I was glad that Angel'd asked her ta talk about her world back home.

"Chill Spike. She'll be fine … and it's a lot less expensive to feed her now that she's no longer King Kong-sized. Just horse-sized … and shaped."

"What!" I heard both me an' the berk ask loudly before we got our tone under control.

"When she was at college she met a guy. Seemed nice enough to her, but all of us Scoobies tried to warn her that he was a Thricewise … but she didn't listen. When he found out that she slept with his roommate he …"

"Oh god, I really don't wanna hear this at all, do I?"

"Nope, and neither did I. But you want to know about Dawn? Well she's not your 'little Nibblet'. She hasn't been for a while."

"Um …," Angel awkwardly interrupted as my brain combusted inside my skull at this new knowledge, "what school was she going to before she had to leave?"

"She's supposed to be at Berkeley right now, and if she doesn't go back I'll slay her ass."

"Connor was in Stanford before this whole mess happened."

"How nice for you," she smiled wickedly, "Dawn just had her own smarts to work with to get into one of the top 25 schools in the country, but you had Con-man magic'ed up so that he could attend #5."

"That is not how things happened Buffy …,"

"Don't get mad, I'm just kidding. I know he's a smart kid, and I'm sure he would have gone there or better if he had a chance to grow up here."

"Well, I did kinda have my heart set on Notre Dame …"

"A bloody Thricewise? What the hell is it with you Summer's women dating monsters?" I mumbled angrily to myself, still reelin' from the ungodly revelations of the Platelet.

"Hey," she said seriously as she turned to look up at me, "when we get back to the real world? Don't give her a hard time about this. I can because it's my right as her sister … but you're not her surrogate big brother anymore. You are going to have to earn her back on your own … I'll try and help as much as I can, but my stock is way down in the dumps with her as it is."

"Oh really," I said with hurt an' sarcasm just pourin' outta my face, "and how exactly is that late-breaking news? What'd ya do ta her now?"

"She's pissed at me for coming here," Buffy murmured quietly before looking over at Angel quickly, "because we both knew before I left that there was a possibility that I'd never make it back out. She called me out on it; accused me in that haughty tone of self-righteous fury she uses so often for choosing to die for Angel instead of living for her."

"God that girl has got the most amazing abandonment issues," I said in a subdued manner, tryin' ta lighten the mood as best I could.

"You're not wrong … but she does have a right to them," she added.

"We're almost there," Angel chimed in uncomfortably. We all fell silent on our approach to this school I couldn't see, but took his word for it that we were almost there.

Finally, after a time span that seemed like it coulda been all damn day, we hit an open block that was surrounded by shops and parkin' lots. The very center of this obvious hub of prior activity musta've been then school we were searching for. The few remainin' store fronts led me ta believe they'd been set up solely to prey on the wallets of the snotty kids spendin' their parent's money that attended this institution. Institution felt like exactly the right word for the joint too; the stark brick walls, the tacky Greek Revival front, and the stern clock face hangin' over tha entrance all miss-matched together made me feel a little sick.

"God, no wonder I hate LA. Look at where they stuff their children and expect them ta learn somethin'. There's no heart, no soul … hell even Vegas has more charm than this old cow town puttin' on airs!"

"Hey! Los Angeles has heart, and soul. They're just deeply," the wanker strongly emphasized as we walked closer ta the edifice of the building, "deeply covered in the grit and grime of ambivalence and greed. Besides, it's never boring here. Always something going on."

"You tell'em Angel! California knows how to party, in the city of LA, in the city of good ol' Watts, in the city, city of Compton …," the bint sang badly before she was suddenly joined by another voice. One that did not belong to either the git nor myself.

"… we keep it rockin'. Keep it rockin'. Wow, a fine little white girl who's a fan of classic gangsta rap? I must've hit the jack-pot."

_Charlie Boy … holy mother of … why do I sense … oh no …_

"Excuse me," Buffy calmly got out but stealthily reinforced her grip on the stake she'd been carryin' as Peaches an' I stood there in shock, "but I usually expect guys try to learn my name before offering to hit my jack pot. Call me old fashioned but …"

"Gunn?," the giant next ta me sputtered out with cautious hope in his voice, "We thought you'd died … how did … you're alive?"

He'd started forward, arms comin' up like he was about ta hug our surprise visitor, but I reached out ta grab him before he could take another step forward. Quickly Angel turned his head to look at me, the question 'what're ya doing?' written all over his gob. I didn't have ta answer him though, as he turned back ta look at Gunn right as he shifted his face into a vamp's bumpies.

"Alive? Not exactly," he smiled around his newly pointed teeth.


	31. Living Dead

_***A/N: I'm so sorry everyone! May and June got eaten up with term projects and finals, and then June and July were covered in a cloud of drunken parties/writer's block/home repairs. 32 won't take so long to come up as I'm already working on it. I finally finished it though, even though it's really long. Hope you still love me … now stop picking on my poor brain like you are all zombie piranhas!***_

****ANGEL POV** - Living Dead**

_There are moments in this world that you want to stop, to freeze in time. Moments so joyful, so fulfilling, that you want to stretch them out and enjoy every microsecond while it lasts. Time never complies with your wishes though, and the happiest moments just continue to speed past you in a rush. And then …_

"I wouldn't get any closer to 'em Peaches. He might be teethin'," Spike sadly warned me, his hand still on my chest holding me back, as we watched Gunn's smile spread in front of us.

_And then … there are the bad moments. Occasionally, someone will get lucky in the bad moments and they speed up. All they ever say after something like a tornado hitting their house or a car accident was that 'it all happened so fast'. But Time is a cruel bastard I've learned, because the vast majority of us? Our moments of pain get drawn out into agony. Moments of hurt extended into heartache. It does not freeze, nor speed up, in order to accommodate us. To make it easier for us to deal with the bad one way or another. It thrives on our suffering._

"Spikey … Big Guy …," he said warmly as he threw his arms open wide, "come on now, I know ya ain't gonna do me like that. It's a reunion … I won't bite."

"No … please no … how … what happened?" I stammered as a pain wrenched itself through my heart at the sight of my friend … turned into the very thing he feared the most.

"Gee Angel, I thought you already knew the mechanics as to how this worked," Gunn sniped at me as his gaze lingered more than I'd like for it to on Buffy.

"Come on lad," Spike sighed next to me as he pulled out a cigarette and lit up, "Ya know that's not what the poofter here was goin' on 'bout."

"Oh, you mean how I ended up a demon," he spat out with more anger in his voice this time, "instead of rotting in the alley behind the Hyperion? How did I make it through when you knew you were sending every one of us to our deaths? Is that what you meant?"

"I'm so sorry Gunn …," I tried to say but was cut off as he quickly raised his hand to stop me and shook his head, the tension melting from him eerily quick.

"Hey, don't sweat it," he soothed with an alarmingly sarcastic tone, "it's not your fault that we didn't all fall down, toes up, according to the plan now is it? I don't have to blame you for everything that's happened to me, to everyone we knew … to this city. You already do enough of that yourself I'll bet."

"You're not wrong," Spike mumbled around his cigarette as Buffy stepped closer to me and reassuringly placed a hand on my back.

I was having a very hard time speaking. Actually, considering that not speaking isn't exactly new for me … as so many seem to enjoy pointing out … I was really having more trouble finding the words. Which was new for me since hundreds of years of reading had built up a nice vocabulary bank.

_Oh no … oh god … Gunn ... but maybe I shouldn't be surprised by now. There's one thing that I've learned in my many years; being near me? Death is often the best result you can hope for. There is always something worse … one last thing to lose …_

"Look …," Gunn entreated with an old hardness to his voice … a hardness I hadn't heard from him in a very long time, "I've adjusted you could say. Everything's kinda gone back to the way it was for me before y'all came around anyway. Living where ever I can, heading up my own crew, looking for love in all the wrong places … didn't need you to fight evil. Still don't, it turns out."

"What're ya goin' on about mate?"

"I'm saying that apparently? A vamp don't need a soul to inspire others to do good 'round here. It used to seem so important," he chuckled to himself, "but I've learned that the soul ain't what makes a body good."

Before I could ask him what he meant, because obviously my new human hearing was playing tricks on me from what I'd just heard, someone else who wasn't still reeling from shock spoke up first.

"This is Gunn? Wait, wait, wait … I'm confused," Buffy repeated from beside me as I continued to stare at Gunn's new vampire visage, "Can you boys stop with the heartbreaking bro-mance for a few minutes to clear things up for me? When you two said he was dead, I didn't think you meant un-dead dead. In this line of work you know you have to be crystal with the clearness."

"Shorty's gotta point fellas. Don't cha think it's impolite that you two haven't introduced me to your fine little …," he broke off to take a deep breath to scent the air around us and smiled lecherously at what he found there, "… friend here? I think that oughtta be rectified."

"Buffy … this … is Gunn," I hesitated, almost saying 'was Gunn', "Gunn, this is Buffy."

"Ha! I wasn't positive, but I thought there was a high possibility that it was you. I would'a put money on it, 'cept I was pretty sure you weren't in LA when all this shit went down. I knew you were a slayer as soon as saw you but … wow. It's nice to finally meet the Living Dead Girl I've heard so much about."

"If you heard from Cordy, don't trust a single word. She always made me seem a lot fatter and a lot more whine-o-rific in her telling of things."

"You know … Cordy really didn't bad-mouth you as much as you seem to think …," I whispered to Buffy out of the corner of my mouth in an aside. Spike made a strange 'pppffffttt!' sound at that, and went right on smoking and staring holes into Gunn.

"I thought we agreed there'd be no more bold-facey lies?" she said quietly with a clenched jaw in her own aside to me.

"Actually girl, he's telling ya the truth. Delia might'a said a thing or two about all the drama-rama you caused, and anyone who spent more than a week with us got the Soul Clause explanation. But most of the time she tried not to say anything that might make Angel here get his brood on. Spike's actually the one who'd chewed my ear off the most about ya."

"Oi … tryin' ta get me inta trouble or somethin'? See … evil," Spike gestured in Gunn's direction.

"So tell me chica …," Gunn changed the subject quickly with a cynical eye-roll directed towards Spike, "exactly what confusing thing can I clear up for you? We wouldn't want that pretty little head of yours to hurt all day so I'll do whatever I can to fix that right up for ya."

"Wow, you know guys … you completely forgot to mention how sceazy your friend was," she scowled at Gunn as he just chuckled her insult away.

"That's not who Gunn really is," I said sadly from my place beside her, willing myself not to cry just yet at the loss of my friend.

"YES I AM! I'm still me you fucking know-it-all," Gunn growled at me as he changed back into his human face and Buffy edged herself slightly in front of me, "Just because you have a couple of hundred years jump on the vamp game don't mean you know every little thing about it. You didn't lift one god damn pinky for a good cause without your soul … but that don't mean that others haven't. You use a soul as an excuse to behave one way or another. I'm trying to prove I don't need one to still be the same person."

_Could it be possible? I've always known that, no matter what the Watcher's said, that the humanity never fully left the body when we are turned. When the soul leaves and the demon takes over the body, a vampire's personality traits are sort of like amplified leftovers from the human memories and emotions left behind. Gunn's desire to fight evil … to struggle, be defensive, and his penchant to be a bit emotionally explosive all traveled over. Was his human personality really strong enough to force him to fight for good … even without a soul?_

"I recollect tryin' ta say somethin' in that vein a while back and no one would listen to me either," I heard Spike mumble from my other side.

"Spike, can we talk about that later? Look Gunn," she stated as she turned her attention back from the Bleached Menace to the more dangerous one amongst us, "I just wanted to know what's going on. It seems to me that as far as my boys knew? You were gone. As in gone-gone. And yet here you are … with the not being goneness. Que paso?"

"What else? In our line of work, there's only one possible answer to that. The PTB happened."

"The what-now?" she asked with an adorable tilt of her head.

"The Powers That Be," I answered, angered that once again that the Powers decided to meddle with the life of someone I cared about.

"That's right, the Powers That Be Constantly Fucking With Us decided that they didn't want me dead yet. Well, dead-er. They sent a vision to one of them vamps we was fighting in that Wolfram & Hart horde, told him to find me and change me. Woke up all Count Chocula-ified, freaked out, and dusted his ass in a rage. Was about to stake myself too, but then those bastards decided to send ME visions. An' let me tell you, they really are as painful as Cordy made them look."

_Holy mother of … visions? Seriously? Can't the god-damned Powers ever leave any of us alone!_

"Gunn … I'm so …," I felt compelled to apologize again, but he cut me off before I could finish getting the words out.

"You say 'sorry' again Angie and it's gonna lose all meaning. Repetition kinda wears the oomph off, you know? It's not something you can apologize for or make up to me."

"Hey, Angie … think I like that one. Might add it to the ol' repertoire …," I vaguely heard Spike mutter before a man's panicked yell sliced through the still air.

Just then a creature with grey, wet-looking skin and something in its arms came bursting out of the front doors of the high school about 100 feet in front of us. The thing rushed past us at full speed, barely taking note of our presence, as it ran for the cover of the shops. I hate to say it, but it took me a few moments to realize three things. Number one: that I was the only one of our little conference not instantly in pursuit of this demon; Buffy, Spike, and Gunn had all turned and given chase in nanoseconds. Number two: that we were not the original things that this creature was running from; a screaming young man and a silent be-speckled woman were leading the way and had been bearing down on him long before we even noticed. Number three: there was a wailing sounding out in the air and it was coming from the bundle in the demon's arms; he had an infant in his grasp. A human infant.

_Oh god … please don't be a baby eating breed! I can't recognize this type, maybe my memory is going now in my old age … or in my humanity … what the fuck am I doing? Get moving!_

"Maybe it's a good thing that this demon seems to have grown a membrane over their mouths. It probably won't take a bite …," I mumbled to myself before being interrupted by Spike from far ahead of me.

"You bloody idiot! Don't cha know a Lilliad demon when ya see one?"

"What, a Lilliad? Isn't that the particularly nasty thingy," Buffy grimaced as she turned her head back, "that makes a ceremonial soup out of baby bones?"

"You know, no one ever explained to me what ceremony that soup was for …," Gunn pondered out loud to the rest of us as we all raced to catch up.

"Let's not find out," I called out from behind, struggling to stay with the others, as we gained on the demon and his other pursuers.

The couple chasing him had a giant head start, but the man was falling behind rapidly as Buffy, Gunn, and Spike all passed him by. I quickly looked over at his teary face when I overtook him before realizing that the woman I saw with him earlier was no longer in my line of sight at all.

_There's no way that I passed her and didn't notice at all, right? Wait … I can't see the demon either … oh crap please don't let this poor guy loose a kid and the mother in one swoop …_

I assumed that the others in front of us still had a visual on the demon, or at least were scent-tracking him, as we weaved through the buildings at break-neck speeds. Finally, as we entered a parking lot with about a dozen abandoned cars scattered about, I spotted the demon again. The young woman and the demon were in a fierce hand-to-hand battle, which was looking really difficult since the woman was clutching the baby in one arm.

"Flank him! Keep him pinned to the cars," Gunn shouted out to the others as they reached the scene and dove into the fight.

The Lilliad was constantly reaching for the child as Buffy stepped in between the demon and the young woman and began her own assault. Gunn pulled an axe from his back that I hadn't noticed before and started hacking away, trying to pull the demon's attention from the mother and child towards him. I was momentarily distracted from my running to join the fray as I noticed it was his old favorite made from hubcaps, but then my attention came back to the matter at hand when I saw Spike circle around the cars at the demon's back.

"Someone get that kid outta here!," Spike bellowed, cigarette still in between his lips, as he leapt over the hood of a car and then down to body slam the Lilliad to the ground.

I just managed to reach the group by this point and as I tried to lead the mother away she turned towards me, tossed the infant at me like a sack of potatoes, and then made a flying leap at the demon. As she came down next to Spike I heard the all-too familiar sound of the snapping of a neck as the woman grabbed the demon's head and yanked it to the side.

_What … the … fuck … was that? I thought she was just a regular woman but … god is she a person pushed to the edge or something? I've heard of normal humans doing superhuman things to protect their children, but this seems like something more. Is this kid lucky enough to have a slayer for a mom here in hell? How come we haven't found her before?_

"Jason! Oh my god," the guy who had been running behind us gasped as he caught up and scooped the child out of my arms, "you guys saved my Jason from … I don't even know what to call that thing. Thank you, thank you all so much!"

With that he took off, back towards the school, hugging and kissing the kid over and over while at the same time checking him for injuries. He didn't even spare a second glance for the woman who, up until that moment, I had thought was the child's mother.

"Good job flushing out the demon Becks," Gunn said from behind me before I could turn around to ask everyone what the hell had just happened, "are you hurt?"

"No Mr. G, I'm fine. The few injuries I sustained will heal," came a new voice, frightening in how robotic it was.

"Becky? Holy aoli Becky, we've been looking everywhere for you," Buffy exclaimed, pure joy and relief washing over her features, as she rushed forward to embrace the girl, "What the hell happened to you? Are you ok? How did you get away from those vamps?"

It took only a few seconds for Spike and I to notice something was really, really off. He caught my eye with a look of concern when the young woman we had been trying to recover for weeks just stood there in Buffy's arms. Becky made no move to return her embrace. She showed no relief at having finally been found. Actually, looking into her face proved that she was a complete blank slate. From behind her glasses, her eyes were empty of anything; just glazed-over orbs devoid of any human feeling, and it was a chilling thing to see when Buffy finally realized that something was off.

"Something's wrong," Buffy asked lowly as she pulled back and gave the girl some room, "isn't it?"

"Ain't nothing wrong with her," Gunn stated as Becky pulled back and moved to stand next to him.

"Right, and I'm one of Queen Liz's favorite Corgis. Somethin's up with the girl, you'd have ta be a josser not to notice."

"It's you," I stated in shock as pieces of the puzzle started to click for me, "you're the one kidnapping the slayers … but why? You're not killing them you're … fighting with them? What could you possibly achieve by forcing someone to join you against their will?"

"Yeah, other than our girl here," Spike nodded towards Buffy, "most slayers have whatcha call a natural aversion towards the bitey types like us. Typically, snatchin' someone who already wants ta do you in don't lend itself ta a good working relationship."

"Well you know, when there's a war on you don't stop an' ask the front line infantry if they'd like a blankie and a nap. The PTB showed me with those painful-assed visions that I needed to gather an army … so I did. I'm building an army of other vamps and every slayer we come across. Yeah so they don't exactly like it when their draft card is called up at first, but they fall in line real quick once I put the whammy on 'em."

"Oh I so do not like the sound of that whatever it is …," I barely heard Buffy say under her breath.

"Gunn … whammy? You're using spells to control these women … make them fight for you … you know that's not right," I breathlessly managed to get out as my brain tried to wrap itself around this very complex issue.

"Ha, that's real funny," he sarcastically barked before pointing a finger right at me, "especially coming from Mr. Grey Area himself. We're fighting evil together, trying to find a way to get the city out of this mess you got us in. So what if they ain't exactly volunteers? We're making a bigger difference working together."

"An' just how exactly," Spike pointedly asked, "are ya getting' the other chompy fellows ta go along with this plan? No self respectin' vamp … other than present company of course … would try ta do good all on their own. They gotta be gettin' somethin' outta this."

"Oh shit," Buffy gasped as she rushed forward and peeled back the collar of the stone-still woman at the center of our conversation. There were bite marks on Becky's neck … multiple bite marks.

_Not just multiple bite marks but … those are all different sizes … some are older, some are fresh … he's passing them around. Letting them regenerate blood and then letting some other vamp take a drink of that powerful elixir running through those women's veins._

"You're feeding off them … turning these women into a buffet for the very creatures they were created to eliminate," I glowered at Gunn.

"So what? They heal fast and I've got them under control with my charm-thingy so they don't feel any pain. We watch their backs out in the field, they watch ours. We give them food, shelter, and safety in numbers. They needed a leader, and the PTB told me I should step up. Showed me exactly how to yoke 'em in too."

"They have a leader! I'm here … so why didn't the Powers inform you of that if you're such the bestest of buds? This isn't good leadership … brainwashing them and feeding on them like they were mindless cows!" Buffy yelled at him, rage burning in her eyes.

"Isn't it better that we feed on people who were built to handle a little blood loss rather than drink on the normal people we're trying to protect? By offering free access to the girls," Gunn sneered as he draped his arm around Becky's shoulders and traced his fingers down her neck, "I can keep the other vamps in line and working for good. That was something you guys never achieved."

_The way he's touching her … it's too familiar. Too lingering. It's too … intimate. Oh no …_

"Oh my god," Buffy whispered in disgust at Gunn's attentions towards the other slayer, "You're not just drinking their blood, are you!"

With an inhuman shout Buffy lunged forward, the intent on staking Gunn plain on her face. Becky made a quick move and stood in front of Gunn in a defensive position as Spike and I both got ready to deal with a fight, but we didn't even take one step before the love of my life froze in place. It looked almost as if she had hit a brick wall and was stuck there … as if Medusa herself had stopped her in her tracks. Gunn sneered at us as Spike and I tried to break her out of it, panic quickly gaining hold of us.

"Let her go Charlie … or I'll stake you myself. That's a promise," Spike growled.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try. 'Cause see you might be able to take me if it were just us," Gunn laughed harshly, "but I'm not alone. I've got Becks here to help … and my crew. Not to mention that I say 'go' and your girl here takes that stake and shoves it in you where the sun don't shine. What have you two got? Nothing."

As he was speaking, I suddenly noticed that a handful of other vampires in full game face were starting to filter into the parking lot all around us. They were all wearing identical smirks on their faces and surprisingly, donning very similar clothing styles to what Gunn was wearing. All of them had weapons at the ready, and they had no problem showing them off prominently as they encroached in a circle towards us.

"Get on your knees Buffy," Gunn ordered in a cruel voice, and my jaw dropped as she did without any visible sign of opposition.

"Gunn … Charles … please … let her go. Just don't … don't hurt her. Keeping her … keeping all of these women under your control against their will … keeping them in a state so they can't say 'no' … it's rape. It's the worst kind of slavery, and there's no justifying that," I took a deep breath to try and calm myself and keep up the smooth hostage negotiator tone I was trying to use, "Please … if you really are still you down to your core like you claim … you know this is wrong. What if someone had done this to Fred? Your sister?"

"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't get to talk about Alonna! You don't even get to breathe her name! Either of their names!"

"See that? How easy it is ta slip inta that rage ya got? It's the demon lad … that's the lack of a soul. It's guiding ya down the wrong paths with this new power ya got …" Spike tried to explain as he eased forward from Buffy's side with his hands up in the air.

"I'm begging you Gunn, please at least let Buffy go. Show us that you are the champion that you claim to be even without the guidance of a soul. She has her own army here … if you really want the slayer's help she's the one you want on your side, not under your thumb. Just … just let her go," I pleaded, trying to distract Gunn as Spike continued to edge closer and closer towards him and Becky.

"You know what? Just take her," he stated after a long, hard look at the three of us, "I wouldn't be able to stand the stench of the two of you all over her. 'Sides … she's looking a bit too long in the tooth for a slayer. She wouldn't be any use to me if she can't keep up with the young'ens. Although … I guess I could just put her down like the bitch that she is; make it really fast and easy on her. It'd be kinder in the end, don't you guys think?"

"Angel," Spike shouted as he tackled Becky to the ground, "get the bloody bastard!"

_He's going to break Becky's glasses with an attack like that … I wonder if she even needs them when she's under Gunn's control like that. Maybe he's her eyes when they fight? I wonder how that mind control thing works … how can we break it? I want to save Buffy right now, want to beat the living shit out of my former friend for daring to say or do all of what has been done in the past five minutes … but if I do, will it hurt those he has under his spell?_

Before I could even try to make a move of peace towards him, Gunn sprung into action. I was too busy contemplating the pros and cons of the situation I guess, so he got the drop on me. All I saw was his instant morph into vamp face before the punches started hitting me. I couldn't even draw a breath; couldn't even begin to count the number of blows he dealt me before my back hit the pavement.

"Spike … stop … we didn't come here to fight …," I somehow managed to say in between Gunn's fist pounding into my mouth and nose.

Finally, he stopped assaulting my head and sat back on his haunches. I thought for a moment that Spike had somehow managed to subdue both the slayer and Gunn while at the same time preventing the other vamps from joining in, but that idea was quickly dispersed when I managed to open my quickly swelling eyes. Spike had managed to pin Becky under him but she was still fighting and he was barely holding on. Gunn was the one who had stopped the scuffle … and now he was busy staring at his hand. His hand that was covered in my blood.

"You've never bled this much before from just a little vamp-on-vamp action Big Guy. I thought the human I smelled earlier was the kid or maybe his dad … but it's you, isn't it," he muttered with something between awe and disgust as he tentatively licked his knuckles and laughed, "I can't believe it. You still deserved a treat for being such a good doggie after all this bullshit?"

"It's not … not from the Powers," I said with pain after I spit out a mouthful of blood and sat up from the cracked asphalt, "the Senior Partners did this to me. They thought keeping me helpless would keep me from stirring their pot."

"They obviously don't know you as well as they thought then," Gunn laughed as he stood up, "glad to hear that the Shanshu chair is still open thought. I figure maybe I gotta chance at it, seeing as how maybe I still gotta a piece of my soul left if I'm fighting so hard to do good and all."

"As much as I think pummelin' Peaches there suits for a world of good," Spike butted in while still trying to keep a hold on a squirming Becky under him, "I'm not exactly inclined to agree with ya mate. Seein' as how ya think collarin' these little girls is a gold star on your report card. Let … the bird … go."

Gunn stood and watched Spike and Becky struggle … the mindless woman fighting to kill and my rival trying to avoid killing her. Then I watched as he scanned the other vamps in his crew, before resting his eyes on a still kneeling Buffy. Finally, he glanced at his blood covered hands and then began staring into my eyes for what felt like eternity.

_I was right the first time … this WAS my friend Gunn … he's not in there anymore. Goodbye my friend, I'm so sorry I let this happen to you._

"Fuck it. Becks … quit that shit and get over here," he muttered under his breath before she instantly untangled herself from the fight to do his bidding, "You guys … you take your damaged goods and get up out of my sight. This is my one and only warning for all of you. Next time … you won't be walking away."

As he and Becky turned and joined the rest of his crew, Buffy suddenly came back to life. She made a giant gasp for air as she fell forward and caught herself on her forearms before slamming face-first into the ground. I tried to get up and go to her, but she forced herself up on wobbly legs while brushing away tears from the corners of her eyes to stare Gunn down.

"What you're … what you're doing to my slayers … it's worse than you can imagine. Let them go … or I'll make you," she panted out between deep, heaving breaths.

"Whatever drama queen … I ain't letting go of shit. I need them; they need me to fight the good fight. Now … we're gonna take off. Got some important save the world shit to take care of since no one else is handling it right. But hey, I'm an ok guy … if you wanna come with us and contribute, all on your own, that's fine by me …" he offered soothingly to Buffy.

"Don't bloody well think so Charlie Boy."

"No thanks. In case you've failed to notice, my dance card's already full up," she frowned as Gunn started to back away, Becky following him like a well-trained puppy.

"Suit yourself," Gunn shrugged nonchalantly before a stony veil covered his features. He raised his arm and pointed directly at me with a menacing air as he said, "You and me? We ain't ok. Not by a long shot. Don't you worry though; I'm working hard to clean up your mess. So don't get comfortable … I'll be seeing ya."

"Well now, that isn't exactly a heart-warmin' ta-ta. Guess we've got ourselves a new Big Bad to have a showdown with. Hate it when those blighters turn out to be friends of a sort," Spike grumbled as he checked Buffy over and laid a comforting hand on her back.

"I know exactly how to fix this," she claimed as she visible pulled herself together after her ordeal.

"Some things can't be fixed luv; what's done is done an' all that. He's already been turned. What can we possibly do, 'cause as far as I know there ain't a cure for the bumpies. 'Cept of course a stake or some sunlight," shook his head at her as we all turned, looking off in the distance in the direction Gunn left in.

"There's nothing … I kept trying to help and all I've ever done is fail him …," I bemoaned quietly to myself before Buffy reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Let's go back to the base," she offered as she checked the injuries to my face, "It's time to try again and fail better."


	32. In Trouble

_***A/N***: I'm shocked that this chapter has become the longest one I've ever written. I've never written a Buffy POV chapter that was longer than Angel's before, but we had a lot of info to get through that couldn't be done from anyone else's point of view. Get yourself a snack, make yourself cozy, and settle in for my longest chapter to date._

****BUFFY POV** - In Trouble**

_I really need a toothbrush right about now … and perhaps an industrial-sized drum of mouthwash. I could just stick my head in and swish around until I felt … less tainted._

The boys and I had just arrived at home sweet high school, but it had taken us longer to get back than it had to get out to Hemery. One reason was that among the three of us, Angel had the best sense of direction and knowledge of the streets of LA. And he had been soundly walloped about the face so we couldn't count on his boy scout-like skills to get us back. That and we had to make a pit-stop in Silver Lake to let Lorne know what was going on and hitch a ride back to our base. Reason the first for our delay though?

_Had to be the fact that I couldn't stop crying. Or breathe normally. And oh yeah, the vomiting every couple of miles put a damper in our travel plans._

"Ok Buffinator," Xander announced as he entered the bathroom with a hand over his good eye while I tried to brush my teeth with my finger, "Angel's being seen by the doctors and our witch with the fastest healing records. He'll be fighting-fit in a jiff."

"Xander put your hand down. I'm not indecent," I got out after a good long gargle.

"What ... is it 'National Xander Pity Day' or something? Because that set-up for a joke about your questionable decentness was just too easy. Too easy … also a good set-up for your wild woman ways," he laughed to himself as I sighed.

_Can't punch my friends. Friends are good. Only get fisty with friends when they have actually turned evil ... oh well that's a downer. Let's think about Gunn some more. Even if he's not my friend I still feel … connected to all people who have helped Angel and Spike down here in their fight._

"Where's Spike?" I mumbled around my improvised oral hygiene tool as I continued to scrub my teeth with my digits.

"He's in the room where we stock pile the weapons, picking out goodies like a kid in a candy store."

"What about the meeting? Did you get the slayers all back on the base yet so I can brief them?"

"Yeah, we're just waiting on a few stragglers to pop in;" he stated as he tossed me a towel to dry up with, "then we can start. Do you want to include the normies, or ask the civilians for a private moment with your girlies?"

"Let's keep them out of this for now. They don't need to know that there's something even worse out there for them to freak out on. There's more Clark Kents than Supermans staying here; we don't need a massive attack of panic on our hands. If something happens to me …" I tried to get say, but Xander quickly grabbed my arm and turned me towards him.

"Hey now, you know how much I hate that kind of talk. I'm gonna need you to take your Eeyore face off and get your bouncy, trouncy Tigger face on."

"Seriously? That's what you're going with?"

"Hey … well, I guess. I'm not on my A-game at the moment. I knew it was National Pity Xander Day for a reason," he shrugged as we left the bathroom and made our way towards Angel's room down the hall.

I had wanted to talk to him of the possibility that this might be a one-way trip. There was no power in the universe that could force me to leave even one of my slayers behind again. There was no power in the 'verse that would put me under anyone's control like that again. I would not let them take me captive this time.

_Either this plan works, or my arms will be getting swingy with it on my way down._

As we rounded the corner and opened the door to the classroom where Angel slept, I think both of us were surprised to see Spike already there. He somehow managed to look concerned and bored at the same time as he checked out Angel's quickly healing wounds. A stunned Xander caught my eyes as they shared a mopey, quite laugh about something they had been talking about before we came in. I think both of us could have fainted from shock when Spike helped Angel, who was obviously still feeling achy, up from the make-shift bed and smacked him quickly on the back.

_For me though … that move was just too … familiar._ _Let's just queue up a case of the wiggens and figure that out later …_

"How are you feeling?" both of my guys asked at the same time the second they looked up at me.

"Not exactly winter fresh, but I forbear," I smiled at them, "I heard that one of you was getting seen by some witchy nurses … and the other was on a shopping spree with my weapons hoard."

"Yeah hey … last I checked in on you Spike, you were playing Supermarket Sweep with the slice and dice gear in the armory," Xander asked as we both noticed that Spike wasn't decked out in battle gear, "so how come you're looking like a big no with the weapons?"

With a climbing eyebrow and a swish to the side of his coat, Spike quickly showed off just exactly how wrong Xander was. Hand axes strapped into the duster behind the lapels. Stakes sticking out of every pocket. And as he turned to the side we could see the hilt of a Japanese sword sticking up out of the back of his jeans, the blade hopefully a shorter one and still tucked away in its scabbard.

"S'not the most dangerous thing 've had down my trousers … but it'll do in this situation," my Living-On-The-Edge-Guy said casually with a smirk tossed my way.

"I don't even want to know…," Xander complained before looking to me in a confused manner, "So … wait, is this a shake and bake mission? I thought you were gonna have this Gunn guy join the Eternal Souls Club? Wasn't that the plan?"

When we first arrived, while getting Angel some medical help for what looked like a possible broken nose and an eye that was swollen shut, I told Xander everything that happened during our little confrontation. I also clued him into the plan I cooked up on our long journey home.

'_Cause if there's one thing our group seems to do well, its turn bad guys into troubled good guys. Or turn bad guys BACK into troubled good guys. So I'm sure that if we can just get a soul back into Gunn … we can help him. God for Angel's sake I hope this works._

"That's the plan, but Charlie boy went an' got himself an entourage of the toothy variety ta boot. Gonna need ta dust them when they figure out their fearless leader isn't gonna let them drink at the open slayer bar no more," Spike explained as I walked forward to get a better look at Angel's healing progress.

"How are you two doing?" I checked with my boys.

"Well aside from babysittin' the two of you back through a city I hate while makin' sure nothin' nasty was gonna finish us all off, I'm brilliant. I'd be better off with some gin and a pint of O Neg but …"

"Fine, we're fine Buffy," a decidedly better-looking Angel cut Spike off as he rambled.

"Right then," Spike coughed as we all fell silent, "Time's tickin' kiddies. Every minute we're here sittin' on our thumbs our old friend could be movin' against us. Should we go over the whole plan now?"

"Yeah, right, we should," I agreed, "We get our weapons. I talk to the other slayers and brief them of the situation and tell them to remain on base until they know the outcome. I talk to the magic department and get the Restoration Spell going."

"We should tell the witch ta delay startin' the spell," Spike suggested, "or else Gunn's vamps will figure out somethin's gone wrong with the man in charge. Might turn on him; kill him before we even get there."

"Good point," I mused before turning to Angel, "Willow explained to me that the spell takes about 5 minutes or so to complete once everything is set up. How long will it take us to get to Gunn's location on that … on your dragon?"

_I fell like the biggest idiot even letting those words leave my mouth, but flying was our fastest option. With my Blackhawk down, riding on the back of this creature to the place Gunn had been hiding from us … which we can now pinpoint only because of Spike's quick thinking when he planted his GPS tracer on Becky when they fought … it was just the best plan of action we had if we wanted to move quick. No matter how scary it was going to be._

"Can you show me on a map where we're going?" Angel requested.

"Yeah sure I made a print out," Xander offered as he pulled a folded piece of paper out from his back pocket. He opened it and then pointed to an area of the city that had a very different street layout design. The streets in this neighborhood didn't just make straight intersecting lines in a grid like most of L.A.; there were diamond shapes and circles and even a section that looked like a flower from a bird's eye view.

"That's Park La Brea … if we're in Highland Park … it'd probably take us about 4, maybe 5 hours if we had to walk again," Angel sighed with relief, "so I'm really glad we made that detour over to Loren's to get Cordelia. It'll probably only take us 15 minutes to get there."

_I'm not sure exactly how I feel about Angel naming his pet dragon after Cordy … I wonder how she feels about it? It was nice to not have to walk anymore but I hate flying on the backs of things; whether witchy friend or winged lizard. I was raised to believe in seat belts thank you very much._

"Ok, so I'll tell the witch to give us time to land and get into position to draw Gunn & Crew out. That way we can separate him from the others before they can kill him. I'll tell her to wait 10 minutes after the three of us take off …"

"You better get a hold of those horses missy, because I'm going too," Xander stopped me as I tried to finish laying out the plans.

"No, you're not," I told him firmly with my best General Buffy face on.

"You're not the boss of me Buff …," he said petulantly as Spike snickered at him.

"Ok, you've really been spending too much time with Dawn. You're starting to quote her. And by the by … I'm pretty sure that me being in charge sorta constitutes me being the boss of you."

"I like to think of myself as an independent consultant in our little situation."

"Xander, as much as I think you've come a long way in your fighting abilities …," Angel politely stumbled around his message before Spike interrupted him.

"What the sprag here is tryin' ta tell ya is that you'll be more of a bother if you tag along. An' by 'bother', what I really mean is you'll get us killed when we have ta save your one-eyed ass from an army of vamps high on slayer blood."

"I'm coming down with a really bad headache …," I complained as I rubbed my temples, "look Xan the Man, I know you can wield a mighty ax, launch a piercing bolt from a crossbow. You've trained hard and made yourself a better fighter even with your lack of depth perception. But we're getting stretched really thin here. We left Willow in charge of the whole she-bang back in our world. If I'm taken out here I need a leader to take charge and make sure my slayers are freed. I need you to be the one I rely on for that. You're the only one I CAN rely on to look out for everyone here."

_Sometimes I forget how hard it is to get through a little motivational speech around Spike. It doesn't help when he laughs at me using the words "Willow" and "she-bang" in the same sentence when I'm trying to make a point …_

"Aw stop it … all this buttering me up is going to make my cholesterol skyrocket."

"It's gonna make me heave up my breakfast is what it is …"

"Um Spike, maybe that wasn't the best way to phrase your distaste right now," Angel pointed out as I turned green again at the mention of vomit.

"I'm … I'm ok. No more Linda Blair impressions right now," I said as I took a few calming breaths of air to try and settle my stomach, "Sorry, I guess the spell effects are still hanging over me a bit."

"Buffy … what was it like," Xander asked with a curious gleam to his face, "The hostile takeover of your brain?"

"Xander I … there are no words," I said uncomfortably to him as I fidgeted with my shirt hem.

Suddenly I noticed a silent conversation happening between Angel and Spike. If they didn't look so worried, I'd assume it was some sort of angry standoff. There was possibly even some eyebrow gesturing. I thought it was just going to drop though until Spike suddenly grabbed Xander by the collar and dragged him out of the room. From the doorway I could hear him mumble something about 'you field this one Peaches, and I'll deal with the boy' before the door was swiftly closed behind their retreating forms.

"Do you need to talk about what happened out there Buffy?" Angel asked soothingly as he pulled me to cuddle into his chest.

"I really don't know if I can … it's hard to explain. I guess the worst part is that Gunn seems to think that the girls are fine on the inside. That they are just mental blanks."

"Are they?"

"No, they're not," I shuddered as I recalled my short time under Gunn's control, "You're completely aware. You're inside your own body but you can't do anything except scream inside your head. It was like … like …," I trailed off, unsure of what I wanted to express.

"It was like being trapped. Like being locked back inside that coffin you had to break out of," he whispered as he wiped away a few tears from my face that I hadn't known were there, "but this time there was no chance to break out, right?"

"How did you …"

"You're not the only one who has been scared, alone, confused and locked up in a tiny box," Angel murmured into my hair, "Drusilla went a little over the top and buried Spike deeper than she needed to, so his journey up to the surface took longer. He even got lost on the way up; it really messed with his head. When I was turned, I panicked when I woke up in my grave. Took me hours to finally realize I wasn't going to die without the air I thought I still needed. Not to mention that one lovely summer vacation in a metal box at the bottom of Point Dume State Beach."

_Huh … no wonder the three of us are so suited to each other … we all know what it's like to have to dig ourselves out of our final resting place. Some apparently more than others … what a weird bonding point in a relationship._

"It was like I was railing against the darkness, using every ounce of strength that I had to try and save myself. What if he made me fight you and Spike? What if I killed you two? What if this happens again when we go out there to confront him?"

"I won't …WE won't let it come to that. Spike and I won't leave you behind to end up like that, and we won't exactly let you kill us either," he reassured me as he pulled back to look into my face, "Come on now, we've got rescuing work to do. Let's go save the day and then we can wallow in the misery of our pasts."

"But you always seemed so good at doing both at the same time," I half-heartedly giggled as we moved to leave his room.

"What can I say? I'm great at multitasking," he smiled at me before dropping a sweet kiss on my lips to bolster me up.

We parted ways at the door; him towards the weapons to pick up his own goodies and me towards the school auditorium to have a serious talk with my entire slayer army. We made plans to meet up outside when we were all finished with our last minute details before I headed down the opposite end of the hallway.

_I'll meet him and Spike by the dragon when we're ready to go. Just look for the giant flying monster that's lounging on the football field. Can't miss it._

I made my way towards the very center of the school. Just behind the front entrance were the double doors leading to what was once the school's auditorium. I took a few seconds, leaning my forehead against the doors, to gather myself for facing the large group of young women I could hear chatting on the other side. When I finally found my courage and screwed it to the sticking place I pushed my way forwards and took in the sea of people quickly swiveling their heads to look at me. Taking a deep breath, I took the long walk forward with a sure air and got up on the stage, ready to break the bad news.

"Hello ladies … the reason I called you here today is because we have a situation here in this Hell dimension that you all need to be aware of. You have all been warned that there is a vampire gang kidnapping slayers, but at the time we didn't know why. I have discovered the reason today. A human friend and comrade of Mr. Angel and Mr. Spike has been turned into a vampire. He believes that he is still fighting on the side of good, and has been taking our girls and putting a spell on them so that they become his brainwashed army."

The entire room burst into an uproar at my words. Half of the women were on their feet shouting all at once while the rest were shocked into an eerie stillness, the realization that something like that could actually happen to them horrifying them into silence.

_I know that this was never once something I contemplated happening to us … I guess I stupidly thought that slayers were naturally immune to things like this …_

"That's not all," I yelled over them to get them to listen to me again, "Our sisters-in-arms are in trouble. The former friend has gathered an unknown number of other vampires into his army. He has convinced them to follows his orders and fight evil by giving them free access to drink from the captive slayers. And other things that I … I can't even begin to say without crying."

If the room had gotten all bursty earlier, this time it was as if somebody dropped an emotional nuke amongst us. I could hear chairs breaking. Friends of the taken slayers were crying. The screaming and yelling was deafening. I could do nothing to stop them either; I had to just let them get their outrage out. I wished that I could have joined them, but if I did it'd be like giving permission to panic. It'd be nothing but anarchy, and anarchy was nobody's friend in this situation.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today! I was supposed to be getting married this month," screamed a 30ish-looking woman from the front as she stared angrily at me, "but I couldn't draw him or the rest of my family into the kind of life where I'm constantly in danger. I don't know about the rest of you but I never wanted to be this, to have this kind of power. But now I have it, and you're asking us to use it to fight your boyfriend's problems?"

"This is EVEYONE'S problem. Nobody EVER asks to become a slayer," I almost shouted back at her before reining it back in, "Do you think I did? We never forced any of you to join up with us. We've been trying to give you a place to figure out what you've become and how to deal with it. You are free to do nothing with your new abilities, but you chose to get the training you needed to be useful in the fight against the things that go bump in the night. I'm so proud of all of you, because you looked into yourselves, into the dark, and you did not flinch. You chose to bump back."

_I need to stop letting Andrew pull me into comic book talk … paraphrasing Hellboy can't be good for my serious cred …_

"Do we have a plan?" one of the louder girls, tears on her face asked when the room finally quieted down.

"We fight, but we have to fight carefully. We cannot be sure that killing the leader of the crew will release our slayers from the spell he's cast. We are going to have a witch cast a spell and give this guy his soul back so we can convince him to break his hold over those women. After this is done we will need to quickly dust the other vampires. Then we're just going to have to be there for our sisters. What they have been through … we just need to support them."

"When do we leave?" someone shouted from the back, already standing and looking ready to kill with her own bare hands.

"I'm leaving with Mr. Spike and Mr. Angel just as soon as I have a talk with the witch performing the spell. All of you however will be remaining here on the base."

Once more I had to wait for the emotional tantrum that followed my statement. I could understand how they felt, the hurt they must have been going through to hear that even though they had the strength to fight something this horrible they would not be able to help, but I couldn't crack on this. I had to remain strong.

"LISTEN! I know you all want to help, but this needs to be a fast tactical strike. You all know about that friendly dragon on the football field, right? Well we're flying in on that, and all of you won't fit. I need all of you here, safe and preparing for a counter-attack, so that I don't have to worry about you and can focus on dusting these bastards. But what if I fail? I have to plan ahead for something like that. I can't bring him an army of more slaves to take over. If this doesn't work, and all of you are with me to get brainwashed, who will be left to fight for us?"

I had to pause and collect myself for what I was about to say. The few tears that had managed to betray me were quickly wiped from my face as I got ready to brief my audience about how to go on without me if that should come to pass.

_You know, talking about your future death once in your life is already an extremely painful experience. For me though it's a daily occurrence. _

"There are only two guarantees in the life of a slayer: you're gonna spend a lot of money on broken alarm clocks, and you're gonna die fighting. I'm going out there to make sure that these women at the very least have the chance to die free. If something happens to me … then it's up to you ladies to finish my task. Listen to Mr. Harris, he knows the in's and out's of Plan B should the three of us fail out there. Follows his orders; he may not be supernatural like us, or have comparable physical strength, but he cares. He has the biggest heart you will ever find. That and he's put in more office hours at this fighting evil thing than all of you combined. He'll be the best Watcher any of us could have ever hoped for."

In the silence that followed my words, I noticed a few of the girls in the crowd stand up and salute me. I let my eyes scan over everyone in the room, trying to make them all see … to make them all understand just what was at stake here. The quietness continued on in what I felt was acceptance of the situation, so I gave a quick nod before jumping down and walking out on the center aisle.

_Keep that head up high Summers … this is not your fault. You did not make this horrible thing happen … and you cannot indulge these women's need for vengeance right now. Stay strong and carry on …_

I left the auditorium and walked down the right wing of the school towards the stairs at end of the hall. I had to jaunt up two flights towards what used to be the science department of the school. We had the witch teams take over all the lab classrooms in this area of the school as they needed the work space and the access to the chemistry lab supplies. I entered the first lab, scanning for the woman Willow had specifically told me to seek out if this situation arouse.

"Hi there, are you Thompson?" I questioned when I finally got past all the other hocus pocus going on around the room and found the person I had met only a few times before.

"Ma'am yes ma'am. Slayer Tammy Thompson, Wicca level 9 at your service ma'am," she said rapidly as she stood at attention.

_Oh yeah … I think I recall Willow mentioning this chick was a seriously hardcore Marine when she joined us. Had to leave the service and everything to enlist with our cause …_

"Ok then … at ease. We're a lot more informal here Tammy," I said as rolled my eyes and tried not to notice the little humph of disdain she released at my words, "I'd really prefer it if everyone called me Buffy."

"Ms. Summers is as low as I'll go ma'am. The General needs to be shown the proper respect or else everything descends into chaos."

"Fine … whatever. You're the one that Ms. Rosenberg placed in charge of this department, right? What a triple threat you've turned out to be. Slayer. Marine. Witch."

"I had a lot of interests as a child," she dead-panned with a skill I'd only ever seen before with Angel, "but yes Ms. Summers. I was selected to be the Wicca In Charge for this mission. What can I help you with?"

"We need to enact Operation Meskhenet," I managed to get out with some seriously heavy gravitas despite my fumbling of the pronunciation.

_I still wish Willow had let me call it Operation Soul Train. But nnnnoooooo … we had to go with a more mystical and dignified code name. She insisted on the name of the Egyptian Goddess responsible for breathing a soul into a person upon birth … can we say 'new hobby time'?_

"Yes ma'am … sorry, Ms. Summers," she said rigidly as the seriousness of the situation hit her, "Normally I'm the kind who just goes with the orders but … isn't Mr. Angel incapable of being de-souled as a human? Are we doing this for Mr. Spike instead?"

"You weren't in the meeting I just called for all the slayers in the auditorium?"

"No … I feel like we're close to a breakthrough with contacting the outside world. It would be nice to get some help from Ms. Rosenberg on breaking out of this place. I just figured someone could brief me later on the details."

"I'll let someone else tell you about it then, but you need to know that this spell is for someone completely different. His name was Charles Gunn, and right now he's Public Enemy Number One … but he used to be on our side. We'd like to bring him back."

"Alright … I can do that," she nodded, "I just need to mentally think about his name when I say the incantation and it should work."

I explained to her the need for a time delay and all the other details. It soon became obvious to her that I knew enough to probably perform the spell all by myself and she called me on it.

_I really don't have a good answer for her … why haven't I memorized this thing to the point that I could say it backwards in my sleep yet?_

"If you don't mind me saying so ma'am, considering the company you keep? It might have been a good idea to learn this spell and at least a few others," she lectured.

"I just figured I wasn't very magical … I'm the brawn and sometimes the improvisational brains of the operation you know …"

"Pardon me for saying this ma'am, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I may not have been with you at the Scotland base long, but I've seen enough to know that you're more than just the 'sometimes' brain."

"Wow … that's quite possibly the nicest way anyone has ever called me stupid before …," I mused, mind spinning at her point.

"Where exactly do you get off saying that you have no magic? Slayers to their very core are magic itself. You have a whole untapped reservoir of the mojo juices flowing through you, you know."

"I thought that Wiccans stuck fast with the idea that all things in creation were magic in their own way or something like that."

"Well yeah, that's in the introduction class sure," she smiled sarcastically, "In a way everything, even a plastic toy from Taiwan, has a speck of that spark. But Slayers? Considerably more than a speck. You guys have a big bucket of win when it comes to the pre-ordered magics."

"A bucket of win, huh? What about witches? Do you have a bucket inside of you brimming with magic-y goodness?"

"Nope, we get something witchier. Someone born to be a witch has got themselves a huge cauldron of win when it comes to magics brewing in them," she claimed, finally cracking a tiny laugh with me, "Alright Ms. Summers, I've got all the incidentals collected. It's time for the orb."

"You've kept it in a safe place, right? Haven't told anyone anything about them?" I asked quietly as she led the way to the corner of the room with a storage closet.

"I kept them in separate locations, just as you outlined. I made sure to follow your orders regarding the orbs exactly," she whispered back as she entered the closet and she lifted herself up the shelves towards the small air vent in the corner.

She was referring to the fact that before I left the home dimension to pop over here, I came well-prepared in case Angel had slippery soul issues. I had Willow sit down with the hand-picked magics team and pick out two people who could memorize a spell quick and keep it secret. We didn't tell either of the witches that they had a stand-in performer in case something happened to one. They were instructed on how to do the spell, to not talk about it in any way unless I brought it up, and to keep two Orbs of Thessula in different hide-and-seek spots. In the end, even though the two witches each had two orbs of their own, I made sure to bring one myself. I had buried it by a drainage pipe the first day we settled down in this location.

"Where's the other one?"

"Ah ah ah," she warned as she pulled her dust bunny-covered arm back out from the vent with a grey velvet bag in hand the size of a baseball, "that would be breaking the rules. You need the other one? Then I'll tell you. Who knows how many more vamps we're gonna have to tame while we're here."

_That would be funny if it wasn't so tragically possible._

"Protect this," I told her as I handed it back to her when she got down, "and remember to be alone and hidden in a place here at the school when you perform the spell. Lock yourself in and barricade the door before you start."

"Ma'am yes ma'am. You can count on me. Is there anything else I can help you with before you go?"

"You got anyone who can help me fight a mind control spell?" I asked, taking a random shot in the dark.

"Um … I think maybe …," she mused while looking over the room full of witches before spotting the one she was thinking of, "Lee Lee! Front and center!"

"Yes Miss Thompson! Oh," she fumbled as she saw me while she rushed over towards us, "General Summers! Hi … I mean … wow. Sorry, what can I do for you?"

"Remind me Lee," Tammy barked at the young-looking Chinese woman before us, "you were raised in a house of Eastern Magic practitioners, right? Can you do Qi work?"

"Of course … I've been studying Western magics for only a little while now but I grew up in Beijing but my family has a long history with Eastern Magic and Pharmacology. Healing herbs, divination, protection from evil spirits, and Qi flow are my best areas."

"Can you somehow manipulate Miss Summer's Qi so that she is more resistant to mind control spells? If I had more time to figure out the exact spell we could use more offensive magic, but right now I think you might be our best shot at defensive tactics."

"I … I've never done something like that before," she said with a frazzled look to her, "I'm not even sure if Qi can be worked that way … but I can try."

"We're in a 'do or do not, there is no try' situation here. Just get to work. Miss Summers," she turned sharply to address me, "I'm going to go gather all the materials for that project you requested. When I am ready I will return to this room and wait for your go-ahead to start the countdown."

"Great, thanks," I dismissed her before turning back to the scared witch before me, "She's a riot huh? So … you're Lee Lee, right? What do we need to do to protect me out there? I know you'll give it your best shot, and I won't blame you if this doesn't work. I'm just looking for a little extra protection out there."

Lee Lee laughed nervously before guiding me over to her work station. She sat me down and began to efficiently work me over and take notes as if she was a nurse in a hospital; inspecting my eyes, tongue, hair, nails, skin, and the lymph nodes in my neck. Then she took my temperature and began checking my pulse at different locations on my body. Just when I thought that this really was nothing but a medical exam and I was going to be asked to pee in a cup next, she sat down across from me and held my hands in hers tightly.

"Your Qi has been disturbed, very recently from the looks of things. Is this why you asked for help fighting off a mental take-over?"

"Yeah, just a few hours ago we met with our new Big Bad out in the field. He gave me a demonstration. He's the one who's been swiping our slayers … he puts a spell on them and they become locked inside their bodies with no control. Then you feel his will push itself in your head and your body starts obeying orders no matter how much you fight and I just …" I had to stop myself by biting my lip hard or else I was going to start crying again.

"Shhh … its ok Miss Summers … Buffy," she shoothed me, "I'm going to try and redirect you mental strength to protect your ability to control yourself. I have to dip into you Qi to do this, into what is essentially your life force. I'll go into a little trance while we hold onto each other and start organizing your energy flows without hurting the rest of your bodily functions."

"Is this going to be dangerous?" I asked.

"Well … let's just say that the whole study of Qi is about balance. I'm going to have to seriously unbalance you to fortify your ability to block this guy from trespassing in your head," she warily cautioned, "We've got to be careful because too much energy towards your head could cause a stroke … or make your heart stop."

"Maybe just do a little redirecting of the traffic then. I can't do much good dead," I chuckled uneasily at her warning before nodding towards her to being.

With a nod in return, her grip on my hands tightened further as her eyelids dropped. Lee Lee hummed to herself and then began whispering in what I assumed was Chinese as we sat there. Quicker than I would have thought it would take to actually move someone's energy around in their head, her eyes popped open and she dropped my hands as if they burned her.

"I can't do it! It's too dangerous for you right now … you didn't tell me," she rapidly whispered at me before she began to whisper words in Chinese that I could actually hear this time, "Ai ya! Yexu ta bu zhidao!"

"What's going on?" I asked her a bit more harshly than I really needed to.

"Ok look, I've gone into someone before to help their flow, but I've never physically SEEN the Qi like I did just now. I guess you could say in Western terms that I've just seen your aura and all the signs …"

"OH … well I've been told that my aura recently," I interrupted as I recalled my talk with Lorne, "… joined with someone else's. Two someone else's actually. Spike and Angel's got all mixy with mine. I'm apparently not supposed to be this color … did you see the color?"

"No, my training does not prepare me to sense colors," she said skeptically as she looked me over critically, "but I know enough about Western aura theory to help, if you remember what your colors are?"

"Spike used to be a bright turquoise, and Angel was a dark blackish red. I used to be pink I guess … but now it's all mixed together to make purple."

"Well the turquoise signifies someone who is extremely observant and sensitive. Very energetic, very persuasive, good at influencing others … and they usually make the best healers," she mused, "pink indicates someone who is very open to the point that they get hurt often, but still remains compassionate and affectionate. Usually it can be read as a sign of being touched by the divine … some sort of psychic power too … but I guess that would make sense with the slayer part of you. Blackish red though … it's as dark as it sounds. I mean it shows a great acuity for realism, survival instincts and being mentally grounded but there are also the not so good things. Things like guilt, anger, regret, loneliness, worry, and the creation of friction that both attracts and repels other's energy at the same time."

"Yeah, that all sounds about right," I sadly huffed as I slumped back into my hard chair, "But what about our new color? What does a purple aura signify?"

"Oh well purple is a special color in the aura world. It's the symbolic color of magic itself … it's rarely found in an aura actually. It's a sign of intuition, power, of reaching the ideal on a spiritual plane, attunement of the self, harmony, balance. It shows an opening of the pineal gland as well," she gushed as if she was excited for me.

"I'm not going to be growing a boy-pendage anytime soon am I? 'Cause I'd really like for that to not be something I have to worry about," I cringed, "Again."

"No no, not … penile gland; that's not even the right term for what you're thinking of," she timidly corrected me, "I said pineal gland, it's a part of the brain. Some theories say that it has a huge influence over sleeping, dreams, and mating cycles in humans. It's considered by some to be the physical location of your third eye; the seat of the soul."

_You know, for someone who deals with magic every single 'effing day of my life, I should really take the time to study it more. Maybe. I'll get around to it later … when I have time. I had time to myself when I was dead, right?_

"Does that somehow make sense to you? I mean, I've had some crazy-vivid dreams of late. Even more so than normal slayers dreams. Angel and Spike have been in them … does that explain why our auras are all the same?"

"It might," she hemmed, "but I doubt it. I've never even heard a rumor about something like this happening with three souls before! Finding even just one other person with whom you can meld your spirit with rarely happens for anyone. How can you be so lucky to have two?"

"Yeah, instead of probably breaking one guy's heart, I'm probably going to break two. I'm lucky that way," I sighed.

"Listen … I can't claim to know what the higher powers have planned for us," she shrugged, "but this wasn't an accident. You can only blend your energies with someone when your souls are meant to be together … and if you don't mind my saying so the guy's souls didn't just melt into yours. They blended with each other too. That couldn't happen unless they had something special between them as well."

"Wow … thanks Lee Lee. I hadn't thought of it like that but it makes a certain amount of sense."

"I suggest that when this is all over, you find someone who really knows auras to give you a better reading. For now though, I'd like to make sure your energies have really aligned … not that I don't believe you but … I may be one of the only people ever to get a chance to witness this kind of event. Do you know where they are?"

I checked over my shoulder and saw that there was a long bank of windows that should be looking out over the campus courtyard and the athletics area. I motioned her to follow me and we both went and gazed through in search of Angel and Spike. They weren't that hard to spot, hanging out next to the big honking dragon and all, so I pointed them out to Lee Lee. Her hands snapped up to lay her palms onto the glass and she closed her eyes again and mumbled under her breath as I waited beside her.

"You can do what you just did to me from here? I thought you had to touch them?"

"I can't do the same thing from a distance," she panted as her eyes opened in awe, "All I can do is take a look. But from here I can feel that you all have nearly the same aura."

"Nearly? Awww, so we aren't so matchy-matchy after all? Shucks and here I was thinking …"

"Ma'am? I'm really sorry to interrupt you but you need to know … yours is the only one that's different. Same feel, same tenor, but you have one little extra thing in your Qi. I'm sure if we had someone here to look at your aura, they would tell you there are sparks flying around you."

_Sparks? Why am I getting the chilly wigs up my spine again … for like the zillionth time today?_

"What do sparks mean?" I asked.

"Buffy," she hesitated before putting a comforting hand on my arm, "you might need to sit down for this."


	33. Condition

_***A/N***: Wow, long time, no update. I apologize for that, life got in the way. Anyway most of you already know the surprise I was hinting at in the last chapter. Yet I wonder … when did you peeps first suspect me of heading in this direction? I've been dropping hints left and right for a while now. First one to name all my vague hints will get a special one-shot short story written just for them, featuring any combo of characters from any of my fandom arenas that I have previously written for. Let the games begin! UPDATE: As of 1/19/12, no one has won it yet. Keep trying! I will put in a notice when someone does. Also, had to make a few more edits as I'm flying without a beta.  
_

****SPIKE POV** - Condition**

_If Buffy leaves us standin' here much longer … might just hav'ta throttle the boy._

So maybe Xander wasn't half as bad as I remember him. Maybe. Or perhaps he'd done some growin' up since Sunnyhell … probably had somthin' ta do with losin' Anya. And maybe losing that new slayer bird Buffy'd told me 'bout. He seemed to catch on right quick when I explained ta him that he needed to lay off the trapped inside her own body issue 'cause she still felt haunted by her short coffin stay. So …obviously not the dullard I thought'em ta be. Didn't argue with me or nothin'; just accepted the truth of my word on the matter and off we went ta the dragon. But now the Great Poof was here and the three of us had been waitin' long enough for us ta actually start talkin', an' when the subject material moved onta my Nibblet … I started to get a tad uncomfy with the way the pup was talkin' about her.

_Cause' if there's one thing I do better than anythin' else … it's that I know people before they know themselves. An' I'm not likin' that look in his peepers when he talks 'bout the girl. Ok well … maybe my keen skills of observation are what I do best after that lil' tongue trick I can do. I'd have'ta ask Buffy …_

If she ever hustled on down here. What shoulda been just a pop in pop out discussion with one witch was takin' her far too long, an' she wasn't exactly the hurry up an' slow down type. Even laid-back Xander got twitchy and called inta the command center ta ask if they'd seen her since she wasn't answering his pages over her communications unit. They'd no soddin' clue where she'd flittered off ta.

"Guys, I don't know about you but I'm of the worried persuasion. She's never just disappeared in the middle of something so dire-ish before …," blabbered the pup.

"Ya mean other than that time the lot of you were moochin' off her an' then tossed her outta her own home?" I asked critically.

"What! When did this happen?" a startled Peaches jumped in angrily.

"Look Jay and Silent Brood, those events are of the past and we dealt with it," he defensively called us before we could really get on his case … as Angel surprisingly began chuckle, "and why are you giggling like a school girl?"

"Because I actually got that one … and you're right. He," the git gestured towards me, "is a filthy-minded idiot who won't shut up and all I need to be Silent Bob is a backwards hat and a goatee!"

"How in the hell do ya even know who they are?" I asked in an unbelievin' tone.

"Dogma was my favorite movie from the 90's," he shrugged.

"I think I might just faint from that revelation," Xander mumbled ta himself before sitting down on the ground in a false show of bein' dainty, "or maybe it's just the heat. Who knew that Hell really would literally be this hot? What I wouldn't give for some icy cold AC right about now …"

"Be careful what you wish for Xander … there's no greater sin than central air," Angel snickered to himself.

"Oh Willow's various gods … stop doing … that! My mind has not built up any antibodies to you knowing pop culture things!"

"That aside, maybe we should just go look for Buffy," Angel finally stated as all three of us reached the breakin' point of holdin' back our worry, "This isn't like her when something this important is on the line. Xander you take the East wing of the school; I'll take the West. Spike, you're the only one with superhuman senses anymore, so you can try to use them to find her."

"Stuff it up your fancy lady blouse," I snarked with a smile as I trod off, "No one ever said that the chain of command was Buffy, you, then me at the bottom."

_I mean yeah, was gonna do that anyway so I really didn't need ta snap at him like that. Just hate it when he starts ta boss me around like that all over again. An' I know in my head that he didn't mean it like that … but ain't it enough, what he's got? Why'd he have'ta try and take control over me too? Sometimes I feel like now I have nothin' left ta give before I lose it all in this lil' threesome of ours._

Now, my sniffer is good … really good actually, but tryin' ta find one slayer in a building full of 'em? Takes a bit o' work, no matter how au fait I am with our girl's scent. So I headed for the last place she was supposed ta be; the rooms of third floor with all that lookin' inta the auguries an' cookin' with alchemy whoozit. Lucky for me, it seemed like there weren't many slayers hanin' 'round these parts so I managed ta pick up Buffy's trail easy. Only problem though … was that she'd made a muddled mess outta her own path … like she didn't know where ta go after her meetin' with the witch.

_Like the lil' situation here … her scent goes both up ta the service entrance for the roof and back down the stairs here in this stairwell. All too recent … all traces of her are under an hour old. No way to pick out the freshest trail. Two roads diverged in the yellowed halls of the high school …Ol' Frostie never did give bad advice._

"Right then, take the one less traveled. It'll make all the difference. Roof it is," I muttered ta myself as I climbed the rungs of the maintenance ladder up to the top of the school, and in no time I was in an old rickety tin shed with a doorway ta the roof.

The first thing that hit me once I opened the door was a slow, sluggish Hell breeze full of scents. I could smell Buffy strongly though, among other things. The air carried all the smells you'd normally associate with a school's roof mixed with the smells of a city in ruins; well, if ya had a vamp's heighted sense o' smell like I did anyway. Oxidized roofing tar, moldering old wood, rusted metal, stale air coming up from the vents all joined up with the distant smells of squalor and decay of an abruptly destroyed Los Angeles.

_And tears. The chit's been cryin' up here … no wonder she'd taken off and not let anyone know where she'd tucked inta. She always hated ta let the underlings see her throw a wobbler._

I stepped away from the lil' shed and I finally spotted her. The loose grit from the roofing paper crunched under my boots as I slowly made my way towards her, not wantin' ta spook her if she was as lost in her own world as she looked. She didn't even turn to look at me, but I sensed as a predator that she had to know I was there. When I finally got a few feet from her though, I saw that she was standin' right on the very lip of the stones that made up the eaves of the school … and I very nearly panicked when I saw that she was gazing out over the ruined cityscape with unseeing eyes.

_How's it possible for a dead bugger like me ta feel like he's goin' through a heart attack! Ok … calm down … one false move here and we might have a brand new crisis ta deal with. Can't let her slip … not with the state she's in …_

"Hey Spike," she said with little inflection.

"You know, I'd wish you would step back from that ledge my friend."

"Why, so we could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in?" she finished up the second round of lyrics for me, with an odd little smile gracin' her face as she quickly glanced at me over her shoulder.

"Ya still feelin' dicky?" I queried as I sauntered towards her, tryin' ta get close enough ta reach out and grab her if I needed ta.

"If that's a come-on, it's a really gross one that I would appreciate you never using again," Buffy said as she screwed up her face.

"Are ya still sick, luv. 'Dicky' means sick. The boys an' I were just wonderin' what the holdup was; figured ya might still be honkin' in the bathroom."

"And that's why you're up here on the roof with me? Last I checked," she quickly glanced around us at the expanse of our current location, "a bathroom up here there was not. Unless of course one has a really loose personal definition of the word 'bathroom' …"

"Ya know that I've my ways of findin' ya," I interrupted while tryin' ta find a diplomatic way of asking her to come down again, "ya wanna get going? Still got a load of ladies ta help, don't we? Save the day an' all that rot?"

She didn't say anything … just carefully turned her back ta the view and looked at me. It spoke volumes ta the innate confidence she had in her body's ability to be a weapon of precision; she didn't have even one spark o' fear that she might tip back an' fall.

_No … no fear of fallin' … but I see it there. Clear as bloody day. Something's got her right skittish. And sad. Looks about ready ta cry all over again …_

"Buffy …," I tried ta sooth her, but she didn't let me get any further.

"I love you, Spike," she rushed outta nowhere, "You know that now right?"

"Right pet, I know … love you too."

Suddenly she was flyin' at me, all tangled limbs and short unruly hair surroundin' me. Drownin' me in her. Came at me like a spider monkey she did, an' I surprisingly found myself goin' from standin' up ta flat on my back in a tick. With my girl on top a me, looking at me like it was my turn ta ride the slip'n'slide.

_Which is bleedin' fantastic from my point o' view … but it really isn't the time for that now ennit? Oi, I'm turin' inta the soddin' poof now … but at least she's not practically danglin' over the edge anymore I guess._

"Slayer," I groaned as she rubbed herself on me in the most tempting of ways, "what are ya tryin' ta do here? We should be on the job … not _on the job_, ya know?"

"No … not yet Spike. Don't leave yet," she sighed with a hurried look ta her, "Stay with me, please?"

I was 'bout ta make some stupidly saucy joke about how I'd give her anything she wanted if she just kept wrigglin' like that on me, but I stopped myself. Just felt too much like somethin' the old me would'a said ta the old her … that and I caught the pure turmoil on her face.

_Can't be so flippant with her right now … bloody hormones. Everything's just spinning her right round as it is … she doesn't need me pokin' fun at her. Though she's practically beggin' ta be poked in a different manner of speakin' right now._

"I'm right here pet," I tried to assuage her by runnin' my fingers through her recently mop-topped hair, "we'll head out when you're ready. Just talk to me, huh? Tell Spike what's wrong …"

Turned out though … she had other plans for her lips 'sides usin' 'em for talkin'. 'Fore I could even think up what my next lil' nick name for her was gonna be in that sentence, she'd distracted me by snoggin' me so hard I could taste blood. My blood. She'd slammed her mouth ta mine so hard it had spilt the skin of my lower lip. S'not like it hurt … didn't need ta stop or anythin' … but still it was worrisome that she was so harried that she didn't even notice.

"I'm sorry," she said when I stopped her and pulled back, "It was an accident … I didn't mean to do that, to hurt you … to push you like this. I'm sorry, sorry …"

"Buffy, what's gotten inta ya? No need to get all manic-panic over something like that," I said after quickly wipin' the few drops away.

"I don't know, Spike. I really don't know … I just wanted to be here a little longer. Pretend that everything was fine. Make you feel good, make myself feel good. I just … I just needed to pretend for a little longer that what's to come isn't here yet. That this isn't the end."

_Bit fatalistic, my girl is. Chit needs herself a lil' pick-me-up … I get it. She's faced so much today … too much, but if I let her wallow now she'll never get outta this funk. I gotta bring her out … gotta pull her up. S'what I do for her, ennit?_

"Pet … Buffy … don't be like that. You know I love you more than anything 'cause you're my lotta bottle gal," I told her as my fingers deftly threaded her frizzy locks and pulled her face down ta mine, "Whatever comes, we'll face it. Always have; always will."

"God, you know for someone who is known for saying the wrong thing," she smiled as she rested her forehead against mine, "even if it is technically correct, how is it that you know just what to say to me? At exactly the right time to boost me up?"

"Just know ya, s'all. We're still a lot alike, you an' me, that hasn't changed cupcake."

"Damn … don't mention baked goods right now. If we get out of this hell hole …," she exclaimed while rollin' off me an' laying down beside me on the roofing paper.

"When, luv. When we get outta this hell hole," I swiftly corrected her as we rearranged ourselves to be snuggled together.

_Poor lass is just all twisted up inside, looking for something ta hold onta that makes any kind of sense right now. Maybe she's stupidly thinkin' we won't win this. Maybe she thinks she ain't makin' it back from this battle. Maybe it's somethin' else completely. Don't matter … all that matters is that I love this crazy lil' chit and she's lookin' for me ta ease her worried mind._

"Ok, WHEN we get out," Buffed rolled her eyes and humored me, "I'm barricading myself into a bakery and not coming out till everything yummy has been obliterated."

"Sounds like a plan. Right so what say ya ta gettin' up," I said swiftly as I kissed her on the top of her head and got to me feet, "Ya know we still got places ta be. Vamps ta ensoul an' all."

As I spoke I dug 'round in my pocket for one of my last ciggs. Wasn't until I'd lit up and taken a puff or two that I'd realized that I hadn't heard a response comin' from Miss Overly Emotional herself.

_Fuck … look at how intensely she's starin' at my smoke! Better put it out so she doesn't try to grab it from me … shouldn't be smokin' 'round her anyhow right now … what was I thinkin'?_

"God I could really use a smoke," Buffy sighed as she stared longingly at me while I tossed it on the ground right quick and snuffed it out with my boot.

_I bloody hate moral dilemmas like this … I know she shouldn't. She REALLY shouldn't. It'd be bad for her health even when everything was fine an' dandy. Now … it'd be worse, and she'd be in a tizzy if she really knew what she was doing ta herself. She's a big girl though … can make her own bloody bad choices … but she's makin' 'em in the dark. I should tell her what's goin' on. But if I do … what if that's the end? If there's only room for three in this relationship will they shut me out in the cold when I become the fourth wheel? Well, suppose most autos actually have four wheels so that analogy isn't exactly up ta snuff … but I know what I mean._

"Can't give ya one duckling. You wanna kill yourself fine, but I'm not helpin'. But I'd …," I halted as I heard my put-upon Cockney slip away, "I'd really like it if you stopped smoking. Please."

She looked at me then, really gave me the once over as if she was just figurin' somethin' out. Somethin' big.

"Spike, how long have you known?"

I froze. She got up from the roof an' just stood there starin' at me, waiting for my response, but I was in such a state there was no way I could answer her right then.

_Does she know what I know? Is that what this is all been about? The tears an' the pouncin' an' the angst? _

"How long have you?" I asked back, evading answerin' her properly till I knew exactly what the hell she was goin' on 'bout.

"Oh let's see," she rolled her eyes as she looked down at her watch, "counting the sprint to the counselor's office for one of those test kit thingys, the most nerve-wracking bathroom trip of my life, and the zombie-walk of shock back up here to get in some quality brood-time? I'd say I've known for about 30ish minutes. Give or take. Not exactly enough time yet to really get deal-y with the news."

"I've had myself a week or so now … there's no getting' over the shock o' that," I grumbled solemnly after she confirmed my guess that we were talkin' 'bout the same thing, "so … how'd ya find out you were knocked up?"

"One of the witches I talked to … she figured it out. I decided to confirm it with modern science by peeing on a stick though, and the test was positive. How did you figure out that I was pregnant? I mean, now your whacked out behavior of late suddenly makes some kind of sense … but how could you know before I did?"

_Fuckin' witches … thought I'd maybe get a lil' more time before the big reveal …_

"The day of the zombies … when ya were stupid enough ta try getting a haircut with a big ball of fire? Found out that morning. You'd been smellin' … different for a while before then but I didn't recognize it. Till we broke apart my cot, that is."

"And again with the smelling …," she stared to interrupt with a huff before cutting herself off and looking back at me, "sorry Spike, I know you can't help it. Still it's majorly creepy to think about for me, and I'm betting you like it too. Perv."

"You'd know," I chuckled while rubbing the back of my neck nervously, "but yeah, that morning all the pieces of my memory locked together and I finally figured out why the new smells comin' off ya were different but familiar. That an' I'd realized that the odd lil' flutterin' noise I heard while we were goin' at it that morning was an extra heart beat. Literally fucked ya hard enough to jump-start the critter's heart, apparently."

"It already has a beating heart? I wonder how far along I am … when does that start … I never did pay attention in those life health classes …," she trailed off, speakin' ta herself and lookin' down at her stomach.

"Around 21 days … the heart starts its thing around three weeks," I simply stated, answering the question she probably didn't really need an answer to just yet. I regretted sayin' anythin' the second the words left my gob.

"I don't want to know why you're familiar with stages of development and pregnancy smells, do I?" she warily asked with a stony face.

"Really don't, luv," I admitted openly, willing to face my past sins.

"Oh boy," she breathed heavily before sitting down on the edge of the roof with a plop, "how are we gonna do this?"

I watched as she sorta folded in on herself; legs pulled up ta her chest, face ducked down inta her knees, arms reachin' down ta hold onta her feet as if they might flit away. I was havin' trouble understandin' her just now … which was odd for me since I can usually read her like a book. She was back ta her lil' girl lost self; something that I was beginning ta wonder if even her Scooby gang really ever saw. Knew Angel'd been there for her when she got like this too … but I truly doubted that anyone other than the two of us ever got ta see her this vulnerable.

_Sometimes I wonder … how's it so that someone so small can be so big? An' shouldn't she be happy at this news? I mean yeah, the timin's a bit all fobbed up but still …_

"Well, never had much experience with this sorta thing … but doesn't mummy usually run all gigglin' and coy," I said while tryin' ta hold as much of the sarcasm outta my voice as I could, "ta tell daddy the joyful news?"

"That's part of the problem though; is Angel the father … or are you?" she asked her knees with a dead-straight face on.

"Slayer, I know you're not tryin' ta be cruel with that bit o' stupid you just said but …" I started ta say, feeling angrier with every word, "in case you failed ta remember? We've had plenty of chances before now for you ta get up the duff by me and it didn't happen. And it wasn't for a lack of tryin'. Dead men may be stiff, but they don't plant no crops if ya get my meanin'."

"No wait! Think about it … all three of us are all kinds of magically delicious. Angel became a dad before while he was still dead … but he had a soul. Maybe it's not just the mechanics and biology … life is magic. Souls are magic. Maybe that's all you really need to create life like this."

I got it then, what she was REALLY tryin' ta say. She didn't believe the rot she was spoutin', but she was tryin' ta convince herself. 'Cause if she believed it, then maybe she could make me believe it. An' she knew that if I thought she was carryin' our kid I wouldn't leave her for even a second.

_She thinks I'm gonna take off … so she's tryin' ta get me to stay. Telling me what she thinks I need to hear to make myself stay; make me bond enough with the git's seed growing' inside her that I won't be able ta split when it's born. She doesn't want me to go …_

"Sorry kitten, still not buyin' it. Darla still didn't have a soul when they made Connor after all. Those two had special help to get that boy … and we didn't. Ya know this one is his too, fertile bugger that he is," I shrugged without any anger as I sat next ta her and gripped her hand.

"I just … Spike I just wanted … I don't know what I wanted," she gulped as I watched a couple of tears leak out onto her cheeks.

"I know sweets, I get it. Thanks for tryin', but let's just face the truth, yeah," I sighed, "Damn … not something the lot of us exactly planned for, right?"

"I never planned for this … in any relationship," she said lowly as she leaned over and laid her head on my shoulder.

"If you weren't hopin' for a few yappin' whelps underfoot, how come ya didn't think ahead and take preventative measures?" I asked with a disapproving eyebrow lift that I knew she couldn't see.

"In case you haven't noticed, we've been a little preoccupied with the big picture agenda here. I was more concerned with food rather than condoms on our supply runs. And excuse me for not having to think about something like that for the last 5 years! Besides, it wasn't exactly a concern when I was with him before … the fact that all of him was suddenly human must have just slipped our minds."

"Yeah … must have," I added dejectedly.

"How do normal people plan for something like this Spike? Even if I didn't have slayer issues to deal with … the idea of having a baby is just terrifying to me."

"Seems ta me that most blighters out there don't plan for it at all. It just happens, just like this. But humans wouldn't have made it this far in the world if they weren't naturally good at spittin' out kids and raisin' them up."

"Regular humans, sure. The last slayer to have a kid before me was … well. You know how that ended. Giles gave me her watcher's diary to gloss over back when they were trying to kill you. Wanted to convince me it would be the right thing to do I guess. Robin didn't even make it to his 5th birthday with his mom, and she was much lower profile than me. How am I going to keep this kid, Dawn, my friends, you, Angel, my slayers and myself safe all at the same time?"

"Don't worry about us pet, we'll take care of ourselves. But you on the other hand … ever think about retirement? If I can smell your pregnancy hormones muckin' about in your body all the other nasties out there can too. Noshin' on a slayer is already a nummy treat for most of 'em, but a pregnant slayer? Nobody's ever gotten a taste of that. You'll be at the top of every demon and vamp's 'must eat before I die' list."

"I can't just sit back and let everyone else take on the danger in my place Spike," she huffed at me.

"Actually, you can. That's the point of being the boss, ennit," I said with frustration, "Look, just do me a favor, yeah? Stay here today. I've been doing my level best ta protect you from yourself ever since I knew … but yer very difficult ta deal with."

"You know you could have just told me," she tipped her head back and smiled slightly up at me, "It would've made my reactions to you stealing my stuff and keeping me away from my favorite things a lot less bitchy."

"Now that is rich," I joked at her before tellin' her the real reason I didn't say anything before, "How could I tell you, knowin' that it'd mean I'd have ta give you up?

"And in a language that makes sense, what the hell is that supposed to mean," she spouted off at me, lookin' a bit mad and confused.

"You don't need me … you'll have that happy lil' family all wrapped up in a pretty bow. You, Angie, and baby makes three. No place for the blindingly handsome 'uncle' who never gets any older hangin' on. I just wanted ta hold onto the dream of havin' ya in love with me for a little longer. Can't exactly blame me for that, now can ya?"

"Oh my god … are you like the biggest idiot ever? Spike, of course I need you," she yelled at me as she leapt forward and stood before me, all fire and passion, "I love you. And if you try to leave now just because you think I don't need you then I'll kick your ass. You're my something to hold when I lose my grip."

"I'm your what? That doesn't sound as comfortin' as you might think luv," I nearly growled out as I felt my own ire rise, "Wanna explain that one to me?"

"Everyone's always had these high expectations of me. Like being the slayer meant that I had to be a better person. Even Angel has an issue with me and pedestal-vision, but with him instead of expecting me to be better I simply was better … like all the good things about me were amplified around him but I could still feel like a normal person when we were together. Around everyone else the weight of expectation kinda crushes a bit, and I'm obviously not a regular person. It's like that with everyone but you," she tried to explain in her round-about way while toeing the loose gravel scattered about.

"Oh thanks ever so," I snarked while stompin' past her on my way back towards the ladder, "for reminding me that you can be the bad girl only with me since I'm the bad guy. Even now."

"That's not what I was saying," Buffy whispered as she reached out, caught my arm, and forced me to turn an' look at her. "I was trying to explain that you're the only one I can just … be with, you know? I don't have to feel bad about myself if I'm feeling less than Super Buffy when we're together. My friends … the other slayers … when they see the dings and dents they call me out on them; they just tell me to get over it. Angel helps share that burden with me so I can deal with and overcome my problems. But you? There's no pressure. I can be flawed … I can be human … but you always remind me of who I am in the end."

"Well that's … decidedly less insultin' than what I thought you were sayin'," I sighed and hugged her to my chest as I realized what a prat I'd been, "Sorry Buffy … guess I just assumed that as soon as you knew about the baby I'd be outta picture. Been just waitin' for the day you told me ta shove off."

"I don't want you to go, but I can't keep you with me if this is going to hurt you too much. I don't want you to stay out of obligation … if you stay with us I want it to be on the condition that you to WANT to stay," she spoke into the rumpled cloth of my shirt.

"You kiddin'? Been waitin' a long time for ya Slayer. Not gonna hit the bricks just cause ya get a little chubby for a couple 'o months," I snickered as she playfully punched my chest and shifted back from my arms.

_Right so that might be a bit of a lie. Not about the leavin' cause she'll put on a few; actually I'd love ta be around ta see her with some meat on her bones now that I think about it. But even if she an' Angel don't shut me out physically, they might emotionally without even thinkin' 'bout it. An' I can't stay if I'm ta be the odd man out all over again._

"Do I even need to say how much of a pig you are at this point?"

"You really don't," I smiled sadly before giving her a bit of truth I knew would hurt, "Buffy … me leavin'? Can't say that I know for sure it'll never happen. I'll always be there for ya, and by extension Dawn and this kid of yours, because what I feel for ya isn't ever gonna go away. But havin' ta be 'round when you and the Great Poof are buildin' a new life together … s'gonna sting. Just don't know how bad yet."

"I get that … I do," she whispered before softly kissing the small patch of skin just above the neckline of my shirt, "And I'm sorry. I love you enough to let you go if you need me to. But I love you enough to ask you to stay and try to make this work."

"So we're … I mean you that is, you're really gonna do this, huh? You'll be keeping the lil' nipper, tryin ta make a proper go of it?"

She pulled back fully from me and looked all 'round us, like she was lookin' for the answer written out for her ta read or something. She looked all sorts of confused and scared at first … but then I saw it. That lil' glimmer o' hope that she sometimes gets; the one that makes her face light up like the sun piercin' the darkness.

"I'm really not trying to rub this in, to make it worse for you," she cautioned as she subconsciously rested a hand on her lower stomach, "but until I met Robin … I thought this was impossible. Another hurtful roadblock by upper management to keep all slayers focused on the job. I never even dreamed of being a mom … but now? My whole world has changed in less than an hour. There's no way I can accurately tell you how I'm feeling right now but … I want this. I want this baby, no matter how freaked I am or how scary this is going to be."

"Ok then, I'll do my level best ta be happy for ya both," I said with my stiff upper in place as I really tried ta see the good in this for her, "Right then, let's go tell Papa Poof the news; I could do with some help if you're gonna be a daft cow by insisting on headin' inta this fight."

"No! We tell no one yet. Especially not Angel … he'll be worse than you in trying to protect me and he's a lot more fragile than either of us now. I may be pregnant, but I'm still all slayer and he's human. Just don't ... I'll hold back this time, I promise, and as soon as we are back in our own dimension I'll take it easy. But I won't lose either of you … please. Just don't say anything yet."

_Oh soddin' bloody hell … fuck-ity fuck-fuck ta boot. How am I gonna protect her well enough ta keep her safe, but not so much that it's obvious she needs it? It'll signal something's up ta both the blighter and Gunn … and that spells trouble any way ya look at it._

"Alright, if that's what you want, I'll stay zipped. Just don't get yourself hurt, right? Or I'll kill you," I tried ta chuckle as we finally started ta head back down stairs, "And don't ya be frettin' 'bout my leavin', ducks. M'with ya for good now; won't leave till ya tell me ta bugger off. I've been detained at your Majesty's pleasure."


	34. Mea Culpa

****ANGEL POV**- Mea Culpa**

_Instinct. It guides our lives in ways we can't even contemplate. Sometimes, it is wrong … but more often than not it was right and we reason ourselves into going against this inner voice. Human kind would not have made it this far without it; yet human kind would not have made it this far if we had blindly obeyed it at every point in life. From the whispered warning that you should avoid a certain path to the screaming command to block an attack you never saw coming. From the hunch that while you like it, orange just isn't you color to the certainty that something is very wrong without any real clues as to how you know it. Instinct pulls us through our lives every second. You can choose to listen or you can choose to disregard it, but one may never ignore it. It is ever present in our minds; telling us things we should avoid or directing us to an opportunity we should grab quickly with both hands. _

_What's my instinct yelling to me right now? It's informing me that something is … not wrong exactly but … off. A change is in the air. It also might be informing me that this, unfortunately, looks like it's going to be a bumpy ride._

Something wasn't feeling right about this whole situation. Spike and Buffy had hailed Xander and I through the communication system during our search for her and told us everything was fine. When Harris and I finally met up with them though, I asked what was wrong because something told me that in fact nothing was fine. Instead of just telling us and getting what I thought might be a small issue out in the open though they lied to us about whatever is going on.

_I know it, feel it in my bones … feel it in the pit of my stomach that whatever the real story is, it's more than just the fact that she's still feeling sick. I've seen her at her worst physically and keep on doggedly fighting … I've seen her spring back from death to defeat an ancient evil with a zip in her step and a zinger on her lips. From the looks of it, even Xander isn't buying the queasy tummy story. Something is really off … and they're both breaking the "no lying" promise by not telling me._

If acting quickly on the Gunn-is-kidnapping-slayers drama wasn't an issue, I would have tried to coax out what the real problem was. Unfortunately, as per the usual, the personal life has to take a back seat when it comes to this hero game we play. As it was we'd already wasted too much time; Gunn's group could be doing anything at this point. They could have had a scout track us back here and plan their own attack. They could be turning slayers to ensure we couldn't take them back. The options just got more and more horrible the longer we waited, so I just shut my mouth and helped Buffy climb aboard Cordelia.

_Oh wow … there's a sentence I never thought I'd ever have to contemplate._

"I miss my helicopter …" a decidedly sickly-looking Buffy declared as she reached out and grabbed onto the only thing available to keep herself steady … the dragon's neck.

"Uh, Buffy, you might want to ease up a bit," I cautioned as Cordy began to growl and struggle against the strong arms clamping down on her, "she can't breathe if you do that, and it won't be good for any of us if she falls from the sky."

She eased up on the poor girl but Cordy continued to grumble and glower at her; even with all the things we have to face daily a dragon's stare is still frightening. Figuring she would need something to hold onto in order to be more at ease with our trip, I had her scoot back so I could sit closest to the head. I needed to be there anyway to help guide the big girl to where we wanted to go, but now I'd have the added bonus of Buffy wrapping her arms around me the whole way. This still didn't seem to assuage her fears, however.

"I really don't want to think about the fact that my mode of transportation hates me," she stated as her arms came around my midsection and held on tight.

"Come on now pet, s'not so bad. Just lie back, think of England, an' it'll be over soon," Spike tried to comfort her, or perhaps annoy her, as he hopped on behind us.

It was a later start than we had all thought, but we finally took to the air. With the first jump and flap of the wings, Buffy groaned as if she was going to be sick again and grabbed onto me even tighter. It was all I could do to get my own breath back as we were jerked and jolted into a steady momentum and her iron arms squeezed the air from my lungs. The turbulence didn't last long for our dragon-y take off … but it didn't end fast enough though. It was still enough to make Buffy lean to one side and dry-heave a few times with heavy, painful-sounding gulps.

"After this, I'm never flying again. Ever. No planes, no dragons, no best friends … nothing."

"Ya can't walk back ducks. Spent too much time on yer feet today as it is."

_Well that's an odd point to make ... but he is right. After an 8 hour round-trip walk, being violently sick to her stomach, and what is most likely going to be our upcoming battle she really needs a rest. Today has been really rough for her._

"It'll be over soon. Park La Brea is just a hop, skip, and a flap away," I attempted to cheer her up.

"At least when I'm riding Willow I can promise a cookie in exchange for my safe arrival. This thing was looking at me like the only tasty treat it wants to munch on is me," she groaned before one last hacking cough over the side.

"I'm not sure I want to know …"

"Speak for yourself ya sprag. I'm gonna need all the yummy details 'bout you ridin' Big Red."

"She can fly you ass. And when your passport raises that big ol' 'shoot on sight' flag Willow Airlines is safer than any commercial plane."

"Speaking on Willow, I've been meaning to ask," I yelled over my shoulder, "why didn't she come with you? If she really is that powerful it'd be good to have her in the thick of things I would think."

"No … we talked this out to death before we came here. We needed a senior Scooby to stay behind to head-up the organization. Not sure if we can trust Giles or Faith. Dawn is still messed up. Everyone else is too new to the group … we had to leave one of the Three Musketeers to be in charge."

"Then why not the lad? Will's witch powers d'be a sight more useful here," Spike joined in as he rubbed her back to help her feel better, "than the whelp's … whatever his skills are. Not that he isn't useful pet, but …"

"No, she needed to be out in the real world. She was the only one who could do some major damage if my slayers were attacked again. She needed a safe place, all her magic supplies, and time to rest if we needed her to reopen the portal and get us out. It had to be her," Buffy insisted.

"She's trying to reopen it?" I asked as I guided Cordy to fly left towards Miracle Mile.

"Yeah … she showed me all this crazy math she worked up before we left," she laughed lowly before wiping her mouth and continuing, "She estimated that it was likely time was different in here and averaged out the time difference of dimensions we knew. We came in here with the guess that one hour in the real world equaled about 10 days in this dimension."

"Wow … I wonder how long we've really been in here," I pondered out loud as the reality that I've once again probably lost years in a demon dimension hit me, "How long did it take you guys to crack into this dimension?"

"It took us two days to get everything together and the spell to work. I wish we could have been here sooner, but we didn't know what was going on at first. You guys have probably been in here for almost two years at this point," she sighed sadly, "that's why I told Will to start trying to open up the portal after only three hours. She needed time to build up enough energy to go again and open up a hole for us all to get out through, and we needed time to try and fix things from the inside."

"But the lot of ya've been here longer than 30 days by my count," I heard Spike chime in from behind us, "A lot longer. Have we missed a meeting spot or something? Or do ya reckon she can't open up the gates again, or that somethin's keepin' her from doing the spell?"

"That or we got the math completely wrong … and I'm trying to decide if I prefer that option to the others. Cause I mean plus side? Nothing bad is happening to my people while I'm in here if that's the reason. But the possibility that we'll be trapped here a lot longer than we'd planned on is the very definition of a down-sidey view."

"So for now, we're alone in here. After we deal with the Gunn issue, we need to focus on getting ourselves out, in case Willow can't," I stated as calmly as I could to the news that our one ace in the hole hadn't … or couldn't … be played.

"As heartwarming as this convo is boys, I need a break," she gave a pained sigh before pressing her face down between my shoulder blades, "Wake me when we get there; I just need to zone out and center myself right now. Dropping down into the fight all puke-ish won't be a boost to my street cred."

We both murmured to her to rest as the dragon kept on flying, our destination getting closer and closer. I was surprised though that we weren't already circling the area; we were just barely flying over the 101 as it was. It wasn't a far trip, but I think I'd over-estimated how fast the dragon could fly with three people weighing her down. It didn't take long however, maybe two or three blocks, before I could feel Buffy's arms relax around me and her breathing deepen on my back.

_I can't believe it … even with all of this, she's taking a nap! God how bad off must she be if … wow… I wish I could fall asleep that easily. She must really be exhausted … never seen her just nod off during a crisis time like this before. We shouldn't have even let her come out here to fight in this case. Who knows what could happen to her if she's not in top form? Better make a game plan with Spike to protect her._

"Spike, hold on to her … I think she just conked out. Don't let her fall," I said as quietly as I could, knowing he would hear me, "How on Earth are the three of us going to pull this off? Especially with our strongest player in the shape she's in … and I'm not just talking about her being sick. She's acting weird. Tell me you see it too."

"Listen mate … she's just a bit knackered s'all," he said as lowly as he could without disturbing the sleeping slayer between us, "This whole thing with our boy an' her girls has really gotten her inna right state. The three o' us? When this is all done? We'll have our lil' pow-wow … cry an' laugh an' shag an' all that life affirming bollocks. Now's just not the time ta get innta it."

_So apparently my little pep talk didn't help as much as I'd hoped. God I wish I'd had more time to comfort her, to assure her … but time is still the enemy. Even here where we seem to get so much more of it than we did in the real world, it's still our enemy._

"Still, we're going into this with her seriously off her game. You know what we need to do," I said as I looked over my shoulder again and locked eyes with the only being who could understand me right now.

"Protect the girl, no matter what," he nodded curtly before looking down at her, "I wanted ta talk to ya 'bout Gunn as well. I like the boy just as much as you do … an' I wanna give him the chance ta come back ta us. But if he so much as glowers at our girl inna way I don't like I'll kill'im. No hesitation, no chance for even his lil' pinkie finger ta wiggle at her threateningly. An' not just him, I mean. Everything, everyone … we protect her at all cost. Ya with me?"

_It's not his fault that he's … he's the last link to my old team … we have a real chance to bring him back to us but … if it comes to it being either Gunn or Buffy … there is really only one choice to make. I'm not losing her again._

"Gunn …he may be family but … Buffy is everything. She can take care of herself obviously, but the three of us need to stick close together for this and watch each other's backs. Anyone moves to hurt her and we take them out. If it comes to it … you and me Spike. We go down before she does."

"Just because my eyes are closed doesn't mean my ears are too," came a muffled and annoyed voice rumbling though my jacket before Buffy raised her head back up, "And by the by … you two behaving well and working together as a team is just making me fantasize about a much more fun, naughty way we can all work together. Nobody's going to be playing the part of sacrificial lamb today so knock it off or I'm going to be asking for a really special birthday present that you two are SO not of the ready for."

"Ha ha ha good one Slayer, but we were being serious there," a surprisingly nervous sounding Spike said as he tried to shrug off her comment.

"Normally, I'd look for anything to get out of that discussion right now," sighed with noticeable relief, "but I don't need to right now. We're here."

Finally, all the houses of the suburbs began to melt away the closer we got to the Museum Row area of Wilshire Boulevard. I directed Cordelia towards the south slightly, and we began to circle the tar pits in Hancock Park to the south east of our real destination so we could get a better look at our target without being noticed. The numerous apartment towers marking the Park La Brea complex jutting up into the air raised a sudden problem though.

"Holy crap … guys? How are we going to be able to pick out where they are in there? There are like … almost 20 apartment buildings in there. Cute too, I would have loved to rent here … and look how close we are to all these museums and shopping!"

"If I could interrupt Barbie's day-dreaming about normal grown-up life for half a mo'," Spike said with an eye roll clear as day in his voice, "she's gotta point. I can see from here that most of those building are 'bout 10, maybe 13 stories tall … not ta mention all those smaller homes and apartments surroundin' the towers. Where the hell're we supposed ta start?"

"Well I'm no expert, but see those fences and barricades in the middle of the complex protecting that northern building," I smugly pointed out, "I'm pretty sure the designer of this place didn't intend for anything that ugly to be blocking those pretty parks and streets. Also … it just seems kind of redundant if you're already living in a gated community."

"Well look who's become a big bag of wank now. Just drive us there, Jeeves, and cut the sarcasm. That's my gig."

We talked it out a bit more before deciding to have the dragon set down in the roundabout intersection to the side of the barricaded building. The big, lush park in the center of the four buildings was probably a better landing pad, but we all agreed that it could very easily turn out to be a trap of some sort. Cordy slowly eased down to the pavement and we all slid down to the ground, some of us a happier to see it again than others.

"I'm never leaving you again," Buffy whispered before literally petting the sidewalk to my amazement.

We began to cautiously make our way towards what was obviously Team Gunn home base, but once again my intuition was telling me that something was wrong. For all our estimations on how many slayers he had … for all our guesses as to how many vampires he had amassed into his army … we weren't seeing a single one of them the closer we got. Not a scout wandering around, not a guard at the hastily thrown up fences, no sentries at the doors to the building, not even a lowly minion scurrying around on an errand. We made it indoors and up to the second floor stairwell before completely stopping and dropping our guard.

"Somethin's not right here," Spike drawled as we made our way inside the main entrance, "Only livin' thing in here's maybe a couple of stray critters. No other heartbeats. Plenty of vamp and slayer scents though, recent even, but there's nothing here now."

"I'm calling into Slayer Central," Buffy said with a worried huff, "Alpha One to Command. Xander, do you read me? We're here, but we're the only ones. Can you do a quick check on that locator beckon and see if it's moved since we last checked it?"

Spike and I continued to be on guard as we began to walk back outside while Buffy waited for a new location for us to shoot for. If the locator beckon was still at roughly the same coordinates, we would have to start checking out every single one of these towers and surrounding buildings in search of our quarry. As we made our way through the gate in the jumbled fencing though, Buffy's easy chatter with Xander came to an abrupt stop. Before I could even ask what was wrong, her hand shot out and grabbed mine in a death grip before she began to sprint towards our ride … basically dragging me behind her all the way.

"What's wrong, luv? They're not attacking our base, are they," Spike called as he began to race behind us. She breathlessly shouted just one word to us as we reached Cordy.

"Hyperion!"

With that one word, her panic became my own. We hadn't stopped in our preparations to update the Hyperion crew at all; not even to alert them to the fact that Gunn was now a Big Bad. We all quickly scrambled up and I got her flying. Thankfully the Hyperion was very close, less than 5 minutes by car on a good day of city traffic, but we all silently knew that it wasn't close enough. Gunn and his gang had a major head start on us, and he could just walk right through their defenses and attack because we left them in ignorance.

_If something happens to Connor … I swear to god I'll kill him soul or no soul._

Buffy was frantically ordering Xander about while Spike and I tensely waited for news in silence. She had him hail the radio we'd left with them, but all his calls went unanswered. She told him to get the witch performing the Spell of Restoration to pause the process to give us more time to accommodate our unexpected travel … but he couldn't find her anywhere. It turns out that she had instructed the witch to hide while performing the spell as a safety precaution, and if she was already unreachable that meant she must have already started.

_As if we needed more tension … now we've got a ticking clock to fight against._

Finally, after blocks and blocks of the city had passed in a blur, we came upon the remnants of a war. A far as a block away I could still see groups of humans who had been seeking shelter in the hotel fighting larger groups of vamps. I could see tell-tale piles of ash all over the street around the hotel. I could see mangled bodies of civilians and slayers alike lying scattered about. We couldn't get down there fast enough; Spike and Buffy actually slid off over the side of the dragon and dropped down to the ground while we were still about twenty feet in the air and I nearly followed.

_That probably wouldn't the best idea in my case. Like I didn't learn my lesson the first time jumping off a building before I knew I was human …_

"Bloody Hotel California is what it is. Check out any time you like, but you can never leave," Spike pontificated as he came back over to me when I landed. The three of us scanned our surroundings and began to make our way through the bodies towards the groups of people who still looked like they would need our help ... hoping that maybe our loved ones were still alive and fighting in those groups.

"Oh god, Angel …," Buffy called quietly as something caught her eye and she bolted away from our current trajectory and instead moved closer towards the garden entrance of the hotel.

As I followed, I could suddenly see what was so devastating to her. There on the ground, already beginning to pale in a sure sign of being drained to death was Nina. She wasn't alone. A broken-looking Gwen was kneeling next to her, crying her eyes out, with her hands pushing fiercely into the skin of Nina's upper left chest.

"Nina …," I choked as I tried to reach down and brush the street dirt from her face.

"No! Don't touch her, you'll get shocked …," Gwen sobbed loudly as I realized what she was doing. Her hands on Nina's chest … she wasn't wearing her gloves. She was literally using her powers as a defibrillator … she was trying to jump-start Nina's heart.

"Electric Girl … stop it. Let her be. That's not how this works," Spike tried to get her to stop her manic task of bringing my ex-girlfriend back to life. "There's no blood in her heart left ta pump luv. Let her give up the ghost."

"She can still make it … she's not even cold yet! I can't just let her die! It's my fault … it's all my fault, if … if I hadn't helped Gunn he …"

"Gwen where's Gunn?" Buffy asked her firmly, but received no reply as Gwen continued on zapping Nina's chest. Spike risked a severe shock as he grabbed her shoulder and smacked her across the face before we could stop him, "Damn it Spike don't do that! Anya already discovered years ago that doing that doesn't help anyone and I can't have you out of commission right now. Just keep your eyes open for Connor and the blue one."

"Oh god, Connor! Angel," Gwen almost reached for me but then stopped herself and continued, "Gunn has him… Illyria too. He's had me keep tabs on the both of them this whole time. I didn't know … he's crazy and I didn't know … I should've said no, god why did I feel like I owed him something? I should have just refused …"

"What do you mean? Where's Connor now," I demanded with an edge of hysteria creeping into my voice.

"He wants Illyria, wants to use her powers somehow to put a stop to all this. I always felt like I owed him, so I figured that it really couldn't do any harm to help him with that … but I had no idea that he was using me to keep an eye out for Connor too … he wants to kill him. He wants to use him to hurt you …"

"Where is Connor! Where is my son!" I yelled at her this time, desperately trying to break her out of her frenzied monologue.

"Gunn dragged him and Illyria off. I tried to stop him, but he sicked some of those Super-types on me. They broke my legs … couldn't stop them … but by just touching me they short-circuited and died. I couldn't help it! You have to save him! Please Angel," she begged in a heaving gasp for air, "don't let him kill Connor! He's … he's inside. Inside the hotel. You have to stop them!"

With that the three of us turned and ran for the entrance, leaving her pitiful form behind in the dust. More bodies greeted us as we raced through the ruined gardens, but we didn't pause to take notice of who they had been. Rushing up the stairs and bursting through the broken glass of the double doors, the sight that greeted us was sickening. Mind-controlled Slayers subduing injured people so that vampires could partake in a feeding frenzy. Illyria, in the human form of Fred, tied up and unconscious on one of the couches. Hanging upside-down by his feet, almost exactly where I once dangled was a strung-up and badly beaten Connor. And in the middle of it all was Gunn; bloody mouthed, sucking the life's blood out of the brachial artery from a young man whose vicious battle wounds made it look like he wouldn't have long to live anyway.

"Well, well, well … look who finally came and joined the party," my former friend said with a smack of the lips before callously tossing the limp body to the ground, "Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day."

"Gunn, if any part of you truly still exists … let Connor and Illyria go now. Don't make us do things the hard way …"

"Oh come on now Batman, you know that ain't happening, so why you gotta make that tired out play? Robin and the girl are mine."

"For the love of … would all of you please just get out of your own heads? We are not living in a comic book you guys, our actions are real and really help or hurt other people! He's not Batman … you're not Cyborg," Buffy began to shout with an irate tone I'd never heard from her before as she pointed to herself and Spike, "I'm not Supergirl … and he's not John Constantine!"

All of us, even some of the vampires and the nearly dead humans in the corner all seemed to stop for a second and look at her after her outburst. It wasn't so much the confusing references, of which I only had a clue about who two of those names were, but the raw anger just spewing out of her that froze us all.

_Sure, she's gotten mad and let her emotions take over in a fight before but this … this was not normal. It was almost like a tantrum … all she needed was a good foot-stomping to complete it._

"Wow … fellas I take back what I said about putting the girl outta her misery. That fire? That burning anger? The fact that she's a slayer who's a comic book nerd as well? I'm in love … I was gonna kill her as part of my grand plan but now? I'mma be keeping her. Y'all were holding out on me …," he smiled lecherously at her before using his jacket sleeve to wipe away the blood from around his mouth, "And seriously girl, kudos for keeping it all in the same universe. So you a DC girl? I'm more of a Marvel guy myself but … I'd be willing to let that slide in your case …"

While he was talking and so very focused on our girl, I began inching my way away from our little group towards my hanging son. He was a good 10 feet away and my human self had no chance in getting to him faster than any of the vamps standing at attention behind Gunn. I just had to hope that Buffy, Spike, and I could distract Gunn long enough till the soul spell kicked in.

"You barely have time ta get a bit of shut-eye … an' you're reading bloody comics?" Spike spoke up while giving me a pointed look towards Connor when he thought no one was looking.

"Damn Xander and Andrew … damn them both to hell," Buffy shook her head in embarrassment as she carefully reinforced her grip on a stake, "I try and try to leave the room when they start talking geek-chic. I try to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing … but that shit just weasels its way into your brain!"

During this exchange I had continued to get closer and closer to Connor, whom I could now see was just barely awake and beginning to slip into unconsciousness. As I got within reaching distance however Gunn suddenly appeared before be with vampire speed and a sinister smile on his lips. He raised his hands up faster than I could see and violently shoved me backwards; it was only Buffy and Spike's quick reflexes that caught me and prevented me from smashing to the floor.

"I won't let you have them. Lyria? She's gonna get us all out of here with what I've got planned. Cut her open … let all that uncontrollable magic just bust on out of her and crack the dimensional walls. It'd be better, don't you think? Fred would have wanted to sacrifice herself for such a noble cause … and the entire universe and all other dimensions will be a lot safer with that wrathful god put down. Win-win in my book."

"What about my son? He has no place in that plan," I stated as I got back up and took up the lead point position again.

"You're right; he's a side project I've got going on. You see, I'm going to punish you … for all the people and all the things you've ever done wrong. I'm going to kill everything you love. Everyone …well, now your girl here's gonna get a pass I guess. But maybe, knowing that will be worse for you. I'll kill everyone, fuck her senseless, and make you watch. Then kill you too before saving the day an' being the big damn hero of the story. You should be grateful actually Big Papa … I just might put enough suffering on your side of the ledger to at least get you a little less torture in your long stay in the real Hell. Think of it as your one big mea culpa."

"That'd be a mea maxima culpa then, Charlie Boy," Spike pointed out before turning to me and shaking his head, "Our boy wasn't raised as a bead rattler then, eh ya big Fenian?"

"That's offensive, you blasphemous Hun," I chuckled snidely.

Gunn opened his mouth to … I don't know, give an order for his minions to attack us or add to our banter or something … when all of a sudden he jerked as if he were in pain. A sharp pain that just sprung up out from nowhere and wasn't being caused by anything physical. A pain that I myself, and now Spike too I suppose, was all too familiar with and could identify readily.

"What … aagghh, what is this? I've never," he struggled to say through gritted teeth, "What are you fuckers doing to me! Oh god … it burns! Help … fuck … stop it …"

"Welcome ta the club Chuckles. Think o' this as yer intervention … with loved ones an' sponsors an' all that rot. We'll get ya through this," Spike sighed as if he was actually bored, but I could tell that he was keeping a sharp eye out on the other slayers and vampires in the room.

Suddenly, I could see it. Buffy once tried to explain to me that when Willow put my soul back she could see it the second it happened, but I wasn't sure I believed her. I knew what it felt like though; a burning, scorching return from the darkness. The feeling of existing in limbo and then the abrupt force pushing me back into myself. The instant sense that while I'm not sure why, I know that horrible things have been done by who I once was … and that those memories and that evil other side of me will start to haunt me at any second. All these things flashed across Gunn's face as he contorted in pain … and then his eyes sparked gold with a light I had never seen before and he came crashing down to the stone floor on his hands and knees.

"What … where have I … Angel," he looked up at me with tears in his eyes that he didn't even know yet why he was crying them, "something … something bad happened, didn't it? Why does it hurt? Are we fighting something? Why can't I … I'm so cold and I can taste blood and … oh god no."

He scrambled back up onto his shaky legs and backed away from us, before he spun around and saw the frozen slayers awaiting his command and the crew of vampires looking at him uneasily as they finally paused in their feeding.

"It's ok Gunn … I know it's confusing and scary but you needed this. You wanted so badly to still be you … you kept saying that everything you did you did out for a good reason so you must still have a soul … so we gave it back to you. So you could be sure about the choices you made."

"Oh yeah, like yours ever did any good in your decision making process," he literally spat out before looking stricken and partially crumpling to the floor once more, "I'm sorry … oh hell am I sorry … what I've done … I can't stand this. I'm starting to remember what … fuck … I can't do this. I'mma monster! All those people, all those girls … you have to kill me. Kill me now so I can't hurt anyone else!"

"No Gunn. We know you've done the big bad but our group isn't in the habit of snuffing out a chance to recover and do right," Buffy calmly stated when Gunn unsteadily got back up to his feet and made his chest prone to us, "You had no compass. You were compass-less. You tried to do what you thought was right without a moral guidance system and even that it amazing; you need a chance to redeem yourself. Otherwise all your victims were nothing but a senseless waste … and they all deserve more than that."

"An' hey, at least ya don't have hundreds of years of mayhem piled up behind ya ta atone for like the hobknocker an' me."

"We'll help you Charles," I said as I tried to approach him and he backed up like a skittish wild animal.

Without warning, a dull 'thunk' sounded out and Gunn froze to look down at the pointy end of a stake sticking out of his chest. We all stared on in shock, horrified, as he quickly dissipated into a cloud of ash … a look of terror in his eyes. When he turned to dust the loud clanking sound of a metallic disk clattering to the floor rung out. From the cloud of his remains a pale, feminine hand reached out from behind where my friend had been standing and quickly clasped at the medallion before standing and revealing herself.

"Eve," I whispered as I saw her face, "how are you … why did you do that?"

"You all stuffed a soul in my toy and broke him," she pouted with a false innocence that was chilling, "And I'm an eye for an eye kinda girl. You broke my toy? Guess that means I'm going to have to break all of you."


	35. Out Gunned

**Buffy POV** - Out Gunned

_Ok, I hate walking into a movie and not having any idea about what's going on. Probably my number one pet peeve … ok, well maybe number three after things getting bitey with people they shouldn't and Dawn stealing my clothes. _

Being lost on the plot was exactly how I was feeling right now. My boys obviously knew who this was standing before us, covered in the ashes of what used to be Gunn. She looked pretty damn pleased with herself judging by her smirk, and her effortlessly relaxed manner in the face of our situation just rubbed that in our noses. It kinda gave her an air of the "cocky and crazy" type I tend to end up bantering with when I'm in for a kill. She was wearing a very survival-chic rust colored tank top with some black jeans and a buttery-soft looking pair of beat up old cowboy boots that looked like they were meant for a man … and that I would have loved to own myself.

_She also looks really familiar … I'm sure that I know this woman from somewhere but … but I've never seen her before in my life._

"You're not gonna get the chance," Spike stated calmly as he crossed his arms, probably so he could stealthily grab a hold of one of the hand axes tucked up in his coat, "ta break us, bint. Never recall takin' ya for a fighter, but we're not gonna just take it easy on ya since you're a beginner."

"He wasn't a toy Eve, he had a chance. Why would you kill him," Angel almost begged with a pained look on his face as he glanced at the spot where Gunn had just been standing … but was now just another pile o' dust.

"I could say the same thing to about Lindsey," she said with a swift switch from her playful tone from before … to this sudden air of oozing evil, "Why is it that everyone BUT him got a second chance Angel? Explain that to me you high-and-mighty asshole!"

_No … not evil. Hate. She's probably evil if the reactions of Spike and Angel are anything to go on but I can see it … that look in her eye. That's unadulterated hate right there. The crazy kind that topples empires and leaves black stains on time. And it's totally and completely focused on just one person right now: my Angel. Oh shit._

"He had chances … I gave him every chance …," Angel stoically glowered at her, "I bought into it every time; it almost seemed like a yearly event. He'd feel bad about all the evil he'd been a part of and coming running to me for help to atone. Each time he chose to go back to doing bad."

"So that's why he didn't even deserve to have a real showdown? That's why you …" she spat as she struggled to get control over herself back, "that's why you gave your singing green lackey a gun and had the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with shot like an animal and left to die!"

While she was working on trying to reign herself in, her hand dipped down into her pocket. The three of us all reacted as if she might be reaching for some sort of magical weapon or something else just as bad. Spike whipped out one of his axes, Angel hoisted his broadsword, and I unstrapped my Scythe from my back and got a good grip on it. What she pulled out from her pocket however was worse than any kind of weapon or magic. Far worse, because when she finally found what she was looking for and flung it at the ground it turned out to be two small, bright red horns clattering at our feet.

"No …," I nearly screamed. My heart seized in my chest as I realized exactly who those had once belonged to, "Lorne … no not … he was safe! He was supposed to be safe in Silver Lake. We just saw him an hour ago and he was SAFE! How could you … how could anyone get him under the protection barrier!"

And just like that, I was suddenly very interesting to her. Her gaze had previously been solely fixated upon Angel, but now I was the only thing she was seeing. I was shocked at myself when I realized that even though this woman was like, maybe two inches shorter than me and the skinniest thing I had ever seen (and given my height and weight that was really saying something about how tiny she was) … I found myself actually intimidated by this petit girl's chilly-willy stare.

"I'm sorry; we haven't been introduced yet have we? I'm Eve, former co-worker of Angel's. I'm also about to be the bringer of his gruesome demise," she chuckled before letting her glance flick over towards Angel quickly, "You don't have to tell me who you are though. I recognize you from the extensive dossier I had to memorize. And by extensive, I mean massive. The files just covering you and the twisted relationship you two had took up its own storage closet."

Finally, I had that 'ah-ha' moment that everyone talks about, and I felt a bit stupid for it not hitting me sooner. Maybe I could be forgiven my brain-fade due to the whole being pregnant thing … my mom always did say that having children killed off your brain cells … but it seriously took me way too long to remember that gut-wrenching talk I'd had with the boys back when we first met up. The talk where amongst many other topics, they'd told me exactly who Lindsey and Eve were and what roles they had played in the grand scheme in their fight against evil.

_I still don't know why I recognize her though. Angel and Spike didn't have a picture show-and-tell to go with that whole 'reveal you entire history' thing we did a while ago. I swear this is going to drive me batty until I figure it out … _

"You guys? Is this twig a human or a demon? Because I would really enjoy killing her right about now," I felt myself glower as I let my line of sight briefly focus on the body parts of one of my oldest, kindest friends tossed on the floor like trash.

"The bitch smells all human-like, but …," Spike tried to ad before Angel cut him off.

"She's not. Or at least, she wasn't at first. She's a Child of the Senior Partners but … but she signed it all away. So I guess I have no clue actually."

"Pfft, wouldn't be the first time," Spike said under his breath while he casually scanned the large group of remaining vampires and slayers in the back of the room, checking for immediate threats.

The other vampires were all watching us carefully. A few of them might have picked their snacking back up on the now quiet people lying around them, but all eyes were trained on the conflict between the three of us and Eve. None of them seemed to know who she was, why their leader was suddenly killed, or what was going on but they were all willing to wait around to see where the chips fell. My slayers on the other hand were all standing stock-still at full attention, the glazed-over look of being zoned out still present in their eyes.

_Well at least I recognize somebody there … Becky. She's alive … and now under the control of this grief-crazed Kill Bill Bride. Oh god I hope I didn't just jinx us … can she fight? This could so go our way if she's never handled a weapon before …_

"Let's just say that I'm not human … but Mommy, Daddy, and their 'special' roommate who's sporting the awesome nickname of The Ram aren't talking to me anymore. Actually if they could get their hands on me I'd be in for quite the spanking."

"Good, so I CAN kill you," I nearly growled in spite of the icky mental images I got from her description of her family.

"You can TRY, Buffy…," she said pointedly with a sparkle in her eye for the first time, "but if even the Senior Partners can't manage it what makes you think that you've got a shot?

"Ya know, even with the fact that our settin's a touch on the dire side … I'm findin' myself a bit distracted by her lil' speech. Here I was thinkin' that the animals were just symbolic and all … how's a wolf getta deer pregnant I wonder?"

"Actually, Mom is the wolf."

"Well if that doesn't make all kinds of sense when it comes to you …" Angel mused out loud.

"You don't even know the half of it yet," she smiled before shouting over her shoulder but never taking her eyes off the three of us, "Hey, vampire boys. Sorry about killing Gunn … but he was seriously about to puss-out on you. These three shoved a soul in him … and if you thought he was too controlling with all his rules about who you could drink from and who you could and couldn't kill before … well. You would have had to kiss that sweet slayer blood goodbye. Me on the other hand … I really don't give a rat's ass who you kill. As long as you work for me, you can do whatever the fuck you want."

There was some grumbling and murmuring from the group behind her, and I could tell that just as I had been severely underestimated by my opponents … these vampires were judging her and assuming that she was nothing but a tiny little girl. A little girl that they could easily overpower.

"Oh and before even one of you even licks your lips thinking you can take me, I'm going to remind you that I've got Gunn's little secret weapon that he used to control the slayers for you," she said without even a hint of concern in her voice as she slipped the small golden disk that fell from Gunn's ashes into a pouch hanging from a chord around her neck.

The second those words were out of her mouth, each of the handful of slayers behind her reached out and abruptly grabbed a random vampire standing close to them.

"You know what? I've decided that I don't really care if you choose to fight for me. I'm tired of working around the need to stay hidden. I had to hide this entire time from everyone; from my parents, from their minions, from you so-called do-gooders, even from random humans and demons just looking to survive. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not the Puppet Master, carefully orchestrating each of my little marionettes to do my bidding. You're going to fight for me whether you like it or not."

Lickity-split, the dozen or so vamps who had just been happily feeding and in control of themselves were now statues standing next to the pre-existing slayer statues. All of these statues were standing there, at attention … awaiting the command to kill us.

_Oh crap. We are really out-gunned and out-manned right now. _

"Eve, are you sure you know what you're doing? You know my file, inside and out," Angel tried to reason with her, "you know how this usually goes down for my opponents. The odds are always stacked against me … yet I'm still here. Most of my foes are gone. I'm going to give you this one chance to walk away."

"You honestly think I care if I die? I want to die … but I want you to go first," she chuckled as three slayers stepped in front of her as a human shield, "I want EVERYONE to pay for what happened to Lindsey … for destroying our lives, and they all will … but I'm going to live just long enough to see you suffer first. Gunn's master plan to take everything you care about away from you? That was all me using magic to influence him … although to be honest … he really didn't need that much encouragement."

_Created to be evil. Big-time with the crazy. Chock full o' hate. Magically inclined. Comes with a built-in army and a death wish. Oh yeah, this is going to go well … can't we ever catch a break? _

Without any further ado, the standoff was broken. She didn't even give a verbal command or a twitch of her hand; Eve's thoughts alone must have sent her group crashing down upon us. She remained close to the door of the lobby office surrounded by her slayer body guards while the rest of the minions surrounded us in a rush.

"Buffy, how do we deal with the slayers? Staking the vamps won't be an issue," Angel turned to ask me as the three of us formed a protective triangle with our backs towards each other, "but we can't dust the slayers. There are too many of them."

"Killing them isn't even an option. We have to try to knock them out …"

"Yeah like that's bloody likely …," Spike interrupted me in a quiet aside, "ya happen ta forget that you lot are stronger than me? Not ta mention Human Boy …"

"Do not kill or seriously injure my slayers," I made my point as emphatically as I could without actually using something pointy on him.

Thankfully at least half of the bodies looking to fight were cold, dead, and definitely not on the 'no kill' list. Unthankfully, all of my living slayers and the dead vamps charged us at exactly the same time.

"You should kill them you know … I'm ordering them to kill you … besides in the end I plan on everything being wiped from existence anyway. Might as well get it over with now," Eve smiled from across the room.

_This is so not going to be a cake-walk in the local cemetery … I've got to take down my own people without killing them. I've got to take out this bitch who killed Lorne and guided Gunn to abuse my slayers. I've got to protect Spike and Angel. I've got to protect Angel's kid … both of them. And can I just say, for being under some serious mind-control these guys are the smartest I've ever fought? Rushing in all at once from all sides … way smarter than hanging out on the sidelines for a turn to tussle. Not the most polite, but still … smarter._

There were more fists flying our way than in Jackie Chan's entire body of work. At least none of them had any weapons, but apparently ours weren't going to be any help since we couldn't use them on half of the people trying to kill us. I could hear Spike cursing and Angel struggling to keep up with the multiple attacks going their way without using a single piece of our hardware that we had stocked up on. If I had to guess, my count of how many people we were fighting right then would be a little less than twenty. Things were just moving way too fast to really get a good idea, and I tried to focus on only the bodies in front of me. I had about eight vampires and slayers of my own to battle with and yeah, so what, I've dealt with worse numbers before but …

_But I've never had to really protect myself this much before. I've never had a problem with throwing myself head first into the fight but now … I'm not just protecting myself this time. If I get too injured, could I lose the baby? Or would my slayer healing protect it? How can I do this and not give away my secret with a big flashy neon sign pointing right at my tummy?_

I really should have been paying better attention at the moment, because just over-thinking about how to protect myself left me wide open to several rapid punches to the face. Quickly spitting out a small mouthful of blood after one punch forced me to bite deeply into my own tongue, I tried to focus on retaliating. Swinging my scythe around with a zippy flip, I began trying to use the wooden stake end on the vampires in front of me. After dusting two vamps at break-neck speed that left me highly impressed with my own stabbing ability, I shifted my grip on the scythe so that I was holding it more like a battle staff. When three of my slayer girls pushed forward to battle me, I pinned them back with the blunt length of my weapon so that I could hold them all back long enough to check on how my guys were doing.

"We've got a jumper," I yelled as I saw a slayer being to make a flying leap from the entrance stairs, "Angel duck! Spike, she's going to land right behind you!"

Angel quickly dodged out of the way and gave his opponents a good sweeping kick while he was down there, knocking at least four off their feet. Before the girl could even fall into a rolling landing, Spike spun around and managed to grab her right out of the air. Using the force of her lunge, he swung her violently towards the columns in front of the elevator doors. Even in the craze-haze of battle his aim was dead-on perfect she went sailing head-first into the marble, smashing her head and falling to the ground in a limp heap.

"Sorry crumpet, but that's as gentle as I can get with these birds without lettin' 'em get the jump on us," Spike responded to what I could feel was a horrified look on my face, "Oh balls … you might wanna go get that!"

As I struggled to keep my vamps and slayers back with my weapon, my eyes followed where he was pointing towards. Apparently Eve had sent one of her guards on a special mission. Zoned-out Becky was jogging up the staircase with a machete in her hands, and it didn't take me long to figure out what she was planning on cutting. Connor was still strung up, his poor battered head a mere five foot drop from the stone floor, and the rope that held him up was secured to the black wire railing on the balcony over the lobby. There was no way I would make it up the stairs in time to stop her before she finished her task.

"Angel! I need a boost," I yelled as I pushed the swarming group of fighters back as hard as I could.

With one quick look, he figured out what I was asking of him and why it was so important. I turned and backed up to get a running start before hurrying towards Angel. He was able to fend off his attackers just long enough to kneel down with his back facing me. Racing towards him I managed in one fluid motion to jump, land one foot securely on his shoulder, and leap up from his back when he rapidly stood up. Our acrobatic feat of momentous momentum lifted me up just high enough to dive over the railing of the second story and tumbled right into Becky's torso.

"Sorry! Becky I'm so sorry! You know I don't want to hurt you," I tried to apologize to the person I knew could hear me stuck inside the shell as we both landed in a tangled heap of limbs.

Becky may have been grateful for the consideration on the inside, but the mind-controlled zombie on the outside roughly pushed me off of her. While I still struggled to stand, she stood up and began to thoroughly kick the ever-loving hell out of me.

"BUFFY! Get the bloody hell up! Yer stronger than that," I could hear Spike shout from below with more than a touch of real fear in his voice.

"I don't … want to hurt you ...," I muttered between trying to shield my face and the newly discovered passenger living inside me from the blows, "doesn't mean … that I won't …"

On her next swing I reached out and grabbed her foot before quickly jerking it the wrong way, snapping it so fully that I winced when I heard her bones crack. Apparently, even in her mentally gone state, the body could still feel pain and she fell backwards to the floor. As she clutched her ankle in agony I quickly got to my feet and began pulling the rope connected to Connor. Now, the kid isn't exactly … you know, technically a kid. This would have come with the handy bonus of him being kid-sized. After sparring with him during my last visit to the Hyperion I had quickly learned that even though he looks like a feather could knock him out, he is pure muscle. Which shouldn't be a problem to lift for a well-trained slayer like me but …

… _but I am just plain exhausted. Mentally … emotionally … physically … hell every single part of me aches from the strain of how violently I blew chunks earlier. Now I've got to reel in a fish bigger than me? Come on Summers … you need to save him! If he falls now we've only got the two outcomes. Behind door number one: his skull will pop like a grape on those stone floors. Behind the lovely door number two: his neck will snap on impact, leaving him possibly alive but paralyzed … I'm not sure which would be the luckiest option._

Thankfully, we'd never have to find out because I finally got his feet close enough to grab onto. I reached over the edge and grabbed onto him as tightly as I could and began to pull him back onto solid ground. I even managed to take a quick look down at the lobby to make sure Spike and Angel were ok. They seemed to be doing well; I saw another two knocked-out slayers lying about and more piles of ash than I could take the time to count. Eve looked worried behind her two protectors. It gave me the assurance I needed that I wasn't endangering them by leaving the fight. With one last tug I finally pulled Connor completely over the railing enough for both of us to fall to the carpet. Not being one with the creepy vampire senses, I pressed my fingers to his neck looking for a pulse because he looked like death warmed over. Thankfully I could feel his heartbeat … even if it was only faintly thumping away under my fingers tips.

_He's too weak … not even awake … I can't leave him here he'll be too vulnerable to another attack. I know, I'll drag him over to the elevators behind me and pry them open so I can shove him in. God I hope the booth-thingy is on the second floor … otherwise he's going to have to enjoy the comfy-ness that is the one floor drop to the roof of the elevator car. It's the only way to keep him out of harm's way …_

I wanted to cut off the rope off of him first, in case he woke up later while we were still fighting, so I turned to look for the machete Becky had been carrying. I found it all right; found it in Becky's hands bearing down on me. In my worry for Connor I hadn't paid attention to my surroundings and didn't notice that she had gotten back up, grabbed the weapon, and was swinging downward right into my back. I managed to dodge the worst of the attack, but not fast enough to avoid the connect entirely. Becky slashed a huge, long wound in my shoulder before I could completely roll out of the way. I hollered in pain as I tried to reach the injury and put pressure on it, hoping to stop the rush of blood that began to pour out of my skin, but I didn't forget that I wasn't the only slayer up here in my pain. Becky took a limping step closer to me, raising the blade again for another swing.

_I'll wait until right before she begins to attack and then I'll kick that ankle out from under her. Pretty sure I broke it earlier from the looks of the sickening angle it's at right now. Once she's on the ground I'll knock her out cold. I hate having to hurt her again but I'd rather pay for her painkillers later than have Dawn pay for my funeral. _

As I got ready to send a vicious kick her way … out of nowhere there was a strange wet, gurgly noise. I looked up from my focused view of her feet to discover that the noise was Becky, choking on and spitting up her own blood; a wooden bolt piercing into one side of her neck and the point sticking out of the other. She began to fall forwards and I managed to reach up and grab her just before she hit the ground. Turning her onto her side, I tried to staunch the flow of blood from her neck and forced her to open her mouth so that the blood pouring into her throat could flow out instead of into her lungs.

_What do I do! What can I do! Should I take the bolt out? No wait … that might completely open up the wound and let the blood will flow more freely. Right? It looks like it hit her right in the major artery and … I don't know how to help her! Am I putting too much pressure on the wounds, choking her by accident? She's drowning in her own god-damn blood and I don't know what to do!_

In my panic, I turned my head to call for help from someone, anyone, and that's when I saw it. That's when I saw the reason that Becky was bleeding to death in my arms. Down in the lobby, just beyond were Angel was struggling to avoid a slayer, was Spike with a weapon in his hand. A crossbow. He gave me one last stern look that screamed 'I had to', before tossing it to the side and entering the fray again.

_No … no no no please no … he could have winged her! God damn it why didn't he just hit her hand or something! I know for a fact he's got pretty good aim with one of those … _

"Please, damn it please … just stop … stop bleeding Becky. You're a slayer, fucking heal already," I whispered softly to her as I continued to put pressure on her wounds, trying desperately to not cry all the while.

Continuing to messily hack and spit up blood, Becky just laid there in my arms staring up blankly at the ceiling. A few times she weakly attempted to bat my hands away, as if we were still fighting, but it had about as much power behind it as Ms. Kitty Fantastico … who now that I thought about it … she had also met a similar fate long ago. I'd drowned once, well, almost twice before … but I've never seen anyone die this way. I'd always thought that when a person was drowning they would thrash and fight violently against death. That's what TV shows and the movies have always taught me, anyway … and I don't know if they were wrong or not but that wasn't how Becky was going.

'_Cause the only reason I wasn't flailing about my first time was that nasty old bat-face guy had me under his spell. I couldn't fight it even if I wanted to … oh god … just like Becky is stuck inside her own head right now._

"I'm so sorry this happened to you," I quietly cried without shedding any tears, "Just make it through this, and I'll make sure every day for the rest of our lives that you have everything you could ever wish for. You want to live inside the Sydney Opera House? Done. You want a diamond the size of your head? I'll find one. You want Brad Pitt as your willing footstool? Give me a week and I'll make it happen. Mr. Pitt not your type? Just let me know who is and by god you will have the sexy footstool of your dreams … please … just don't die."

I knew it was pointless, and I'm sure deep inside Becky knew it too. It was almost as if I was more comforting myself at this point; I just couldn't deal with feeling so helpless to help her. Before I could travel down the path of inner monologue berating myself for being so self-centered again, I could see the end coming. She began to shakily hyperventilate, and each little gasp for breath just sounded wetter than the last as she sucked in more blood than air. Her arms went completely limp at her sides as she fought for oxygen, and then her already vacant eyes dimmed. She took one last labored breath and stilled … no more fight … no more struggle left in her.

_She's … she's gone … shit don't cry … this isn't over Buffy. There are still lots of people counting on you. You can be sad later … right now you just have to be the Slayer._

"Right … okay," I muttered to myself as I shifted Becky softly off my lap and onto the floor, "it's time to get back to work."


	36. Bad Behavior

****SPIKE POV** - Bad Behavior**

_Oh bollocks … I just signed my own death warrant. 'Cause if I wasn't at risk of bein' kicked outta our lil' threesome before … I damn sure am now. She might even kill me for this …_

I'd been aimin' for the lost girl's shoulder; I really hadn't meant ta kill the bint. I didn't blame her for what she was doin' ta my missus after all … s'not like I haven't been there, done that, joined the fuckin' mind-controlled club. As easy as they look ta use though, crossbows take a lotta practice … practice that recently I haven't been keeping up with. But when I heard Buffy yellin' like a stuck pig, I didn't stop ta think about how rusty my aim was. I spotted the crossbow, shoved my opponents ta the side, grabbed the contraption and fired as fast as I could ta save her.

"Spike! What the hell is going on up there?" he of the mighty Frankenstein brown asked in between getting' his ass tossed about.

"They're safe, Buffy and the whelp are safe," I assured him as I tossed the crossbow ta the side after breaking eye-contact with the girl above who's heart was breakin' in her gaze, "both of 'em are hurt … we just gotta keep the focus down here on us ta give her time to get back in the game."

And that we did. We kept tusslin' with the vamps till we found an openin' ta dust 'em. We danced with the slayers till an opportunity popped up ta lay 'em out. Every chance we got, we made a move ta get closer ta the Eve trollop ta make sure she kept her main forces down on the ground floor against us. When I could, I stole a peek up at the balcony hangin' over the lobby. At first, it looked like our girl was tryin' ta save the poor thing, but even from down here I knew it would be helpless. What I did ta that girl … well, it wasn't a lil' nick while shavin'.

_God damn it … in days gone by I would've loved ta add 'nother slayer ta my kill list … and yeah this is gonna eat me up inside more than Buffy knows but … I'm not sorry that I saved her. Humans with souls kill ta protect their loved ones all the time and they get called heroes, right? Don't expect I'll get such treatment._

While I was busy saving Angel from a stake-happy slayer, I could see Buffy dealing with the aftermath and moving on. She tore fabric strips from the girls' pants and tried ta use 'em ta bind up the wound on her back. She did the same thing ta the boy's shirt and wrapped him up in bandages too before she pulled him off towards the elevators an' I lost sight of her. Finally I saw her outta the corner of my eye come back out ta the balcony, pick up her scythe, and come down the stairs to re-join us.

"Buffy, are you ok? What about Connor, is he … is he alive?" Angel rushed ta ask.

"I'll be fine Angel, and Connor's breathing but we need to get him help soon," she said before glowering at the bitch hidin' behind her brain-washed slaves, "Let's end this as fast as we can."

"You sure you don't need a rest," the poofter worriedly asked her as she entered the fray once more, "It looks like you've lost a lot of blood; you're covered in it! We can handle the bulk of the fight for a while."

"Most of it's not mine," she said sadly before lookin' at me quickly and then lookin' away ta focus on the vampire at the end of her stake.

"Pet … I'm sor-…" I tried ta apologize quietly as I put another slayer in a choke hold to make her pass out.

"Don't Spike," she cut me off with stone in her voice, "not yet. Later … we'll talk about it later."

"S'always later with ya … won't even let me apologize properly …" I muttered, probably a bit more loudly than I intended.

"You know," came a sing-song voice from the cow across the room, "you really shouldn't put off lover's spats for later. Lindsey and I never had any problems in our relationship and you know why?"

"You both were crazy, evil, and shared a love of country music?" Angel snarkily guessed during a pause in his punchin'.

"Honest communication. We talked about everything. We talked about where we came from, we talked about every problem we ever had between us, we talked about our future …"

"What, white picket fence … two-point-four kids that were half-demon …," Buffy sarcastically grunted after each swing of her weapon, "setting churches on fire on Sunday?"

"Oh god no, nothing so plebian," Eve laughed from behind her slayer blockade, "No, we were going to take over Wolfram & Hart, decorate the place with the ashes of your boyfriends, and then we could both finally be free to do whatever … to be whoever we wanted. That's all I ever really truly desired after all, and Lindsey wanted that chance to be in control of his own life again too. These two may not know what I'm talking about … but you understand me, don't you Buffy? Oh and also, we were thinking of starting out with a puppy. Maybe talk about kids in another two years down the line."

"What tha hell is she talkin' 'bout luv?" I asked, confused as to her reference 'bout only Buffy understandin' her.

"He might be sexy, but girl you sure did pick one of the dimmer bulbs to put in your light socket, didn't you? Puppy, noun, look it up … it's a young dog … makes barking noises. I was hoping for a corgi … but Lindsey had his heart set on a yellow Labrador …" she sighed to herself, lost in her memories so quickly right after tryin' ta defame my intellect.

"She means that only I would understand where she's coming from, because only she and I have similar origins," my slayer grudgingly offered as she twisted around one of her slayers and socked her right in the base of the skull.

"Now I'm the one who's confused," the munter chimed in from across the lobby, "she was created in what was most likely a fiery hell-pit by The Senior Partners. You were born to nice, normal parents in a wealthy neighborhood of LA. How exactly are your origins similar?"

"You seriously think her birth was a random occurrence in the universe," Eve chuckled in disbelief, "All slayers … even just the potentials … are created specifically by The Powers That Be to be used as tools. Down here there are ways to try and make a best guess as to who's going to be chosen next but … the ones actually running the show? They always knew it was going to be her. She wasn't 'chosen' … she was MADE. Made to serve a purpose and then disposed of when she wasn't useful anymore."

"Just like her," Buffy added in agreement, "We're just pawns to the Big Guys playing a never-ending game of chess."

"Amen sister," Even nodded as she gazed at my girl with an almost friendly smile on her plate.

"You know what? I'm really," Angel huffed after a punch ta the gut, "REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of you two bonding."

"Aye-aye mate. Don't let her get ta ya kitten, it's all a diversion tactic an' ya know it."

"Oh don't worry, it's not like we'll be having a girls night any time soon," Buffy reassured the both of us.

"Yeah, because pretty soon there won't be any nights at all," Eve's smile dropped at the thought of her own plan coming ta fruition, "Or days … or anything. It's going to be kinda hard to have a bonding-time sleepover when everything gets blotted out of existence you know."

"You know, I understood it when Drusilla and you're not-so-better half wanted to suck everything into a Hell Dimension. I even got it when my best friend tried to destroy the world because everyone else's pain was echoing in her brain," the Slayer started to address towards the sprag as she staked a vamp commin' at her from behind, "But this I don't really get. You're mad at Angel? Fine, get in line. Lots of people in that club who want to just get revenge."

"That's not all this is about girly. I want to make sure it's all over once I'm done with this game. No people or demons walking around living their lives when Lindsey and I can't. No possibility that any of this can come back. No one left behind to fight anymore. No puppet masters left behind to pull our strings because guess what? No Heaven … no Hell."

"An' what 'bout those of us who aren't busy whingin' and whinin' … who wanna keep putting up with the bad so that we can have the good," I butted as I stomped on a vamp's head and literally pounded him ta dust, "some of us can handle the struggle. Why should we become null en void just cause you don't wanna face good ol' ma an' pa an' take your medicine for being a bad girl?"

"Well, no one will be around to complain afterwards … so I figure it's a win-win either way."

"But you'll be destroyed too," Buffy exclaimed with one of them exasperated tones ta her voice that I was so used ta hearin' aimed my way.

"Human, have you ever been to hell? I'd rather not exist than endure that experience a second longer, and if I have to drag down everyone else with me... so be it," Eve answered her like it was only the two of 'em talkin' instead 'a shouting at each other in the heat of battle.

"Hey, you stole that from the movie Dogma! We were just talking about that today …"

For a second, both Buffy an' the bitch watchin' us from the sidelines froze and just stared at the giant pansy. If we hadn't been talking 'bout it earlier I probably would'a been shocked outta the fight as well. Thankfully I wasn't surprised, maybe still just mildly tickled, at dear ol' sire's pop culture reference … because the few remaining vamps an' handful of slayers sure didn't stop. Buffy got side-swiped ta the floor by a wiry lookin' vamp while stuck in her dazed-gaze at our boy, and the blighter nearly gotta chunk of her. Before I could even twitch ta make a move over ta her though she flipped around in his grasp, swung the bladed side of her scythe at him, and took off his head as he leaned in for a drink.

_Damn bint needs ta pay closer attention right now! Can't protect her all the time if she just goes stock-still like that!_

"So that's it … really. This isn't about vengeance or your feelings for Lindsey … you're doing all of this because you don't want mommy and daddy to punish you like they've punished everyone else who's disappointed them," Buffy explained as she got up and dusted herself off, "How selfish."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she glowered, "What I'm doing is the most selfless thing anyone has ever done. Pain and suffering … revenge … all the evil things in this dimension and all others won't even exist! We'll all be free! I just want this entire battle to be over … don't you? Aren't you tired of the struggle? Even when you were dead they didn't leave you alone. Now … nothing can bring us back. It's the final end."

_Damn … she's tryin' ta get inta my girl's head … love her ta death but even now, now that she has so much ta live for? That death wish s'still there. I've seen it … she hides it well but ever since she's had a taste of peace? S' what she craves. Gotta deal with this bitch before she just wrecks her morale._

"Bloody hell … who even asked her, huh? Which one of us triggered this spewin' of nonsense," I glared angrily at both of my companions as the three of us continued ta fight, "From now on, I say we implement the plan of never askin' the Big Bad 'bout their plan. All they wanna do is share in the glory of their brilliance by tellin' us all 'bout it. An' it always the same … it's never creative or really innovative at this point … it's just rewardin' bad behavior and laziness, innit?"

"Hey! I think I've been pretty good about arranging all of this … especially since I don't have any of my own magic anymore," a slightly miffed Tiny Big Bad pouted at me as he pushed aside her guards ta try ta look imposin', "I worked really hard … and smartly if I do say so myself … to figure out exactly how to rig this game in my favor. Had to relearn a lot of old magic that used to just come naturally to me."

"Ya didn't learn anything worth knowin'. I'll tell you the ultimate secret of magic. Any cunt could do it," I stated calmly as I finally saw my opening and maneuvered closer, "but I guess it helps ta be as sixes an' sevens as ya."

With her lookin' highly insulted at my use o' the c-word, and outta the corner of my baby blues I could see that Buffy was too, I used the opportunity ta strike. I left the battle on the lobby floor an' lunged like a madman towards Eve; arms all stretched out ta grab her by the neck an' wring the life right outta her. Lucky fer me, she froze … must not've been trained well enough ta fight back. We landed ta the floor with me on toppa' her, all my weight pressing down on her tiny pale throat. She fought an' struggled fer air, one hand clawin' an' scratching at mine like a hell cat an' the other feverishly tryin' ta jab at my eyes. Finally though, she started ta relax an' I thought she was lettin' go … givin' up. She actually smiled up at me … but it wasn't a smile of acceptin' death. Wasn't peaceful at all … it was manic is what it was. So I understood exactly what was about ta happen ta me the second before Buffy screamed out. I also knew that I was already too late ta stop it.

_Oh balls._

"SPIKE! BEHIND YOU," my Slayer shrieked in absolute fear.

I could already feel the wooden stake poking through my rib cage. There was no comin' back from this, no way ta save myself. So I turned ta look at the two people I cared about. Both Buffy and Angel were rushin' towards me, both o' them lookin' like they were physical agony ta see this happenin' ta me … both of 'em lookin' like they thought if they just hurried they could save me.

"Sorry luv," I managed ta get out as I literally felt my body start ta disintegrate, "don't do anythin' stupid now."

_Not exactly the grand last battle I'd thought would do me in but … always knew a slayer would be the end of me. Sometimes … a bloke get's ta hatin' bein' right all the time._


	37. Always Darkest Before Dawn

_***A/N***: So yeah, I sorry for the many-month long delay. I graduated, began starting up my own business, traveled a bit to visit long-time-no-see friends and family, and then I bought a house! So other than all the new and exciting things happening to me right now, I was a bit depressed with where I had to go with that last chapter … not to mention that I'm not done. You know how Joss takes characters and kills them? Yeah *cracks my knuckles* just you wait. I ain't even started yet children … MUAHAHA! Just trust me … keep reading._

**ANGEL POV**- Always Darkest (Before Dawn)

_That moron, that … that fucking idiot! 'Don't do anything stupid' he said … what about the amazingly stupid non-plan of his to attack the woman with the two fresh-as-a-daisy guards standing right by her side? The guards with slayer powers who were directly under her mental control?_

_Oh yeah, that was well-thought out._

There's no real way to describe the complicated relationship Spike and I have maintained throughout the years, and there is no real way to describe one solid emotion I felt as that relationship was ended on a pointy shard of wood. Buffy and I were both taken by surprise as he leapt out of the battle to try and end it all by taking down Eve, though honestly we should have expected it from him at this point. We both began a mad, pointless dash towards him as we watched the slayer approaching him. All I knew for absolutely certain was that I was almost viscerally hit with one thought; I didn't want him to die. By the time we had taken three running steps, it was already too late.

"NO! Don't you touch him," Buffy screeched irrationally to a slayer that we both knew couldn't obey her even if she wanted to.

As we rushed forward, I pushed the woman with the stake roughly to the side, yet even before I touched her I knew it would fix nothing. The second Spike said his last words we could already see him beginning to lose color, morphing into that tell-tale shade of brown that is vamp dust. Buffy crash down to the floor on her knees to … I don't know … try to hold him together or something but there was nothing either of us could do at this point. The realization of that fact was heartbreaking to see on her face.

"Spike?" she said in a small, trembling voice.

The second she spoke, the air moving from her lungs disturbed the dust and sent Spike's form scattering into the air … he was really gone. No more black leather coat. No more ridiculous hair. No more cock-sure swagger covering up his almost debilitating insecurities. No more loud mouth that just can't shut the hell up. Nothing to even suggest that he had even truly been here at all … nothing but the weightless specks floating through the atmosphere around us.

"Oh that's just awful," Eve hacked and coughed as she took a giant breath after being choked, only to inhale a large amount of Spike's ashes as they fell on top of her.

"You think that's awful," Buffy spit out from between her gritted teeth as she lunged forward and began to rain down heavy blows directly into Eve's face, "YOU … DON'T …KNOW … AWFUL … YET!"

As much as I enjoyed the view of Buffy's fists turning Eve's nose into raw hamburger meat, I wasn't about to let her make the same mistake Spike just did. I turned and quickly intercepted two vampires bearing down upon us just in time. With a piercing blow of my sword, I was able to pin both of them down like a toothpick with two martini olives. Obviously this didn't kill them, but created a big enough of a tangled mess that I had time to sweep up a discarded stake from the ground and hit both of them in the heart one after the other. A fast survey of the lobby revealed that these had in fact been the last two vampires in the room, and now all we had to deal with were a few slayers still being used as living play-things in a crazed woman's revenge plan.

"Buffy! Behind you," I shouted in much the same manner as she just had to warn Spike as a slayer was coming up behind from behind to stake her in the back as well.

Her fist took only the briefest of pauses from smashing into Eve's face in order to swing back directly into the chin of the advancing slayer. Buffy didn't even need to look in order to land a perfect hit, knocking the woman violently backwards, before again returning to strike the woman on the ground before her. Her head bounced slightly when she hit the stone floor of the foyer and she didn't make a move to get back up.

_I really hope she didn't just crack her skull open …Buffy will hate herself if she dies … Slayer healing helps out a lot with blows to the head so hopefully this with mend and she'll be fine in a few hours …_

It looked like we finally had the upper hand for about half a second before I took a quick head-count of the room. Buffy might be beating Eve into a sticky paste, but Eve still had the pendant that was controlling the remaining slayers. Not including the girl Buffy had just hit and the other unconscious slayers, there were still 6 slayers awake and moving over to the new center of action.

_I never thought I would ever want this, but I really wish Illyria was awake and in control right about now …_

"Buffy, we've still got some company here," I grunted as another slayer made a bee-line towards my girl and I tackled her away moments before she connected her foot into the back of Buffy's skull.

"Oh goodie," she sniffled yet continued to focus all her attention on Eve, "I love company … but I'm kinda busy right now. Can you entertain our guests for a moment while I kill your former co-worker?"

"Well you know I'm not much for company," I groaned as I struggled to subdue the girl I had just landed on top of, "but hey … I'm a friendly, easy-going guy. I'm sure we'll make fast friends."

Buffy continued to focus on Eve, even as two of the slayers gathered round her and began their attack to release their boss. I watched her hunch over, making herself as small as possible, but even as they hit and kicked her she did not pause one second in her lashing of Eve's face. I knew I had to act quickly to help her, and to help myself as well since there were still two other slayers who were advancing on me. In order to put the one I had under me out of commission, I quickly flipped her onto her stomach and wrapped my arm around her neck. With her head firmly locked into the hook my arm made, I began to squeeze her as hard as I could in attempt of creating a blood chokehold. As her compatriots began their attack upon me to try and force me to let her go, she reached up and behind to attack one of my most sensitive spots … she grabbed my hair and began trying to pull out massive chunks of it.

_NOT THE HAIR! OW god dammit!_

Vanity wasn't the only issue, the pain was searing … blinding even. I couldn't even see through the water it was bringing forth into my eyes, and in this fight up against supernatural beings I needed at least my keen sense of sight and observation to have any kind hope for my life. I didn't … couldn't let it phase me as I squeezed harder, and just as it felt like she might literally pull my scalp clean off my head I felt her grip lessen and her body go limp as she passed out from a lack of blood flow to her brain. I quickly took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes as I released her, and turned to face the two fast approaching slayers that I had to deal with.

_I don't care if I have to die doing it, but somehow I need to put them out and distract the others long enough for Buffy to defeat Eve. But how the hell are the both of us going to live long enough to accomplish that feat at this point?_

I took a mental tally of all my wounds. One vampire had managed to get a bite into my forearm as I cut down another with my sword. He hadn't chomped down on a major vein or artery, but it still hurt like crazy and it was my dominant fighting arm. I had at least two, maybe three broken ribs judging by the shortness of my breath courtesy of a slayer's kick to the chest. I was feeling slightly dizzy, so I was assuming that one of the many blows to the head I had suffered by this point had given me a concussion. If I was already exhausted and barely able to continue fighting in spite of my injuries, how the hell was Buffy going to be able to hold up?

_Even with the fresh wave of anger and grief losing Spike brought on, I can tell from here that Buffy still isn't using even a third of her normal strength._

At this point she'd been malnourished for weeks. Not that a food shortage mattered today, since she couldn't keep anything down and had been violently vomiting for hours. Even if she hadn't already done battle once today, even if she hadn't spent more hours walking than most people spend sleeping, she was exhausted from what was surely months of sleep deprivation that started long before she entered this Hell dimension. I could see a few injuries from our recent trials as well. The average bumps, bruises, and cuts that come from the hand-to-hand combat we were engaged in were peppered all over her… not to mention the large gash on her back that she must have gotten from her fight upstairs to save Connor's life. Yet that was the only damage I could actually see; from the way she had been fighting I had the horrible idea that something more serious … something internal that I couldn't visualize was wrong.

_She's just protecting her internal organs too much. I mean yeah, those are all very important and all but … she must have already been really hurt there today while I wasn't looking because I have never seen her protect her midsection so much before. She's purposely letting her opponents land blows to her head and other vulnerable areas just to avoid getting hit in the stomach. God I hope she's not bleeding internally … even when we defeat Eve and her minions how can Buffy's medical team stop that? They are still so limited in what they can do … maybe the witches can fix her if we get back to base fast enough?_

Standing and whirling around to face the slayers on wobbly legs, I scooped up my broadsword even though I knew I wouldn't be able to really use it effectively on the poor girls before me. As they encroached, I slapped one of them on the side of the head with the flat side of the blade causing her to grab her ear in stunned pain and crouch to the ground in order to recover. The other woman rushed straight at me, and the only thing I could think to do was spin to evade her as she tried to crash into me, and to slam the butt of my hilt into the back of her head as she rushed past me. I thought I had hit her hard enough to knock her senseless for a while, but I was wrong; I hadn't factored in that I couldn't hit her with my former vampire strength. She was still dazed though, so I approached her in order to deliver another strike to get the job done. Without warning though, I was suddenly tackled from behind as the slayer I had hit on the ear recovered enough to take me down at the knees.

"BUFFY," I loudly sputtered through blood pouring out of my broken nose after I face-planted on the stone floor, "STOP PUNCHING EVE AND JUST GRAB THE TALISMEN CONTROLING THE SLAYERS! THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!"

The look on her face was one of astonishment, like that hadn't even factored into her plan until just this moment. With one hand still wrapped around her stomach, her punching hand reached out and grabbed the chord instead of aiming for Eve's face yet again. Yet just as Buffy started to pull it off Eve's neck, another hand reached out. It was a slayer's hand, and she gripped Buffy's wrist so tightly that even with my human senses I could hear my girl's bones grinding together.

_Oh god, how horrible must it be to know that you can't even do anything but obey the order to keep your own slavery going?_

Before Buffy could even try to get loose, the other two slayers managed to get a hold of her other arm … and then the first slayer snapped Buffy's wrist with a sickening twist in order to get her to let go of the necklace. I struggled against the many hands working together to hold me down flat onto the floor as she screamed in pain, but trying to fight my way to her was impossible with the full force of two super-strong women overpowering me. When I looked up from my prone position on the cold stone floor, I could see that Buffy was sharing my fate as the remaining slayers crowded around to restrain her.

"Wow," Eve mumbled through broken teeth and a mouthful of blood, "You have got a fucking brick for a hand, you know that?"

"Thanks for the compliment, I'll ad that to my business card," Buffy snarked as she tried to shrug away from a fellow slayer reaching out to grasp her broken wrist.

Eve quietly muttered a few phrases in a language so full of consonant sounds that it could only be some form of dead language from the Caucasus, before rubbing both hands across her badly battered face. As her palms passed over the damage, all signs of violence disappeared. The blood, contusions, broken skin, mangled cartilage, even the few knocked-out teeth that were missing a moment ago were all repaired without even a trace of what she had just gone through. Even her hair looked like it had just been seen to by a Hollywood salon stylist.

"A regeneration spell …" I whispered in shock as Eve cracked her neck and stood up.

"I did warn you, I've found some of my own magic now that I've been cut off from the family funds. I've learned just enough to keep myself safe, keep Gunn and him minions under my control without them even knowing it, and just enough to crack Illyria open and let her power un-make all of everything. I kinda wonder if it'll hurt … but don't you two worry about that," she smiled sweetly at us, "you'll both be dead already by then."

"Eve please," Buffy tried getting her attention back, "It's not too late. I know you're suffering but … who doesn't suffer in their love life? The majority of people in my crew have loved and lost tragically, some of them even by the hands of other people in our group. That doesn't mean that you have to make the grand evil exit choice for the whole of existence. If you want the chance to change … well, I'm offering it."

"This coming from the girl whose fist was just knocking some of my own teeth down my throat? Somehow I seriously doubt that you'll be able to get over Spike's death that quickly to welcome me into the fold with open arms," Eve replied with an incredulous expression.

"Consider that my catharsis. I'm not over Spike's death … I'll never get over that," she tried to regain her composure quickly as her voice cracked on his name, "but I'm still a big believer in everyone's ability to change for the better. You want out of this life? We can protect you from the Senior Partners, we can teach you how to live a normal life … all you have to do is let my slayers go and give up this kamikaze mission. I'll promise not to retaliate if you can promise the same thing. You say you and I are the same? Well I know I've always dreamed of the non-horrific, boring side of life; what about you?"

Eve just stood there with that smug little smirk plastered all over her face, until she seemed to see something shocking in the honesty written all over Buffy face.

"Oh my god … you're actually being sincere, aren't you? You've lost, little girl. I'm all for this keep on trucking attitude but … god isn't it tiring to be you? Just stop, it'll make your last moments slightly less horrific."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm an 'it's always darkest before dawn' kinda person. Well … except when Dawn's a giant. When she was standing in front of you then you can bet on it being pretty damn dark in her shadow …"

"She's always being sincere, just like I believe sincerely that this is a bad idea Buffy," I jumped in, trying to caution her.

"Angel, you of all people know that redemption and atonement isn't just for the few. Everyone should have the chance to make up for the wrong they've done," she tried to turn and look at me, but the slayers tightened their grip and kept her facing Eve.

The devil herself just stood there absolutely flabbergasted, staring into nothing. I couldn't even tell if she was perhaps warring within herself to take the offer or not. I continued to struggle against the slayers holding onto me as slyly as I could during her contemplation, and I could see Buffy doing the same even with her broken wrist still locked in an iron grip. As Eve shook herself back into reality though, I could see that she was still skeptical.

"I've just killed your new project and your lover in less time than it takes most girls to try on clothes at the mall. I'm about to kill you and your other boy-toy. Yet here you are … trying to be my savior," she laughed with a slightly manic edge.

"I'm sorry, did you hear a Depeche Mode song playing in the background that I didn't? I'm no one's personal Jesus. You want your soul to be saved? You need to save it yourself. I'm just giving you the opportunity; you're the one who has all the work to do."

"So much for reaching out and touching faith," she smirked, "I'll take a redemption rain check though. Seems kinda pointless unless you actually have a soul."

"You don't have one?"

"How many times do I need to tell you that I was created to be evil? I'm not human, I wasn't even born! W&H spawned me themselves to do their bidding on earth. But they gave me my own mind. Create something, give it consciousness, let it feel … put it out into the world with all this knowledge about the human experience … to be in it but never allowed to be a part of it ... how cruel is that?"

Eve was starting to spiral into that tell-tale evil villain mode of over-explaining things, which was working out great for us. Due to her emotional rant, she was losing focus on her orders to the slayers. I could feel the sets of hands on me loosening; still holding onto me but not as tightly. Out of the corner of my eye I couldn't see if the same was happening for Buffy, but I could see her almost imperceptibly wiggling a little more than just before.

_A stranger wouldn't notice but I know every muscle, every fiber of her being. I can see her moving when no one else would be able to tell. If Eve keeps yapping away like this maybe she'll get so lost in the tempest in her mind that we can make a break for it. Then the main problem might become getting her to shut up._

"…so when I first met Lindsey and … he treated me normal, you know? He wasn't terrified of me or groveling or exuding hate in my general direction. I've always had a female body, but it wasn't until him that I actually felt like a woman. But it couldn't happen. I felt something for him but I had to let it go. I could never give in and be with him because they were watching. He was on their shit list and I could be scrapped and remade in under a second if TSP thought I'd been compromised. But leave it to my boy to find a way. Love will find a way. He was all I had. It was my work for TSP and him. He was the only thing in all of the vastness of existence that was for me alone. And now he's gone!"

With that last exclamation her focus zeroed back in on me. She rushed over towards me and began slapping me as if I was on fire and she was courteously trying to snuff it out. In a mad, chaotic rush of hits she took out her anger, her frustration, and her loss on me just as moments ago Buffy had done the same to her. She changed tempo and became more frenzied and violent; hitting, kicking, and stomping me with greater frequency until she seemed to explode with a scream and turned away from me panting. Eve just physically could not keep up with her emotional rage.

"I'm going to make you hurt worse than I did Angel," she exclaimed between gasps for breath after her outburst, "I'm going to ease my exit from this mortal coil with the balm of your suffering."

And just like that, the grips subduing both of us visibly tightened. Before when the slayers had ganged up on Buffy they had each been hitting at her haphazardly in a rush to try and stop her assault on Eve, but this time Eve wasn't being attacked. This time, Eve could map out each strike for maximum effect … and she was doing just that. With only two girls still holding Buffy in place and one continuing to restrain me face down on the floor, all the other slayers began an orchestrated barrage of hits on Buffy. Fists, knees, elbows and feet all pummeled her in a blitzkrieg so brutal I was literally shocked to see it … and now a days absolutely nothing shocks me.

"EVE STOP! You know she has nothing to do with this! Turn them loose on me, PUNISH ME! JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!"

"This is your punishment Angel," she deadpanned for a moment before flitting back into her psycho-sarcasm, "You should be happy I chose to just have her beaten to death in front of you. It's a lot simpler … my plan up until an hour ago was to turn her and have Connor be her first meal in front of you. Then I figured grand schemes always have a way of coming back and biting you on the ass. I'd rather get my vengeance and be done with this shit. I'm a busy lady; I have an everything to destroy after all."

Buffy was trying to fight back, she really was. I felt it in my bones when she wrenched her broken hand away from a slayer and began trying to fight back with her injured limb. She made a massive effort to roll forward in an attempt to swing the rest of her body out of the grip of the other slayer, yet her attempt just ended up with her curled up on the floor with her good arm at an odd angle behind her back. The assailment didn't cease, and I could do nothing but continue to struggle even as a kick to the face forced a few of Buffy's teeth skitter past me on the ground. But then I saw something … something I've never seen her do before. Something I never in a million lifetimes thought I would ever see. Buffy began to plead with Eve to not hurt her anymore.

"Stop … please just stop," she got out between deep, pained breaths as she struggled to speak, "I can't die Eve … not now. Please … PLEASE just call the slayers off. Don't kill me, I'm begging you. Put me under your mind control if you have to but don't … don't kill me and don't destroy the world. Just let me live."

_What the hell is going on? I've seen her do all sorts of things to change an enemy's game plan but she has NEVER lowered herself to begging. Even when her life or the life of her friends was in jeopardy she has never backed down, never surrendered._

"What are you doing? You can't seriously be asking to become one of her zombies," I yelled in shock, "Keep fighting dammit!"

"See now, it may seem like we don't know each other that well but I had to study you like crazy when I was first put on the Angel case. I know for a fact that you never so much as begged for a pair of shoes from mommy in your entire life," Eve said in a surprised tone before walking over to a prone Buffy and squatting down beside her, "So tell me, just between us girls, what's up with that? If you were going to beg anything at all, I kinda figured it would be for the life of the guy over there that you and I both know doesn't deserve it."

So apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed how odd this was. I struggled again against the slayer holding me down, but her strength against my human weakness guaranteed that I could do little more than wiggle in her grasp. Buffy looked at me with pained conflict in her eyes and spat out a mouthful of blood before quickly looking back up at Eve from her fetal position on the floor. She looked like she was trying to decide something, that little crease springing forth between her eyebrows the way it always did when she was trying to make a big choice and running through all the outcomes in her mind. I had no idea what she was going to say, if she was even going to say anything at all, but even from this distance I could tell that she was trying to figure out if the truth would defend or doom her; that or she was trying to figure out a believable lie to tell in the hopes of getting an edge in this fight again.

"I'm … I need to live. I can't die like this, not just yet. I need more time."

"Oh so you have a timeline in mind," Eve laughed and shook her head like this was ridiculous to her ears, "Well Your Majesty … I'm so sorry to push your death ETA up a bit, but that's how it is in the real world. You have to just roll with the punches."

With that Eve started to stand up and one of her slayer minions cocked her fist back to throw a punch to Buffy's skull, ready to start the vicious beating all over again, but once again she rushed in an almost panicked tone to implore Eve for a reprieve.

"No! No wait … I'm pregnant. Normally I wouldn't care if you killed me … 'cause hey, I've already mastered that dance step. I just … I want this kid to have a life. Please," she almost whispered, but from the way her frenzied gaze left Eve's to lock into my eyes she knew I could hear her as well.

_Pregnant? I didn't … what the … when … is this a ploy?_

As I was trying to puzzle it all out, a lot of things suddenly clicked in my head. It was less like the light bulb moment, and more like an anvil dropped on your head moment. The secrets. The getting sick. Spike's extreme over-protectiveness when he's always trusted her own abilities to take care of herself before. His moody, snappish behavior of late when things had been going really well for a while between the three of us. Not to mention the odd way Buffy herself has been fighting today; protecting her torso above all other vulnerable targets. She'd never fought like that before … maybe now my obliviously not as sharp as I thought they were powers of observation have finally found the right answer to all this weirdness.

_Oh god … it's not a ploy, is it?_

"Oh wow, bravo! That is just one spectacular story to try and get me to spare your lives …" Eve tried to say, but I cut her off with a flurry of questions.

"Is this why you've been throwing up so much recently?" I asked Buffy harshly as if we had no audience, "How long have you known this and not told me? Who's the father?"

"I found out less than an hour ago. Oh and didn't tell you because I knew there would be a speech about how I should stay behind that I would inevitably win … it would have just been a waste of time. And by the way, 'who's the father', really? REALLY? I can't believe you'd ask me that right now," she said with a tone that plainly told me she thought I was being an idiot at the moment.

"Excuse me, but last I checked only human beings can father a … oh."

"Yep," she softened when she saw the reality hit me.

"I'm a human being."

"That you are."

"I can father children."

"The pudding has been proofed on that one," she huffed with a look that plainly told me I was being inappropriately adorable at this particular moment.

"I'm going to be a dad again?" I asked with an awed wonder pouring out of me, temporarily forgetting our surroundings.

"Well, at this moment that's kinda not in our hands," she eyed Eve who had been standing there watching us with an odd look.

"Fuck me … you're still not lying," she sighed after studying us for a while, "God damn goody-goodies can't even be relied upon to lie to save their asses!"

"So sorry to disappoint you what with my morals and all," my girl tried to say sarcastically, but it all came out as more of a pained groan.

"Morals? I'm not entirely sure it's your morals you can blame," Eve giggled, "for finding yourself in the position of taking a beating for two now."

"Eve … please …," it was my turn to beg now that I fully knew what was at stake, "let her go. I'll do anything you want, suffer through any torture and humiliation your creative mind can come up with if you just spare Buffy and my child. Oh and the earth as well; they'll need a place to stay after all."

Eve crossed her arms defensively and in a very unlike her move, shuffled from right to left as if she was contemplating something very uncomfortable for her. After a moment or two of her silently thinking she made an exasperated sigh and ran her hand through her hair in such a way that I began to hope that maybe … just maybe, she was getting back in touch with the human parts of her that the Partners had left behind.

_Maybe she'll spare her just on the basis that people hate hurting kids, even most evil people find it distasteful._

"Look, I'm not completely heartless. Even I don't exactly relish the idea of maiming and torturing a pregnant mother. You especially B-girl; I think I've actually kinda grown to like you. If it weren't for all this good vs. evil crap … and if you grew that ugly frizz-bomb on your head back out so I could look at you without laughing … I could so see us as getting along."

"Oh goody, we can go shopping together and have a movie-and-ice cream night … or at least we could if you don't make it so that those things will disappear into nothingness."

"See, right there, that's why I like you," Eve laughed as she kneeled back down by Buffy with a genuine smile on her face, "You don't back down. You don't take anyone's shit … not normal people, not demons, not the ultimate evil, not even your kind-of boss's. You do what you think is right and just keep doing it your way no matter what."

"Thanks ever so, but you do know that the greatest compliment you could give me would be to not obliterate existence right?"

"I'm sorry but … I'm just not going to give up my plans because you two went at it like a couple of drunk high school kids without thinking about the consequences. I'll tell you what though, I have changed my mind about that whole make you suffer and make Angel watch thing. You really had no part in his crimes; it's not fair to make you pay for something you had nothing to do with after all. Plus I really don't want to draw out your pain now that I know you're knocked up. I might be evil, but even that doesn't feel right to me."

"Eve … don't you dare …," I screeched and flailed wildly to try to get lose and stop her as she stood up and began walking over towards my fallen sword.

"I'm going to make this quick and painless for you Buffy. A sharp sword hitting just between the vertebra is the fastest, cleanest method of decapitation there is … lucky for you the Senior Partners left all the knowledge about execution in my brain when they took my powers away."

"Yeah … that's me alright … lucky all over …," Buffy snarked with worried eyes as she looked over to me.

"You have no idea how lucky actually; I'm giving you a gift I didn't get," her voice turned hard as she picked up my favorite broadsword and examined the blade, "You might want to say goodbye now. Lindsey and I thought for sure that he was coming back so we never got the chance. But you? He's right there, and you both know for a fact that you're going to die. Make the most of this."

At that the slayers who had been previously pummeling Buffy reached out at once, locked their grip around her arms, and pulled her body up into a kneeling position. She tried to wrestle out of their hold, but we could both tell that she was too injured … to weak with blood loss at this point to do any sort of fighting against the healthy slayers who barely had a few scratches on them. One of the other slayers came back and helped the one keeping me down on the floor lift me to up to mirror Buffy's position. We locked eyes then, me trying to figure out exactly what her plan was for escape. Unfortunately, what I saw in her eyes was something very different. It was resignation.

_No … not like this … this is not how this ends! She never gives up! She's the one pushing everyone else to keep on enduring when it all becomes unendurable! She has to have a plan, right? She's the master of improvisation when things look bleak … there has to be some angle she's getting ready to play …_

Buffy did manage to finally finagle one arm free from a slayer, but it looked more like the slayer had just let it go instead of Buffy's fighting prowess liberating her. Only one slayer still held onto her, and it looked like if she let go Buffy would keel over onto the floor. I thought for sure she had to be playing this up, trying to look weak and helpless in hopes that Eve would have some level of mercy on her so that she could break away, but what she did next with her hand proved to me that I was wrong. She did nothing but look at me with watery eyes. Her free hand covered her stomach, still not showing even the slightest signs of the new life we had created together that I had just learned of, and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was about to say what she thought would be her last goodbye.

"Don't you dare … Buffy get up," I yelled as I felt the muscles in my arm stretch painfully as I frantically tried to get loose of my captors to try and help her, "Don't you dare give up!"

"I'm sorry Angel. There's nothing I can do ..."

"Of course there is … remember! Strong is fighting," I screamed at her, pain ripping through me at the thought that our roles were now reversed and I had to be the one to convince her to keep fighting for her own life. To keep fighting for the life of our child.

"Yes, you're right … and I need you to remember that yourself," she tried to bolster me with a voice that skipped under the weight of her emotion, showing just how terrified she was under her calm and accepting surface.

"What makes you think I can keep going without you? Knowing what I'm about to lose …"

"Do not give up just because we're gone! You've continued on after my death before, you can do it again. Connor's still alive, you hear me! You haven't lost everything yet! Fight for him! Dawn is still out in our world … I'm trusting you to look after her now!"

"I'll keep fighting if you do! Please …" I screeched at her as I saw Eve sharpening the blade out of the corner of my eye, "please Buffy … try. Just try."

"Angel, listen to me … you have to find a way to get up and stop her. Even if we die here and now, we can't let her destroy everything. I promise you this … in whatever afterlife I was in before … it was incomplete. It was peace and fulfillment, but it wasn't totally whole. I got the feeling that I just had to wait for … something else, someone else, and then it would be perfect. You and me? If we can't be together in life, you can damn well bet that we'll be together in death. I know you don't believe it but …" she spoke as quickly as she could, trying to get it all out as fast as possible before she was literally cut short, "you'll end up the same place I do. If nothing else … if you trust that I deserve to be happy then you need to trust that I'll only be at peace if your soul is there with me. Do you trust me?"

"I do, but you can't talk like this … just FIGHT" I cracked out in a broken voice.

"I need you to fight for me. I need you to fight for us, so that one way or another we can have an eternity together. There will be nothing at all if she gets her way …,"

"BUFFY PLEASE!" I yelled at her, my fear for her turning in to anger at her acquiescence to her impending death.

"Forever, Angel, you have to save it. I can't do it; I'm so sorry that it's going to happen like this. But you have to save our forever. That's the whole point. I love you …"

"I love you too, that's why I need you to keep ..." but she never got to hear the rest of what I had to say before her head flew cleanly from her shoulders in an instant.

We were so wrapped up in each other that neither of us noticed that Eve had finished sharpening my sword, or that she clearly thought we'd had enough time and said enough of a goodbye for her taste. All the breath left my body as I watched Buffy's head roll away and her torso fall forward.

"No … no … Buf- oh god," I croaked in shock as Eve slowly stepped closer to me, "BUFFY NO!"

"It's time to go Angel," Eve stated plainly as she aimed my own sword at me.

"Go where?" I asked in a daze of shock.

_No … I'll do what she asked … my only chance to get her back now is the save everything …_

_But how can I when my heart is disintegrating in my chest and I feel like I'm losing my mind?_

_I have to go out fighting … for her._

_Time to go crazy._


End file.
